Friday, August 01, 2008

My favorite weekend

The Thursday Calendar section of the LA TIMES always has a feature called “My Favorite Weekend”. A celebrity is asked to describe his or her favorite southland weekend. It’s always bullshit, but now it seems they’re running out of real celebrities. At one time it was Sharon Stone. Now it's one of the models who holds briefcases on DEAL OR NO DEAL. Like anyone gives a crap that she likes to go to Catalina with friends on Sunday then have dinner at someone’s house and let his chef prepare the meal.

So I wrote up my favorite weekend. Or at least, a typical weekend for me. And God bless the TIMES, they ran it. Here it is again just in case you're looking for something to do today and tomorrow.

Friday I like to get an early start and hit the cockfights in Tijuana. I enjoy the action and it’s fun to see all the young couples out on their first dates.

From there I’ll go to the Hotel Del Coronado for a swim to wash any blood off.

There’s a Stuart Anderson’s Black Angus restaurant in Oceanside right off Interstate 5. They have a three-course dinner for two that includes two sides. And on Friday you can get their signature clam chowder, just like the cowboys used to make.

Saturday morning I power walk from Westwood to Malibu, get the paper, then power walk home. Along the way I may stop at artist friend’s house and pose for a bust.

For lunch I’ll meet some ex car thieves at Bob’s Big Boy in Toluca Lake. Their Big Boy hamburger is an LA classic, but I order their Super Big Boy hamburger because that one has meat in it.

After lunch and checking to see that one of my dining companions didn’t steal my XM radio, I amble over to the Twin Swallows Oriental Massage Parlor in nearby Inglewood for some pampering at negotiated rates.

Once that ends happily I head back home to work on my “project”. It’s been a ten year labor of love. I’m assembling a table I bought at Ikea in 1998.

For drinks at sunset, especially in the summer when the sky turns an awe inspiring crimson, I prefer the bar at the Shangri-La motel at the beach. Only wish it had a window so I could see outside.

If I went whale hunting the week before I’ll come home and grill it for dinner. I’ll invite some close friends I met on MySpace and we’ll eat, discuss the theater, sample fine wines, and toss water balloons at the useless neighborhood watch patrol car.

Early Sunday morning I reserve for calling back everyone who called me during the week. For some reason I usually wind up leaving messages on their voice mail. I’ve yet to reach my dentist.

For breakfast I’m cutting down on eggs so it’s back to the Shangri-La motel bar for a Ramos Gin Fizz. Those eggs can kill you.

Next I steal a horse and play polo at Will Rogers State Park. The guys love me because I usually bring the little orange juice boxes when we break for snacks.

I love star watching so for lunch I zip out to the Motion Picture Country Home and Hospital in Woodland Hills. Last week I saw the remaining cast members of MCHALE’S NAVY.

Sunday afternoon is culture time. You can’t be well informed if you don’t read. Currently I’m poring through Helen Reddy’s autobiography.

Sunday evening is sushi so that means Angel Stadium in Anaheim. There’s nothing like watching the Halos duel the Kansas City Royals and hearing that vendor come down the aisle yelling “Hey, sushi right here! Get yer yellowtail!”

I get home, use the neighbor’s Jacuzzi if he’s not home, watch the CELEBRITY FIT CLUB and then it’s time for bed. The great thing about LA is that it’s not just me – EVERYONE here has weekends like this.


Anonymous said...

Ken, I gotta say I read "my favorite weekend" every week and it amuses me (usually non-intentionally). Happy to see you ar enough of a star to get one of your own!

Anonymous said...

Actually, as of this week they've moved "My Favorite Weekend" to Friday, presumably as part of the consolidation of various sections that's occurring as they downsize both employees and pages. By next year it'll probably be running on a combination Calendar/comics/sports page.

And you're right about them running out of celebrities -- today's was by some model who hangs out in Malibu, and her recommendations were basically the exact same places everyone eats and shops in when they go to Malibu, because there really aren't that many.

Anonymous said...

"Once that ends happily..." Hey, isn't the Times a family newspaper? :)

Anonymous said...

Classic Ken Levine!

Thanks Ken greatly enjoyed this.

Heading out to "Twin Swallows" now.


maven said...

I want a weekend just like that!

Anonymous said...

That's hilarious!

Don't tell anyone that I just read Valerie Bertinelli's memoir, okay?

VP81955 said...

Ahhh, the SoCal lifestyle.

Doktor Frank Doe said...

Shit. I'm out of state for the time being and was doing fine until you mentioned the Tijuana Cock Fights and Bob's in Toluca Lake. Unfortunately, or Fortunately, I friggin love that place. Perhaps I have no taste, perhaps The Starbucks next door is a better choice, I don't know, but morning cock-fights and afternoon Spaghetti and Chili followed up with a Mint Mocha Chip Frappachino is a perfect Saturday to me!

