Saturday, June 17, 2006

Happy Father's Day!!

Especially to my own father, Cliff, who is both my hero and role model.

Note to those wives and kids planning to celebrate: no brunches. That’s Mother’s Day stuff. Let the old man sit in front of the TV and watch the World Cup or Arena football amateur draft in peace.

Or watch FIELD OF DREAMS.

And now, as a public service, here are some movies NOT to watch on Father’s Day:

FEAR STRIKES OUT
CHINATOWN
SHINE
WALK THE LINE
OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN
DEAD POETS SOCIETY
STAR WARS

Some TV shows and telefilms NOT to watch:

THE MARVIN GAYE STORY
THE BEACH BOYS STORY
Any CBS family comedy

Some unfriendly father plays:

ALL MY SONS
DEATH OF A SALESMAN (any Arthur Miller, actually)
LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT

Some books to avoid:

Any Bing Crosby biography
Any Frank Sinatra biography
LOVE STORY (for so many reasons)

Records to skip:

PAPA WAS A ROLLING STONE by the Temptations
BOY NAMED SUE by Johnny Cash
MY DAD by Paul Peterson

Any other suggestions are welcome.

Again, happy Father’s Day – the most sacred of the bullshit Hallmark holidays.

12 comments:

Hollywood blond said...

er, any Woody Allen movie?

Actually, your list was perfect!

branfordbob said...

Fact: Father's Day has the most collect phone calls of all holidays.

Eric said...

The Great Santini?

Ken Levine said...

You bet, THE GREAT SANTINI. Bouncing the basketball off his kid's head and goading him to cry qualifies for just that scene alone.

The Master said...

"Any Bing Crosby biography"
That made me laugh and laugh. One imagines him saying, "Well, I didn't drive ALL my sons (Another Arthur Miller play to avoid) to suicide."
Also avoid any version of "Frankenstein". Talk about a bad dad.
And you might want to steer clear of TCM's broadcast of "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" this morning. TCM is running a bunch of Dad Movies today, "The Champ", "Father of the Bride" (Spencer Tracy, not Steve Martin), "Courtship of Eddie's Father", etc., but for some unfathomable reason they included "Cat on a Hot tin Roof". I wonder who in their programming department found Brick and Big Daddy's relationship heartwarming.

Jason said...

Don't forget "Cat's in the Cradle." Now excuse me while I go leave a message on my dad's answering machine, since he's probably at his girlfriend's place.

The Master said...

We interviewd Harry Chapin for the radio once, back in 1974, and he played "Cat's In the Cradle" for us, which he'd just written and hadn't yet recorded, and of course it was a very touching family man song. Then, ten minutes later, I watched him try, unsuccessfully, to pick up our quite pretty receptionist. What a devoted family man. Sorry I wasn't there for you son, but I was busy nailing a receptionist I met.

Anonymous said...

American Beauty!

Paul Duca said...

Ken, I certainly hope Matt has as much love and respect for you as you for your dad. If not...just play him that KTNQ "TenQ Jock Cups" promo, and let him know how close he came to being named Moonbreath Levine.

Mary Stella said...

Garth Brooks' Papa Loved Mama (Or is it Papa's in the Pen?).

Nothing says passionate love like driving an 18 wheeler through the cheap hotel room wall.

David said...

"Especially to own my father, Cliff, who is both my hero and role model".

That's it for your Dad? Geez-A couple of tired cliches--hell, you spent more time on your Crystal Cruise rant.

The Curmudgeon said...

You left out Disney movies. Not that Dad would watch one on his day -- not unless he was indulging little kids -- but, let me ask, do you ever see a wise, happy father type in a Disney movie? In a lot of them, there's no father at all, but let's just look at some of those in which the father plays any part:

The Lion King -- James Earl Jones starts out strong, gets squished.

The Little Mermaid -- Dad can't keep his daughter in the ocean for crying out loud.

Bambi -- Talk about an absentee father; he's probably behind on his child support payments, too.

Angels in the Outfield -- Dad starts court proceedings to cut all ties to his son. At least in the original, the girl who saw angels was an orphan.

I could keep going, but I think I've made the point.