Jack Lord works in mysterious ways

This is the audition from a pilot we wrote (and eventually got on the air), BIG WAVE DAVE’S. It starred Adam Arkin as Marshall, David Morse as Dave, Patrick Breen as Richie, and Kurtwood Smith as Jack. This was the audition scene for Jack. Tomorrow I will share the story of a certain actor who came in one day and read for this part. I will put this casting story up against anyone’s. Enjoy the scene and return for the story.

INT. BIG WAVE DAVE’S – DAY

THE DOOR OPENS AND AN ITENERANT BEACH-TYPE NAMED JACK ENTERS, CARRYING A BANGED-UP DAVE OVER HIS SHOULDER.

JACK IS SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDST OF MIDDLE AGE. HE WARS A TEE-SHIRT, SHORTS AND THONGS, AND HIS HAIR IS PULLED BACK INTO A PONYTAIL. HE HAS A KIND OF WILD LOOK IN HIS EYE.

JACK

Where do you want him?

MARSHALL

(indicating anywhere) Dave, are you okay?

JACK SETS DAVE DOWN ON A CHAIR.

DAVE

I’m in some pain. But it’s a good pain. It’s a pain that says “you’re on this earth and you’re living”… It’s the numbness in my hand I’m more worried about.

JACK WALKS OVER TO THE COOLER, INSPECTS THE CONTENTS AND PULLS HIMSELF OUT A COLD DRINK.

JACK

Twenty years on the beach and it’s always the same. Another bunch of Malahinis – total newcomers. You just keep coming.

MARSHALL

And you are?

JACK

Jack Lord.

MARSHALL

No. Really.

JACK

That’s my name…now.

MARSHALL

So, what have you done to the real Jack Lord?

JACK

I just took his name. It’s not uncommon for the people of Hawaii to adopt a name from royalty.

MARSHALL

Jack Lord?

JACK

He’s the biggest thing to ever hit this island. I met him twice, shook his hand. He told me to hang loose, and that’s all I’ve been doing for twenty years.

JACK DOWNS HIS FULL BOTTLE OF SODA IN ONE FRIGHTENINGLY QUICK SWIG. MARSHALL AND DAVE LOOK AT EACH OTHER AS IF TO SAY: “WHO IS THIS GUY?”

RICHIE

Y’know, they say this area is filled with people who have just dropped out. They live on the beach or back in the hills. Apparently, a lot of them are psychos, but others are just like you or me.

MARSHALL

Yeah, if you’d spent the last twenty years smoking grass and drinking sterno.

THERE’S A QUICK BOLT OF LIGHTENING AND THE SOUND OF THUNDER, FOLLOWED BY A PELTING OF TROPICAL RAIN. THE THREE GUYS REACT.

JACK

There he is, right on time. Kampua’a, the God of rain. That’s Hawaiian. I suggest you get on some kind of good terms with him. He didn’t like the previous owner, ole’ Pipeline Paul. I think it rained every day of the year Paul owned this place. I guess we’ll have to see how he feels about you boys.

A LEAK DROPS INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE WITH A PING, PING, PING, DEVELOPING QUICKLY INTO A STEADY STREAM.

JACK

Whoa, instant dislike.