Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A boy named Moxie Crimefighter... or is it a girl?

Celebrities complain that they’re not taken seriously and then they do stupid things like give their babies ridiculous names. The most recent example is when Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban welcomed Sunday Rose into the world July 7th. What were they thinking? Was that the day he got out of rehab and the flower a street vendor gave her?

I don’t know which attention hog exactly to blame for starting this absurd trend. Sonny & Cher named their daughter Chastity way back when. And of course Frank Zappa’s children are Moon Unit and Dweezil (but they may just be named for his maternal grandparents).

Bruce Willis & Demi Moore thought Rumor would be a pretty name for a child to go through life with. And Gwyneth Paltrow is the proud brain dead mother of Apple.

But it gets worse. Lil’ Mo (a great name in itself) has a child named God’iss Love Stone. INXS former lead singer, Michael Hutchence left behind a daughter named Heavenly Hiraana Tiger Lily. And Jermaine Jackson named his off-spring Jermajesty. Guess he wanted to keep that tradition going of "JER" being the first three letters. He himself should change his name to "JERk".

Continuing the theme of royalty, don’t blame rapper T.I.’s son for thinking he has a God complex when he goes through life as Messiah Ya’majesty.

Kal-el was Superman’s birthname on the planet Krypton. It’s also Nicholas Cage’s son’s name. If he’s smart he’ll change it to Clark Kent and go live in a foster home.

Is Moxie Crimefighter a boy’s name or girl’s name? Ask Penn Gillette because that’s the idiotic name he gave to his son… or daughter.

Tamika Scott (Xscape) has no sense and also can’t spell. O’shun? And Ving Rhames, the word is “rainbow”, not Reign Beau.

Speaking of bad spelling and horrendous judgment, Jason Lee takes the prize with his son, Pilot Inspektor. He’ll be the first baby to go into therapy while still in the maternity ward.

Bob Geldoff’s daughter Peaches Honeyblossom was probably named for a room freshener.

Jaimie Oliver writes recipe books. I guess that explains Poppy Honey.

Andre Benjamin (Andre 3000) and Erykah Badu (now there’s a handle) must like the 70s music channel on satellite radio because their child is Seven Sirius.

Brandy went for AMERICAN IDOL finalist type name, Sy’rai.

And what drug was John Cougar Mellencamp on when he named his son Spec Wildhorse?

And finally, Rob Morrow from NUMB3RS went for the simple but elegant Tu. I’m guessing that’s his second child.

YOU IDIOTS!!!! These kids will likely be seeeeeriously fucked up. And you will wonder why. Oh well. Just send them off to boarding school and adopt some new ones from Africa.

75 comments:

JewlsDeluxe said...

Umm, Ken. You know it will be hard for Heavenly Hiraana Tiger Lily to kill her father in his sleep when he is already dead. He was found dead on Nov. 22, 1997, in a Sydney hotel room, I think by hanging. (A bit of trivia: Bono wrote "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of" about Hutchence's apparent suicide.) By the way, Tiger Lily can't off her mother, either. Mom Paula Yates, yes, Bob Geldof's ex,died about three years later.

Gerard said...

"INXS lead singer, Michael Hutchence’s daughter will someday kill him in his sleep for naming her Heavenly Hiraana Tiger Lily."

Um, you know, right? About Michael Hutchence already being dead? Or was that the joke? (I'm usually better at picking up on these things.)

Anonymous said...

@jewlsdeluxe: Pretty sure it wasn't just hanging but rather a mishap during a bout of autoerotic asphyxiation.

Yogurt Pennywhistle said...

I think that the style is to look around the room and just use the first three or four things you see. Honey, Apple, Sunday (middle name "Newspaper"). Some of them will be OK, there's two or three Sunnys down at the local gentleman's club, so that's not such an unsual name...

jim treacher said...

Also, Jermaine Jackson is a male.

HEATHER said...

Geldolf also has two other daughters with Yates named FiFi Trixiebelle and Little Pixie. He has custody of poor Tiger Lily and is raising the four daughters of Paula Yates together.
Oh yeah, and Bob also sports the middle name of Xenon.

Jerad said...

Heh, Tu Morrow. That's funny, but sad.

Jeff S said...

I hope that Rob Morrow's little Tu is a girl. I'd love to see this marquee for a musical revival:

Tu Morrow in ANNIE!

The Milner Coupe said...

We should update the Bard.

Instead of 'kill all the lawyers", Let's "kill all the celebrities".

Celebrity used to be a positive connotation. Now it's akin to cold sore.

I hate 'em.

KEN LEVINE said...

Hey jewlsdeluxe,

Thanks for the catch on Michael Hutchence. No, I did not know he was dead. I'm so behind in my INXS news.

I've revised the joke.

Bill said...

Mellencamp's kid and Jason Lee's kid should get together and create a tv show (and this is so bad, I'm groaning at myself).

Tim W. said...

I'm not really one to throw stones, as I have two children with unique names, but there's unique and then there's ridiculous. I did a lot of research for my children's names and while I cancelled out any name that was at all popular and both my children have names with a history and background to them that I believe they can be proud of.

On that note, I do understand the naming of Nicole Kidman's daughter. Apparently she was named after a famous relative of her's. Sunday Rose actually isn't too bad, but most of the other ones are just plain stupid.

On the other end of the spectrum, why on earth would you want to name you child a name that is on one of those top ten most popular lists? I mean, do we really need yet another John walking around?

And the bizarre child names is certainly not something only for celebrities. There are a fair number at my daughter's school.

Toni said...

Here's what Penn has to say:
http://crackle.com/c/Penn_Says/Penn_Says_Third_Worst_Celebrity_Name/2153742

Christina said...

I have a relative who knocked up an opera singer. They named their kid "Tenor" - but that wasn't bad enough, they had to use an alternative spelling - "Tennor." And then they get mad when people misunderstand and call the poor kid "Tanner." So this madness is not reserved for celebrities.

Buck Wild said...

I don't mind Sunday Rose, and I'm sure Tuesday Weld doesn't either. (It would be interesting if Tuesday had named her daughter Wednesday, Wednesday had named her daughter Thursday, &c., &c....)

Also, I believe the Zappa family has the right - nay, the duty - to apply bizarre names. I don't know why; it just makes sense.

Aramael said...

Here in the Netherlands, you're not allowed to pull this sort of crap. Of course, this is also a country where "Wim Kok" is an acceptable name for a prime minister.

Mike McCann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"I mean, do we really need yet another John walking around?"

The thing is, I don't think there *are* any more walking around.

Mike McCann said...

Perhaps Rob Morrow is an Abbott and Costello fan... and the kid will wind out on the pitcher's mound!

MCP said...

I remember when Moon (as she refers to herself now) was on "The Tonight Show" and was asked if her name and the names of her siblings (Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet and Diva Muffin) caused any problems growing up. She said the only one that had a problem was Ahmet. The kids at school would call him Ahmet-Vomit. He then decided from then on to be known as Rick. So, the kids called him Rick-Dick.

Sometimes, you just can't win.

Ironically, Ahmet has the most normal name. He shares a name and Wikipedia says he was named after Atlantic Records co-founder the late Ahmet Ertegun.

Here's a link to a webpage that has more Zappa info including stuff about the kids' names:

http://www.science.uva.nl/~robbert/zappa/faq/main/main-2.html

Einstein said...

Rumer Willis is named after English novelist Rumer Godden. But her sister, Scout, is named after the heroine of "To Kill a Mockingbird." She can be glad that she wasn't named Boo Radley!

sonderangerbot said...

Jermajesty! Good stuff.

I do think Penn has a point though. Sure Crimefighter is a bit crazy, but just Moxie is not that bad?

Mary Stella said...

I was born in the generation where every third girl was named Mary and every third boy was John, James or Michael. Consequently, I thought my Nana's siblings all had strange names -- Enoch Alonzo, Bertha, Edna, Eula.

Bring back the Old Testament naming trends.

Vermonter17032 said...

