Friday, March 31, 2006

How can...?

How can there possibly be a Michael Eisner talk show?

How can the GEORGE LOPEZ SHOW reach 100 episodes?

How can American Airlines charge $4.00 for crackers?

How can El Coyote on Beverly Blvd. stay in business?

How can Rob Schneider keep making a living as an actor?

How can Paula Abdul even remember her name?

How can MAMA MIA still be running on Broadway?

How can George Mason be in the Final Four (not that I’m complaining)?

How can Jessica Simpson want to adopt a child?

How can Jack Bauer’s cellphone always get great reception?

How can Joan Rivers close her eyelids?

How can Neil Sedaka not be in the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame?

How can anybody put together a piece of Ikea furniture?

How can Bonnie Bernstein think it’s better to host the Sprint NCAA tournament over-the-phone than sideline reporter for the CBS television network?

How can Barbara Walters be on INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO?

How can the JACK format still be on the air in New York?

How can ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY think Gene Wilder’s performance in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN was the 9th greatest acting performance of ALL TIME??

How can Bucky still be on AMERICAN IDOL?

How can oil companies get away with charging almost $3.00 a gallon?

How can baseball commissioner Bud Selig hire a man who is part owner of the Red Sox and involved with ESPN to handle the “impartial” investigation of steroids?

How can the star of TRUE LIES be the governor of California?

And the biggest question of all:

How can George W. Bush actually be the President of the United States?

21 comments:

Paul said...

A heartfelt amen to you sir. Especially for that last one.

How can Arrested Development be cancelled?

poor man said...

How can you possibly be in my brain?

Over the past 24 hours I had given serious thought to the EIsner, Lopez and Schneider mysteries.

Tonight I will cry myself to sleep.

Andres said...

How can Desperate Housewives have beat out Curb Your Enthusiasm AND Arrested Development for best comedy?!?!?

I'm surprised the world hasn't folded over on itself and our bodies turned inside out.

Commence Armageddon.

Anonymous said...

Love the site: some answers--

El Coyote has great chips and salsa for free. What mystery is here for you?!?!?!? It's not like Mexican Restaurants with long histories so close to the Mexican border are an anathema.

Oil companies charge 3.00 a gallon because China and India are approaching first world status and sucking up oil like a dry sponge. Hello supply and demand? Not a conspiracy. Account for inflation and the price ain't even that high. LA driver bias anyone?

My two gripes. Mostly the El Coyote one. Heh.

claude said...

Gas is almost $6.50 in Amsterdam, so there's some perspective.


...though apparently government tax on gas in Europe is what accounts for up to 75% of the cost.


Maybe this will help you Ken:
www.losangelesgasprices.com

Oh and:

How can your blog consistently be the highlight of my day?

I need to write more...

Dan H. said...

Yours is the second anti-El Coyote remark I've heard in a couple of days. All I can do in their defense is shrug and keep eating there once in a while. I've eaten at worse.

Re: 24. Nevermind cell phones -- how can Jack Bauer drive from the Santa Clarita area to headquarters in the Wilshire/near downtown district in less than an hour? Is CTU HQ in an orbiting blimp?!?

Tenspeed & Brownshoe said...

How can Fox have some of the best shows on television?

How can Fox then cancel these shows and replace them with mediocre rip-offs?

How can we complain about the price of a gallon of gas and then pay almost double that for 8 ounces of coffee?

How can Sharon Stone think she wouldn't have been lambasted for Basic Instinct 2?

How can Americans not really care that our once great country has become a theocracy?

How can I be the only Black atheist in the world?

How can I be the only one who doesn't find David Letterman funny?

How can George Bush not go down in history as the worst President ever?

Anonymous said...

tenspeed

Another nitpick:

We're a theocracy? A theocracy cuts your head off for cartoons. Your head is still clearly attached for hating your government, and your president. No defense of the government (or the president!), but I HATE that emotional absurdism. You love fascism and theocracy as words, like swear words you just call someone who is ogling your girlfriend. Go pledge, you intellectual giant.

Frank Strovel III said...

FYI: Eisner's talk show garnered a ZERO rating.

Literally. A zero.

RKBentley said...

Oh, Ikea furniture putting together isn't that bad.

Great post, btw.

Tenspeed & Brownshoe said...

Anonymous:

Yes, we're headed towards a theocracy. Theocracy is a form of government in which a religion and the government are intertwined.

That's us.

* A theocracy is when our President states that the jury is still out on evolution.

* A theocracy is when our President states that he answers to a "higher" power.

You may HATE emotional absurdism; in fact, so do I. But don't wonder what happened to the world when your girlfriend can't get an abortion because you forgot to pull out.

Bill said...

No Neil Sedaka, no Connie Francis. The Hall is a sham.

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with El Coyote?

- Allen

Julie Goes To Hollywood said...

How can a woman be expected to pass a baby through her vagina without screaming, "You did this to me, Cult Boy!"

Dixon Steele said...

El Coyote...exactly! They can't even make a decent strawberry margarita, for God's sake!

Bucky must go!!

emily blake said...

I think I can answer the Bucky question. He's from North Carolina. Between Clay Aiken and Fantasia, it should be clear to su all by now that the Old North State has the most pop-singing talent in America. They don't allow you to be voted off if you're from NC. This time, they're going all in with three contestents left. I foresee and all NC finale.

But seriously, how can Clay Aiken possibly be a sex symbol?

branfordbob said...

I'm with ya all the way except I'm not quite sold on Neil Sedaka, although Mike has made a passionate argument on his behalf. Where they lose me is: NO HOLLIES!

BTW, have you ever tried decyphering the word verification with a migrane? I don't recommend it (third try was the charm).

Harriet said...

Re: Gene Wilder - We had that *exact* issue with the Premiere list. I love Gene Wilder, I don't begrudge him a spot on the list--but NINE? For YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN? Wha? In the end, my parody-writing husband got me to agree that Wilder deserved a spot for a performance that held up against Mel Brooks' relentlessly hammy filmmaking.

Melissa said...

How can anyone think Fosters is Australian for beer.

Lonestarr said...

...good point about Gene Wilder. I love YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, but he was much better as Willy Wonka. If anything, that deserves a #9 spot on that - or any - performances list.

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."

LUXXXCORP said...

How can El Coyote on Beverly Blvd. stay in business?
It's where locals bring outta-town guests that they'd wished weren't here visiting at all and would they, please, just go home. I've, just, been there too often under stressful situations.

How can MAMA MIA still be running on Broadway?
The impressive groove-thang as well as the shiney happy people laughing and having more fun than you, dammit.
(flash-bang for ABBA/CULT MASS in F minor)

How can Jessica Simpson want to adopt a child?
Probably a really simple reason that makes all the sense in the world, once you know it. but, what's it to ya, bub, anyway? Huh? S'kinda personal, dontcha think? Or dontcha?

How can Neil Sedaka not be in the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame?
He's icky. (Makes my skin crawl?)

How can Barbara Walters be on INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO?
At what episode will it jump the shark and at what # episode before they REALLY begin scraping the bottom of the barrell. IF EVER? This could outlast Face the Nation, eventually. Hmmm?

How can I be the only one who doesn't find David Letterman funny?
It's a geek thang.

How can George Bush not go down in history as the worst President ever?
A lot like my anscestor, J.K. Polk, n'es p'as?

How can anyone think Fosters is Australian for beer.
It's the B I G - A S S C A N