Friday Questions

Friday Questions to launch you into the weekend.  What’s yours?

Kyle Burress starts us off.

Are you glad that you didn't have to deal with all of the social media and such that goes on in today's society during your involvement with Mash, Cheers, Jefferson's and Frasier, amongst others? Do you think that would have changed things dramatically in the way things were written or how the cast and crew were dealt with?

If there was social media in those days, here’s how I think it would play out.

THE JEFFERSONS.  The show would get buried because two Jewish guys wrote an episode.  

MASH.  Can you imagine the shitstorm when they killed Henry Blake?   The producers would have gotten death threats.

CHEERS.  I think social media would have helped us.  There would be more buzz, more word-of-mouth.  We wouldn’t be such an underground hit but ratings flop.   

FRASIER.  To some degree there was social media.  Not to today’s extent, but there were chat rooms and fan groups that discussed the episodes.  I would say, in general, that FRASIER was well received across the board. 

The shows might have been written a little differently based on the country’s sensibility, not necessarily pressure from social media.   How different?  I have no way to calculate that or even speculate.  

From jcs:

In your very entertaining podcast episodes 243 and 244 warmup luminary Bob Perlow voices his annoyance about some sitcom actors and producers being unwilling to invest just five minutes to talk to their audience before the taping. Perlow reasons that apart from showing a lack of appreciation, an opportunity to increase the show's fan base was wasted.

Did you experience similar situations in your career where you felt that not enough effort had been made to reach or to accommodate an audience?

I only did warm-up on one show (CHEERS) so Bob had way more experience with this than me.  

But I will say this:  Some actors are really concentrating on their performance — that’s their process — and they don’t want to disturb that by kibitzing with the audience.  As a director, I want my actors to be as comfortable and ready as possible and if chatting with the crowd would get in the way, then I’m all for the actor skipping it.

Might the audience embrace them and the show more had they interacted?  Probably.  It’s definitely to their benefit.  But the performance is the important thing.

blogward asks:

I was just reading about Glynis Johns, the beautiful Welsh actress who is now, at 98, the oldest Best Actress Oscar-winner alive (with Olivia De H gone). I never saw the episode of Cheers with her as Diane's mother, but I wonder if you had anything to share? Thx.

That was the episode we first tried to get Lucy.  

Ms. Johns was fabulous.  The ultimate pro.  Knew her lines, was kind to everyone on the crew, not at all a diva.   I never got up the nerve to ask her to sing “Send in the Clowns.” Sondheim wrote it specifically for her.  

If you haven’t seen the episode, I very much recommend it.  It was from season one, was called “Someone Single, Someone Blue” and was written by the late David Angell.  

And finally, from Cedricstudio:

I recently got sick and had a froggy voice for almost two whole weeks. Which got me wondering, when an actor gets sick (loses their voice, for example) is it ever just written into the show? In season 11 episode of MASH ("Say No More") the B story is that Margaret's hero is visiting camp and she desperately wants to meet him, but she gets laryngitis and has to enlist Charles' help. I was re-watching it and noticed that she can't talk for practically the entire episode. I don't think I've ever seen the "character loses their voice" plot device used on a TV show before so it got me wondering: Was this something the writers came up with, or did Loretta Swit actually lose her voice forcing the writers to work it into the episode?

Actors getting sick used to be considered such a big crisis.  Now, in the middle of a pandemic, having laryngitis for three days doesn’t seem that big a deal.  

If we can work it in organically then we would.   But especially on a single-camera show like MASH that’s shot out of order, we might just re-arrange the schedule to give the actor a few days off to recover and film his scenes later.

A bigger problem is explaining away why a character suddenly has a broken arm or cast on their wrist that’s not coming off for two months.  Suddenly you have to dream up something to justify it.   Glad we never did a period drama.  Explaining a wrist cast in the Middle Ages might’ve taken some doing. 

EP257: Cartooning for fun and a little profit

Ken’s cartooning days from drawing Woody Woodpecker at 4 to trying to get in the New Yorker. If you’re a fan of cartoons, comics, comic books, or New Yorker cartoons this episode is for you.

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A major life lesson in Margaritaville

Only a few of you will recognize the name (Boomers who grew up in LA), but disc jockey Billy Pearl passed away last week (as if there haven't been enough deaths).  I am very saddened by this. We went to UCLA together and were roommates.  Our paths drifted apart as the years went by.  But one dinner I had with him made a huge impression and shaped my worldview, especially where my career was concerned.  

Billy Pearl was one of the best jocks in the Top 40 era.  I don’t think there’s a single person in radio at that time who would dispute that.  His rise in the industry was meteoric, but no one could begrudge him because of his enormous talent on the air.  By the time he was 24 he was doing nights on KHJ, Los Angeles.  KHJ was the very top of the mountain in Top 40 radio — a legendary powerhouse of a station.  The only other stations in its league were WABC, New York and WLS, Chicago.  

Needless to say, he was the envy of all the rest of us radio nerds.  But he was a good guy and we were all very happy for his success.  And he was fun to listen to. 

At the time I had quit radio and moved back to Los Angeles to try to launch my writing career.  This was early 1975.  I was toiling at the KIIS Broadcasting Workshop during the day and writing spec scripts with David Isaacs at night and on the weekends.  Pearl was making great money.  I was pulling down $650 a month.  But I didn’t care.  I was actually enjoying this time in my life.  

One night I had arranged to get dinner with Billy after his show.  I met him at KHJ while he was still on the air.  Like I said, KHJ was Valhalla, and to see my good friend sitting behind that mic, that was really something.  Imagine going to a movie theater and there’s your former roommate as one of the stars of THE AVENGERS.   

After his shift we went across the street to Lucy’s Adobe Cafe for Mexican food and top flight margaritas.  And throughout the entire meal, all he did was bitch about how terrible KHJ was.  The audio quality on the cartridges was muddy, the promos were horribly worded, the music rotation was bad — practically everything about the programming pissed him off.   I listened and just nodded, but inwardly what I was thinking was: “Are you fucking kidding?!  You’re on KHJ!!! We would all KILL to be on KHJ!  So what if a stupid promo is worded poorly?”  

Apparently he made his displeasure known inside the building to the point where he was let go after maybe one year.  And think about it, for a station to fire one of their absolute best and most popular performers, he must’ve driven them scooters.  

Now flash-forward two years and David and I are on staff of MASH (which I guess you could say was the KHJ of sitcoms).  Not that there weren’t frustrations on that job, but there was not a day that I didn’t drive onto that lot and go “Wow, I’m on MASH.  How incredibly lucky am I!”  I’d think back to that dinner and appreciate even more my good fortune.  And I carried it over to all the stops in my career.

Sometimes you gotta look at the big picture.  We’re all going through hard times now.  It might be worth a moment to step back and appreciate those things in your life that give you pleasure, give you meaning — be they career situations or relationships or both.  Who knew great lessons could be learned at Lucy’s Adobe Cafe?  It’s still open, by the way, if you’re looking for your own epiphany.  

Comments on your comments

A key feature of this blog is the comments section.  Ideally, it can create a whole little community — a real exchange of ideas.  And it’s fun for me to get your thoughts on my daily topics.  Often times I will even solicit your opinions.  

But I’ve noticed that things are starting to change.  Perhaps it’s a reflection of the dark times, but there is a meanness that has crept into the comments section.  And I’m not talking about trolls.  These are normal readers who lately have been attacking each other, often times over really stupid shit (like correct usage of punctuation).  They use the C word (I’m sorry I accidentally let that one slip through), they’re hostile, and they take every opportunity to correct me or each other over nonsense.  

