Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The most insane game show ever... or at least, this week

WARNING:  Adult content.  (So now you want to read on even more.)

How has American TV not jumped on this concept? Talk about “can’t miss.” Remember a reality show a couple of years ago called KILLER KARAOKE? Contestants had to sing karaoke and maintain their concentration while being bombarded by tomatoes, given electroshock, or waterboarded – fun stuff like that. The first episode was somewhat amusing, but it became repetitive quite quickly.

The Japanese have solved that problem! They’ve created a show called SING WHAT HAPPENS. Similar premise – can a contestant be disrupted while singing karaoke? Except here’s the twist: A girl is giving him a handjob during his performance. He has to finish the song uninterrupted and not ejaculate. No, I’m not kidding. Really. Seriously. It’s true. Honest. Don’t believe me?

It’s the first game show where there are no losers. I imagine even the screening process to get on the show has its own rewards.

I know on FEAR FACTOR they hired production assistants whose job it was to test out the stunts. Depending on how many beetles they could swallow or feet they could fall before dying, the parameters were set for the contestants. What about this show? It’s bad enough they make interns go for coffee.   What is the average time it would take to disrupt a contestant?  What method is more effective?   These are all vital questions that must be answered -- by somebody... making $2.00 an hour.  

And then there's the auditioning process.  “Very impressive Sally – graduated tops in your class in television production at NYU – I think there’s a place for you here. First assignment: we have 70 guys in the other room here to try out for our show. We need you to give them all handjobs. After that, could you get me coffee?”

I have no idea whether they have women contestants. (Although they’d have an easier time getting interns for that assignment.)

It’s only a matter of time of course before this show hits the American airwaves. The only question is whether Paris Hilton, Monica Lewinsky, or Carson Daly is going to host it.

The trouble is: How do you write sketches spoofing reality shows when shows like this actually exist?

And God knows what is next? Paddy Chayefsky wrote a scathing satire on television in the ‘70s called NETWORK. (If you haven't seen it, you MUST!!!) We have so far gone past it that we’ve now probably lapped it…twice.


Scott Cason said...

Now THAT'S Must See TV!

Igor said...

Ken wrote: ""After that, could you get me coffee?""

AFTER that??

After THAT??

Swinefever said...

"Sally is it? Are you the one that does the handjobs?"

"Erm.. yes."

"Well wash your hands and make me ham on rye."

Oat Willie said...

This is America. You can show any amount of fake violence but not one nipple. Somehow this applies to non-FCC cable too. The "nudity" warned about in shows like "Mad Men" or "Louie" at most reveal a flash of buttock or a quick sideboob. Mostly I'm pissed because I can't identify all the bread or cake in the robot test. Why not make it nipples or labia?

LouOCNY said...

No - the coffee comes first - literally.....

Igor said...

It's odd that if you go directly to Youtube to view that video, you first have to log in - to confirm your age. Yet, Youtube allows someone to embed that video... and thereby bypass the login.

So apparently, you don't have to be "this old" to read Ken Levine's blog.

Hooray for Ken Levine!

Allowing us to view smut without first logging in! In complete anonymity!

Oh wait. Shit. How do I delete this post? Can someone tell me? Quick, before Google finds me.

VP81955 said...

Is Paris Hilton is interested (and at this stage of her life, where she's focusing on marketing her extremely successful global brand of boutiques and perfumes, I seriously doubt it), she'll need time to mourn. Her beloved Tinkerbell has crossed the Rainbow Bridge at age 14.

My sincere condolences to Paris; losing a pet is never easy, whether you're a single fiftyish man whose tuxedo cat Jaguar crossed the bridge (as happened to my brother in February) or a globally-known heiress.

RockGolf said...

Tonight's songs:
- "My Happy Ending" Avril Lavigne
- "Bad to the Bone" George Thorogood
- "Easy To Be Hard" Three Dog Night
- "The Stroke" Billy Squier
- "Rub You the Right Way" Johnny Gill
- "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" Georgia Sattelites
- "Hold On, I'm Comin'" Sam & Dave

Anonymous said...

