Monday, February 01, 2010

LOST is back!!!

My favorite show is back! LOST returns tonight for its final season. We’ll finally get the answers to all of its many delicious mysteries.

Is Terry O’Quinn playing Locke or Jacob or Vin Diesel this year?

How will Sun and Jin patch up their marital problems now that she’s in 2004 and he’s in 1977? Might Jin cheat on her knowing she’d never find out because she hasn’t been born yet?

Is FLASH FORWARD just a blatant rip-off?

Will all the cast members who have died come back for a talent show episode?

Would my inflamed cornea be instantly healed if I were on the island?

Will it turn out “the numbers” are just the miles over the speed limit Michelle Rodriquez was caught driving during her various arrests?

Will Kate stop fooling herself and hook up with Hurley already? The sexual tension is killing us!

When some developer built that housing project, how did they expect anyone to come to the Open House when it’s on an island that may not even exist? Where do they put the signs and flags?

Will the hydrogen bomb blast transport series regulars back from the past into the present? Will they be killed? Or will they all be scattered about on other ABC series the way Elizabeth Mitchell wound up on V?

Will Disney try to get the most out of the franchise and mount a Broadway musical of LOST?

Isn’t it time to introduce twelve new regular cast members?

Will someone finally pull that stick out of Jack’s ass and is the stick itself significant?

Why did the ABC President who greenlit and picked up LOST get fired?

Why doesn’t Richard Alpert age? Is he really Catherine DeNeneuve?

Can the polar bear do tricks?

Is Ben also responsible for the latest Supreme Court ruling on campaign contributions?

Why wasn’t Sayid on Oceanic’s no-fly list?

Why does the statue only have four toes? Was this a budget thing?

If Ethan is dead how come I see him all the time at the gym?

If the Others thought they were the only ones on the island why did they call themselves “the Others”?

Why hasn’t Kate Hudson dated Sawyer yet?

Is Claire really Jack’s sister or his former wife, also named Claire now married to Phil on MODERN FAMILY?

Does Oceanic charge extra for check-in luggage?

What will I do with my life when LOST finally goes off the air?


Jake said...

What's "Lost?" Some sort of Tv show or something?

Anonymous said...

LOL...Now why the hell wasn't Sayid on the no fly list!?!

Anonymous said...

Please edit this asap - it's OceaniC and not Oceania! I love you blog, but not getting the name of the airline correct is akin to blasphemy!

Anonymous said...

I meant I love youR blog.. :)

Larry said...

"Is Ben also responsible for the latest Supreme Court ruling on campaign contributions?"

I'm thrilled that the Supreme Court has freed up the First Amendment, so that the government can't ban political speech during elections. (That's what they did. Contributions can still be regulated.) If people want to organize in certain ways (i.e., become corporations, specifically corporations that don't publish The New York Times or broadcast Lost), that doesn't mean their right to speak should be denied.

But then, Ben's motives are still unclear, so perhaps he'll end up being the good guy, and I'll agree with the premise of your joke.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I too love Lost..

But I'm really glad this is the final season..

These 8 month cliffhangers are too much...

Really enjoy your blog.. thanks,

maven said...

We flew in for the Lost Premiere Beach party in Hawaii on the 30th! Let me tell was the experience of a lifetime...meeting up with fellow Lost fans I have meet on-line! And, of course, the first hour of the 2 part finale was beyond words (and I'm not saying anything about it because I do not want to post any spoilers)! Lost is the best show and I trust Damon and Carlton will tell a fabulous story this last season!

Anonymous said...

I think Oceanic breaks guitars.

Question Mark said...

Wait, Sun wasn't born in 1977? She's only supposed to be 27 on this show? That might be the most unbelievable aspect yet.

Then again, if you go by the show's timeline, Charlotte was supposed to be eight years older than Faraday (who was apparently 27 himself the whole time). So, yeah.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Yeah Larry, it's great that Corporations are truely people, and can marry corporations of the opposite sex only, serve in the military, and vote, and buy elections. It's a great thing for democracy. Enough of this old "of the people, by the people, and for the people" crap. Now we can have "of the corporations, by the corporations, and for the coprporations" rule as the Founding Fathers intended.

And it figures you would think that Ben, a mass murderer, could somehow turn out to be a good guy. Very open-minded. No pre-judging this killer.

"Would my inflamed cornea be instantly healed if I were on the island?"

Yes, but later, your cornea will try to kill Jacob.

