is
comic novel about a writing team launching a sitcom starring the diva
from hell is both hilarious and all-too-real. The book is called
ARTISTIC DIFFERENCES and well worth reading.On one page he explains how you can tell a bad sitcom. Simple rules, worth repeating here.
1. Any show in which any character at any time during the life of the series says the words “Ta da!” is a bad sitcom.
2. Any show in which one character says to another, “What are friends for?” is a bad sitcom.
3. Any show in which a character says “Bingo!” in the sense of “Eureka!” is a bad sitcom.
4. Any show in which an actor or actress under the age of seven says cute things in close-up is a bad sitcom.
5. Any show in which an actor or actress over the age of seventy-five says vulgar things in close-up is a bad sitcom.
6. Any show that resorts to the use of Dr. Zarkov dialogue (named for the villain in the FLASH GORGON series, where one character tells another character something they both already know, for the benefit of the audience) is a bad sitcom.
7. Any show in which a character, in the closing minutes, says, “I guess we’ve all learned a lesson,” and then goes on to explain what that lesson is, is a bad sitcom.
And if I may add a few of my own:
8. Any show where the studio audience says “Awwwwww” and the producers leave it in is a bad sitcom.
9. Any show that makes a Kim Kardashian joke is a bad sitcom.
10. Any show where a character says "I just threw up in my mouth" is a bad sitcom.
47 comments :
I believe that "2 Broke Girls" utilized all of them.
Fan fiction types are going to have a field day with "Flash Gorgon, the Snake Haired Hunk."
It's a bit of a stretch to call Zarkov a villain, he was just an excitable scientist who turned out alright in the end.
Number 5 is a major pet peeve of mine. It isn't just sitcoms that do this, movies do it too, and more extreme since they can get away with worse language. Just not clever or funny to have a sweet old grandma swear.
Allow me to add one of my own:
Any show that is named "2 Broke Girls" is a bad sitcom.
May I take the liberty of amending rule four to include any actor under the age of 115? I'm prepared to make an exception in those outlying cases. I might be persuaded to allow cute phrase close-ups to actors under the age of three, for similar reasons.
(I'm English. To us, "cute" is invariably a straight synonym for "cloying.")
When a character says "Bingo" and then pulls out an actual Bingo card it is The Naked Gun.
There’s so many hackneyed jokes these days, which isn’t the fault of anyone, but certainly grates once you notice them.
The kind of “they’re behind me, aren’t they?” or “did I say that out loud?” (the latter actually coined by Dan O’Shannon in the CHEERS writers room - fun fact). They were once brilliant, but then they get overused.
The one I’m getting tired of at the moment is “wait... what?”, even though I probably even say it myself in real life! It must be tough on writers not to fall into that trap of sounding like other shows. Or, then again, looking at Cheers and Frasier, and other great sitcoms, maybe it IS possible to avoid cliches with a bit of effort.
Actually #10 should be: when a member of the audience at HOME says, "I just threw up in my mouth" - it's a bad sitcom..
I love your Nos. 9 and 10, Ken. I absolutely cringe when I hear No. 10. Without looking it up, how many times did they use that line on 2 Broke Girls. I put the over/under at 5.
This unfortunately has nothing to do with sitcoms, but I've been waiting years for an excuse to share this information.
Frank Shannon, who played Dr. Zarkov in the Flash Gordon serials, began his career as the sailor in the original production of Eugene O'Neill's Anna Christie. Pauline Lord, who played Anna herself, made her film debut as Mrs. Wiggins of the Cabbage Patch opposite W.C. Fields. George Marion, who played the father, reprised his role in the Greta Garbo film adaptation. His son went on to be a screenwriter who collaborated with Fields on You Can't Cheat an Honest Man.
You never know where this business will take you.
I think the criterion is simply this, if it's NOT FUNNY it's a bad sitcom. As for the above list; even the good shows have at one point or another included one or more of these offences. Also, the use of OLD, old jokes and silly puns can still make you laugh if executed properly. The flip side is that there are those sitcoms that receive high praise from critics that Just AREN'T funny. The reaction, "This SUCKS! Why am I watching this?!" isn't limited to shows on TBS, The CW or FOX.
Terrific summary. However, Hauck (or at least, one of which the sitcoms on which he wrote) is guilty of one of those sins. I remember on "Maude" when her older housekeeper (Hermione Baddeley) wanted to have her "gentleman friend" stay over for the night in her room. The usually liberal Maude totally balked, and the housekeeper concluded that Maude couldn't stand the idea of "old people being horny."