Celebrities suffer from psychosis. They complain about the intrusions into their private lives, then go and give their kids names that just invite that intrusion.

Also, there are such things as nicknames if you feel compelled to call your child something silly and cute.

Anonymous said...

While some of those are ridiculous, others are plain ugly, and a lot of them don't strike me as bad - I'm fairly certain that a couple of those are fake names given to the media to protect the kids from unwanted attention as they grow up. Think about it, what a great way to throw them off.

Michael Bell said...

My late brother named his youngest daughter Liberty. Liberty Bell.

I'd like to see a new trend of giving kids the names of great TV characters.

Think about it...

Hot Lips Houlihan Jolie.

Frasier Crane Bob Thorton.

Rob Petrie Spears.

Alice Kramden Ciccone Rodriguez.

Michelle said...

Really I don't think Poppy is all that crazy for a British name! But the rest are a trainwreck.

VP81955 said...

By the above bizarre standards, the names Knox and Vivienne sound downright normal. (Are Brad and Angelina fans of the '30s actress Vivienne Osborne?)

I thought my Nana's siblings all had strange names -- Enoch Alonzo, Bertha, Edna, Eula.

I'm sorry, but any parent who names his or her son "Enoch" risks never becoming a grandparent. Sounds too much like "eunuch" to me.

Pinoy Computer Programming said...

wahaha. its so funny

JeffH said...

It's like Brangelina reportedly selling pics of the twins for $11 million. I don't care if they ARE donating the dough to charity. They have enough money to donate their own money. Why exploit your kids? Jeez Louise.

Joe said...

Look at Amy (Winehouse), Lindsay (Lohan), Daniel (Baldwin), Michael (Jackson), Owen (Wilson). You don't need a silly name to behave badly.

The trouble isn't the name, It's the parenting. Too often the kids are just fashion accessories, attention magnets for the parents or just accidents.

I'm all for fun/interesting/curious names. What's the harm? But, you can't be mad if they are misspelled, mispronounced or we can't tell the gender of the person.

My agent represented Carmen Finestra and loved to tell me about people annoying him with gender issues. Sure most people who asked "her" to read a script were stupid, or lazy, but not all.

For me, I named my son William Knott, after the William Wharton character in A Midnight Clear. I'm waiting for the day his friends call him Wont.

Raymond said...

Apparently having a goofy name
doesn't have much effect on a child's success once you control for the other factors. Then again, it's the other factors that make you more likely that your parents gave you a goofy name.

Emily Blake said...

As a teacher I would like to emphasize to these parents just how much of a pain in the ass they're making their kid's life when they do this. Every semester when I call names for the first time I have to stop and go "Ummm, Demo- Dem- help me out, please." And every single teacher does something similar the first day so this kid spends every single first day of school correcting the pronunciation. Karaoke announcers will pronounce it wrong. If they ever receive an award it will be pronounced wrong.

So please, the alternate spellings might be cool to you, but they're making your child go through life having to constantly correct people.

And then there's the poor boy in my homeroom who's name is "Michel" (pronounced Michael). So you can imagine the fun he has assuring everyone he's not a girl.

And when it's just an odd name like a guy I know seriously named "Seven Thirty," he'll constantly have to reassure everyone that it is, in fact, his real name.

Maybe these people secretly hate their children.

A. Buck Short said...

NOW you tell us you’ve revised the joke! I stopped at the first comment and spent the next 20 minutes looking for the reference, thinking early onset Alzheimers. But this is why we stuck with George Foreman for all our kids. If the agents allowed half of these folks to keep their own real names, maybe they would have shown some restraint. Not only that.I don’t want to alarm anyone unnecessarily, but I’ve just been informed there’s nobody in the Bible named either Kimberly or Heather!

Commencing the riff in no particular order:

Kidman/Uban knew July 7 was a Monday. But that would have sounded ridiculous. So they went with the quote from Christ’s Day Planner. And now she’s launching a new shade of lip gloss.

You don’t have to be on drugs to name your kid Spec Wildhorse. All you have to be is the kind of guy who would name yourself John Cougar Mellencamp.

