Monday, January 17, 2011

My take on the Golden Globes

Some fleeting thoughts on last night’s Golden Globes. Not a full recap. I save those for real award shows. But here are just some random observations.

All you need to know about the Golden Globes is that Angelina Jolie got nominated for THE TOURIST. She gave maybe the worst, stiffest performance since Wilson the volleyball in CASTAWAY.

Judging by his most gracious speech, I think the only person who thinks less of the Golden Globes than me is Robert De Niro. I can’t imagine the Foreign Press being touched that their honoree called them waiters and proposed they be deported.

But where else are you going to see Steven Spielberg and Ryan Seacrest viewed as peers in the same audience?

Ricky Gervais is always funny although I bet middle-America just hates him. It’s so clear he’s playing to the room not the television audience. But so what? Introducing Bruce Willis as Ashton Kutcher’s dad was the line of the year.

When Colin Firth gave his acceptance speech for THE KING’S SPEECH, didn’t you wish he stuttered?

Is it me, or has Helena Bonham Carter become creepy weird since marrying Tim Burton? On film she’s gorgeous, at public appearances she looks like Bif Naked.

I was thrilled for Katey Sagal. Considering her table was practically in the parking lot, she was clearly an upset winner. If you haven’t seen Katey in SONS OF ANARCHY, treat yourself. She’s the biker chick you don’t have to be in prison to love.

I don’t care how good an actor he is, NEVER give Al Pacino another award. You’d think after 127 wins the guy would know how to give a speech. Instead, it’s that crazy homeless guy outside the 7-11 who rambles incoherently.

Claire Danes was stunning. She wore a lovely simple sleek gown. As opposed to Olivia Wilde who looked like she was wearing a velvet haystack.

How can the Golden Globes expect anyone to take them seriously when Judy Dench and Piper Perabo are both nominated in the same acting category? Oh, and January Jones.

Remember Pia Zadora once won a Golden Globe. And when Sir Laurence Olivier won, the trophy broke in his hands as he was giving his acceptance speech.

The one thrilling moment: the standing ovation for Michael Douglas. Actors go on and on about their courageous “journeys”; this guy has been on a journey.

Every time they cut to a reaction shot during a TV award you saw six movie people in the background who could not be more bored.

January Jones remains the most beautiful woman on the planet who has no idea how to dress herself.

What a touching and elegant presentation speech by Robert Downey Jr. for the Best Supporting Actress category. Talking about how he needs to fuck them all. Class-yyyy.

Did Lea Michele’s cat die? I can’t believe she was really crying every five seconds over the friggin’ Golden Globes. I mean, welling up when Justin Bieber was introduced?

By the way, Justin Bieber was the only presenter who was shorter than the statue.

I guess Dennis Quaid had gotten over Meg Ryan dumping him. That was some Jessica Rabbitt hanging on his arm.

MAD MEN lost even though it was better this season than two in which they won.

Laura Linney is an amazing talent, but remember when the Best Actress in a Comedy had to be funny? You’d think Tina Fey would have a pretty good shot considering her competition was a cancer victim, a schizophrenic, a pop singer, and a disgruntled nurse. Tina, next year go for Best Actress in a Drama. You’ll probably win.

Was BOARDWALK EMPIRE really that good or is the Foreign Press just Martin Scorsese’s bitch?

Notice that Jim Parsons forgot to thank Chuck Lorre?

I’m sure if Aaron Sorkin had more time he would have thanked me. That would have been some moment – me, sitting stunned in front of my TV, Lea Michele crying uncontrollably.

Shows on host network NBC won exactly no Golden Globes.

Happy that SOCIAL NETWORK won. But if I were a waiter fearing deportation I would have voted for THE GOOD WIFE and MODERN FAMILY in the TV categories.

Bring on the Oscars. Or the TV Land awards. Anything.

On another note: There are still a few remaining spots open for my free teleseminar on Thursday night. Here's where you go for information or sign-up.


Dave Mackey said...

Tim Burton, creepy weird, period. Does he own stock in HP, which would explain why their ads use that same creepy lettering?

Didn't see the GG's. Could care less.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more! DID want Colin Firth to stutter. Helena Bonham Carter - great actress - totally bizarre looking last night. And did she have a weird reaction during Melissa Leo's speech? "...look who they invited up here, tonight. Not bad." I don't think Bonham Carter put together that she meant it was cool a bunch of older dames were getting great work and being recognized. Pacino. Ugh. Embarrassing. I never know if he's high or has Alzheimers. Love Annette Benning. She's a class act.

Charles H. Bryan said...

I watched the first hour or so, mostly because Ricky Gervais makes me laugh -- and, last night, so did Robert Downey, Jr., Tina Fey, and Steve Carrell. I thought Downey was playing to his bad boy image, with a bit of self-mockery thrown in.

And the creepiest person last night was Geoffrey Rush. He looked a little like one of the "Observers" on Fringe.

Eduardo Jencarelli said...
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Eduardo Jencarelli said...

Funny how the Golden Globes can easily be the most predictable and embarassing awards show, all in one.

I was catching up to Nikki Finke's live-blogging. She made some good points regarding the ridiculousness of this whole presentation.

I'm desperately trying to find a documentary about the Globes, called Hollywood's Dirty Little Secret, directed by Vikram Jayanti. No luck finding it just yet.

I noticed Jim forgot to thank Chuck. I don't recall if he thanked Bill Prady either.

Boardwalk's first two episodes are nice, so far. Whether the award was deserved is a whole other story.

Your Aaron Sorkin/Lea Michele comment is by far the funniest bit of this take.

David said...

Great semi-recap, except for one thing: that "Jessica Rabbit hanging on [Dennis Quaid's] arm was his wife of seven years, so yeah, I think he's over Meg Ryan.

And you do realize Sorkin and TSN won all those awards because of the exposure you gave them on this blog, right?

Michael in Singapore said...

Here's my Friday question (in several parts): Why are the Golden Globes held in such high esteem in Hollywood when everyone knows what a crock they are? Who IS the "foreign press" (movie critics from Belgium and Lithuania?), and why are their accolades so much more important in Hollywood than awards given by the LOCAL or AMERICAN press? The Golden Globes, by all accounts, should be insignificant. How did it become the second-most important award next to the Oscars? Why does anybody care?

Carlos Matthews Hernandez said...

It's obvious Michael that it is because the Globes are Golden.

Max Clarke said...

Charles H. Bryan is right, Downey has a gift for including three or more points of view in his persona. Maybe the reason he was so comfortable as the Australian winner of five Oscars in Tropic Thunder: the dude playing the dude playing the dude, as he sort of put it.

Good to see Michael Douglas back.

Hope to see Annette Bening win the Oscar this time.

Agreed, Clair Danes is stunning. She did a good job in Orson Welles And Me, the girlfriend Orson Welles has and the protagonist wants.

Tom said...

Can't speak for all of middle America, but this Chicagoan thought Ricky Gervais was great.
And I'll bet every public schoolteacher really appreciated DeNiro's crack about making movies so you have enough money to keep your kids in private schools. Very classy.

Jon88 said...

From (failing) memory, didn't Parsons generically thank "the writers" and "the cast"? Maybe he thought it was better to do that than to single anyone out and thus omit others.

Phillip Stamp said...

Ricky Gervais was absolutely fearless. It was impressive to see.

Only part that really bothered me (other than all of it, but this part stood out) was Judy Dench saying that the King's Speech originated through it's gestation in Australia with Geoffry Rush.

David Seidler was the one with the original idea to tell this story, and waited over 25 years to be able to do so. Granted he did get it to Geoffry Rush without whom it wouldn't have been made, but Dame Judy didn't even mention him.

On another note, I can't help but find Bif Naked strangely alluring.

Jim said...

Just for the five little words "Who wants to be tall" the Globes gave themselves the right to exist forever.

AlaskaRay said...

"It's obvious Michael that it is because the Globes are Golden."

There were a lot of Golden Globes there last night that were much more impressive. January Jones comes to mind.

I think H.Bonham Carter; 1) doesn't really care what people think, 2) doesn't take herself too seriously, & 3) has a very subtle sense of humor. No one dresses that way by accident.


John said...

Andrew Brietbart's website is pretty much ready to have Ricky Gervais' baby for the skewering he delivered to the celebs last night, showing, I suppose that people of all political stripes apparently enjoy watching an awards show turn into a Friar's Club roast.

David said...

Phillip, you're right that it was an egregious omission to leave Seidler out of the description of "The King's Speech"'s development. But since your post is about giving credit where it's due... that wasn't Judi Dench. Dench wasn't there. It was Helen Mirren, another Oscar-for-playing-a-queen Brit.

Matt Patton said...

I was born in Ohio, and I don't hate Ricky Gervais. Think he's hilarious much of the time. Including last night. Personally, I think the jokes were aimed at a broader audience, especially considering some of the booing coming from the audience during the opening monologue . . .

Glad to see that I'm not the only person to have seen the doc-film about the HFPA. Most of its membership, apparently, is composed of part-time "stringers" (free-lance journalists) who sell the occasional story to small-time papers and magazines, mostly, it would seem, in Central Europe. Many of the members have other full-time jobs, and use their press credentials to get into press junkets (lots of free food and giveaways from the movie companies) and to run the Golden Globes. One of the REQUIREMENTS of any nominee is that the pose for photos with the membership at the luncheon where the nominations are announced. Basically, the HFPA is the world most famous, pretentious club for autograph hounds . . .

By the way, my mom thinks that Warren Beatty is the bee's knees. She's a bit jealous of Annette Bening. But not her hair cut.

Anonymous said...

Sandra Bullock looks embalmed. Seriously. Ricky Gervais cracks me up every time. I LOVE him!! I am sick and tired of looking at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. When the camera made us watch Angelina apply lip gloss to those fuel injected lips, it was time to refresh our drinks. Claire Danes is real. So is Annette. Robert Downey Jr., to thee I sing. Amen. Al Pacino is beyond in love with Al Pacino. He also looks embalmed.

Ron Parker said...

Was I the only one who caught the Jane Lynch dig at Lea Michele? So much Gervais talk on the web, that one seems to have been missed.

bevo said...

I really enjoyed Ricky Gervais. He is the only reason why I even think about this show.

I do not give a moment's thought to the rest of them from the Academy to the Greater San Diego County Critics Association. The remainder of these shows exist to serve the industry. Who cares?

Gary said...

Ken, putting Angelina Jolie in the same category as Wilson is a slap at all volleyballs of all makes.

Dennis Quaid is married to Kimberly Buffington-who makes you say "Meg who...?" And speaking of plastic surgery, Meg who, redux.

Hasn't Helena Bonham Carter Burton and the Animals always been "unique"?

Julianna Margulies is extremely talented and attractive, and yes, she is The Good Wife; but her co-star, Archie Panjabi is flat-out, smokin' hot!

Phillip Stamp said...

Oops! I meant Helen Mirren. Thanks David.

Phillip Stamp said...
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Buttermilk Sky said...

The CBS Evening News was all bent out of shape because Gervais's monologue left celebrities "frowning." Next year James Lipton will host and give everyone a soothing tongue bath, and the ratings will be lower than "Rock Hard Abs" at 3 am.

Best line of the night, from Michael Douglas: "There's gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation."

Not surprising Sir Larry's GG fell apart in his hands -- the whole enterprise screams "cut rate." No singers to perform the nominated songs, trailers to represent the films. But they don't stint on the refreshments, according to Paul Giamatti's claim to have eaten five boxes of Godiva. Even if there were two pieces to a box, that runs into money.

I hope the colonoscopy went as well as those things can go, Ken.

Rebounding said...

Ken, you are normally so realistic about Middle America...what happened?!? Here in Kansas City, my wife and I almost lost it when Gervais said the Willis-Kutcher line. Freaking hysterical. I agree, it was the line of year.

Katie said...

If anything, I think those of us from Middle America are MORE likely to accept ridicule of the Hollywood elite.

Scott from HC said...

I LOVED Ricky Gervais! I had never watched the Golden Globes until last year (when he hosted for the first time)and he was the only reason i watched this year.

It's obviously not for the "winners" - I like Glee, but the Cofer kid? Really?

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Pat Reeder said...

I'm not in Middle America; I'm in Texas, which is its own separate country. But I still loved Ricky Gervais. I love the idea that there is one guy in Hollywood with enough f-you money streaming in from all those versions of "The Office" all around the world to ridicule all those self-important jackasses directly right to their faces and not give a flying fig what they think about it. He is the voice of every non-famous person who's ever been stiffed for a tip by some egomanical wanker.

And BTW, if all the Hollywood stars and press think he was "over the line" in what he said, I shudder to think of their reaction if they realized how many people there were out there cheering and agreeing with him. I am a radio comedy writer, and I've made a good living writing things much like he said every day for the past 18 years.

Charles H. Bryan said...

Also Gervais didn't make any jokes that don't get made in late night monologues -- jokes about people who frequently show up at some point to promote a project.

My guess is that next year Jimmy Fallon will host. Hmph.

Anonymous said...

From Jan:

I'm from middle America, and I thought Ricky Gervais did a fantastic job. I hope they have him as host again. Otherwise, I agree with most of the things you said, Ken; about Bruce Willis--the line about being Ashton Kutcher's dad, but, even better, the list of bad movies; January Jones; and Katy Sagal especially.

Anonymous said...

I was hoping someone would say:
"I'd like to thank the members of the HFPA for this award and would now ask them to return to their day jobs and bring my car around."

Maryanne said...

michael douglas is the only one in hollywood i can think of ,who, despite of a famous parent, made it on his own genuine talent.

he's talented, and a fighter.
God Bless him.

Analytical Associates™ of Bethesda, MD said...

I do not have a comment on The Golden Globes, but rather, a comment on Ken Levine. Ken changed my life with the following piece of his early radio work. Hey, everyone, click below and hear Ken Levine, radio genius:

Warm regards,
David Tate
Analytical Associates of Bethesda, MD

Analytical Associates™ of Bethesda, MD said...

Sorry, the actual link to Ken Levine's historic KCBQ radio presentation is:

David Tate
Analytical Associates of Bethesda, MD