Doktor Frank Doe said...

Oh by the way, the Stuart Anderson's in Oceanside is right off the 78 freeway not far from the 5. That dinner for two special is actually cat and cocker spaniel.

Anonymous said...

I've always thought "My Favorite Weekend" should be subtitled, "Hey stalkers and nut jobs, this is where I'll be this weekend. You know, in case you want to harm me in some manner."

Anonymous said...

I hope this reaches you in time: Many Ramos gin fizzes contain egg whites...and some varieties have whole eggs.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I’ve benefited immensely from the insights and general travel tips gleaned from airline travel magazine articles. The ones where they’ve taken the most hackneyed list of attractions out of the convention and visitors bureau guide and attempt to make those more interesting by pretending they emanated from the mouth or mouse of some celebrity: “David Duchovny’s Vancouver” “actually article, as usual digested while flying someplace far less desirable), “O.J.’s Personal Brentwood,” “ROADTRIP: Mel Gibson, Shannen Doherty, Robert Downey Jr. + that Stefan Erikson guy compare and contrast they’re Pacific Coast Highway Shenanigans (with Shia Laboeuf sidebar).”

But frankly Mr. Levine, your weekend lacks credibility. I think you made some of it up. On the other hand, props beaucoup for “pampering.” (Homage to Steve Allen: “and if you’ve ever had your prop pampered, well you know what I mean,” heh, heh.)

As a comedy professional you clearly relish the fact that, while certain words give you the giggles because of the way they sound, others do so conceptually. I don't know which is more embarrassing, getting oneself pampered, or admitting to having been pampered. Feel so manipulated -- or would that be pampered? Seriously, has anyone ever used that verb outside of a TV commercial or spa brochure? And there’s another one, “spa” – does or does that not always sound like only half-a-word?

Also, honestly, don’t you wish they had stuck with some other name for those drinks than “smoothie?” Even if it didn’t sound like some kind of sexual favor you have to pay extra for? Hell, I can't even force myself to utter the Starbucks equivalents of small, medium and large.

Another one I like is when alien-abducted rustics return claiming to have been “probed.” God there’s got to be a less graphic description of the procedure – and one also less directional? While we’re at it, will it ever be possible for a local TV newscaster to get through and entire half hour without employing the noun “toddler?” Outside of the baby clothing counter, has any kid ever been identified as a “toddler,” without something potentially unfortunate having happened to him? Just asking.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Sounds like you spent the whole weekend on the freeway. You chauffeur must be exhausted!

Aren't ALL fights really just cock fights at root? Personally, I prefer fighting FOR cock.

I have no idea at all what my favorite weekend consists of, since, if I've had a REALLY good weekend, I can't remember a thing that happened after I Power-Staggered to The Liquor Barn. If it's a Lifetime Personal Best Weekend, I can't remember the entire year leading up to it.

Ah memories: the best ones are the ones you can't remember.

This applies to mammaries as well. And my mamaries are like Mammorial Day, a LONG weekend.

Well, as Shakespeare named a play: All's Happy That Ends Happily. Cheers.

Michael said...

Not really relevant to this post, but thanks for the discussion a while back about the Arclight Theater in LA. I was there for a couple days last week and had some time to kill, so I stopped there to catch the new Batman movie. Turned out that the showing I wanted happened to be on the Cinerama Dome. That's a hell of a place to watch a movie! They even had the Bat-suit, the Joker suit, and the Bat-cycle on display, along with the costumes from the finale of "Mamma Mia". The only downside was that the movie cost $12 for the weekday matinee, which is a few bucks more expensive than the weekend night show back home.

Anonymous said...

I just got back to shanghai from LA 3 days ago, what a weekend you had!

When I was in LA - not everybody had such great weekends like you did.

Your weekend is hectic, and lots of driving to do...i would just go to theater having a movie night and invite some friends come over ...quite normal one....

Gail Renard said...

If that's what your average weekend is like, what do you do during the week? No wonder you have so much to write in your great blogs!

Anonymous said...

"The only downside was that the movie cost $12 for the weekday matinee, which is a few bucks more expensive than the weekend night show back home."

Which is why your theater back home doesn't have the Bat-suit, the Joker suit, the Bat-cycle, and the urn with Heath Ledger's ashes on display, and probably doesn't have that awe-inspiring screen, or that sound system and those acoustics. The Cinerama Dome is first-class movie-going, and it costs first-class prices.

Eleanor said...

"EVERYONE here has weekends like this."

Right, that's it. I'm moving to LA.