Love this post. It could be a show bible.
Or you could just tune into NBC.
I'll add:
Any show where a character says "...Let's do this!" is a bad sitcom/drama/movie.
And show where a character says "...wait, WHAT?!" is a bad sitcom/drama/movie.
If the Wizard of Oz were made today, and we get to the part where Dorothy needs rescued, The Tin Man would turn to The Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion and say "Let's do this!" and the Cowardly Lion would respond "...wait, WHAT?!" And the writer would fancy himself clever for writing such "unique" dialog.
> Any show in which an actor or actress over the age of seventy-five says vulgar things in close-up is a bad sitcom.
The Golden Girls?
This post gives me an excuse to vent about the most overused and annoying sitcom contrivance of all:
Fred is trying to tell Charlie something important. But Charlie keeps talking and won't let Fred get a word in edgewise. Fred keeps trying to interrupt to tell him, but no dice, so Fred finally gives up.
This leads to Charlie getting into all sorts of trouble, just because he wouldn't listen to what Fred had to say.
I've never seen anything remotely resembling this scenario ever happen in real life.
I respectfully disagree on #8. If that's the sound that the audience makes, to me it feels a tad like censorship to take it out. You've always mentioned the positive effect of interacting with a live audience when championing traditional multi-camera sitcoms. If a showrunner only keeps audience reactions he likes while editing out/changing audience reactions he dislikes, wouldn't he be better served with a single-camera format? I am aware that having a discussion on authenticity in the context of a US sitcom is a bit ironic, but if an "Awwww" is the genuine emotional reaction shouldn't it stay?
Person A gives a strong opinion on something.
Person B says “wow tell us how you REALLY feel!”
(Canned laughter)
Of course some of these were funny when first done, but have just become overused. In Blazing Saddles when the old lady says FU Nigger it is funny. But it was original than.
jcs: But there was one Cheers from (I think) Season One which Ken has written about when an audience reaction broke the tension of a scene, so it was edited out.
@ jcs:
That touches on a larger issue that I have noticed a lot, particularly in relatively new shows: Inappropriate audience reaction. When I go back and watch FRASIER from season 1, the audience laughter is sometimes way out of proportion to the level of humor. It's still brilliant, don't get me wrong, but the excessive laughter can actually be distracting. Another that comes to mind is early BARNEY MILLER episodes, where audiences seemed to laugh at things that were just flat-out not funny (meaning, they were serious subjects, like describing a violent crime). There must have been something about the atmosphere that was generating that jovial buzz, but it sure doesn't come across in the finished product.
However, I didn't take the original observation of his to be necessarily advocating censorship of audience reaction, rather the opposite. The point being that if the writing and/or acting is eliciting that 'Awwwww" response from the live audience, and isn't nipped in the bud, then it's a sign of a bad sitcom.
Pretty sure 30 Rock violated #10.
Any show where a character says, "Now let me get this straight"...and then repeats exposition for the audience in a sarcastic voice is a bad sitcom.
A marriage or baby virtually always signals desperation in the writers' room. So does a new "cute" kid who arrives when the old "cute" kid becomes less cute and even more annoying.
In dramas, it's when several underlings get together and explain everything to the chief, in rotation, instead of leaving the exposition to one character (this is a cheesy way of letting more people talk). Character 1: I think he's going to Hawaii. Character 2: Hawaii is a state, located in the Pacific Ocean. Character 3: It consists of several islands. Character 4: He's probably one one of them...
Any sitcom that has someone say "If I tell you then I'll have to kill you,"is a bad sitcom.
Overly repeated = bad
The most common statement on every TV program today is "I promise." Drama or comedy, super hero action or dystopian horror, at some point someone says "I promise." They'll get justice, or revenge, or get even or catch the killer, someone says that they'll do it, "I promise." All these promises. The thing is, I never hear real people saying "I promise," except politicians running for office. It is hard to listen to them, too.
Episodes based on "A Christmas Carol" mean the writers are out of ideas.
How about sitcoms where they add a laugh track after almost every line? BIG BANG THEORY
Just as I suspected.
Mork and Mindy qualifies as the worst sitcom every conceived. Everyone was just too afraid to say it.