I think you got the NUMB3RS algorithm right with Rob Morrow as well as the pun. Had they been twins he would have named them both Vous.

Here's what Penn has to say:
As usual, Teller was unavailable for comment.

I don't think there *are* any more [Johns] walking around.
Point taken, but when was the last time you were on Hollywood Blvd?

Aramael, don’t feel bad. I pulled up a list of the world’s largest retailers to see if they’re stocking our DVDs. The Biggest retail chain in Turkey is the Koc Holding Co.. Sounds like a Leno wedding announcement, but here, you can look it up: http://retailindustry.about.com/od/famousretailers/a/retailercountry.htm here is the largest retailer
The corporation describes itself as: “Discount Store, Hypermarket/Supercenter/Superstore, Supermarket.” I mean with that name they really do need to stop bragging and get a grip. It’s Asia Minor for God’s sake. I’m thinking about signing up for the management training program. If it's home schooling, I’m there

I think that the style is to look around the room and just use the first three or four things you see. It’s an old Indian custom. I apologize if I may have blurted this out before, but I work with a Native American production company as their first JewIndian employee. At first I went by the name “Smoked Whitefish,” but we finally ran into somebody who had already heard that Joke. So they re-named me after the Old Yancy Derringer faithful Indian companion Pahoo-Ka-Ta-Wa, but translated it as “Wolfowitz who stands in water.” That not being the literal translation, we tweaked again to Pahoo-Ka-Ta-WITZ, “Wolf who stands in seltzer.”

Next on the New American Gladiators, aging ex-athletes Peaches Barkowitz vs. Picabo Street.

Anonymous said...

Sunday Rose and Chastity are perfectly fine names. Even Moxie isn't that bad (it's close enough to Maxie and it's not like anyone uses the word anymore so it's like verbal recycling) though Crimfighter is beyond stupid.

What I don't understand is why, when there are such great unusual names available, people can't be satisfied with them? Helen Hunt could have named her daughter Honor or Hypolyta but instead went with Makena Lei. Apparently she hasn't ever looked in the mirror and noticed she's not from the islands.

Mike

julesfwcs said...

My son has had the most unique name of all in all of his classes at school... His name is Jim...

Your Humble Correspondent said...

We named our son Zambrano, after the firey Cubs' pitcher. (click on my name below to see the Zambranos together)

His middle name is Francis, in case he needs the analysis that Ken suggests will be necessary.

Of course, then he will be Z. Frank, the name of an old Chicago car dealer.

Anonymous said...

Jesus Ken... Your blog is turning into the rants of an old coot.

estiv said...

Mm, ah, Ken, about that spelling issue you keep bringing up in this post...Rumor is Rumer. Penn Gillette is Penn Jillette. So, uh, spelling...yeah.

KEN LEVINE said...

Um, estiv, find a blog with better spelling and read that.

Brian Scully said...

Hey, Ken, remember an actor named "X. Brands"? He was in "Yancy Derringer" and a bunch of other westerns back in the 60's. He probably named his kid "G. Eneric".

Dwacon® said...

It used to be that us Black folks gave our kids weird names like "Loqutia" or "Sheniqua" or "Barack Hussein" -- but now the movie stars have taken that distinction away from us.

Just lkie the phrase "Right On" that used to be something that we used... but now you have Will Ferrell saying it to Zooey Deschanel (Zooey -- a crazy name) and Ed Harris (Ed, a horse's name) in that pseudo-Salinger film.

What will they do next... start getting sun tans?

Disclaimer: tongue remained firmly implanted in cheek during the typing of this comment.

Tim W. said...

Emily, while I do sympathize with your situation, I think expecting a room full of Marks and Janes have passed, and a lot of that's due to the fact that, at least where I live, the chance of getting a classroom full of White, Anglo-Saxon kids is practically nil.

I know my second child will always be telling people how to pronounce her name (as we do now, although we don't get offended by it), but it's a name with a lot of history behind it, one that means something to us and is one that she has grown into a lot more than we expected. On the other end, we know a woman who named her daughter Autumn simply because she liked the name. Her daughter, by the way, was born in the spring.

