Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Fall Movie Preview Part Three

Here’s the conclusion of my Fall Movie Preview. I know I’m leaving out THE GRUDGE 2 but that’s on purpose.

THE FLOCK – Richard Gere as an agent in charge of monitoring sex offenders. LAW & ORDER: SVU with a hammy over-praised movie star. At least he doesn’t dance.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 3-D – If successful expect NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 2-3-D.

DREAMGIRLS – movie version of stage musical about a Supremes type singing group. AMERICAN IDOL should-have-been-winner, Jennifer Hudson plays Diana Ross type character. To research for the role Jennifer slept with Barry Gordy, Smokey Robinson, all of the Temptations, Miracles, and all the other Supremes’ boyfriends.

LASSIE – Peter O’Toole in the title role.

VENUS – Peter O’Toole in the title role.

PUSH CART MAN – Street vendor in New York City. How did this blockbuster not come out in the summer?

APOCALYPTO – Mel Gibson written & directed movie moved from summer release to now to coincide with his Jew hating comments. I won’t see this movie or ever speak again to anyone who does.

ERAGON – love story between a teenage boy and female dragon. I assume there are special effects. It’s SPLASH except she can light BBQ’s.

THE PAINTED VEIL – Naomi Watt’s trades in King Kong for another monster, Edward Norton.

ROCKY BALBOA – Guess they ran out of numerals.

PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS – Will Smith and real life son in bonding movie hopefully not about preparing for the national Spelling Bee.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM – Ben Stiller plays a security guard at the New York Natural History Museum. Co-stars Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney, and Bill Cobbs as dinosaurs that come to life when the museum closes.

THE NATIVITY STORY – No logline provided so I have no idea what it’s about.

MISS POTTER – Hoping to lure Harry Potter fans who don’t pay much attention. It’s the story of Peter Rabbit author, Beatrix Potter. Word is: great script and Oscar snatching performance by Rene Zellweger.

And finally, the picture we’ve all been waiting for…

FEAST – The Project Greenlight movie buried longer than King Tut. Monster movie set in a bar. Debut director John Gulager’s unintentional tribute to Ed Wood.

See ya at the movies! Or at least the mailbox swapping Netflix.

7 comments:

Richard said...

Apocalyptafrajalishusexpialidoucheus what?

The Curmudgeon said...

"NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 3-D – If successful expect NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 2-3-D."

Or Night of the Living Dead 4-D in which only theoretical physicists become hard-to-kill zombies.

Julie Goes To Hollywood said...

ERAGON – love story between a teenage boy and female dragon. I assume there are special effects. It’s SPLASH except she can light BBQ’s.

And we wonder why there are no good roles for women in this town? Now a girl's gotta be a freaking CG lizard to get a job.

cage free brown said...

"Apocalyptafrajalishusexpialidoucheus"
[i]Gesundheidt![/i]

Tom said...

There are a lot of good-looking movies coming out you didn't mention.

Jess said...

Rocky Balboa.
yo, he is OLD. Seriously. Who's he beating up this time? Hospice workers?



Your blog is rad. I'm a chick who wants to write comedy. As soon as i finish up this expensive experience called grad skool...

Kurt said...

Just out of curiosity, Ken, when you and your wife see a movie, how long does she let you sit there and make wisecracks before she threatens to empty your five dollar soda in your lap if you don't shut up and let her hear the picture? ;)