I generally like the ranch, and there are plenty of real laughs, but the added laughs can be very distracting. The overdone laugh track is definitely one of the signs, but like I said, I like the ranch even though it overdoes the laugh track.
Exposition in general. I would love for a character to give the no shit Sherlock response when told some thing they would obviously know
I just learned to my dismay that the great William Schallert's final acting credit came in 2014...on "2 Broke Girls." Why couldn't it have been at the stage next door at Warners where "Mom" is filmed? (It was in its first season in 2013-2014.) It would've been a far more fitting valedictory for this quintessential character actor.
Keith G, the laughter on BIG BANG THEORY is absolutely from a live audience. People laugh out loud more in person than they do at home. There's something about it being live, and being in a room full of other people laughing. Been to six tapings of that show. It may be slightly sweetened in post, can't say for sure, but they do not need to add in laughs in spots where there were none. At least, not in the six I saw.
Frasier breaks rule 1 in season 9, episode 6 (Roz). It breaks rule 2 in season 5, episode 20 (Daphne). Neither Charlie Hauck nor Ken wrote either of these episodes, but still... I'm not sufficiently interested to check other great sitcoms to see how the rules hold up. I'd guess Hawkeye Pierce said "Ta da!" at least once, though.
Regarding wiseass octogenarians (#5)--Judith Lowry on "Phyllis."
Lowry, though, was well-received, and I credit her with helping the show move past the Barbara Colby tragedy--until Lowry's own death in the second and final season of the show.
A Friday question [that may or may not have been answered before; I'm not sure]...Exactly what does a director do on an animated series? I can only assume that about the only thing he can direct would be the actors doing the voices. I'm assuming that he can't really have an influence on the animation; it's not like he could come in and demand they draw Homer Simpson differently. Inquiring minds want to know! [Or at least what's left of mine does.]
I'd add: Any show in which the audience applaud and whoop when a guest star makes a scene entrance is a bad sitcom.
Fred: You might take a look at SUPERSTORE and THE GOOD PLACE. Both NBC, both fresh and funny.
Keith G.: You don't have to put in a laugh track when you have an audience of college kids and tourists and keep them hopped up on contests, sugar, pizza, and prizes, which is what they do at sitcom recordings.
wg
Charlie missed the ultimate.
A: Wait, I have an idea.
B: That's just crazy enough to work.
All that said, one of my favorite lines in all of tv was Judd Hirsch on “Damages” implying reference to Kim Kardashian as “that Armenian girl with the big tuchas.”
ScarletNumber beat me to it. Number 5 has at least one great exception.
ScarletNumber beat me to it. Number 5 has at least one great exception.
Rule #1: "Arrested Development" used it, but in a subdued way. It helps that the person who said it was a magician (Gob).
@ScarletNumber: The actresses on The Golden Girls were all under the age of 75 at the time that show was made. Rue McClanahan was barely in her 50s when it started.
@Todd Everett: Your scene premise made me laugh; it's so overused in procedurals. You know you're in for some bad exposition when every character begins a line by nodding his or her head at what the previous person just said.
Sometimes audiences laugh or applaud or awwww because they just subconsciously know it's expected of them. The best ever subversion of this was in the pilot episode of The Cosby Show. Theo is getting raked over the coals for poor grades, but tells his dad he should be accepted for who he is because parents should love their kids unconditionally. The audience recognized a good sitcom bromide when they heard it and responded with polite applause. Cliff quietly says, "Theo..." pauses for a beat, and then yells, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life!"
Was never a big "Cosby Show" fan--I found Cosby and even Phylicia Rashad unbearably arrogant at times, and much preferred Meredith Baxter and Michael Gross on "Family Ties"--but I remember that scene from the "Cosby" pilot very well, Mr. Rose.
Your review of it is right on the money, and the scene was effective.
I think his logic is flawed. Here is a sitcom that breaks at least three of these.
1. Episode "The Incubator"
4. Episode "Officer of the Day" and others
7. Any number with Henry Blake
And you can guess which sitcom I'm referring to.
Any sitcom where a character is shown delivering what appears to be a heartfelt speech to a significant other, or an impassioned speech to an employer... and then the camera pulls back to reveal they're just talking in front of a mirror.
Any sitcom with this exchange:
PARENT: "Your mother/father and I are trying to tell you we love you!"
SULLEN TEEN: "...You've got a funny way of showing it."
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