Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The sex scene I want to see

Some fragments of random thoughts….

Simon Cowell has stated that if Sanjaya wins AMERICAN IDOL he's quitting. How many people voted for him just for that reason?

In the reality of 24, what a news day! Nuclear bomb kills 12,000, the President is injured in an assassination attempt, a former president is knifed, US soldiers storm the Russian embassy. But I still believe every local LA station would lead off their 11 pm newcast with “Britney Spears back in rehab!”

Can you understand four words that Morris on 24 is saying? Monday he said something about his shirt I think.

I don’t care how many angry comments I get. Diana Ross is the Medussa. And every one of the twelve contestants -- even Sanjaya could have sung "More Today Than Yesterday" better than she did. Okay, not Sanjaya.

Judging by the response, my AMERICAN IDOL recaps/autopsies may become a regular feature. But it’ll be hard to top commenter Mary Stella yesterday who referred to Phil Stacey as Uncle Fester.

Don’t let the government kill internet radio. They want to impose crushing royalty payments that will wipe out all the little guys. So who benefits? Clear Channel and all the other death stars that have ruined radio. Darth Karmazin. In a few years cities will be wired for WiFi and you’re going to want the variety and individuality that only internet radio will be able to deliver. How can you help you ask? Sign this petition. Write your congressmen. Internet broadcasters already pay royalties so it’s not like the artists are getting screwed. The choice…or lack of choice is yours.

You can relax, Brian Williams is back from Iraq safe and sound. And Katie survived a weekend in the Hamptons.

Quick! Click away from the NCAA tournament game you’re watching on your computer. Your boss is coming.

Networks claim they need to push the envelope, shake things up, offer new and different kinds of shows. Here are some of the fresh, new, exciting, different actors who have been cast in recent pilots: Dylan McDermott, Chris Titus, Kim Raver (pictured), Amy Brenneman, Tim Daly, Jeffrey Tambor, Dean Cain, Christina Applegate, Patricia Heaton, Kelsey Grammer. Oh…and Racquel Welch.

My favorite spring training story: In the mid 90’s when Lou Pinella was managing the Seattle Mariners they started a spring 0-10. They were driving through Arizona when Lou spotted a little league game. He stopped the bus, ordered the players out, and said, “See? THAT’S how it’s supposed to be done!”

Okay, I’m not the only perv. Blogger Karen Scott also thumbs through romance novels at the bookstore looking for the sex scenes. But I’m still waiting for that smoking passage where a hot woman finds that a guy has such a great sense of humor that she has to tear off his clothes and fuck him.

I hope you’re bewaring the Ides of March.


Observer said...

It took us a while, but we figured out why Phil looks so weird: his features are actually pretty normal, but his head is the size of a grapefruit.

And Melinda? Sweet girl, great singer. She's also a spot-on match for Arthur's little sister, D. W., from the PBS animated series. Put some tiny ears on top of her head, and if you don't have a little one in the house, look it up on Google so you know what I'm sayin'.

I guess that callidols website a commenter mentioned in the previous post is bogus because it had predicted Sanjaya in the top three. He did turn out safe, which is great because it will make for some awkward television next week when he has to hear another harsh round of comments.

Howard Hoffman said...

Re 24: Wait 'til you see the old KMPC transmitter shack fall prey to suitcase #3 (or is it #4?). If you're familiar with the population there, it ought to take out, oh...twenty.

Anonymous said...

I'm betting on the climax of this season of "24" taking place on the set of "Deal or No Deal."

Ann said...

But I’m still waiting for that smoking passage where a hot woman finds that a guy has such a great sense of humor that she has to tear off his clothes and fuck him.

Ken, laughter is the sexiest thing All my heroes are modelled after you;)

Anonymous said...

RE: the pic of Uncle Fester -- was that my drugs, or did I just see his lightbulb turn on ?...

BTW, Ken, saw an episode of BECKER last night that you and David wrote, the one where Becker offers his extra plane ticket to Chicago to Reg, and the flight gets turned away due to weather, so they end up in Buffalo stranded on the tarmac for five hours... Just curious: How many jokes that you threw out during the re-write of that episode did you use in your JetBlue blog a couple of weeks ago? ;-)

Mary Stella said...

Okay, I’m not the only perv. Blogger Karen Scott also thumbs through romance novels at the bookstore looking for the sex scenes. But I’m still waiting for that smoking passage where a hot woman finds that a guy has such a great sense of humor that she has to tear off his clothes and fuck him.

Since Beth Ciotta and I both write romance novels, I'm sure we can find you some titles that fit this requirement. I'll put a call out on my blog for suggestions from readers. Do you promise to read them? :-)

I've never personally written that scene, but I sure can.

Thanks for the shout-out in your blog. Since I think you're brilliantly funny, I'm honored that I might have made you laugh.

I was dying to hear Randy tell Diana Ross she was a little pitchy.

The people voting for Sanjaya are just messing with us now. They're on a power trip to see how far they can control the results.

Anonymous said...

Ken, I'm sorry to see that your terrific blog is getting infected by American Idol-itis. Isn't there ENOUGH coverage of this stuff elsewhere? Isn't AI the antithesis of the well-written fictional television that your blog celebrates? Can't you leave the reality show gossip for people with nothing else in their brains?

The Minstrel Boy said...

add the voice of a long time musician to your support of the internet radio petition. again, this will not effect the bottom lines of the artists at all. it's a blantant attempt by the biggies to wipe out the littles for control. if you want tighter playlists and more same sounding mediocrity, then go ahead and allow this crap to go through. the consolidation of ownership has already murdered radio as a medium for professional musicians. now they are trying to do the same to the 'net. i figure they'll probably succeed but at least i voiced my opposition.

lou pinella is a god. what a perfect gesture. (i loves me some arizona in the spring)

MaryAn Batchellor said...

Speaking of gross caricatures, somebody needs to point out to Diana Ross that even Norma Desmond wore sleeves to cover her arm jello.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Did Lou continue walking to the Little League field, stop at 2nd base and then hurl it into the outfield? That's how a real manager's fit is supposed to be done.

Thanks for pointing out the petition and any other ways to fight the evil.

Anonymous said...

Ken, I think you're the only person other than me who's really getting this season of 24. It's a sly satire on the government staging events, and the lapdog media falling in line behind them.
I suspect that on this fictional day the media is using Britney Spears' latest escapade to keep the post-apocalypse streets of LA clear for Jack to race from one location to another.

Cap'n Bob said...

I have this odd feeling that the only votes Sanjaya gets are from people in India who received jobs outsourced from America.

Anonymous said... is an online campaign for Sanjaya. Coincidentally, it's also George Bush's campaign slogan.....

Anonymous said...

I've always thought Phil Stacey looks more like Nosferatu myself.

Tallulah Morehead said...

"somebody needs to point out to Diana Ross that even Norma Desmond wore sleeves to cover her arm jello."

Thank you darling. Fortunately, Diana's icy personality keeps her Arm Jello well-chilled.

My dressmaker says "There's always room for Jello." However, I've discovered the hard way that if I keep them covered too much, I get this yucky green growth that gives new meaning to the term "Jello Mold".

But I've stopped watching AI since they eliminated Brandon. Oh his singing was mediocre, but he's so dreamy. He should have stayed on at least until "Shirtless Week". Brandon darling, stop by Morehead Heights and I'll comfort your brains out.

When Sanjaya and Diana embraced, I expected their hair to be hopelessly entangled together, like Velcro. RIIIIIIP!

Definition of Hell: Eternity in a room with Mary Tyler Moore, Teri Hatcher and Diana Ross.

Ohioruthie, please don't hate me.

By Ken Levine said...

I've checked out Ms Morehead's blog and can recommend it as very entertaining. There are maybe a billion blogs out there, hers' is the first to mention the Melodyland Theatre in the Round that provided Orange County with top draw theatre entertainment like MR. ROBERTS with Hugh O'Brien.

You go girl!

Tallulah Morehead said...

Thank you darling! How sweet.

Little Dougie, who types up my blogs for me (I'm computer illegible.), grew up near Melodyland, and saw such supporting-player-studded productions there as

DAMN YANKEES with Eddie Bracken. (And with Sandy Koufax & Bo Belinsky as baseball players. What a stretch! I know you'd enjoy them. Dougie's heard Sandy Koufax sing!)

FINIAN'S RAINBOW with Alan Young, James Dunn, and Molly Bee. (When was the last time you heard the name Molly Bee?)


THE WOMEN with Pamela Mason and Margaret O'Brian.

CAMELOT with Howard Keel.

THE KING AND I with Celeste Holm & Darrin McGavin. Yes, Darrin McGavin as a Siamese King.

LI'L ABNER with most of the original leads, though not Edie Adams.

OLIVER with Georgia Brown.


PETER PAN with Ethel Merman amd ME!

Eventually, Little Dougie appeared on stage there himself, in SINBAD THE SAILOR in 1968.

What a theater. No piece of scenery taller than ankle-high. The entire set budget for all the above-mentioned shows combined came to maybe $10.

Anyway I adore your flog as well, and never miss it. Do drop by again anytime. New posting there later tonight.

Cheers darling.

By Ken Levine said...

Thank you, Ms Morehead, for giving me an idea for a post. 60's theater in the round. There were a number of local LA outlets. Melodyland, the Valley Music Theatre, and one in West Covina. Good times and bad musicals.

Anonymous said...

"I’m still waiting for that smoking passage where a hot woman finds that a guy has such a great sense of humor that she has to tear off his clothes and fuck him."

Well, I didn't write the passage in any of my romance novels, but it did lead to my marriage... Does that count?

Anonymous said...

alina and ann, agree. The humor is indeed so sexy. And - Ken taking his wife to the swimsuit party. That's a man. Fireworks, pure and simple. (Although young women love witty older UNAVAILABLE men, so Ken was probaby handed the most phone #s that night.)

Keep up these great recaps. Your take is much more entertaining than the show!