Matt said...

"JERk"? Come on, you can do better than that.

Gary Mugford said...

Maybe Seven Sirius Benjamin-Badhu (or is it Seven Sirius 3000?) was named for a comic book. Marvel's Epic Comics imprint had a "Six from Sirius" series years ago.

Mary Stella said...

I'm sorry, but any parent who names his or her son "Enoch" risks never becoming a grandparent. Sounds too much like "eunuch" to me.

Maybe that's why he went by Knuck all his life. Don't know what his brother Absolom used as a nickname.

We named our son Zambrano, after the firey Cubs' pitcher. (click on my name below to see the Zambranos together)

You could have named him Zamboni after the machine that cleans the ice in a Blackhawks game.

Here's what Penn has to say:
As usual, Teller was unavailable for comment.
I don't think there *are* any more [Johns] walking around.
Point taken, but when was the last time you were on Hollywood Blvd?


ROFLMAO. Too funny.

I used to wish for a more exotic first name. Mary has always been so common. Of course, most people think my first name is Mary Stella. Oh, the travail of having a first name as a last name. Almost as bad as the regular Stanley Kowalski imitations. I introduce myself and people are honor bound to yell, "Stelllllllaaaaaaaaaaa."

Yeah. Sure. Of course I've never heard that before.

benson said...

1. Mary Stella, you may be the coolest woman on this blog, with a Blackhawks reference.

I don't know if this will make a funny postscript to the name discussion, but fun on it's own merits.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7qwhlpysvjs

Anonymous said...

I've got a question for Friday's question: How many STD's do you think Sam Malone has?

estiv said...

Um, estiv, find a blog with better spelling and read that.

Ken, my point wasn't your spelling, and I'm sorry if I offended you. I don't expect perfect spelling from anyone, least of all on something as rapidly written as a blog. My point was that you were having fun with other people's misspellings, then misspelling some of their names. I thought the irony was worth pointing out, that's all.

D. McEwan said...

So when little Tu Morrow visits Disneyland, does she thank Walt Disney for naming a part of the park for her four decades before she was born, and then berate the old mouse-peddler for misspelling her name?

My late brother Zachery drew the name short straw in our clan. Why mother insisted on sadlling him with that horrible name I will never know. My brother Duncan was named for her brother, and I, Douglas (A good solid, masculine Scottish name I have always borne proudly, at least until I discovered it meant "Blood River". Talk about BUTCH!), was named for my great-uncle who drowned at 35.

Zack HATED his name. I couldn't blame him. At 22 he went to court and had his name changed --- to Zacheriah. And his son's name is Sky Forest.

I will go to my grave trying to figure out how Zacheriah is an improvement over Zachery. You're going to be sat in the back row of every class no matter which.

But to me, the real idiots aren't celebrities giving their kids freak names: it's regular people who give their kids celebrity names. I had a sister named Laurel, who got mighty sick of "Hey Laurel, where's Hardy?" by the time she hit second grade. She also changed her name as an adult. That's two out of five who rewrote Mom. But at least she wasn't named Stan Laurel.

I have a lifelong friend named Richard Burton. It's a total pain always having to say, "No, not that Richard Burton, and not the 19th Century explorer either." when referring to him to someone who doesn't know him.

In school I knew a kid named Gary Cooper. (I also knew a Steve Martin, but the famous one wasn't famous yet back then. It was just a coincidence.) Additional ribbng, he did not need.

In high school I had an English teacher, swell guy, (worked at The Golden Horsehoe at Disneyland on weekends and holidays, so I could always get a stage bax to watch Wally Boag.) who was named Sir Oliver Smith. His first name was Sir. If you said "Yes sir." to him, he could tell you to stop being so familiar.

Do not give your kids already-famous names. If your last name is Gable, don't name your son Clark. If your name is Davis, don't name your daughter Bette. (Or try to slip by with Betty.)
If your last name is Karloff, do not name your son Boris. If your last name is Cheney, Lon and Dick are out. If your last name is Bush - change your name.

