Swan Lake Michigan

Back home from Chicago, the Windy City, the Big Shoulders, the Hog Butcher to the World. Had a great trip. Only one person almost died but more about that later.

For 75 years Northwestern University has put on the
”Waa Mu Show”, a gala Broadway type review completely written, directed, and performed by students. Alums include Warren Beatty (who appeared in the first), Shelley Long (who apparently brought the house down in ’69), Lloyd Thaxton (the Ernie Kovacs of TV dance show hosts), and Steve Stark, now an executive at Gramnet Productions. This year our daughter, Annie wrote several of the comedy sketches and I’m happy to report they killed. All in all, a very impressive show. These kids can sing and dance and sure, most will wind up waiters and waitresses at Joe Allen’s but a few will make it big. Did I mention Steve Stark was a former member?

The trip started off as most American Airlines trips do – with a screw up. They had no record of our payment for the flights although they had sent us confirmation. But since we are valued Platinum members they let us purchase the tickets we purchased already again.

On to Chicago and then Evanston and another lesson learned. Don’t book rooms off Expedia. Com. Hotels allot them the worst ones. At the Orrington, we were given the wheelchair access room. The peep hole, all the door handles, and clothing rods were much lower than normal. It was like being in the Munchkinland Marriott. The bathroom had no divider for the shower so you’d turn on the water and flood the bathroom floor. Thank God there were hand rails everywhere. Room amenities included a hair dryer, iron, coffee maker, and can of WD-40. The featured movie on their pay-per-view was (I kid you not) THE RINGER about the Special Olympics. I’m surprised their Hollywood Classics category didn’t feature COMING HOME.

Chicago is the city of “nice”. Everyone is so friendly. At first it’s very disconcerting. Then you feel yourself appreciating it and wishing everyone was more like that. Then you realize it’s just plain creepy.

One out of four Chicago homes have ceramic swans on their front lawn. Why??? Maybe the first guy put one out, his neighbor was too nice to say how tacky and ridiculous it looked, so as not to hurt his feelings he put one out too. This was then repeated 2.6 million times.

Didn’t get to Gino’s East or Wrigley’s South this trip. Next time for sure. Chicago has the best pizza and baseball in the world.

Even though the White Sox won the World Series last year and are playing great ball again this season, every cap you see is for the Cubs. Maybe the White Sox should change their name to the Chicago Lawn Swans.

Spotted in Skokie: a pod mall that featured “Lovers Lane”- romantic gifts” and a medical services storefront. For your before and after needs.

The 70’s are still alive in the Midwest. Saw a commercial for “Sybaris pool suites”. After stopping by Lovers Lane and picking up your vibrating swan you and that someone special can rent a private pool or hot tub, relax, watch BOOGIE NIGHTS, and forget that sixteen other naked couples have already been in that room today.

We couldn’t have timed the trip better. This was “Gun Buy Back” weekend in Chicago.

Cigarette lighters must no longer be permitted on flights because at the O’Hare security checkpoint there were 50 of them. However, it’s okay to board a plane with an open bottle of Scotch. Sure. What harm could glass do??

It drizzled for two days, which is only significant in that it crippled O’Hare airport. Since O’Hare operates normally at 97% capacity, all it takes are three raindrops to completely ensnarl air traffic. Another airport has been proposed to share the load but the site is forty miles south of the Loop, coincidentally near the residence of former Illinois Governor George Ryan who was just convicted on 22 counts of racketeering and fraud. There are some Chicago traditions that never change.

So even though the sprinkles stopped at 2:00 our 7:00 PM flight left at 10:20. The movie was RUMOR HAS IT dubbed into Spanish. And snack boxes are $4.00 and include crackers. American Airlines say they know we have a choice in air travel but they must think that only other choice is Uzbekistan Airways.

Then an hour into the flight a woman two rows directly in front of me almost died. Her pulse just stopped. A nearby doctor rushed to her. Miraculously, after a minute, her pulse started up again. The doctor stayed with her, got her stabile, and applied an IV to keep her hydrated. There was much talk of an emergency landing in Omaha (and a few idiot passengers bitching about beverage service being interrupted) but we were able to fly straight through thanks in large part to this doctor – who also happens to be my mother’s doctor. It all ended well but I couldn’t help wondering – if the woman’s blood sugar was low and she needed something to eat, would American Airlines charge her the $4.00 for the snack box?? Uzbekistan wouldn’t.

Anyway, it’s good to be back home…for a week until my wife and I fly to Lisbon via London to begin a ten day Mediterranean cruise. I’m guessing there’ll be one or two stories on that trip. But at least the swans will be real.