Now that I’ve sold a cartoon to THE NEW YORKER I’ve had several of you ask me to share some of my cartoons on this blog.  No thank you.  Why?  I learned my lesson years ago when I wrote a spec DICK VAN DYKE SHOW episode for fun for this blog.  At the time I specifically said I don’t want any critiques.  Part of the exercise was to see what an actual DICK VAN DYKE SHOW writer would say and I promised to print his reaction verbatim — good or bad (happily it was very good).  But I wasn’t looking for audience feedback.  It wasn’t a script I was going to submit anywhere.  Nor was I going to rewrite.  

And yet, I got a flood of reader feedback.  They didn’t like this, they didn’t like that.  I should have done this instead.  I should have done that.  This joke didn’t work for some.  That bit wasn’t funny.  You get the idea.  

So I know that even if I post cartoons and say I want no feedback I’m going to get fifty readers saying they don’t like the shading or the perspective or the anatomy is wrong or the joke would be better if I did a caption they suggested.  I have cartoon mentors whose expert opinions I value highly and send everything.   But to put my toons on this blog in this current atmosphere — I would be walking into a propeller.  

The comment section is supposed to be fun.  And civil.  If I say I liked a movie and you didn’t, that’s fine.  You’re free to dislike anything I like (okay, except maybe Natalie Wood).  But to point out that you don’t like a movie because of how someone reacted to rape charges — you’re going to be deleted.  And frankly, I don’t like deleting you ever and yet I’m doing it more and more.  Even when I agree with your opinion (it’s just the tone).

So it’s time to reboot.  Time to start playing nice together.  Above all, this is a humor blog.  You all know where I stand politically, but I’d say 90% of the time I keep politics out of it.  And if you disagree with me politically you’re welcome to leave and find a blog that shares your views.  God knows, they’re out there.  My feelings won’t be hurt.  But if you’re sticking around, just know I welcome your comments as long as (a) you leave a name and (b) you show the same respect to others as you would want them to show you.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask, do you?  It's a new year, a new beginning.  Let's start 2022 off right.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Ken

From Betty White to Bob Saget

What is happening with all these celebrities deaths?  It started with Betty White and it seems every day there’s one or two more beloved figures who are taken from us.  Peter Bogdanovich, John Madden, Sidney Poitier, Dwayne Hickman, and now Bob Saget.  

Saget’s was the biggest shock.  65 and seemingly fine the night before where he performed for two hours.  I met him once very briefly but didn’t know him at all.  However, going by my Facebook news feed, everybody who ever worked with him loved him and was devastated.  (I am also the only person on Facebook it seems who does not have a picture with him.)   

My newsfeed is a good indicator of how a celebrity was really received.  Most of my friends are industry professionals so these are people who know and worked with him.  And their accounts were all glowing.  

Trust me, when that’s not the case and the celebrity was a dick, the reactions are usually “Gee, that’s sad” or “Hunh.”  No testimonials, no photos — “I guess I’m obligated to acknowledge this so I am.”  

But people listed above were all admired, both for their graciousness as well as talent.  

The only one I knew personally was Dwayne Hickman.  For Boomers that must’ve been a gut punch because it’s yet another part of our childhood no longer with us.  Dwayne Hickman was Dobie Gillis.  

In the ’80s, Dwayne had left acting and was a current program executive at CBS.  He was our CBS rep on AfterMASH, and I know writers grouse about “suits,” but Dwayne was a pleasure to deal with.  You really got the feeling he was on your side.  And you could kid him about being Dobie Gillis.  Sometimes I’d call him Dobie, or if he gave a note I’d say, “I’m gonna kill that boy! (the dad’s catchphrase on DOBIE GILLIS).  

White and Poitier were in their 90’s.  Their deaths were sad, but they lived rich long lives.  Bob Saget however — 65 is way too young.  And as of this writing, the cause is still a mystery.

Like I said, what’s happening?  We haven't completed two weeks yet of this year. 

Weekend Post

A question I’m always asked is “how do you find a writing partner?”. I met mine in the army but I sure don’t recommend that method. The WGA has come up with a nifty idea. Speed Dating. Just like the social version with the same success rate of getting laid. Every so often the Guild sponsors evenings for writers looking for that perfect scribe mate. I’ve never been to one of course, but I imagine you hear some pretty wacky responses. As a public service, so you don’t make these gaffes, here are few of the responses I would NOT want to hear. (I'm sure you can think of some more yourself.)

Dennis Miller is funny now. He never used to be but he is now.

We can work at my place. I live in Bakersfield.


Hey, hey, don’t touch my Naomi Watts photos! They’re not bothering you.

I can work anywhere any time. In fact, if you’ve got a couch I could crash on, that would be sweet.

If I could go back and work on any classic sitcom from the past, it would have to be 2 BROKE GIRLS.

You would be…let’s see…my eighth partner.

I’m really good at editing. You pitch me ten ideas and I can tell you which is the good one.

It's nothing personal. I don't look anyone in the eye.

Do graphic comics count as books I’ve read?

Look, if you didn’t go to an Ivy school I don’t even know why we’re talking.

Everyone who’s read my script thought it wasn’t funny. That’s why I need a partner.

I do my best work between 2 and 4 A.M.

First things first -- who gets top billing?

Let’s work at my place. That way I can watch my twins. They just started walking!

You don’t remember? You slept with me at the Sundance retreat and never called me back, you shit!

I have a spec JOEY I could show you.

This rubber band? Whenever I start feeling this building smoldering rage my shrink says play with this rubber band. Does it bother you?

There’s a British version of THE OFFICE?

You have beautiful hair. Can I touch it?

Do you have a cigarette?

How long have I fucking been writing? Fuck knows. But I guess it was, fuck, I dunno, some fucking time around the end of last fucking year or some shit.

The only thing is… I don’t drive.

I took Robert McKee’s class twice. So I kind of see myself as an expert on story.

Would you take my hands and join me in a prayer?

Okay, well…if you’re here and I’m here it’s pretty clear our partnership isn’t working. 

Friday Questions

First FQ of the new year.  We’ve gone more days than last year already without an insurrection, so that’s good.  What’s your Friday Question?

marka is up first.

A director question. When you had an actor in their first role on a filmed show did you ever talk to them early in the week to give them advice, or clue them in to what was happening, or anything like that? Seems like the first time might be overwhelming, even if your only line was, "here's your soup, gentlemen.”

I assume you’re talking about guest actors who are hired specifically for that episode.  As a director I try to go out of my way to make them feel comfortable.  A big reason is that, for reasons I don’t fully understand, some casts are horrible to guest actors.  

I should pause here and say that MASH, CHEERS, BECKER, WINGS, and FRASIER could not have been nicer or more supportive.   But in my freelance directing days I would encounter certain regular casts who completely shunned any guest actor.  Maybe they were threatened or just had to flaunt their importance, but for whatever insecure reason they wouldn’t even talk to the guest actors.   

I have a lot of friends who are actors and I bet every one has a story or six that are just like this.  

And of course, the thing is, once their series is over, the regular cast is right back in the pool with the guest stars.  

Anyway, as a director, I believe actors do their best work when they’re comfortable.  So every actor in one of my shows gets my attention.  There's no hierarchy.

Keith R.A. DeCandido has a MASH question.

I was watching "Dear Sis," and I had the captions on, something I've started doing for pretty much everything the last couple of years, and the captions completely changed a line of dialogue for me.