There is something wrong with the Japanese. They have rape comics in vending machines.

Not coincidentally, the men are not interested in sex, and the birth rate is very low, and will result in decreasing population.

tavm said...

If there were judges on this show-like on "Dancing with the Stars"-I think all contestants who ejaculate before the song's over will get a 10 from them!

Anonymous said...

"Not coincidentally, the men are not interested in sex, and the birth rate is very low, and will result in decreasing population."

I think it's pretty clear that the decrease in population is correlated with an increase in handjobs.

Not me said...

On the us prude front ... Hospital waiting room, their public wifi, boredom surfing. Got done looking at several nsfw subreddits, went to othercrap. Blocked as porn. Ok, it's their Internet, I'll go with their definition., blocked as porn. Egotastic, not blocked. Well known erotica site, not blocked.
wtf ken, is it the overuse of fuck that caused you to be blocked?

Anonymous said...

Finally, a game show with a happy ending.

A. L. Crivaro said...

THEY do it on national television and it's entertainment. I do it in the parking lot of an Applebee's and it's indecent exposure...

Pete Grossman said...

Kudos to RockGolf!

I'll add:

Sea of Love
It Don't Come Easy [hopefully!]
Easy Come Easy Go
Get It On (Bang A Gong)

Barefoot Billy Aloha said...


I miss Bob Hope.

Anonymous said...

I would watch this for pure

I am tired here reading all
these scripts, 10 more to go at work. Going crazy. No respect for readers.

I will watch this one as a break.

Thanks Ken.

Anonymous said...

If you're getting coffee from Sally, better make it black, no cream.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous Said:

"I am tired here reading all
these scripts, 10 more to go at work. Going crazy. No respect for readers."

I don't want to seem pushy, but did you read mine? It's called "Casablanca." It's the one with the guy who owns a bar. It has the nazi's.

Thank you for your consideration.


Clarence Odbody said...

And on the special Show Tunes edition:

I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair

Donald said...

I'm waiting for Celebrity Handjobs.

Cap'n Bob said...

It's not looking good for your script, Anonymous. Nazis needs to be capitalized and it doesn't require an apostrophe.

As for the show, wake me when they drop the red curtain.

YEKIMI said...

@ A. L. Crivaro

If you're doing it in a parking lot at Applebee's make sure you have a couple of cameras filming yourself. That way if you get caught you can claim you're filming a new show for NBC. {Don't have to tell them NBC means Nothing But Cock}. Problem solved.

Igor said...

Japan must changes its ways!

They must heed the Lord's command - "Be fruitful and multiply."

Instead, they're all just being fruitless and subtracting.

(Stolen, badly, from The 2000 Year Old Man, from his reply to the question: "Who is the greatest inventor of all time?" "Onan...")

Johnny Walker said...

I can't figure out if this is Japan's equivalent of SNL, or if it's real. And who is looking on an laughing?

Do we have any Japanese readers who could help explain how this show is actually seen in Japan?


Howard Hoffman said...

Johnny - without exception, all these wacky Japanese game/reality shows have that corner box with people having various extreme reactions to the show. No one can explain it, but then, none of us have any idea what's going on to begin with or our heads would collectively explode.

Joseph Scarbrough said...

There's another outrageous game show in Japan called STRIP THE GIRL . . .

Featured on an episode of WORLD'S DUMBEST... on truTV.

Phil In Phoenix said...

This could allow "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors to chart again.

Marco said...

One thing comes to my mind all the time when I read or hear about "shows" like this: RUNNING MAN. How far away are we from "Climbing for Dollars" like in this movie?

Anonymous said...

This Japanese game show is even more disturbing:

Wayne said...

At what point of his performance does the inciting incident occur?

Artie in Sin City said...

Dude looks like an actor...NO nerd can be THAT expressive...Sponsors? Lava soap...Head and Shoulders...and Dippity Doo...

tavm said...

LOL on that last comment!