Yes extremely common first names can be a pain. I was in a comedy troupe with two Johns, and I have always known a lot of Davids and Brians (including Bryans), so conversation can be confusing.

How about bringing back Dobie as a name?

Now my sister's name, prior to marriage, was Gretchen Olivia Dunn. (Different father than I.) She loves signing things with her initials.

Man I'm glad to be a Douglas, and never more so than when my mother told me that if I'd been a girl, I'd have been named Candy. Dodged a bullet that time.

Tim W. said...

What on earth is wrong with the name Zachery?

D. McEwan said...

What's wrong with the name Heavenly Hiraana Tiger Lily?

If you have to ask, you'll never understand.

BTW Ken, don't feel bad about not knowing about Michael Hutchence's death. I didn't know he'd ever been alive. I'd not heard of him before. I had heard of INXS, but not anything that made me want to listen to them, or learn who they were, let alone dive into their personal lives.

Ah the Internet. I learn something new every day. Michael Hutchence, I hardly knew ye.

D. McEwan said...

PS. Speaking of Hutchence: Ah, "autoerotic asphyxiation," my all-time favorite Really Embarassing Slapstick Way to Die. On my dining room wall is a signed picture of Albert Dekker, one of the most famous inept autoerotic asphyxiators of all-time. Kids, these autoerotic asphyxiators are trained professionals. Don't try this at home.

What do you want to bet Andy Dick ends up going out that way? (And apparently any day now.)

A. Buck Short said...

So as not to bury the lead any further than usual, Benson, sure Anne Bancroft was hilarious in that Yma-Ava-Abba-Una nameplay video you recommended. Anyone who didn’t accept your invitation to that delight is a fool. A fool I tell you!

But Lee J. Cobb’s performance was phenomenal and truly Teller-worthy of a carton of Kents. Only Rod Steiger might have interpreted the role more poignantly.

But as a devotee of THIS blog in particular, one would be remiss if he did not call everyone’s attention to this other sketch from the same Emmy-winning special. This time starring the musical comedy team of Anne Bancroft and David Suskind. And if you don’t stick with it to the very last line, much less recommend it to others – well you’ve only yourself to blame.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4Ml9WpIeeM

And finally Mary, you’ve brought back long surpressed memories of a summer on Cape Breton Island, my favorite place on earth. A road trip. In this one small town on the Nova Scotia coast we passed the Stella Maris Playground, a little later Stella Maris Park, Stella Maris Community Center, and finally the Stella Maris Church. I just turned to my wife and said, “I don’t know who this Stella Maris is, but she must have been one hot cookie who left quite an impression.”

A. Buck Short said...

Sorry, just one more. My brother and sister-in-law named their daughter Tziporah, forever to be know as Zippy from that moment on.

Since nobody in the family had ever heard the name before, they explained, as if this validated everything, "It's in the Bible." Another one of those sotto voice aside moments, "So is the Whore of Babylon, but they wouldn't name her that!"

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

Goody, no one else mentioned that Grace Slick named her daughter "god" (with a small g). At least she had the sense to change it before the kid started school.

Another down side of irregular names is finding a name plate, key fob, or tiny license plate with that name on it. I named my younger daughter Kristine, and she's SOL in the souvenir department. They have Christine and Kristin, but never a Kristine.

As for the Hollywood kids ending up emotionally damaged, I wouldn't worry. They're all probably in the same school and it's the Jims and Beths and Steves who will suffer.

Mary Stella said...

“I don’t know who this Stella Maris is, but she must have been one hot cookie who left quite an impression.”

Yep, Buck, that woman's has always been an idol. Mother of God status and all that. *vbg*

Maybe not as hot as Mary Magdalene, though.

Anonymous said...

Robert DeNiro should have a kid and name it Mucho.

sephim said...

This all reminds me of the man who named his dog "Herpes"...

Because "Trichomoniasis" wouldn't fit on the form.

Tim W. said...