When Winchester is waxing rhapsodic about the Christmases at the Winchester Family Estate in Beacon Hill, he mentions the servants standing the firelight -- I always thought he said they stood in "utter servility." But the captioning says, "utter civility," which, well, isn't as funny.

I don't suppose you recall what the line is from your position as executive script consultant way back in 1978? :)

I’m lucky I remember we did an episode called “Dear Sis.”  

No, I don’t remember.  That was a script that Alan wrote so we did less rewriting.  But whatever is the funniest interpretation — that’s the right one.

From Jay in NYC

On long running sitcoms which characters have developed the most over the run of the series. My choices are Radar in Mash, Penny in Big Bang and Rachel in Friends. Are there any others?

There are many others.  I would certainly put Hot Lips at the very top of that list.  The character, played beautifully by Loretta Swit, grew tremendously.  

Liz Lemon on 30 ROCK.  Daphne and Roz on FRASIER.  Norm and Cliff on CHEERS.  Robert on RAYMOND.  Certainly Bonnie on MOM.  I’m sure there are a hundred more.  Chime in, peeps!  

And finally, from Mike Bloodworth:

Once you started writing when did you realize that you could make a living at it?

When someone started paying me.  I know that sounds like a flip answer, but it’s actually true.  Once we sold our first script (a JEFFERSONS), were able to get into the WGA and secure a decent agent we were elevated to the ranks of working professionals.  We still had to parlay that into an actual career, but the fact that even one show recognized potential in us was a huge morale boosts.

EP256: Humbling Experiences in Hollywood

The minute you think you’re hot stuff in Hollywood, something comes along to knock you back down to size. Ken shares some of his more humbling awkward experiences.

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Licorice Pizza - My review

Usually I either love or hate Paul Thomas Anderson movies.  BOOGIE NIGHTS is one of my all-time favorite films.  THE PHANTOM THREAD may be the worst movie I ever saw.  I was relieved and delighted to find that I liked LICORICE PIZZA.  It wasn’t great, but I wasn’t screaming at the screen, which is a major plus for me in a PTA flick.  

I must say going in I was primed to like it.  A coming-of-age film set in the San Fernando Valley in the ‘70s — all that was missing was me on the radio at K100 during that time (that would have made the movie great.).  But Anderson really got the details right.  Vin Scully, Tail o’ the Cock, KMET billboards, the gas crisis, waterbeds, vintage cars, and phones you still had to dial — they were all represented.  There’s a scene at the Teenage Fair that was freaky in its authenticity (having been to many Teenage Fairs).  Ironically though, we never see a Licorice Pizza record store (still not as great an omission as "Beaver Cleaver" spinning the hits on K100).  

The lead actors were wonderful.  Anderson cast two unknowns, which may not help the box-office but sure added to the picture.  Alana Haim was fantastic — and so refreshingly REAL.  Cooper Hoffman (Phillip Seymour’s son) pulled off his difficult part with elan.  His dad would be proud.  But stealing the movie was Bradley Cooper as producer/asshole Jon Peters and Sean Penn as an Evil Knivel-type.  

The film is part AMERICAN GRAFFITI, part BOOGIE NIGHTS (without the porn or nudity -- I know -- the two best parts), and part CHARIOTS OF FIRE.  If you took out the scenes of Alana and Cooper running you’d shave an hour off the running time.  And shaving would have helped.  It runs 2 hours and 13 minutes.  Considering the story is very anecdotal and meandering, that length seems a ted indulgent.  There’s not enough story or suspense or scope to warrant that long a film — and this from a guy who loved being back in that world. 

Anderson presents a rather unique relationship — a 25 year-old girl and a 15 year-old boy.  (Thank God Woody Allen didn’t get his hands on this material.)  So it had to be treated with great sensitivity, which it was.  I was relieved that the story didn’t go in the SUMMER OF ’42 direction where the older woman sleeps with the callow youth.   The angst and joy and confusion of adolescence and young adulthood are more the focus, explored in small telling moments.  They too felt refreshingly real.

Visually, Anderson films are always handsome.  And he must’ve gotten a deal on dolly tracks because Alana and Cooper each got in their 10,000 steps.  

There are some funny moments in LICORICE PIZZA — notably with Bradley Cooper and considering everything else is deadly serious, I guess you could qualify this movie as a comedy.   There’s also a great soundtrack of the 70’s and some ‘60s but I wouldn’t call it a musical.  I’m sure Anderson doesn’t want it labeled a musical since no one wants to go to musicals these days.   (If Spielberg had a few hits from the ‘50s in WEST SIDE STORY and had Tony & Maria run from Soho to Harlem maybe more people would’ve seen it.)  

Anyway, I think you’ll enjoy this movie even if you’re not from the valley.  I'm hoping for a sequel set in 1977.  I was on TenQ then and sounded even better. 

King Richard: My Review

Wait.  Wrong King Richard

I was leery about KING RICHARD going in.  It’s about the Williams sisters and yet the focus is on the dad.  And it stars Will Smith who wants an Oscar more than Wile E. Coyote wants the Road Runner, and every year he stars in another prestige movie holding the Acme rocket launcher.  And every year Leo DiCaprio gets the nomination.  Beep beep!  

This year, however, I think he’s going to get it.  In KING RICHARD he gives his best performance and carries this movie to victory.  Although 2 1/2 hours, it managed to hold my interest.  Unlike LICORICE PIZZA, I don’t think I could cut out a half hour that easily.  KING RICHARD is a very standard biopic telling a linear story, but it works.  And along the way there are some terrific scenes.  You don’t have to love tennis to enjoy this movie.   Yes, it has that Hollywood studio feel-good “dreams can come true” pouring out of every frame of celluloid, but you know that the story is real.  And feels authentic.  There’s no RICARDO trickery where events are made up to accommodate the narrative.  Venus doesn’t win Wimbledon at twelve.  

Kudos to director Reinaldo Marcus Green and screenwriter Zach Baylin along with everyone in the cast.  Among the many standouts: Aunjanue Ellis, Saniyya Sidney, Demi Singleton, and Jon Bernthal.  But everyone was terrific.  

This is the kind of movie you don’t need to see in a theatre.  It’s tennis matches not epic space battles.  Your living room will be just fine.  But I recommend it.  Will Smith turned me around.  The Road Runner is in trouble this year. 

The I LOVE LUCY movie I would like to see

I was having a discussion last night with my son-in-law, Jonathan about BEING THE RICARDOS.  (If you missed my review, you can find it here.)  He brought out a great point — the take on the Ricardos we’d like to see.  

One problem with the movie as is that many have pointed out is that there’s nothing in it that we don’t already know.  Beyond that, there is a lot of stuff just made up.   Not to spoil anything, but the ending is utterly absurd, did not happen, and never in a million years would happen.  But we knew Lucy was accused of being a Communist, that CBS balked at Desi starring in the show, and further balked at doing a storyline of Lucy’s pregnancy. And we know that she was cleared of charges, Desi got the job, and the pregnancy storyline stayed in.  We also know that Desi was a womanizer, and that would cause a rupture in their marriage.   So in a sense there was no suspense other than would Lucy save the day by having the Mertz’s fall off the piano bench.  

But like Jon said, Desi created the whole multi-camera form.  Let’s see that.  How did he come up with it?  And why?   Most sound stages couldn’t accommodate a large audience.  How did Desi solve that?  Let’s see bleachers being built.  Let’s see how they overcame CBS’ objection to Desi.  They performed a vaudeville act, parts of which found its way into the I LOVE LUCY pilot.  Recreate that.  