"Will Disney try to get the most out of the franchise and mount a Broadway musical of LOST?"

Yes, but first it will release an animated version, and put in a LOST ride at Disneyland, probably by putting a smoke monster on Tom Sawyer's Island, and shooting flaming arows at you. When you come back from Tom Sawyer's Island, their will be no Space Mountain, and the Mine Train Through Nature's Wonderland will still be there, and you can go see Wally Boag at The Golden Horseshoe. (Wally Boag's back? I'm there!")

"If Ethan is dead how come I see him all the time at the gym?"

Does anyone else see him? Hurley doesn't count.

"If the Others thought they were the only ones on the island why did they call themselves 'the Others'?"

Well they didn't. The Castaways called them that. The Others called themselves The Sames.

"Why hasn’t Kate Hudson dated Sawyer yet?"

Because he's in 1977. She hasn't been born yet.

I know and reveal exactly how LOST ends over on The Huffington Post. If you don't mind giant spoilers, check it out. Jay Leno will find it Deja Vu all over again.

Mike Bell said...

What happened to the first Darren?!?!

Jim 7 said...

Will they bring on Don Johnson as Sawyer's father?

Mike Bell said...

Oceanic is able to "move" your bags in time. No charge. And with more daily flights to more destinations both on and off the map, you'll see why Oceanic is the official airlines of the 1968, 1908, 1984, 1940, and the 2020 Olympics!

TK said...

You should check out the "How Will It End?" Lost video contest...

Ref said...

Oh, Ferchrissakes! Go see The Onion on the topic of "Lost" fans.

Kirk said...

I know you meant it as a joke, but I think the reason Sayid wasn't on the no-fly list is that the CIA fixed it so he could be on that flight in exchange for spying on a suicide-bomber friend of his for them.

Larry said...


All sorts of organizations have free speech. The only exception is when people organize themselves into corporations (and a few other types of groups, such as labor unions or the Sierra club). Then suddenly they can't speak. Unless they're a media corporation, and are allowed to speak as freely as anyone, even though they have self-interests like any other corporation. Of course, if McCain Feingold were constitutional, then Congress could quickly change the law any time and decide the TV channel and movie studios and magazines and newspapers could be shut down for their political speech.

I suppose you liked the old system, when corporations spent their money for lobbyists to influence politicians directly, rather than spending some of it in open debate trying to give the people their side, just like everyone else is allowed to.

This case was about a video on a political subject that the government could ban from airing. The law underneath allowed the government to ban magazines, pamphlets, ads, movies, TV shows, posters, any form of political communication, all because it came from the wrong source. Politicians loved it, of course, because who needs criticism?

The law was supported by Democratas and opposed by Republicans not on principle, but because both side felt they were gaining or losing. McCain-Feingold allowed more money into politics through other doors and I didn't see the Dems worry about that. Obama himself made a pledge only to accept public money for his campaign--until he saw he could get more money privately and suddenly his principles went out the window.

I'm glad our country's a bit freer today. I like free speech but you like "fair" speech. Which sounds fine, until you understand--as the founding fathers did--that "fair" speech means the government gets to decide what's fair and what's not.

Word verification: PICKHO. That's gotta be the next reality game show.

Anonymous said...

Henny Youngman at Ajira Airlines:

"I'd like you to send one bag to 2004, another to 1977, and another to 1992."

"We can't do that!"

"You did it last week!"

By the way, Oceanic was warned about Sayid. By Shannon. Don't any of you watch this show? They checked him out and he was clean.

Let me say this to Tallulah Moorehead--The ACLU opposed the McCain-Feingold law as inimical to free speech, and that's good enough for me, but I'll make you a deal. I'll accept government banning of corporate speech if you'll let them ban the Huffington Post.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed The Stepfather- this was just as a great as the first. Dylan Walsh did a great job filling the shoes of Terry O'Quinn

Anonymous said...

More importantly, might Jin cheat on Sun in the past and accidentally turn out to be her father?

Ref said...

I could accept corporate speech if...oh the hell with it! This is nuts! CORPORATIONS ARE NOT PEOPLE! Thomas Jefferson warned against granting personal rights to business associations. This is a fiction of a "Robber Barons" era Supreme Court that has less validity now than it did then. At least then, they were talking about corporations wholly owned by Americans. How do you like all that Saudi and Chinese and (horrors!) French money influencing public opinion now?

