Monday, June 12, 2006

Tony review

I'm in New York and was unable to watch the Tonys. But my daughter, Annie did and files this report:

******
Tony Tony Tony

Half of this year’s best musicals were supposed to take place in Jersey. Clearly somebody
made an offer than the Tony Committee couldn’t refuse.

And I just have to say that I cannot believe they turned “The Wedding Singer” into a
musical. What’s next? Billy Madison? Water Boy? Or perhaps a musical version of
“Spanglish” featuring such hit songs as" “Please don’t fall asleep, it’s not even intermission”"
and “"Where are you going? The show’s not over.”"

The song “"Hell No”" was performed from “The Color Purple,” which is appropriate since
tha't’s probably what most people said upon hearing that they were turning Alice Walker’s'
book into a musical.

I do not get the huge Harry Connick Jr. appeal. He was probably the only straight person
there aside from Joe Pesci, and I still didn’t find him all that attractive.

Jesus, does Hal Prince really need another Tony? A couple more and he'’ll have a full
backgammon set. It’s like giving Oprah more money for producing a Broadway Show
Oh, wait—t, hey did that too.

I was so thrilled to watch Andrew Void Webber lose. He only got one nomination for that
awful musical and couldn’t even take that home. I love it!

And for those of you keeping score at home here you go:

• Number of unenthusiastic British winners who claimed to be “astonished”: 4
• Number of Female Make-Out Scenes: 2
• Number of Northwestern Alums:0
• Number of jaws that dropped when LaChanze won: 6, 000
• Number of jaws that dropped upon learning that Patricia Neal is still alive: 6, 000
• Number of People who could understand Rosie Perez: 0

And here are a couple awards of my own:
• Best Gay Actor portraying a straight role: Cynthia Nixon
• WORST Gay Actor portraying a straight role: Nathan Lane as Oscar Madiso
• Person I would LEAST want to run into in a dark alley: Michael Cerveris
• Coolest Name: Željko Ivanek
• Best Comeback from a washed-up 80’s star: Cyndi Lauper
o Runner up: Molly Ringwald
• Worst acceptance speech: John Lloyd Young

you can now afford therapy, use your
acceptance speech for something else.

7 comments:

Christopher Harmon said...

If they had to put Nathan Lane in "The Odd Couple," he should have been one of the Pigeon sisters.

The Master said...

Please, Nathan Lane plays straight perfectly well, as in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To the Forum" and "The Producers". It's called ACTING! Michael Cervais isn't a murderer, Patti Lupone isn't a cannibal, and Alan Cumming isn't sexy. But they can all ACT like they are.
Also Harry Connick Jr. wasn't the only straight man there. Hal Holbrook is straight. His hairpiece is gay, but he is not.
Did it occur, I wonder, to Paul Rudd or Patrcia Neal to glance over their copy BEFORE going onstage, just to not make illiterate-looking fools of themselves on a program telecast nationally and watched by nearly tens of people?
But Patricia once saved the world by saying, "Klaatu Barada Nikto", which surprisingly translates to "May I have a Fresca please?"

Jon said...

I've been informed by a friend who saw the recent revival of The Pajama Game that Connick did very well in actual performance. So maybe it was nerves that turned him into the disconnected, off-pitch mess that he was on Sunday.

Anonymous said...

Harry Connick Jr had a ruptured disc and was on pain medication. Usually people lay on the couch and complain because of the pain, probably.

Sharone Rosen said...

Great stuff Annie!
And... thought you'd like this interesting bit of info... from one Sondheimfile to another...
"It looks like Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler's version of the tale of Sweeney Todd is finally headed to the silver screen.
Variety reports that Johnny Depp will star as the vengeful barber in the film musical, which will be directed by Tim Burton. Burton will helm the movie, which was developed by DreamWorks, for Paramount Pictures. Screenwriter John Logan has adapted the Sondheim-Wheeler musical for the screen."

Tenspeed & Brownshoe said...

"Harry Connick Jr had a ruptured disc and was on pain medication."

You know, I've never known anyone to be on pain medication. But celebrities are on pain medication like, ALL THE TIME.

Lindsay crashed into a tree.

Pain Medication.

Billy crashed into a tree. And a street sign. And a building apparently.

Pain Medication.

Keith fell out of a tree.

No Pain Medication but it was still pretty funny.

Rush is an asshole.

Massive Amounts Pain Medication.

Screw drugs and alcohol. Say no to aspirin. It will fuck you up.

Tenspeed & Brownshoe said...

Oh, and the presence of Julia Roberts at The Tony's is kind of like breaking up with your girlfriend on December 19th and then seeing her two days later at the office Christmas Party.

And then the girl you've been seeing since December 17th shows up.