Tuesday, March 20, 2007

American Idol: British Invasion week

The last time I saw someone cry as much as that little girl it was me on election night 2004. Come on. It’s not like they killed Bambi’s mother.

I loved British Invasion week. Invariably, these kids give some of their best performances when singing songs from the 60’s. It was just a spectacular decade for music.

Interesting that not one contestant chose a Herman’s Hermits song. I just picture Hannibal Phil Stacey singing “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter” and Mrs. Brown being so terrified she gets a restraining order.

Likewise, no one did a Lulu song. Not even that all-time classic, “Me, the Peaceful Heart”.

“Thinkin’ ‘bout love that keeps us together, Thinkin’ ‘bout love that keeps us apart, Wonderin’ why the stormy weather, Always finds me, the peaceful heart.”

At least it’s a song that Paula would understand.

Sanjaya is now just humiliating himself every week. This is like when people dress up their dogs. William Hung was cringing. Please vote him off before Tony Bennett week. I beg of you.

I must say I was impressed with Lulu. Good coaching and she looks great. I’m sure Diana Ross is saying (or slurring), “Yeah, she had work done.” True, but unlike you she went to an excellent plastic surgeon not Madame Tussaud.

Peter Noone was the sexiest man alive in 2002? Now I begin to understand Sanjaya.

Haley Scarnato could have sung the Iraqi national anthem she’ll still get 30,000,000 votes for wearing that braless top. Wow. That little girl and every 20-year old boy was crying when she jiggled through her number. Melinda Doolittle had far and away the best vocal of the night but Haley’s performance will be the most downloaded by 12,000%.

Chris Richardson has the same thrilling command in his voice as power balladeer, Herb Alpert.

Simon Cowell never heard of “Don’t Let the Sun Catch You Crying” by Gerry & the Pacemakers? And he’s a Brit?? Did he spend 1964 in his room listening to his Matt Monroe album?

Was that a pattern on Uncle Fester, Phil Stacey’s shirt or sweat stains?

I love Jordin Sparks. Love her new silky straight hair. Love her personality. Love her smile. Love her voice.

I couldn’t believe Simon had a problem with her song, “I Who Have Nothing” because it was gloomy. As my daughter, Annie said, “from the ray of sunshine that is Simon Cowell.”

Another Lulu classic no one chose: “Oh Me Oh My, I’m a Fool For You”. Stephanie Edwards would be sitting pretty had she sung these poignant lyrics:

“I'll stage a ballet on a table top, Command performance finger size. Though I ain't got no tune my show won't flop, Cause I'll find the music in your eye.”

New Coke glasses this week. Cut to little girl crying.

When Blake Lewis was singing, I couldn’t tell, was Paula raising her arms or legs over her head?

If I were Stephanie, Gina, or Phil I’d be booking airline tickets right about now. If I were Sanjaya I’d be checking when the next flight to the moon is.

Lulu was right that LaKisha should have sung “You’re My World” instead of “Diamond’s Are Forever”. The sexy, sultry act was more “yikes” than “yo”.

Chris Sligh now has a hook -- “Fro Patrol”. So much better than “the Preferred Nerd”.

That little girl needs meds. Really.

Is Haley’s performance on line yet? God, I hate myself.

38 comments:

Blarneyman said...

Why do you care? