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I talked recently about doing the Mary Tyler Moore comeback vehicle, MARY for CBS in 1985. Got a few requests for a sample of the pilot script (written by David Isaacs and me). And since you’ll never see the show on the air, even as cable channels grow to the thousands, I figured, it’s either here or nothing.
CBS wanted an updated version of her old show, believing that Mary’s audience would only accept a more mature version of Mary Richards. We listened to them instead of doing our original idea. That was our first mistake.
The premise everyone agreed upon was that Mary, a high class fashion writer found herself out of work when her magazine folded. She winds up working at a Chicago tabloid, the kind that views the Sun-Times as if it were the NY Times. We tried to put her in a much funkier, edgier arena than WJM. And we tried to give her a love interest. Our inspiration was HIS GIRL FRIDAY. We wanted someone who was handsome, charming, and kept Mary completely off guard. Was he a cad or just pushing her to be better? We hired James Farentino who was GREAT. Here’s the scene where they meet – Mary’s job interview. To make it easy to read I just re-posted the whole scene.
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INT. FRANK DEMARCO’S OFFICE – DAYTHIS IS THE ONE PLACE THEY DIDN’T CLEAN UP AFTER THE CHICAGO FIRE. FRANK IS SITTING BEHIND HIS DESK, ON THE PHONE, GETTING A HAIRCUT.
ALSO PRESENT IS A TALL, THIN MAN WHO WEARS HEAVY BIFOCAL GLASSES. THIS IS TULLY, THE COPY EDITOR.
MARY ENTERS.
(NOTE: THIS SCENE SHOULD PLAY AT 200 MPH)
FRANK(INTO PHONE) Of course the cop won’t let you take a picture of the body. You slip him fifty bucks, he turns the other way, you go in and get the shot. Do you want the Pulitzer or not?! (TO MARY) Come on in.
MARYDid I get you at a bad time?
FRANK(WITHOUT LOOKING UP) Not at all. (TO BARBER) Keep a little in back. (THEN) Tully, how many S’s in “disappear”?
FRANK HANDS HIM A DUMMY SHEET. TULLY HOLDS THE COPY AT ARM’S LENGTH AND STRAINS TO SEE IT.
TULLYWhere?
FRANKIn the headline!
TULLYOh. Three.
FRANK(TO MARY) Unions. I have to keep a legally blind copy editor. (TO TULLY) There’s two! Should be one. Fix it and print it.
TULLYBig deal, so I’ll take out an “S”.
FRANKOut!
TULLY EXITS. FRANK EXTENDS HIS HAND.
FRANKFrank DeMarco.
MARYNice to meet you, Mr. DeMarco.
FRANKPlease…Frank. You got some samples of your work?
SHE OPENS HER ATTACHE CASE, HANDS HIM ONE.
MARYYes, well, this article from 1980 won an award from the fashion writers of…
THE PHONE RINGS.
FRANKHold on. (INTO PHONE) Yeah…
MARY…America.
FRANK(INTO PHONE) What do you mean he won’t take fifty bucks? This is Chicago! All right, for one picture we’ll get him floor seats for a Bulls game.
HE HANGS UP.
MARYLook, if you’re busy I could…
FRANK(YELLING) Tully!!
TULLY (O.S.)Coming!
FRANKLet’s do it now, Mary. This afternoon it’s gonna get crazed.
TULLY POPS HIS HEAD IN.
FRANKYou know the drawing the Sports Department is having for the Bulls tickets?
TULLYYeah.
FRANKWe just got a winner.
TULLYWho?
FRANKMe.
TULLYRight.
TULLY EXITS.
BARBERFinished.
THE BARBER HOLDS UP THE MIRROR.
FRANKWell, Mary, what do you think?
MARYAbout what?
FRANKThe hair.
MARYFine.
FRANKMary, if you’re gonna work here you have to have an opinion.
MARYAm I going to be working here?
FRANKI don’t think so.
THE BARBER PACKS UP TO LEAVE.
BARBERSee you Friday.
FRANK CHECKS HIS POCKETS.
FRANKSon of a gun, no change. Mary, you got a buck?
MARYNo.
FRANKI’m getting no help today, Henry. Catch you next time.
THE BARBER EXITS.
FRANKMary, just looking at you I can tell you’re a very talented writer.
MARYI am.
FRANKBut the thing is, see, I’ve only been here three months. It’s my job to turn this turkey around. And that’s fine ‘cause that’s what I like to do. Storm into town, make a lot of noise, rattle some cages, leave a silver bullet, and move on. Look around you. I don’t need fashion talk. Most of our readers use this paper for clothing.
MARYThen why did you agree to see me?
FRANKBecause I do have an opening, but I don’t think you’re right for it.
MARYOh, what is it?
FRANKYou really wanna know?
MARYNot really, but I’m here so what the hell!
TULLY POPS HIS HEAD IN.
TULLYSorry, Frank, the guy’s already picked up his tickets.
FRANKThanks, Tully, you’re a big help.
TULLYYou can’t fire me, you know.
FRANKGet outta here.
TULLY EXITS.
MARYYou know, Frank, you’re probably right. I don’t think I really fit in. Actually, I just came here as sort of a last resort but there must be resorts even worse I can try.
FRANKI want to start a consumer “Help Line” column. Readers send in all sorts of problems. Our advocate fights like hell, cuts through the red tape, and we print the best stories.
MARYThat’s the job?
FRANKSensation sells papers, Mary. But above all what I want for the Eagle is credibility.
THE PHONE RINGS.
FRANK(INTO PHONE) Yeah…The cop went for it, huh?… Good. Okay, take the picture and tell him you’ll drop by later with his circus tickets… What? Basketball tickets? Where am I gonna get basketball tickets?
HE HANGS UP. MARY IS STUNNED. SHE CAN’T BELIEVE THIS GUY.
MARYWell I should be going. I’ve been here… (CHECKING HER WATCH) Whoa! Two whole minutes.
FRANKSorry to waste your time. But I doubt if a woman with your background could handle auto mechanics, immigration, city hall –
MARY(IMMEDIATELY) How do you have any idea what I can or cannot do? You don’t know anything about me. I have faced more than my share of crises with a great deal of poise.
FRANKPersonal crises?
MARYThat’s none of your business. And as far as a car mechanic is concerned, I’d rather face one of them than an irate designer any day. Let me tell you about the time –
THE PHONE RINGS.
MARYOh for godsakes…
FRANK(ON PHONE) Yeah… He doesn’t want me going with the story? Tough! He’s an elected official. As long as he’s got his hand in the till, I’m gonna be on his back.
HE HANGS UP.
MARY… Let me tell you about the time they wouldn’t let me into a showing at… what elected official?
FRANKIt’s confidential but I’ll open my closet if you’ll open yours.
MARYNo, thank you.
FRANKI knew I was safe. Now, you were saying?
MARYI was going to tell you about the time…
FRANKThat’s well and good, Mary, but have you ever read the Post? A lot different style than Woman’s Digest.
MARYI can write anything. I’ve done all kinds of material… short stories, novellas (PROUDLY) .. rejected by some of the finest publishers in this country!
FRANKWhere do you find the time to write all that?
MARYOh, nights.. weekends.
FRANKDon’t you have a social life?
MARY/FRANKThat’s none of your/my business.
FRANKBottom line, Mary, I just don’t think you’re tough enough.
MARYI am tough enough.
FRANKProve it.
THE PHONE RINGS. FRANKS REACHES FOR IT BUT MARY BEATS HIM TO IT. SHE GRABS THE PHONE AND YANKS IT OUT OF THE WALL.
MARYThere!
FRANKI’ll try ya.
MARY(STILL DEFENSIVE) It sounds like fun.
FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE.