Thursday, December 25, 2008

I am NOT a douchbag!!

LAS VEGAS (CN) - A man claims Simon & Schuster defamed him in the book "Hot Chicks with Douchebags." Michael Minelli says two pages of the book are dedicated to him illustrated with a photo, but the douchebag label is "false as it pertains to plaintiff."

The author Jay Louis took the photo without his knowledge or consent, says the complaint. "The publication refers to (Minelli) as a douchebag," Minelli claims. "The publication is false as it pertains to the plaintiff."

The book, which started out as the Web site, hit stores in August.
Minelli says he "has been, is now and continues to be called a douchebag by friends, acquaintances, coworkers, employers and strangers alike."

Minelli seeks damages and attorney's fees. He is represented in Clark County Court by Preston Rezaee.


Sam Thornton said...

In the spirit of Holiday Cheer and freedom of the press I join Simon & Schuster in calling Michael Minelli a douchebag.

By the way, who is Michael Minelli?

Nat G said...

Minelli says he "has been, is now and continues to be called a douchebag by friends, acquaintances, coworkers, employers and strangers alike."

Many would take that as a hint.

(Verification word: MIGHTES - my nickname for my testicles, for they are mighty.)

Anonymous said...

With his photos in the book, he must be a douchebag. Books featuring hot chicks with douchebags do not lie.

Anonymous said...

Well, since there’s nothing on TV, and the comments aren't yet pouring in . . .

Can’t remember whether or not this has ever been previously referenced, but it is my belief only a handful of other Americans can make this claim. I am proud to say I spent two summers in the douchebag industry working my way through college. To be specific, the Seamless Rubber Company on Howard Avenue in New Haven.

As a card carrying member of the United Rubber Workers of America, I did some of my finest work assisting bladder-makers on the douchebag production line. For the first week or two I thought they were just hot water bottles, until the full functional possibilities and mechanisms were delicately explained. As I recall, my principal responsibility had involved coating the douchebags in talc powder (in the douchebag prep area), so they wouldn’t stick together until fully cured. Now as you can probably surmise, a person doesn’t have a douchebag gig like that handed to him on a silver platter. No, I had to work my way up.

And that I did. Owned by Rexall, the enterprise offered valuable manufacturing and transportation experiencein the areas of tourniquets, breathing bags (those things the actors squeeze over the mouths and noses of other actors on ER, until they can pretend to hook ‘em up to a ventilator). As I recall these were molded out a miracle substance called neoprene – coming on huge flatbed RR cars from DuPont. Pushed right into the basement without ever leaving the tracks, beside massive wads of genuine Brazilian rubber also on flatcars. Literally a fire and brimstone experience with the overwhelming cloud of sulfur wafting through dim light, uninterrupted to the delight of all.

There were also Quickbands – The Rexall brand Band-Aid, so named, we believe, in recognition of the rapidity with which the adhesive deteriorated, causing the product to fall off, exposing gaping wounds all over America to contamination. Mustard plasters, a type of bandage designed to cure what ailed you by causing your back or chest to sweat like a sonofabitch. Of course there were the regular adhesive plasters, used to cover various kinds of intermediate-sized wounds. (For the smaller wounds, we recommended adhesive spackle.)

Sorry, I didn’t mean to leave the douchebags just hanging. Louie the foreman kept increasing the douchebag quota higher and higher, until I just about collapsed at quitting time. I didn’t see how I could get all the work done by 5, until another worker took me aside and advised, “Asshole, don’t you see he’s trying to give you overtime, so you can make time-and-a-half for college?” So much for overachievement.

Unfortunately, I was only in condoms for a relatively short duration (story of my life)--leaving friends and associates to speculate incorrectly that I had occupied the coveted position of tester. The line was discontinued during my tenure, allegedy because the company lost more in stolen inventory than we were able to sell. Go figure.

Eventually I rose to the top floor sporting equipment – primarily rubber balls of all sizes (but with one exception of little variety in shape). Handballs, tennis balls, those red Voit playground balls that made dodgeball the crowd-pleasing international Olympic event it has become. The crowning achievement a second summer association with the renowned Bob Cousy Super K basketballs, proudly sporting our own “Seamless” trademark (although as I recall we were simultaneously vulcanizing virtually identical models for Spaulding and Wilson). Of course to get there, they had to pry me away from nipples.

Lane said...

to quote Martin Short in "The Big Picture" -

"nobody calls me douchebag, Douchebag!"

sadly I couldn't find this clip on youtube.

verification word: chazi - obviously an Oriental person who wants to eliminate us Jews

Dr. Leo Marvin said...


I think The Big Picture was one of the best Faustian Hollywood satires. If you think so too, that means everyone who saw it agrees.

Anonymous said...

what a douchebag

Anonymous said...

How the hell is this guy going to prove he's NOT a douchebag?

Anonymous said...

Isn't the real issue that this man's name and image has been used without his permission? The fact people ask "Who is Michael Minelli" does tend to negate the "public figure" defense. I always thought you had to get approval to use a person's image in a for-profit enterprise like a book, unless the original photograph was taken with explicit or implicit understanding it could be utilized in one form or another?

Anonymous said...

The "funniest" part of this post is that it was posted by a writer who ostensibly would be pissed if someone didn't credit him for his original work, yet that's what he's done here. Maybe he only respects certain writers?

Here is the original post, complete with the writer's name in the byline! Imagine that!