SKYFALL – 23rd James Bond movie. Daniel Craig stars. Berenice Marlohe is the Bond girl, although to sell tickets in Florida, those residents are being told it’s Judi Dench.
RISE OF THE GUARDIANS – Another animated feature where Hollywood actors who make a gazillion dollars take away more jobs from voice-over actors who are starving. Alec Baldwin and Hugh Jackman take the food off of families’ tables in this one.
THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS – The Terrell Owens story.
RED DAWN – High school students in Colorado battle Commies. Yeah, like they need an excuse to carry weapons.
THE DETAILS – Tobey Maguire and Elizabeth Banks battle raccoons that are eating their lawn. Tobey left the Spiderman franchise for this?
THIS MUST BE THE PLACE – Sean Penn as a washed up rock star. Spicoli gone bad.
LES MISERABLES – Broadway musical with Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway. Uses a lot of Victor Hugo’s original songs.
THE HOBBIT – Peter Jackson is at it again. First the Rings, now this. Huge budget and sweeping scope. They did not scrimp on dwarves. 13 of them are seen in this fantasy extravaganza.
JACK REACHER – And speaking of dwarves, Tom Cruise plays Lee Child’s best-selling character who in the book is a husky 6’5”.
THE IMPOSSIBLE – Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor survive a tsunami in Thailand. Survival movies are quite the rage. Here’s another one:
ZERO DARK THIRTY – Director Kathryn Bigelow’s first movie since THE HURT LOCKER. Lighter fare this time. The hunt for Osama bin Laden. SPOILER ALERT: We kill the motherfucker.
DJANGO UNCHAINED – Quentin Tarantino’s new movie. A cowboy yarn about slavery. INGLORIOUS SOUTHERNERS.
THIS IS 40 – “When you going to write a movie for me? When you going to write a movie for me? When? When? When? When?” I assume this was the nightly conversation between Leslie Mann and her husband Judd Apatow. The result (probably for his own sanity) is a sequel to KNOCKED UP this time focusing on Leslie (natch) and Paul Rudd.
ON THE ROAD – Jack Kerouac’s 1957 classic finally hits the big screen. It took 55 years but they finally found the perfect actress – Kristen Stewart.
PARENTAL GUIDANCE – Billy Crystal, who hasn’t been in a movie since Bob Hope was still funny, babysits his grandkids. He’s hoping it’s an Oscar-hosting-worthy performance.
HYDE PARK ON HUDSON – Bill Murray as FDR. “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And now I’d like to do a little medley from STAR WARS.”
See you at the Cineplex!