But of course this leads to one of my big problems.  You can’t recreate Lucy comedy bits because Nicole Kidman can’t move her face and isn’t funny.  If a movie could demonstrate how Lucy approached these scenes and what she did to perfect them, that’s a movie I’d want to watch.  And that you can’t do with Nicole Kidman.  She’s a great actress, but comedy (and now expressions) are not her gift.   You need to find a young… well, Lucy.  Or even a young Carol Burnett.   Forget star power.  Lucy is special.  You have to find someone who’s special. 

I’m also not sure Sorkin would be the one to direct that.  There were moments in the movie that suggested he had no idea how a sitcom is filmed.  The director (who is maybe the most inept director ever) blocks a scene around a table with the Mertz’s back to the cameras.  It takes Lucy and it takes several days for her to figure out they should be facing the camera.  Uh… everyone on the set, including the craft services guy, knows you don’t seat people with their backs to the camera on a multi-camera show.  How are you going to shoot them?  You can’t swing the camera around because then the background would be the audience.  Now Sorkin could argue that the general public doesn’t know that, but it’s so egregious and so unnecessary that it looks embarrassing.    It’s one thing if a director doesn’t know the procedure of a medical operation; he’s not a doctor.  But blocking a sitcom scene?  If you’re directing a movie about sitcoms, I’m sorry but that you gotta know.   

(Believe me, if that happened in real life, the actors would IMMEDIATELY say that’s wrong.  The camera’s only on our backs.)  Factual note:  I LOVE LUCY used very few outside directors. Marc Daniels and Bill Asher directed most of them.  And they both knew what they were doing in spades.

Which brings me to my next point.  Authenticity.  There’s enough real fascinating stuff that you don’t have to fabricate the ending, or the mistreatment of her writers, or Lucy getting fired from RKO (didn’t happen that way) or that silly subplot where Lucy was trying to get Desi a producer credit because he was a proud Cuban who felt diminished in her shadow.  He owned the fucking studio!   He hired everyone on the crew.  He didn’t need a credit.  It was his show.  He owned it.   If he wanted a credit he could have just given himself one — any credit he chose.   Executive God: Desi Arnaz.   

And if Lucy wasn’t comfortable with the director he’d be fired.  As a freelance director myself, do you think I could force George Segal or Nathan Lane or Joan Plowright to do something they didn’t want to do?   That I’d be able to draw a line in the sand over a “hands-covering-eyes-guess-who-this-is” thirty second throwaway bit?  

Bottom line:  I LOVE LUCY pioneered situation comedy into an art form, and they had to literally invent it.  The format, the lighting, the audience, the rehearsal schedule, camera blocking — they invented it.   And seventy years later we’re still making shows the exact same way.  Wouldn’t you like to see that?   We all sort of know that Lucy was a tough broad.  We know Desi drank and slept around.  They got divorced.   Jon is right.  To better appreciate the genius and impact of I LOVE LUCY on popular culture and the evolution of television, show us how they did it.  His business savvy, her artistic brilliance.   This film should be made by someone who says I LOVE COMEDY.  

NOTE: The next two days I will be reviewing KING RICHARD and LICORICE PIZZA.  How’s that for an exciting teaser? 

Happy Better Year

I used to do an annual feature on this date.  I used to say “I hope (the upcoming year) is as good for you as (the current year) was for…”  and then I’d list all the people who won awards or celebrated big events or achievements.  It was as positive and hopeful a New Years greeting as I could write.  

I haven’t done that for the last couple of years.  It’s hard to wish any year since 2017 on anyone.  

I never understood the ritual of cheering a new year.  Who knows how the year will unfold?  Maybe the year you’re leaving behind was better.  But this year, I think we are all happy to — if nothing else — say goodbye to 2021.   We go into 2022 with our eyes wide open (well, some of us) — there’s a pandemic surge, Trump is not in handcuffs and leg irons, the Supreme Court is taking away our freedoms, and Republican congressmen are committing acts of high treason.  

But hopefully, with a White House that now cares and wants to do right by its citizens (what a concept), vaccines protecting those not stupid enough to shun them, the January 6 committee, criminal investigations in New York and Georgia, and Adele appearing in Vegas — there may be a glimmer or two of hope.   There was a year when World War II ended.  There was essentially a year when the Depression ended.  Same with the Spanish Flu, polio (oh wait… people weren’t morons — everyone took the vaccine), and Roseanne was fired.

So maybe this will be one of those years — or at least a turning point to lead to one of those years.  At this point, I think that’s the best we can hope for.  You don’t have to win awards or invent a new phone to have a great year.   If we’re all better off to any degree one year from today that’ll be worth celebrating.

Here’s wishing you and yours a happy and healthy New Year.

Ken

Betty White

So sorry to hear of the passing of Betty White, just weeks from her 100th Birthday.  Why are the good taken too soon?  

I never worked with her but did meet her on several occasions.  The last time was for a panel I moderated.  She was just a kid then — maybe 94.  We sat backstage beforehand and she was working a crossword puzzle.  We chatted a little.  She was sharp as a tack.  

My father actually knew her way better than me.  He was in local advertising in the early ‘50s and hired Betty on several occasions to do live TV commercials for him.  

No one I’ve ever met in the industry had a single bad word to say about Betty.  Everyone loved her.  She was nice, she was kind, she was professional, and ohmygod was she funny.  

Did you know she was literally the first woman on television?  In 1939 in an experimental broadcast she was the one on camera.  Fitting, no?

For more about this National Treasure, there’s a great new book out called BETTY WHITE: 100 Remarkable Moments in an Extraordinary Career by Ray Richmond.  You can find it here.  I really recommend it.  

Over the next few days I’m sure you’ll see tons of tributes and film clips.  I just want to add my appreciation.  She was the best that ever was.  

And what an almost poetic way to end this shitty year.  

RIP Betty.  May you now be reunited with Allen and after-live happily ever after.  

Friday Questions

Last Friday Questions of the year (if my math is correct).  What’s yours?

CJMiller starts us off.

What was your 9-5 job after radio? I don't remember you ever talking about it.

In 1975 I got a job teaching radio at the KIIS Broadcasting Workshop on the Sunset Strip.  This was one of those diploma mills — not that an actual degree in broadcasting was a gateway to anything.   

The school's big lure, which was pretty ingenious, was that the students could actually go on the air on KIIS-AM from 2-4 AM.  The station made way more money with this arrangement than if they had sold the time to sponsors, and the school had a perk no other broadcasting academy had.  Talk about OJT. 

The Workshop also provided assistance in making an audition tape and getting that elusive first job.  

I will say this, we had some pretty impressive people on the faculty.  Art Hannes, who had been the announcer on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW and was the original announcer on Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds.”  Also Gene Taylor, who had been a jock and then General Manager of WLS Chicago when they went rock n’ roll.  Lee Marshall, whose booming voice was heard on CKLW, KHJ, and KABC among others.  He also became the voice of World Federation Wrestling and then the voice of Tony the Tiger.  Gary Theroux was also there.  He wrote the syndicated “History of Rock n’ Roll and has done major market radio as well.

For me, the attraction was 9-5, Monday-Friday and that’s it.   It was my “survival job” as it’s now called.  My “real” job was writing spec scripts nights and weekends with David Isaacs and trying to break into the business.

Brian Phillips asks:

Do show "bibles" still exist? What were some of the good ones that you have seen?

Some shows might still have internal bibles, but I’m guessing not many.  Now that we have the internet, episode guides and loglines are readily available.  

MASH used to have a great one.  Each episode received a full page with a detailed description of what happened in the episode.   It was very helpful when we were trying to come up with stories to pitch.  We knew what had already been done.  

