Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Best of the "Worst of" the Emmys

Every year I review the Emmy Awards. To get you ready, and for any new readers of this blog, here are selected samples of my Emmy reviews from 2006-2009. You'll find this year's edition on Monday morning.

The people in the first ten rows you don’t recognize are called “seat fillers”. When the seat fillers have to go to the bathroom they’re replaced by the “nominated writers”.

Great questions on E!’s red carpet show. Isiah Washington was asked his porn name. Ryan Seacrest asked Steven Colbert if Jon Stewart was a prick? Class-eeee. He then asked Hugh Laurie: “Do you find that you’re less clever with the American accent?” Bring back Sam Rubin and Mindy Barbano! At least they gave out Altoids.

First Emmy article in the LA TIMES Sunday CALENDAR section: Page six. Page one story: “Gidget gone global”.

Sandra Oh was wearing Conan the Barbarian’s jewelry.

Had to replay several times Barry Manilow’s final comment to Mr. Clark. He said, “all right, Dick” not “I love Dick” as I first suspected (and hoped).

Cheryl Hines looked like she backed into a chandelier and took some of it with her.

Cloris Leachman won again. I guess SPLANGLISH wasn’t a career-ender for everyone.

This isn’t the first time Alan Alda beat out a more deserving nominee. But I’ve gotten over it.

Best line of the night: Steve Colbert, “I lost to Barry Manilow?!”

Trust me, if O.J. knew how easy it was to steal an Emmy he and his gunmen would be on stage thanking their parole officers.

You could tell Robert Duvall won for a cowboy movie. Even while standing he looked like he was riding a horse.

Nominating Minnie Driver and not Eddie Izzard for THE RICHES is like nominating Pam Dawber and not Robin Williams for MORK & MINDY.

Can ANYONE remember last year's Movie of Week winner? And that includes the winners themselves?

In sixty years there’s never been worse co-hosts than Heidi Klum, Jeff Probst, Howie Mandel, Ryan Seacrest, and Tom Bergeron. (Snow White and the four dwarfs) Suffering through that excruciating opening where they vamped about nothing was like reliving my Uncle Lou’s 75th birthday party at Sr. George’s Smorgasbord.

And letting Heidi Klum do comedy is like giving a squirrel a grenade.

The evening started on a high note for me since KTLA Channel 5 once again rolled out their red carpet show. Hosted of course by celebrity footstool Sam Rubin and a random bimbo. This year’s tomato was Victoria Recano, who I learned is their evening news anchor. These two lovable chuckleheads are always good for a few idiotic questions and comments. Also present was Tom O’Neill (a so-called Emmys expert). Sam asked him for a preview of the show and he said, “The highlight will be the In Memoriam feature”.

Very elegant comedy montage – pratfalls, sex jokes, and Tina Fey on the toilet. Doesn’t it seem like FRASIER’S been off the air for a hundred years?

The Reality Show montage: five minutes of angry people being bleeped. This is the “excellence in television” we’re celebrating tonight.

How is Jimmy Smits considered a “Guest” actor on DEXTER? He was in 12 of the 13 episodes.

After Ken Howard thanked someone for giving him a kidney, isn’t it a little hard for the next winner to go up and thank Lorne Michaels?

You’re going to think I’m making this up but I’m not. While the winners of the best song were giving their acceptance speech a promo crawl appeared that read, “In Memoriam in 11 minutes”.

Will all the “improvements” and Neil Patrick Harris be enough to turn the tide? It’s hard to say. They certainly made some strides. But the WEATHER CHANNEL had a special on hail storms in Kansas. I’m not optimistic.

9 comments:

Another excessively precious comment said...

by A. Buck Short.

So I guess all your other fans are either slackers or still in temple this morning? I’m also thinking you don’t have to guess why I’m first anyway. In the words of Mel Tillis, the writers/seatfillers was wwwwwonderful. Bbbbbut I’m not just ssssaying that to thththththank you for gegegegetting me out of the hhhhole I dug myself into with the Rototillis yyyyyyesterday. I’m so on edge for your take. Will Monday never come!

These were all so good, one doesn’t want to play favorites, but for droll, the Alda should have been up for “Best supporting quip.” Aren’t Emmy’s and the current network idol/talent shows like another vacation in Maui for you? You get to stop being a writer and you’re a “wag.” Uh, Saturday question, what’s a wag?

P.S. After all these years I finally sat through an entire bar wars episode last night. Guess what, spoiler alert, Gary’s not really dead !!!! :)

LA Nuts book said...

I've more or less blocked out the Emmy Awards from the last several years, so I admire your recall. All I remember from recent years is seeing Megan Mullally & Donald Trump singing "Green Acres" and thinking to myself, "But MY pilots aren't good enough for TV's apparently lofty standards??"

scottmc said...

A question inspired by a NY Times article on the remake of 'Arthur', starring Russell Brand and Helen Mirren. (In April 2009 you wrote an appreciation of the original film's writer/director.) The Times article listed the changes the remake is implementing. Hopefully this won't misfire like 'The In-Laws', but it isn't promising. My question: what two or three movie comedies would you least like to see remade?

jbryant said...

John Lithgow took Smits' "Guest Actor" in DEXTER strategy to a win. Maybe Josh Holloway, Vincent Kartheiser, John Krasinski and other perennial Emmy snub-ees should've done the same.

D. McEwan said...

"The people in the first ten rows you don’t recognize are called “seat fillers”. When the seat fillers have to go to the bathroom they’re replaced by the 'nominated writers'."

I'd have LOL'd, but I was busy laughing.

Bob Claster said...

Have to respectfully disagree with you on one point. Minnie Driver's performance in THE RICHES was brilliant. Eddie Izzard is an amazing comedian, possibly the best around these days, but his acting in THE RICHES was spotty.

Speaking of amazing comedians, what do you think of Louis CK, and have you seen his FX series?

Matt Patton said...

A Friday question (I realize I'm pushing my luck as you've already answered one of mine already):

I read recently that US television is taking another go at developing a domestic version of the UK comedy THE IT CROWD. My question" why not just show the original on American television during the summer? The subject matter isn't too British or too dark and eccentric, and since it was made for Channel 4, it's even got spaces for commercials. When I was a kid, I remember that a lot of British shows popped up on the networks summer schedules; SECRET AGENT, THE SAINT, THE PRISONER, and THE CHAMPIONS (all Lew Grade productions, and I know he was angling for international distribution). Heck, THE AVENGERS even made it into the "regual" TV season. Has the TV landscape changed so much that this would be impossible now?

Paul Duca said...

Matt...THE IT CROWD runs on the IFC cable network here.

mcp said...

To answer Matt Patton's question about why broadcast networks don't rerun UK shows, here are some possible reasons:

1. Not enough episodes.
2. Commercial breaks are in the wrong places.
3. Regional UK accents that are impossible to understand without subtitles.
4. Swearing or inappropriate subject matter for broadcast TV.