Saturday, November 08, 2008

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (my version)

When HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2 came out I posted what I thought should be the plot for HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3. Well, now that it's out, tell me -- how close did I come?How’s this for the plot of the upcoming HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3? A nude picture of Gabriella (Vanessa Anne Hudgens) is discovered by evil-bitch-future-CAA-agent, Sharpay (Ashley Tisdale) and her weasel brother-future-network-director-of-comedy, Ryan (Lucas Grabeel). Song: “You Learn a Lot About People by Going Through Their Purse”.

Sharpay is very aroused by the naked photo. Ryan is not. Both realize they’re gay. They’re relieved and break off their own budding romance. They sing a big duet: “Incest & Peppermint”.

Stick with me here.

Sharpay also ends her affair with Troy’s dad, the basketball coach realizing it’s wrong to sleep with an older man, much less a teacher when she’s now into quail. And she’s not even in his class.

Ryan joins the basketball team. Shower room production number: “Get’cha Game in the Head”. He’s a good player but tends to get holding calls, even while opponents are shooting free throws,

Meanwhile, Troy (Zac Efron) is on vacation at the one ski lodge that has an indoor basketball court ('Dennis Rodman’s Alpine Inn') and meets fellow vacationer, Jordan Sparkes (fresh off her American Idol tour even though it’s been over for months). They sing a duet together on karaoke night. “In Ten Years We’ll Be Playing Branson.”

Still not over the incredibly insane coincidence that after meeting Gabriella similarly in a ski lodge and a week later, out of all the high schools and cities in the world she could have transferred to, she transferred to his, Troy is shocked when Jordan transfers there as well. They sing a duet about it: “Tweeners Are Too Dumb to Care”.

Sharpay (named after a French felt pen) befriends Gabriella and invites her up to her room where she proudly shows off her extensive headless Barbie collection. Hoping to entice the dark young beauty, Sharpay casually leaves around a few nude photos of herself but Gabriella is creeped out because the shots also include her nude brother, Ryan.

Now Gabriella, Jordan, and Ryan want to star in the high school musical with Troy. Sharpay wants to star with Gabriella, or even Jordan. Ryan wants to star with Troy, his dad, or the back-up center with the soulful eyes. Jordan wants to star in CHICAGO on Broadway.

Ms. Darbus (Alyson Reed), the Drama teacher, is still in hot water with the school board since last year's musical was PHANTOM OF THE OPERA and the chandelier that hovers over the audience during the opening number snapped killing eleven people. This year no ninth graders are on the tech crew.

Gabriella finally rejects Sharpay’s advances in an emotional number called “Why Would I Want a Strap-on When I Can Have the Real Thing?

Sharpay decides to exact revenge and releases the nude photo of Gabriella on the internet. But her plan backfires when not a single boy in the entire school is the least bit aroused.

Big final dance number as every student in East High gets scholarships to Emerson College and Troy learns that Sharpay is his new stepmother.


Anonymous said...

I can't wait until some poor unsuspecting kid happens upon your blog while googling this "movie" :-)

Anonymous said...

I can say with all authority that the numbnuts in that movie would fit right in at my alma mater. Oops! I mean, Emerson forever!

Anonymous said...

Ken, had this version actually been "High School Musical 3," I would have gladly forked over $10 to my local gun-through-a-hole-in-the-wall, I mean, theater box office.

Barefoot Billy Aloha said...

"Sharpay (named after a French felt pen)..."

I scared my dog again with the loudest 'Ha!' when I read that one.

Gotta remember to keep her outside when I read your words...

Anonymous said...

They sing a duet about it: “Tweeners Are Too Dumb to Care”.

Words cannot describe how amazing that was.

Anonymous said...

I suspect some porn mogul will read this blog and make your movie.

Anonymous said...

I've seen the nude of Vanessa Hudgens.

It really isn't arousing.

Unless you're 12. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I think the scariest thing about this whole post is that you actually know the names of all the characters from this accursed franchise.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that is pretty scary -- especially since one of the characters is named Sharpay...and that's just weird.