None of the other shows I worked on ever had a bible.  

From Kendall Rivers:

Now, I'm sure you've already been asked this at least a few times but I'm still gonna ask. About Alan Arbus' Sydney Freedman being such a beloved and popular character, do you know why he was never made a regular? You would think that what he brought to the show and how well he fit in with the cast that he would've eventually become a regular and frankly more Sydney could only have helped the show, especially its last few years.

We didn’t want his character to wear out his welcome.   We wanted audiences to be delighted when he made appearances, which was usually a couple of times a season.   Same with Colonel Flagg.  We made a point to use him only once a season.  We just didn’t want to go to that well too often.  He was very funny but the character was so extreme that a little went a long way.

There are some characters that are great if used in small doses.  Another was Harriett Harris as Frasier’s agent, “Bebe.”  

I’m not a TV historian, but I imagine it might go back to Hans Conried as “Uncle Tonoose” on THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW.  It was always a special treat when he appeared, but those appearances were doled out very carefully.   (And now I feel 100 years old.  Anyone else remember Uncle Tonoose?  See the photo at the top of this post.)

DyHrdMET closes it out for the year.

I follow a few YouTube channels that post old games for viewing/listening (some are TV broadcasts, some are radio broadcasts). Do you know if any of your broadcasts are available for public consumption?

I also follow a channel which posts some old radio commercials and bumpers, etc. Do you know if your anything from your radio DJ days is on the internet?

To my knowledge, none of my baseball games are online.  If someone finds one, please let me know. There are airchecks of my disc jockey days as Beaver Cleaver and later, Ken Levine on several radio aircheck websites like reelradio.com.   Consult your local Google.

Happy New Year.  Be safe tonight. 

Remembering 2021

As we end the year we look back and remember those we lost.  Award show tribute segments are always disappointing, incomplete, and half the time the honorees aren't even full screen.  

TCM put together their piece and it's truly beautiful. I also suspect it's fairly complete.  Take five minutes to remember those in the entertainment industry who brought so much joy and enrichment to our lives. 

RIP all of these wonderful people. 

 

BEING THE RICARDOS -- my review

I love Aaron Sorkin’s writing.  I wish I could do what he does.  When he is on his game I’m amazed someone can write that well and that deep that fast.  It almost seems like the brilliance is effortless.  What an extraordinary gift. 

But there’s one thing I can do that Sorkin apparently can’t and that is write comedy.  I’m certainly not saying it’s a better skill, just different.  But I think it drives Sorkin crazy.  (Not because of me specifically but all comedy writers.)   It’s the one club he can’t join.   Why it bothers him, I do not know.  His skill garners Oscars.  Mine —  $.02 residual checks.  

But it obviously does.  There’s a pattern.  We’ve seen it in STUDIO 60; we see it in BEING THE RICARDOS.  Comedy writers are always portrayed as talentless hacks that get the shit beaten out of them by smarter, better producers or actors.   Even in THE WEST WING, a show I adored, the president’s staff were enlisted to write jokes for the president because his assigned comedy writers were not funny. 

Sorkin takes every opportunity to belittle the writers.  At one point “Bill Frawley” says something amusing and writer Madelyn Pugh points out it was funnier than anything her partner, Bob Carroll has written.  Ouch!  And they're a team.  Why was that necessary?   It seems that any flashes of humor, from anyone in this movie, is put downs.  

Not being a member of the club, Sorkin has a somewhat distorted view of the sitcom process.  In his conception, as seen in both STUDIO 60 and certainly in BEING THE RICARDOS, the production of a comedy show is an utterly joyless endeavor.   Now, that’s not to suggest it’s a 24/7 party — it’s not.  It’s hard work, long hours, and lots of analysis as to what’s funny and what could make it funnier.  

But there’s also lots of laughter.  Even on bad shows.  You laugh every day.  You’re not doing O’Neill.  Are there actors who hate each other?  Yep.  Are there stars who make things unpleasant for everyone on the set?  You betcha.  But I want to tell you — the worse it is on the stage, the funnier it is up in the room.  The humor may be vicious as we blow off steam, but there are belly laughs.  When was the last time you had a belly laugh in your job?  

Now in the case of I LOVE LUCY, I was privileged to know two of the writers (not shown in the movie) — Bob Schiller & Bob Weiskopf.  They wrote on the show for years.  I heard plenty of Lucy stories.  I was envious of their experience.  I sure wouldn’t be if the process was as dreary as this film suggests. 

In BEING THE RICARDOS, only Lucy knows what’s funny.  Not the writers, not the milquetoast director, not the other actors, not the network.   Just Lucy.   And she operates in a tactless emasculating manner.   Sorkin tries to show that she was under a lot of pressure to justify this behavior, and it’s hard to justify when all the crises were lumped into one week that never happened.  It was a creative convention.  And I don’t fault him for that.  That’s just good storytelling — consolidate events to make one manageable narrative.  Sorkin takes a lot of creative license and liberty with the facts in all of his biopics (no one said "firewalls" in 1952 - they were invented 35 years later).  And I know it's a tricky dance.  The alternative is generally boring linear stories.  The trouble comes when you're dealing with real life individuals.  Juggling events or combining events to create a story is fine when the events themselves are truly depicted.  There are a few times in this film where that is not the case.  The ending, for example, never happened and is absurd. 

But getting back to the process, good sitcoms are collaborative.  I LOVE LUCY wasn’t just good; it was great.  Are there stars that have no respect for writers and run roughshod over them?   Hello Roseanne.  Hello Cybil.  Hello Bret.  And what happens?  The writers leave.  Actually they run.  But that wasn't the case here.  Shortly before her death Lucy did a commentary about I LOVE LUCY.  This is what she actually said: 

"Many times when we would review at the beginning of the season, they would say Viv and I ad-libbed our way through some mediocre writing.  They have since found out that that was ridiculous. They know how great our writers are because hundreds of people have copied from them. I have such respect for those kids, my writers I call ‘the kids,’ Bob and Madelyn.”

So that bothered me.  But I’m in the industry.  If you’re not in the industry, you might not be bothered by it at all.  There’s a lot to like in this film.  Javier Bardem stole the picture for my money. “I Love Desi.”  J.K. Simmons gave him a run for his money as Fred.  Nina Arianda was fantastic as Ethel.   As for Nicole Kidman, she's a gifted actress who gave it her all, but how do you cast someone who can't move her face to play Lucille Ball, who thrived on her many comic expressions?  There was nothing about Kidman's performance that even suggested this was a funny lady, much less the all-time queen of TV comedy. She got the voice down, and I appreciate that she tried to make the character real and not just an impersonation, but I'm sorry, if you're playing Lucy, moving your face is as signature as red hair.

Again, the pluses: For Sorkin fans like me, his signature whip-smart dialogue was all there.  Some great lines and speeches.  And these characters don’t all sound alike (although it would be fun if they did… if they all sounded like Desi).  

I guess I just felt a little hurt by the film.  As a proud comedy writer I felt lumped in with the writers who were portrayed as hack footstools.  Is that how Aaron Sorkin sees me?  It stings a little because I think the absolute world of him.   

Note:  If you're interested in the subject, I did a whole deep dive into the history of I LOVE LUCY on my podcast.  You can find that episode here. 

Exciting announcement

Well, I think it's exciting. My first cartoon is in this week's NEW YORKER.  I can now eat at the Algonquin.  Many thanks to Julia Suits, Emma Allen, and Colin Stokes.  It seems a talking mouse is a good way to start a cartooning career.  In a few weeks on my podcast I'll talk about my journey as a cartoonist. But for now, enjoy.  