This isn't about free speech. This is about who gets to buy up all the airwaves for the last three weeks of an election cycle when way too many voters make their choices based on what they see on teevee. Spare me your concern for the poor little corporations.

MkeN said...

So Sayid got off the plane and passed two people in the aisle getting their luggage while doing so.

And escaped convict Kate decides to just hang around in the baggae claim for awhile.

-bee said...


I guess since the Supreme Court went out of its way to ensure Corporations have all the same rights as human beings means they are also subject to the death penalty as well. I mean, everything in life is a double-edged sword, no?

Well, I suppose one good thing about that is that executing the board of directors, executives, all other employees and shareholders of a corporation convicted of a 1st degree crime will be an unexpectedly great means of population control.

It will also be a great way to ensure that potential shareholders take VERY seriously the ethical records of companies they invest in.

Greg M said...

Nice roundup, Ken. And I'm not sure why people in support of the Supreme Court's ruling keep bringing up media organizations, since the founding fathers found free speech important enough to grant exemptions in the 1st amendment.

Needless to say, the Founding Fathers, wary of the East India Tea Company's massive power, were not such big fans of corporations, approving such restrictions as only approving corporate charters for 10-40 years, giving the people the power to immediately *revoke* a corporate charter if the corporation was breaking the law or causing harm (thus immediately shutting it down), etc. A pity some people have forgotten the values of the Founding Fathers.

Larry said...

Here we go again. There are lots and lots of organizations that are granted free speech (even though organizations can't serve in the army or get the death penalty). Until a few weeks ago, the only way the people can organize and still be denied free speech is if they organizes as a corporation. I see no reason why they alone among all those who can speak freely should be denied this basic right.

Furthermore, the first Amendment states "Congress shall make no law ... abridging the freedom of speech." It doesn't say "of the people"--just freedom of speech in general. Corporations have always had this right, though the Court unfortunately refused to recognize it until recently. (They overturned 20 year old precedent, though some lie and say this is a century old understanding--as if they want to return the how the Bill Of Rights was understood a century ago in any other manner.)

I understand people don't want to hear some speech, but that's not a good enough reason to censor it. There are many powerful groups on the right and left with tons of money who are allowed to speak. I say them all try their best--a robust debate is what the Founders wanted. Believe me, if people are as worried about corporate speech as you think, there'll be no better way to run a campaign than to make it clear all the corporations are against you. Politicians already say that, now maybe it may even be true.

Even before this decision, 26 states allowed corporations to put out whatever information they wanted with no hindrance, and these states are as free as any others. Thank goodness we no longer live in a country where politicians are given a free hand to censor us.

Anonymous said...

I came to your blog expecting a run-down of your opinions on the Lost premiere. I thought surely you'd have something to say after the long wait for the show's return. The absence of any reaction makes me wonder if you are also disappointed in the premiere as so many others have been.

D. McEwan said...

"Anonymous said...
The absence of any reaction makes me wonder if you are also disappointed in the premiere as so many others have been."

Who? I haven't spoken about the Lost premiere with anyone who wasn't energized and totally jazzed by the mind-blowing, brilliant season premiere. In fact, your anonymous comment is the only negative comment on it I've encountered.

For the record, I thought it was GREAT! But then, I've only watched it 3 times so far, so what do I know?

Can't wait for the next episode.

Ref said...

WV: bahleduf

The sound a rational, intelligent person makes when some tool tells him/her that spending money is "speech."

Anonymous said...

I love this show. Great storytelling. Even when the story gets bogged down ... like this time, at the temple of doom with Mr. I Don't Like the Taste of English On My Tongue (whoever wrote that line, shame on you) ... it still is great.

I love Terry O'Quinn. He is doing a great job on this show. I'm now a huge fan of the Quinnster.

Even though I think it's time, I'll be sad when this show is gone. It's been a great ride.


Anonymous said...

it just seems like the show writers are addicted to total randomness. after a while, the disjointed story lines and random plot twists are no longer interesting, they're just obnoxious. John Locke is dead. no wait, no he isn't! Sayid is dead... no wait, no he isn't! and now there are pseudo Mayan indians, and this, that, and the third. when i logged into Facebook the day after the premier, it was full of people ranting about the frustration of the first two episodes. introducing new characters and dilemmas, rather than answering old questions. formula writing at its worst.

David Oakes said...

How many of these steps do you skip if you're prepared to sleep with anoyone or everyone?!