Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Your guide to 24

For everybody who says “I hear 24 is great but I don’t want to join it in the middle” Sunday night is your chance to start fresh with a whole new day and season.

And if you’re not familiar with the characters, let me quickly get you up to speed.

JACK BAUER (Kiefer Sutherland) – Has personally saved the world from nuclear war, a killer virus, deadly terrorist attacks, Richard Nixon’s even more evil twin, the destruction of Los Angeles, and a presidential assassination yet has not received so much as a holiday ham from this grateful nation. Last seen on a slow boat to China where torture awaited. Once they broke him down to where he could pass for Nick Nolte they returned him. That’s where this season picks up.

CHLOE (Mary Lynn Rajskub) - CTU agent, computer whiz, and my favorite character on television even though I often want to slap her. Could not be more snotty, could not have worse people skills. She’s the template for every US postal employee.

NINA, GEORGE, SHERRY, TERI, EDGAR, any civilian who ever assisted Jack – dead so don’t worry about them. Same with TONY, MICHELLE, and PRESIDENT PALMER (I hope he had good Allstate Life Insurance).

AUDREY (Kim Raver) – Jack’s willowy annoying girlfriend. Mad at Jack for a host of reasons. And furious that he didn’t save her when she was held hostage in a bank. Jack tried to explain that was THE NINE, it wasn’t his show but she still is hurt. I guess the sex is great but when does he ever have time?

WAYNE PALMER (D.B. Woodside) – David Palmer’s brother. Now the President. It’s as if Fredo were in the White House. Wait a minute, Fredo IS in the White House.

CURTIS (Roger Cross) – Another CTU field agent. Does not yet have enough viewer popularity to be killed. But this could be his year.

KIMBERLY (Elisha Cuthbert) – Jack’s insufferable daughter. Been kidnapped so many times she now brings her own rope and gag. Can not ride in a car unless she’s in the trunk.

BILL BUCHANAN (James Morrison) – Head of CTU’s Los Angeles branch. Often mistaken for Max Headroom.

KAREN HAYES (Jayne Atkinson) – Uptight but fair Director of Homeland Security. Will sleep with Bill Buchanan once she receives authorization in triplicate.

MARTHA LOGAN (Jean Smart) – Former First Lady. Good hearted but a little nuts. Among her advisors were Malibu Barbie and Skipper.

Plus, new this year because the network insisted on stunt casting – Hamri Al-assad and Ahmed Amar.

So let the shootings, explosions, mayhem, suspense, twists, and uninterrupted cellphone service no matter where Jack is begin!!


maven said...

I think I'm finally going to succumb to the "24" bug! I plan on watching Sunday! Thanks for the synopsis of the major characters, Ken.

Anonymous said...

Last season I was informed (flyer on my door) that a scene of Marshal law, extreme explosions with military vehicles will be filmed right in front of my house in Woodland Hills as part of the Fox program "24". As a huge fan of the show you can imagine my anticipation as me and the neighbors loaded up our coolers waiting for the riots to begin. Unfortunately the hired "mob" was a no show. Producers opted for a watered down scene with a couple of cops and a run down humvee. It was fun though to watch Jack Bauer storm the credit union and have a shoot out with the cops. Guns sound so much louder on TV than in person?

All in all me thinks they like the location because the cast and crew quickly retired to the neighborhood watering hole on Topanga….they shoot a lot in my neighborhood.

Bill Nesbitt

Christina said...

I don't watch the show. Friends have told me that "Chloe" reminds them of me. Ouch!

Anonymous said...

what do you know about buchanan and hayes?

Anonymous said...

They are 15th and 19th American Presidents, respectively. They too might have slept together were it not for the 20 year age difference and Buchanan's aversion to beards

Anonymous said...

Don't for get about another fictional character, Los Angeles. In this magic place Jack is never more than 5 minutes away from you by car.

Rays profile said...

It's a nice show if you like mindless violence, implausible characters and plot holes the size of the L.A. Coliseum. I'll pass, thanks - unless Ken starts writing scripts.

Tenspeed & Brownshoe said...

Totally Dorky Fun Facts:

On Season 5, Audrey called up a company and said that her name was "Jane Espenson", (fellow TV writer and

On Season 5 the Vice President's name is Hal Gardner, which is an amalgamation of 2 different Green Lantern characters (Hal Jordan & Guy Gardner).

I'm a geek...


Anonymous said...

Ken, you omitted the irrepressible mama's boy Edgar. I know he's coming back. His untimely, tragic death was just a bad dream. Chloe wants him (although that part of the dream, we can all do without).

Allen Lulu said...

There is a scene in the restored version of Superman II (The Donner Cut) where, at the Fortress of Solitude, Miss Teschmaker is off screen as Lex is listening to Brando speak. At the end of the scene, he calls out for her and we hear a toilet flush.
So, Jack, if Superman can have a crapper in the Fortress of Solitude, at least come out of the bathroom ONCE in the whole damned season.

Anonymous said...

Eveyone talks about what a rough life Jack has and how busy he is but really, he just has one bad day per year. 24 tough hours. Not so terrible.

Bekka said...

And you can't forget MY favorite, mysterious, magical character... the cell phone that NEVER needs recharging... I want me one of those.

Heather said...

Awesome! I laughed out loud. We have a party every premiere and every finale! We've watched it since the beginning! Thanks for the laugh about our favorite show.

Anonymous said...

Well, you got me hooked. On the strength of this -- and seeing the woman who plays Chloe on a couple of talk shows -- I watched the opening (and am taping tonight's) installment.

I tend to avoid serial shows, feeling that if I miss one episode, I'm sunk and it's just not worth the trouble. Getting rid of the first four in two nights may help that.

In any event. I'm now sort of sorry to have missed the first five seasons. Which I'm sure will show up somewhere -- watching them on DVD may be more intense than I can handle.

Missy Vixen said...


This year WAS Curtis' for finally obtaining enough viewer popularity!

Unknown said...

BATTLEBOY also gets mistaken for Headroom.

Don't know why.