Is it just me?

As we are knee-deep in the travel season, I wonder whether I’m neurotic or normal.  

I’m on a flight (this was before the latest COVID surge).  The plane lands.  Everyone is trying to get off.  If I’m up front and have a bag in the overhead compartment, I can not get it out fast enough.  Why?  Because I am aware that this procedure is holding up 150 people, and that drives me CRAZY.  Who am I to inconvenience 150 people?  

And yet, I wonder — am I the only one who thinks like that?   Because I see folks take their sweet time, adjust their hair, finish their text, and slowly extricate their bag as if they had all the time in the world.  

Well, you might say it’s only another thirty seconds.  But thirty seconds here and twenty seconds there and passengers in the back of the plane get off ten minutes later.  Should they be trying to make a connection those ten minutes could be key.  

Same is true when I’m ordering something at Starbucks and there’s a long line behind me.  I figure my order beforehand, have my credit card ready, and complete the transaction as fast as I can.  I don’t get to the counter and then look up at the menu.  I don’t ask seventeen questions.  I don’t pay in pennies and meticulously count them out.  I don’t change my order four times.  

Now I recognize that this could just be my own OK Boomer hang up.  I should just chill.  This is merely the new normal.  But I’m the guy you want to be on the plane with or in front of you in line.  Hopefully I'm not the only one.

A Mommy Dearest Merry Christmas to you all!

 May your family have as wonderful a Christmas as Joan Crawford's.

All About (Christmas) Eve

Friday Questions were on Wednesday this week.  But today is Christmas Eve.

You would think that being Jewish on Christmas Eve I would feel left out. Actually I love Christmas Eve. Here are two reasons why:

The first is an excerpt from my book, THE ME GENERATION… BY ME (GROWING UP IN THE ‘60s) – the perfect last minute gift.

On Christmas Eve, (my brother) Corey and I went to Disneyland. This is a secret only Jews know: Disneyland is empty on Christmas Eve. Practically all Christians are preparing for the big day so the park is wide open. No lines for anything. And when they have the big Christmas parade down Main Street there’s maybe twelve people watching it. In 24 hours they’ll be hanging on the light poles, but on December 24, the Magic Kingdom was ours.

The other great thing about Christmas Eve for me was that back in my disc jockey days I always worked that night (along with Christmas). In addition to making double-time for the long shifts ($5.00 an hour in Bakersfield! Multiply that by eight hours and suddenly I’m rich!!), the jocks who I substituted for always owed me. At one station the program director got the brilliant idea that it would be a great stunt for me to ride a rollercoaster for six hours. One of my fellow jocks graciously “volunteered” to go in my place. He grumbled to me that it wasn’t a fair trade-off and I said waa waa. “I had to play The Little Drummer Boy every 45 minutes,” I replied. “At least you’re allowed to throw up.”

But I generally enjoyed those shifts because I knew no one in management was ever listening. In between Brenda Lee and Nat King Cole Christmas standards I was out of control. Howard Stern woul’ve said “Jesus, man, tone it down.”   

 

Whatever your plans are, have a safe and happy Christmas Eve. I’ll probably be at a Chinese restaurant.

All I Want for Christmas...

No new podcast episode this week.  I'm taking a break until the new year.  But instead, I have a treat.  I love the Mariah Carey song, "All I Want for Christmas is You."  But did you know there's an even better version?  Enjoy.

Friday Questions on Wednesday

Since Friday is Christmas Eve and everyone has better things to do, this week's Friday Questions will be on Wednesday.  I hope that doesn’t throw your schedule too out of whack.

Philly Cinephile starts us off:

Ken, I have a Friday question about billing, although I think you've discussed this before. Each December, I watch a favorite made-for-TV movie called HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS. It features several well-known actors and this is how they are listed in the opening credits. Each name and descriptor is shown by itself, centered on the screen.

Starring Sally Field
Jill Haworth
Guest Star Julie Harris
Special Guest Star Eleanor Parker
Special Appearance by Jessica Walter
And Walter Brennan as "Benjamin Morgan"
Co-starring John Fink
Featuring Med Flory

Do these various descriptors have specific, set meanings? What distinguishes a "Special Guest Star" from an ordinary "Guest Star"? Does listing the name of an actor's character carry a certain cachet? And why does poor Jill Haworth have no descriptor?

I'm imagining lengthy contract negotiations over billing…

Lengthy and INSANE.  Each actor wants some special recognition so these credits such as “and…” or “guest star”  were created.  

Size of the credit is an issue, placement on the screen is an issue, order is an issue.  

Then when you have three or four stars all jockeying for special recognition it gets ridiculous.  Glad I don’t have to negotiate those deals.

From thomas tucker:

What are the table readings for, and what are they like? Is it to work out timing, try out new lines, and are the lines said the way they will be when the cameras are rolling? What happens during those table readings? Inquiring minds want to know!

A table reading is when all the actors sit around a table and just read the script out loud.  This is done at the beginning of any production — TV, plays, movies.   Usually writers, the director, key crew members and executives are in attendance.

It gives everyone involved a chance to hear the script from start to finish.  It’s a great tool for writers.  We learn a lot from table readings.  Does the story work?  Does it track or get confusing?  Is it too long?  Are some characters underwritten?  Or overwritten?  In the case of a comedy, do the jokes work? 

Table readings give us a real jump on polishing the script.  

jcs asks:

I started to systematically watch all SEINFELD episodes a few weeks ago. Pretty soon it became clear to me that Jerry Seinfeld is the weakest actor of the ensemble. He proved himself to be a grandmaster of creating and polishing hilarious dialogues, but he has less range, displays less emotional depth and often can be seen on the verge of corpsing. To his credit, Jerry Seinfeld admitted in at least one interview that he possessed less acting skills than his three colleagues. - Should he have done what Carl Reiner did in THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW and handed his almost autobiographical role to a more talented thespian?

It’s hard to argue with success and SEINFELD with Jerry as the lead proved to be a mega hit.  

Although Jerry is not a great actor, he certainly set the tone of the show.  Not sure anyone else could.   

Also, give him credit for really allowing the ensemble to shine.  The Rob Petrie part was key to that series.  Jerry’s character didn’t have that pressure on him.  

I think Jerry made the right call.   And I’m sure he’s relieved that I think so.  

And finally, from Wild Bill Hagy:

There's a new podcast out about the rumor around Baltimore that Carl Ripkin once had them cut the lights in Camden Yards because he would have lost his consecutive game streak. The reason he would miss the game is because he just beat up Kevin Costner for sleeping with his wife.

Thoughts on this old story?

As someone who was associated with the Baltimore Orioles I can tell you that story is absolute bullshit. 

Don’t believe a word you hear on podcasts… except mine.

What’s your Friday Question (or Wednesday Question if you post it today)?

How is this idiot on the air?

If you listen to my podcast this week I play several classic comedy bits.  One is the iconic Abbott & Costello "Who's On First?" routine.  

Well, Fox News with Laura Ingraham do a real-life version.  It's both hilarious and horrifying to think that this person is allowed on the air and that millions of morons actually believe the nonsense she says.  But then it's Fox News.  Check it out.  This is for real. 

Where were you in May, 2012?

I try to do this once a month now.  Since readers rarely go back into the archives (and I've done well over 6,000 posts), I thought I'd re-post Friday Questions from many years ago.  This one is from May 2012.  Some of the answers I give are still valid.  

71dude is first up.

Were you and David invited to work on the "MASH" finale?

