Sunday, April 05, 2015

What Easter means to me

Easter is not one of my big holidays. I’ve never gone to the Hollywood Bowl for the Sunrise Service. The closest I’ve come was the Universal Amphitheater for a production of JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR.

In grade school we used to paint hardboiled eggs. But who could we give them to? What kid ate hardboiled eggs? We might as well have painted prunes.

And I never got the point of an Easter Egg hunt. When I was a disc jockey at WDRQ in Detroit we had an Easter Egg hunt at a big local park and there were five stabbings.

What Easter meant to me was candy – the good and the bad.

The good was Yellow Peeps. These were chick shaped marshmallows covered in some yellow sticky crusty sugar coating. I have no idea what I was eating. But I loved them. It’s been years since I sampled a Peep. I wonder what I would think today. My guess – I’d gag at how sweet the first bite was… then finish the whole thing.

The bad candy was the chocolate bunnies. Sometimes solid but most of the time these too were marshmallows coated in chocolate. Except it wasn’t chocolate. It was wax. Even at six years-old I thought they were disgusting.

My guess is there are enough preservatives in Easter candy to last until the next century. After all, starting tomorrow all stores carrying Easter candy will sweep it out and get ready for Halloween. What happens to all those leftover Peeps and bunnies? Are they just going to be thrown out? What do you think?

I suspect they go back to the warehouse and wait until next year. Or the year after.  Or the year after that. 

It’s possible an Ed Snowden will reveal the company making those chocolate bunnies went out of business in 1956 and this is just the unsold inventory. In another 34 years we’ll see the last of the brown wax bunnies.

But for those of you who do celebrate Easter, have a wonderful day.   Stay out of Detroit parks, set your alarm for 4:00 AM, use the chocolate bunny as a hood ornament, and save me a Peep. 

21 comments:

Oat Willie said...

The "bad chocolate" is all American chocolate. The manufacturers have bought off the FDA so that any brown waxy offal can be sold as chocolate. And now I'm off to put on my Easter Bunny costume to dance for the local villagers.

Matthew said...

Some guy on reddit made this for his daughters:

https://i.imgur.com/VNpAfXa.jpg

So Ken, how much will you pay me to not send that to Annie? :)

Matthew said...

Let's try that with a link to save you a copy and paste:

https://i.imgur.com/VNpAfXa.jpg

emily said...

I have spent the better part of my life proving I'm not a robot. But I guess it's better than having no hobby at all.

Anonymous said...

The leftover easter candy is sold at 50% or 75% off.

ELS said...

And Happy Passover to those who celebrate it. And personally, I love matzah... but sometimes, it tastes like it was from 1956. Even the fresh stuff. Now, you take the matzah, and you cover it in chocolate... and that's almost enough reason to wander in the desert for 40 years.

Diane D. said...

I worked for a not-for-profit organization. The candy that doesn't sell for 75% off is donated to such organizations, along with left over halloween costumes and seasonal decorations. This is not done with a great deal of thought. I worked for a Hospice.

blinky said...

If you would only embrace the true story of Easter: When Jesus emerged from his cave on the third day and saw the magical egg laying bunny's shadow, it meant 6 more millennium of purgatory until the rapture. He then grabbed a Peep and went to Heaven to wait it out.

-bee said...

The chocolate bunnies were bad but nowhere in the same league of awfulness as Circus Peanuts.

To this day I cannot get over how for a period of my childhood, if it was CANDY I felt an obligation to eat it, even if I had to choke it down

DrBOP said...

Hey, it's the Off-Topic Kid.....

......but did'ja know you got a relative who is Head Honcho in Miami?

http://www.examiner.com/slideshow/miami-beach-centennial-photo-exhibit#slide=1

Jean said...

I must have been spoiled. My parents bought good local made chocolate for our baskets and lots of egg and chick themed toys. We got chicks yearly -- pretty yellow stuffed toys, not real ones -- and silly putty, and yo-yos.

They joined in the festivities by buying themselves chocolate covered eggs from the same chocolatier. Fruit and nut eggs. I wish I could find them again, but that chocolatier has gone out of business.

Which is a shame because they used to make chocolate crucifixes. Not crosses -- crucifixes -- a whole new meaning to communion.

Mike said...

The closest I’ve come was the Universal Amphitheater for a production of JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR.
Did you have to sneak out before the end of the film in case you were spotted?

Matt said...

When I was in the Army we would get Meals Ready to Eat and often the desert would be candy.

No idea how long the candy had been there, but it was always fine.

YEKIMI said...

Two Peeps would be enough to put me into a diabetic coma till 2046!

Barry Traylor said...

The worst chocolate bunny I received as a child was about a foot high and was made out of white chocolate. Gak! Just thinking of it triggers my gag reflex. Horrid tasting stuff.

PatGLex said...

After years of the hollow bunny (what my family could afford when I was a kid) I have become a fan of buying solid bunnies at one of the two local handmade candy shops, particularly the one that has only one location off the beaten path. And Peeps! I love Peeps and the Original Yellow ones taste the best. (I haven't had any this year because I gave up all sugary stuff/sweets a month ago -- I feel better but my Peeps cravings are only an occasional twinge now. Waiting to hit the grocery store with their 50 percent off sales.)

Anonymous said...

Come on home, Ken! We're leaving the light on for you!!

-Jews for Jesus

iconoclast59 said...

@Oat Willie At least Peeps are still made with regular corn syrup instead of high fructose corn syrup. HFCS is the spawn of the devil!

@ELS I like my matzoh slathered in butter/margarine. That's probably not Kosher, but neither am I (shiksa speaking here).

@bee The mention of circus peanuts takes me back...I used to play with a neighbor who was one of 7 children. Her mom bought the cheapest of what little snack food they kept on hand, including circus peanuts. Ugh. I remember my play pal spending a lot more time at my place than I did at hers, partly because we had better stuff in our cookie jar, and partly because her mother was a humorless beeotch who acted like motherhood was a huge burden (she was a "good Catholic," so I guess birth control wasn't an option).

I was never crazy about the cheap chocolate eggs/bunnies in my Easter basket; I always preferred the jelly beans. I don't ever remember getting Peeps in my basket. I think that's because my mom was adamantly against spun-sugar confections such as Peeps, cotton candy, Marshmallow Fluff, etc (not sure how jelly beans slipped through). She wasn't against having sweets in the house, but she had her limits.

ODJennings said...

When I worked for a large bakery chain we would pick up the unsold fruitcakes the first week in January and they would go off to the warehouse to rest until it was time to put them out again after Thanksgiving.

My old sales manager would insist with a straight face that they didn't reach their prime until at least the third year. I guess that's why they made him sales manager.

Greg Ehrbar said...

My mom, whose motto STILL is, "it's cheaper and it's just as good", would buy us "Queen Anne" chocolate covered eggs.

They didn't taste good but the box smelled nice.

As a parents now, we try to get better stuff for the kids (and the dog). As for me, I gotta have a box of PAAS so I can eat cold color eggs with greenish yolks all week.

Love me some matzos, too. And since so few people like Gefilte Fish, I sometimes get the half finished jars. I love it -- it's like Jewish dim sum.

GoldenDreams said...

Mmmm... Peeps. They now come in different flavors and for all the major holidays. Valentine's Day vanilla creme hearts are the best... and I'm not making this up.