Room Service 3

The plot thickens. Here’s more of the scene from the “Room Service” episode of FRASIER that David Isaacs and I wrote. The entire second act was one scene, more like a play.

INT. LILITH’S HOTEL ROOM/BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS

NILES IS HIDING IN THE BATHROOM. LILITH ANSWERS THE DOOR FOR FRASIER.

LILITH

Hello, Frasier. What are you doing here?

FRASIER

Surrendering, Lilith.

FRASIER ENTERS. HE HEADS TOWARDS LILITH AND TRIES TO KISS HER.

LILITH

But Frasier –

FRASIER

Oh, don’t punish me because I played hard to get last night. It took everything I had to resist you.

LILITH

But Frasier, this is wrong.

FRASIER

Who cares? Can you honestly say when you were lying in bed last night you weren’t thinking about me?

LILITH CONSIDERS A MOMENT.

LILITH

Yes.

FRASIER

Oh, drop the mask, Lilith. We both know why you came to Seattle. We both know why you dressed so enticingly last night.

FRASIER HEARS THE TOILET FLUSH.

FRASIER

Is someone in your bathroom?

LILITH

No, it’s a …defective toilet. Did that all last night. I’d better check it.

LILITH DASHES INTO THE BATHROOM.

INT. BATHROOM

NILES IS SITTING ON THE TOILET, ASLEEP. THEY TALK IN WHISPERS.

LILITH

Niles!

NILES

(startled awake)

Yes?

LILITH

You fell asleep and flushed the toilet.

NILES

Damn. Is he still here?

LILITH

Yes.

NILES

What does he want?

LILITH

He wants to make love to me.

NILES

Does the man have no scruples? He specifically asked me last night to keep him away from you and then the minute my back is turned he sneaks over here and yes, I’m aware of the irony.

LILITH

I’ll just ask him to leave.

INT. HOTEL ROOM

LILITH RETURNS. FRASIER HAS REMOVED HIS CLOTHES AND IS NOW IN A BATHROBE.

LILITH

Oh dear God.

FRASIER

Oh, drop this charade, Lilith – you’re not even convincing.

LILITH

I think I’m going to be sick.

FRASIER

Well, that had a ring of truth to it…

THERE’S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.

WAITER (OC)

Room service.

LILITH

Go away.

WAITER (OC)

I have your ketchup, Ma’am.

LILITH

Not necessary.

WAITER (OC)

Okay, but I need the bill.

LILITH

Later.

FRASIER

Let’s just take care of this.

FRASIER OPENS THE DOOR. THE WAITER ENTERS WITH A BOTTLE OF KETCHUP. DURING THE FOLLOWING THE WAITER NOTICES THERE’S A DIFFERENT MAN IN A BATHROBE.

WAITER

Sorry to disturb you. Here’s your ketchup… Sorry it took so long.

LILITH, WHO’S STANDING BEHIND FRASIER, SIGNALS THE WAITER NOT TO SAY ANYTHING.

WAITER

I’ll still need the bill. Where’s the cart?

LILITH

In the bathroom.

FRASIER

Why is the breakfast cart in the bathroom?

LILITH

Uh…I was going to take a hot bath while I ate.

FRASIER

Still, Lilith…food in the bathroom?

LILITH

Be back in a second.

LILITH GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.

FRASIER

This is a little embarrassing. My ex-wife. We’re sort of reconnecting.

WAITER

Yes, Sir. That’s wonderful.

FRASIER

And who knows? It might work out this time.

WAITER

Ohh-kay.

LILITH COMES BACK WITH THE BILL.

LILITH

There you go. There’s a generous, generous tip there for you.

WAITER

Thank you, Ma’am.

FRASIER

Listen, while you’re here, would you please bring me up some eggs Benedict? Silly for her to eat alone.

WAITER

Ohh-kay.

THE WAITER EXITS.

FRASIER

Now where were we?

LILITH

Look, I don’t think it’s a good time for this.

FRASIER TAKES LILITH’S HANDS.

FRASIER

Why not, my darling? We’re here. We’re finally alone. You need your Frasier.

FROM THE BATHROOM WE HEAR A LOUD CRASH AS THE BREAKFAST CART GOES OVER.

FRASIER

(crossing to the bathroom) What the hell was that?

LILITH

Frasier, stop. Don’t go in –

THE CONCLUSION TOMORROW.