No. But at the time we were co-producing CHEERS and they had a very large staff at MASH.  We didn't feel slighted in the least.   Had we been asked we wouldn't have been able to do it. 

The way that final MASH script was written was fascinating. It got broken down into half-hour portions and divided up among the writers or teams of writers. Those writers would then co-write their section with Alan Alda. And trust me, that final episode was long enough without adding another half hour for me and David.

Jim S. asks:

Have you ever called a game that went down in the history books? What's it like to call a game that has the potential to make history. Are you more nervous, do you get charged up more? (I guess that's like 18 questions, but you get my point?)

I’ve called two no-hitters, the last game at Memorial Stadium in Baltimore, the first game at Jacobs Field in Cleveland, the Padres winning a division championship, a triple-play, a balk-off win, and was there the day Glenn Davis made three errors on the same play. Talk about a “bobble” head.

I’m both charged and nervous. The beauty of baseball is that those big moments are deliciously suspenseful (except the Glenn Davis one) so I always feel my job is to just describe what’s happening and let the drama take care of itself. I try not to get too excited or hype the situation too much.

When I called the first game at Jacobs Field (now Progressive Field) I was alone on the radio for the Mariners describing the scene – all the pregame pomp and circumstance, President Clinton throwing out the first pitch, the stadium decorations, presentations, etc. Little did I know, CBS radio picked up our feed and I was actually broadcasting worldwide on the CBS radio network and the Armed Forces Radio Service. Thank God I didn’t know. I probably would have been so petrified I’d sound like Porky Pig.

From Jim S. to James P.:

In re-watching Cheers, I noticed that Diane was mentioned infrequently after she left. However, in the 10th and 11th seasons, she came up pretty frequently, the point where in the last season, she was being mentioned every few episodes.

My theory is that you guys wanted to minimize references to the character after she left to let viewers get accustomed to Rebecca on her own terms. But when you were planning the finale, you realized Diane returning would make for a great end and wanted to foreshadow that. Any thoughts?

What we found was that when Diane was mentioned it always got a laugh. So it became a running joke. She jilted Frasier at the altar and he couldn’t let it go.

That said, we only did it sparingly, not wanting to beat the joke into the ground.  And they were not in preparation for the finale.  At the time, we didn't know when the finale would be, whether Diane would be involved, or if Shelley was even interested and available. 

But that’s when you know a show has really arrived – when you can get character laughs from characters who are no longer even there.


From DouglasG:

Any recollections of the actress Rachel Roberts? She met such a tragic end, but was a gifted comedic (Foul Play)and dramatic actress (Picnic at Hanging Rock.

Rachel Roberts played the nanny on THE TONY RANDALL SHOW. She was a wonderful British actress. At one time she was married to Rex Harrison.

She had a lovely subtle way of giving us notes. I remember one time she questioned some activity David and I gave her to do. She approached us and in the sweetest voice possible said, “So what is my motivation here, darling? I’m an out-patient?”

I still miss her.

From Paul:

You have such an interesting background. From DJ, to Hollywood big-wig (IMO), to MLB broadcaster. Quick question, did you pick the Mariners or did the M's pick you? How did that process work?

I was broadcasting for the Baltimore Orioles in 1991. We were finishing a road trip in Kansas City and heading home to host a series with Seattle.

The Mariners got into town early and their great announcer, Dave Niehaus, had a transistor radio and was listening to my broadcast from KC while in the bus heading to the hotel. Very fortunately for me, he really liked what he heard.

When there was an opening that Fall he remembered, called me, and invited me to apply. I did immediately. So in a sense they came to me and I came to them.  Thank goodness they did. 

Weekend Post

 One of the many reasons I became a writer is that I got tired of being fired as a disc jockey. Today marks the 47th anniversary of the last time I signed off my show with “see you tomorrow” and was never heard from again.

1974, I’m Beaver Cleaver on KSEA, San Diego, playing “The Night Chicago Died” and “Billy Don’t Be a Hero” five times a night and seriously considering blowing my brains out. Yes, I know – why “Beaver Cleaver”? Ken Levine sounded too Jewish.

The fall rating book came out, the numbers were not good, and at 3:00 I was told to hurry down to the station for an all-important staff meeting at 4:00. We all assembled and were told the station had decided to change formats to gospel and we were all being let go. “Even me?” I said in mock amazement. “Especially you.” “But I could change my name to Eldridge Cleaver.” “I’m going to need your station key”.

Quick aside: a year earlier at KMEN San Bernardino they wanted to get rid of me by moving me from the evening shift to the all-night show. The cheap bastards were hoping I’d quit so they wouldn’t have to pay severance (maybe $300 at most) and be on the hook for unemployment insurance. I asked the program director to at least do the humane thing and fire my sorry ass. “Nope”, he said, “Starting tonight you’re midnight to six.” So I stopped off at the local record store, picked up an LP, and dutifully reported on time for my shift.

Like KSEA, we were a high energy Top 40 station. (Our program director was in love with WLS whose slogan was “the Rock of Chicago” so we became the much catchier “Rock of the Inland Empire”.) I signed on and started playing the hits. Then at 12:30 segued smartly into FIDDLER ON THE ROOF….in Yiddish. The entire album. I was fired during “Anatefka”.

Back to the KSEA staff meeting -- Our morning man, Natural Neil asked when this format change was taking place. A month? A week? The program director looked at his watch and said “45 minutes”. And with that we were all canned. KSEA was gone…along with the promotion we were running at the time --

“Christmas the way it was meant to be!”

That was it for me.  Another station in San Diego offered me a job that day and I turned it down.  It was time to go to LA to starve.  I moved home, got a 9-5 job to pay the rent, and David Isaacs and I began writing script after script.  I was officially a writer -- okay, an out-of-work with no guarantee of ever getting work writer.  But I was loving it.  This was what I meant to do. 

Friday Questions

8 more days till Christmas.  Stuff your stockings with Friday Questions.

Jeremy Buechner is up first.

In “Goodbye Radar” part two, is it true you named Radar’s love interest after one of your exes? And is it true they wanted to have a goodbye for you and your writing partner in the credits?

The answer to the first question is yes.  Named after one of my former girlfriends, Patty Haven. 

The second answer is no.  And that’s fine because usually when they do that it’s usually because the person died.

Steve Lanzi has a question about spec scripts.

How many scripts would you recommend I have in the can and ready to show people, before looking for an agent?

At least two.  If the agent likes the script he/she reads, his/her first question will be “what else do you have?”    

That goes for TV or screenplays.

For TV, have an original pilot and a spec from an existing show.  If you’re doing comedy, you might want to have three scripts — a pilot, a spec for an existing single-camera show, and a spec for an existing multi-camera show.  Having two pilots (one of each) is also not a bad idea.

Actually, the more scripts you have, the better.  If you write three pilots chances are the third one will be better than the first.  

Remember, you only have one chance to make a first impression.  Make sure your scripts are as good as they can be and make sure you proofread them fifteen times.  

Good luck.

From Liggie:

I saw this article stating that movie dialogue has become increasingly hard to understand in recent years. Although there may be stylistic reasons for hard-to-decipher dialogue, like Altman's overlapping lines, the article cites a lot of technical reasons for this. Primarily, the emphasis has been so much on visuals that the sound crew can't get their mics close enough to the actors to properly record the actor's voices, and there's only so much sound editing software can do with subpar source material. Have you found this dialogue comprehension to be an issue, and how did you manage the sound crew's operations when you were showrunning?

Personally, I was a stickler on that because for comedy the audience has to be able to clearly hear every word.  If the sound wasn't good we did it again. 