"This all reminds me of the man who named his dog "Herpes""

My cousin named her dog Hermes, despite the dog being female. I, of course, called it Herpes. Drove her insane.

D. McEwan said...

Well pets are fair game for weird names. They don't deal with schoolyard taunting. I have a cat named Godzilla. It was supposed to be ironic. She was the runt of her litter, and very tiny. Joke's on me. She grew up to immensely fat. When I was a lad, my sister named her cat Whistle Britches. I have no idea, then or now, of where that name came from, or what it meant.

As for Tziporah, she was the wife of Moses. Not a name I'd saddle a living human with, but she was Yvonne DeCarlo for a while, and there are worse fates.

sephim said...

Best name for a cat ever heard:

Chairman Meow.

D. McEwan said...

My brother's cat's is called Nefur, short for (I kid you not) Nefurkittie.

I had a roommate years ago, a very good comic actor who you see in commercials and shows all the time (He officiated at one Of Teri Hatcher's weddings on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES) and he had a cat at the time whose name was "Cat". I had two cats at the time, so when visitors were shown the felines, their names were Richard, Sir Laurence, and Cat.

Paul Duca said...

You know what they say...why give a name to an animal that doesn't come when you call it?

Tom said...

"PS. Speaking of Hutchence: Ah, "autoerotic asphyxiation," my all-time favorite Really Embarassing Slapstick Way to Die."

Too bad, then, that Hutchence's case was one of just regular old suicide. He was, after all, fully clothed when his body was found.

Doug Walsh said...

The fact that Britney Spears managed to give her kids "normal" names and these morons couldn't is proof the end of the world is nigh.

Little Miss Nomad said...

You don't even know the best one. Shannyn Sossamon named her son Audio Science. No friggin joke.

D. McEwan said...

Paul Duca,

Clearly you have never learned to train a cat properly. I can assure you that my cats come when I call them, and this was true for all the cats I've ever had over the yers. If I call out "Godzilla" only she comes to me, while Clark ignores me. Whereas, if I call "Clark," he comes, but so does Godzilla, to see if there's something going ons he wants to get in on, like say, early feeding, or affection.

When I was 16 I had a cat named "Mr. Pratt" after Boris Karloff, because my mother wouldn't stand for having a cat named "Boris" (Don't know why.) We moved that year, and a week into our new residence I went to the front porch to call my cat. I hollered out "MR. PRATT!" The cat came running as always, but the man watering his lawn across the street, yelled back, "What the hell do you want?" That was when I learned that we had just moved in across the street from a family actually named Pratt. Imagine how hard it was to conivnce Mr. Pratt that my cat's name really was Mr. Pratt, and had been for three years.

Weird, huge coincidence. Lcuky thing the Zappas never moved in next door to the Moon Units.

John Eje Thelin said...

For once, I have to vehemently disagree, Ken. Giving your child a commonplace name is far worse than thinking up something original. Besides, these kids will be screwed up enough from being a celeb kid that the name won't matter anyway.

Also, I have to note somewhat nitpickily that you have a tendency to misspell names in your posts. That it happens in a name-rich post like this isn't that strange, but I'd say it happens a few times a week on average in your other posts.

Being a subtitler, I know how annoying it can be - but also how easy it is - to pop into Google for 10 seconds and check, just in case your memory tripped you up (and that happens to me all the time).

Anonymous said...

It's not just celebrities. Alex Rodriguez's two daughters have the same middle name... "Alexander".

Talk about a symptom of serious ego problems.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about Shannyn Sossamon who named her kid Audio Science.

Dimension Skipper said...

New Zealand judge is tired of bizarre children names

Anonymous said...

I see you've gotten a lot of heat for your opinions, and I don't think that's fair. Personally, I'm glad to have a better idea of how conservative and reactionary you are -- it gives me an idea of exactly weight I care to give to the rest of your blog entries. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Tu Morrow? That's just evil. What are these people thinking?

Pye said...

Naming a kid after random stuff is something someone like Brick Tamland (the mentally retarded weatherman in Anchorman) would do!

His son would be Lamp Tamland...