Wednesday, July 04, 2007

July 4th leftovers

Many thanks to the Seattle Mariners for inviting me to pinch hit for a couple of games next week on their broadcast. I’ll be joining the radio crew next Thursday and Friday nights as the mighty M’s take on the Motor City Marauders (Detroit Tigers). If you’re so inclined you can hear the games in Seattle on KOMO 1000, the Mariners radio network, XM satellite, or MLB.COM. I did play-by-play for the Mariners for three years in the 90’s and it was the highlight of my checkered broadcasting career. So I’m very excited. I’m already practicing.

“Low. Ball two.”

Good news, ladies! Salmon Rushdie is available again!! His three-year marriage with TV’s TOP CHEF host Padma Lakshmi is over. (“Oh, come to me my little Padma.”) Now comes the speculation as to why. It was his fourth so perhaps that could be a clue. He was recently knighted and you know how knighthood always causes a strain on a marriage. He’s 60 and she’s 36 but I’m sure that had no bearing. Professional envy? They’re both authors. He wrote THE SATANIC VERSES and she wrote EASY EXOTIC: A MODEL’S LOW FAT RECIPES FROM AROUND THE WORLD. Her book is selling more. Could it be that Mirthala Salinas broke up that happy couple too?

Mirthala Salinas is an on-air TV reporter for Telemundo. Earlier this week it was revealed she is also the mistress of Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (think Aceveda from THE SHIELD without pockmarks). There is some outcry that a reporter should not be covering a politician she’s sleeping with but no less than hizzoner himself calls her a “consummate journalistic professional.” My favorite part of the story is that a neighbor spotted Villaraigosa entering Salinas’ condo complex with take-out food and a bottle of wine. Why did the neighbor assume it was Salinas he was there to see in the 15-unit complex? “Because everyone else was older and Jewish,” she said. “I knew he was not going to visit an elderly Jewish woman with wine and food. “

“High. Ball three.”

Note to Phil Spector: GET A NEW LAWYER. His lead attorney Bruce Cutler will be missing some trial dates to film his new courtroom TV show, JURY DUTY. There will be some celebrity jurors on the show, including Phyllis Diller. Why bother writing satire when actual stories like this exist?

Alex Rodriguez's wife took in a game recently at Yankee Stadium. Class-ee shirt. FUCK YOU Real Yankee pride there. John Sterling, the Yankee announcer calls Rodriguez home runs A-Bombs. His wife wore an F-Bomb.

My favorite 4th of July tradition: the annual TWILIGHT ZONE MARATHON.

“Fouled away.”

EVAN ALMIGHTY, the first real bomb of the summer, stems from two different screenplays and the director-assigned writer. Both scripts were from teams. Originally all five writers shared story credit. One of the teams appealed the arbitration, claiming they deserved screenplay credit as well. Upon re-examining the material the team not only lost that bid but also lost their story credit. They’ve got a call in to President Bush to overturn the decision.

“Swung on and missed, strike three. Wait a minute, did he foul tip it? He’s going to first? Was he hit by the pitch? What’s going on here??”

I’ll be ready by next Thursday. I will. Honest.

32 comments :

rclz said...

It will be so nice to hear you do Mariners games again! I'll be tuning in, you can be sure of that!

Robin

Anonymous said...

This is great, Ken, I'm looking forward to hearing you. I lobbied for you to come back after Ron Fairly retired, though I must admit that Dave Wells and Mike Blowers are really good on the TV side. Blowers is very intelligent and explains the intricacies without talking down to the fans and they are a good team.

Have fun.

Anonymous said...

Oh sweet - Apparently MLB extra innings is doing a free week starting on the 12th, so I'll be able to listen in. Looking forward to it!

blogward said...

Salmon Rushdie? I thought there was something fishy about him. Here was me thinking he was a crusty old Solzhenitsyn type and he turns out to be a media tart.

Anonymous said...

As Sir Salman said in his divorce filing, when he was asked about his wife's literary efforts,
"It's a COOKBOOK!"

(I really like the Twilight Zone marathon too.)

Anonymous said...

"Many thanks to the Seattle Mariners for inviting me to pinch hit for a couple of games next week on their broadcast."

So now we know the real reason for Hargrove's sudden and inexplicable departure from the Mariners. :-)

I'm more of a Law & Order marathon guy. I'll swear I'm not going to watch another hour, then before you know it you've witnessed another murder and are sucked into to see how it plays out.

I'm sure doing the Mariners games will be a blast. They're playing surprisingly well too, so hopefully you'll get to see great games.

Anonymous said...

Are you allowed to do a shout out on the M's broadcast to all your blog fans out there on MLB extra innings and XM?

A-Rod's wife pulled off the classiest maneuver of any Yankee spouse since the Fritz Peterson-Mike Keckich wife swap 35 years ago.

And as for the mayor, he might want to be careful with his new squeeze -- any woman with enough huevos to go on the air and cooly announce Villa(raigosa)'s separation while at the same time knowing she's the reason for the separation is a good candidate to go into full Donna Hanover mode on Anthony, should the mayor decide to stray in the future with another mistress.

Anonymous said...

Ken,

Too bad you didn't get invited by the Giants to do their games. Then, if you happened to be doing the play-by-play when Barry Bonds clubs number 756, you could call out "No work at Pfizer tomorrow!"

Rob said...

Geez, you missed some other important celebrity divorces, such as Johnny Knoxville (his wife got tired of hearing, "Hey Honey, watch this) and Wayne Brady (his wife got tired of all the props he brought to bed).

OMG, I just saw a commercial on the Today show with a maxi pad on a roller coaster. We've come a long way since Kathy Rigby.

As for Bruce Almighty, did anyone see anything about the movie in the previews or the commercials that made them want to see this movie? ANYTHING? I've never seen previews that made a movie made less attractive.

Anonymous said...

Wish you'd come back to Baltimore and do some Orioles radio broadcasts. It would give me some reason to pay attention to the O's...

Anonymous said...

I will be sure to listen next week on KOMO!

Eric said...

I can imagine having a $1,000,000 bounty on one partner's head puts strain on a marriage.

Mary Stella said...

no less than hizzoner himself calls her a “consummate journalistic professional.

Since they've consummated their relationship, the mayor ought to know. *g*

LouOCNY said...

Very cool! Worth this month's XM bill alone!

And do you REALLY blame the mayor?

Dante Kleinberg said...

Celebrity Jury seemed inevitable with the glut of wacky courtroom shows.

You'll know we're in trouble when we get Celebrity Executioner.

Is it easier to cope with your last day on Earth when Coolio is administering the lethal injection? Find out Summer '08!

Warren Fleece said...

Ken,

I love movies, novels and anecdotes about baseball. However I can't stand actually watching baseball. What the hell is wrong with me?

By Ken Levine said...

I don't blame the mayor. Well, not for THAT.

Anonymous said...

And right at the end you leave a little A.J. Pierzynski jab for still bitter California-Anaheim-of-Los-Angeles Angel fans. Curse you, Doug Eddings or Josh Paul or somebody!

Alto2 said...

A little-known fact: my uncle used to be the announcer for the Washington Senators (back in the 1960s) and was the voice of the Washington Redskins for nearly 40 years ... until Darth Snyder bought the team.

Have fun in Seattle.

Anonymous said...

Ken, I will be listening. I hope Dave Niehaus will be in the booth with you. I know he often takes vacation around the all star game, but this year I hope Rick Rizzs will be the broadcaster taking time off. I really enjoyed listening to you and Dave in the early 90's.

I echo mikeinseattle's comment. The Mariner broadcast booth is outstanding this year. Rick Rizzs has improved, Dave Sims has a great voice, Mike Blowers is really good, and Dave Niehaus belongs in the Hall of Fame.

Stan from Tacoma

Anonymous said...

Ken, if you get a chance to talk to Felix (or Raffy Chaves), please, please, please ask why Felix throws almost 90% fastballs in the first when they whole league knows they're coming.

http://ussmariner.com/2007/06/27/an-open-letter-to-rafael-chaves/

Anonymous said...

Salman Rushdie should an inspiration to all you guys who claim you can't meet women.

He's been in hiding for the better part of last twenty years and managed to get married and divorced four times, all well before Match.com became available.

And the soon to be ex-Mrs.Rushdie; Padma Laksmhi is a smokin' little piece of ashe!!

If he can meet women while trying not to get killed, surely you can to.

VP81955 said...

Congrats on the M's stint, Ken. If Charlie Slowes or Dave Jagelar ever need to take a break for a few days, I would love to hear you pinch-hit on a couple of Nationals' games.

Joey H said...

I went to college with Rick Rizzs, so pass along a hello from a fellow Saluki.

Anonymous said...

And I went to school with Joey H, but I can say hello for myself. Hi.

Anonymous said...

"I've never seen previews that made a movie made less attractive."

Then you must have missed the previews of LICENSE TO WED.

Mike Barer said...

Don't forget to say hello to your blogger friends! I'll be listening! (lol)

Anonymous said...

Ken, great news. Will be listening for you next week in the M's games. Don't be shy about dropping in references to Pirandello and Nietzche that go right over the heads of most listeners.
A few of us will be out there cracking up!

William Kudner said...

So I assume it will only be on radio, maybe I'll try to tune in but I usually watch it on TV

yoo hoo said...

Gooooooo Ken, thanks for pinch hitting with the Mariners again. NO Wabash Cannonball though!

marcel said...

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bye

The Sports Satirist said...

Alex was caught red-handed with another woman. Will his marriage be affected?