I also see no excuse for incomprehensible dialogue in movies.  I think it’s a cop out that they can’t place the mics closer to the actors.  And they can always loop later.  

Producers and directors and actors know the script so often times the words are clear to them.  But for the audience they’re sometimes not.  And “sometimes” is becoming prevalent.   You shouldn’t have to utilize the Closed Caption feature for English speaking programs.  

And finally, Mike Bloodworth asks:

When did you officially decide to be a comedy writer? That is when did it become more than just a whim or fantasy.

Almost 47 years ago to the day.   Tune in tomorrow for the full story.  

EP255: Classic Comedy Routines

Ken features some remarkable comedy routines featuring Richard Pryor, Albert Brooks, Bob & Ray, Steven Wright, Abbott & Costello, and a surprise. NOTE: Some very explicit language (hey, it’s Richard Pryor). End the year with laughter.

Get 20% off your first order at https://dadgrass.com/HOLLYWOOD

More podcasts at WAVE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/artist/wave-podcast-network/1437831426

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

What's the story with WEST SIDE STORY?

So far, Steven Spielberg’s WEST SIDE STORY is a box-office flop.  Now it’s only been one week, and there have been holiday movies that started slow and picked up over time so it’s too early to proclaim it HEAVEN'S GATE, but it’s certainly not what the industry expected.  

And now Hollywood is scrambling to figure why so few people have gone to see it so far.  Especially since the reviews and the audience reaction has been fantastic.  By all accounts, Spielberg achieved everything creatively he set out to do.  And this is a guy who knows how to make a movie.

One reason could be that a large percentage of the audience that would want to see this still isn’t comfortable going into a movie theater.  I fall into that category.  At some point it’ll be on a streamer or On Demand and I’ll see it then.  (Or I get sent a screener, hint hint.) I very much want to see it, but I can wait.   It’s not like everyone is talking about it and I don’t want to be left out.  Other than concerned industry folk, no one is talking about it.  

WEST SIDE STORY is a classic to those of us who grew up with it.  But I wonder if it has the same cache to those who haven’t.  Other than theatre-geeks, do younger generations give a shit about a musical about young people that was written over sixty years ago?  No one gave a crap about IN THE HEIGHTS, and that was more contemporary and about similar subject matter.   Of course this question is clouded by IN THE HEIGHTS being a bad movie.  WEST SIDE STORY is supposed to be good.  

Did TICK TICK…BOOM! steal its thunder?  TICK TICK…BOOM! was terrific and available for streaming.  Had audiences gotten their musical adaptation fix?  

Hollywood is VERY worried.  Why?  They have other big budget musicals currently in production… including a two-part WICKED.  WEST SIDE STORY cost $100 million.  This genre becomes a big gamble, especially since no one flies or wears a cape.   Which brings me to another issue, will the only movies that do well in theaters be CGI comic book explodaramas?   (Ironically, the big tentpole blockbuster began with JAWS… directed by Steven Spielberg.)

What are your thoughts?  Have you seen it?  Do you want to see it?   Would you see it in a theater if Natalie Wood was still in it?

Beatles and MASH

If you haven’t seen the documentary, THE BEATLES: GET BACK on Disney +, I highly recommend it.  It’s six hours and worth it except when Yoko Ono pathetically tries to sing.  Any animal who wailed like that would be put out of their misery.  It would be an act of humanity. 

But I digress...

The game plan changed during the rehearsal period (they were originally going to do a TV special), but for the first couple of weeks they rehearsed in a cavernous soundstage in London.  Also present was the camera crew making the documentary, Yoko (ugh!), construction crews for the movie that was going in after the Beatles left, the sound and lighting crew, technicians setting up recording equipment, George Martin, various record executives, girlfriends Peter Sellers dropping by, and a couple of Hari Krisnas.  

Somehow the Beatles had to write and learn new songs in the middle of all this commotion.  Eventually they moved to their Apple recording studio and were so much more comfortable.  But for a couple of weeks it was like rehearsing in the food court of the Mall of America.  

I thought to myself — I would be so self-conscious.  I couldn’t possibly work that way.  And then I remembered, I did work that way.  Every week for several years.

This goes back to MASH.

Production of each episode would begin with a rehearsal day.  We’d have a table reading of the script on the stage and then the director and cast would go from set to set and block each scene.  David Isaacs and I would then be summoned to watch the scene, and based on that we did the rewrite.   Our office was a five-minute walk to the stage and it usually took about twenty minutes to stage and rehearse a scene.  

So by the time we’d walk back to the office it was pretty much time to walk back to the stage.

What we decided to do instead was just rewrite the script on the stage.  We could work in twenty minute chunks and then go watch the next scene.  So it was somewhat like what the Beatles experienced.   There was the cast and crew and sometimes swing sets were brought in and constructed and extras were milling about.  There was plenty of constant activity.

Meanwhile, David and I would grab a table in the Mess Tent and do our rewrite.  

But…

It was just the two of us.  We were somewhat off to the side.  And more importantly, no one was watching us.  Watching the Beatles sing three feet away from you is way exciting than two writers staring at each other trying to come up with a Father Mulcahy line.  

Still, ideal conditions they were not.  And from time to time an extra or crew person would sit at our table, which was off-putting.  But we didn’t want to be assholes and tell him to move.  But very little work got done on those occasions.   It’s somewhat stifling to write comedy with a Teamster maintenance guy listening in and eating a breakfast burrito.   What I wouldn’t have given to be able to sing “Get Back!”  

So I give the Beatles credit.  They turned out some great work under horrible conditions.  But I’d still like to see 'em come up with a killer joke for Father Mulcahy. 

Riffing with the Beatles

A couple of additional thoughts about the documentary, THE BEATLES: GET BACK (available on Disney +) — one today and one tomorrow:  

I’m always fascinated by the creative process.  There are segments of GET BACK where you see Paul and John write and finish songs.  Notably, “Get Back” where they’re trying out different lyrics and building the song as they go along.  I’m sure students of lyric writing would be horrified, but hey, it sure worked for them.  

They also did a lot of tweaking of their arrangements along the way.  And in between we see a lot of them riffing.  They’ll just start singing some Chuck Berry song or imitate Canned Heat.  They’ll break into a chorus of one of their songs, goofing on it.   I’m sure it keeps them loose and helps them stay energized.  

In many ways, the riffing is integral to the process.  

The same is true in comedy writing rooms.  We’ll go off on a tangent, someone will do a bit or improv a character, or we start pitching truly offensive things that the characters would never actually say but we wish they could.  

Yes, it stops the process of writing the script (and we don’t go home until it’s finished even if that means 6 AM), but it generates laughter, keeps the room fun, and helps relieve the pressure (of knowing we might not be done until 6 AM).   

Those “breaks” are necessary.  And often they lead to ideas that do go into the script or, in their case, into the song.  

Whatever differences the Beatles had among themselves (and the documentary shows that there were plenty) all of that disappeared when they spontaneously launched into some old Drifters tune.   They were all on the same wavelength.  It was wonderful to see.

I’ve described a comedy writing room as seven cats all fighting for the same ball of yarn.  To say that there are a variety of personalities and neuroses is an understatement.   But everyone joining in on some truly appalling subject, making us all laugh like idiots at 2 AM, helps meld the minds.  

The trick is to just play a few bars of a goofy song, or two or three minutes of a room bit — not 45 minutes.   From what I saw on documentary, the Beatles were better at that than we were.  

Another thought comparing the Beatles process to our writing process tomorrow.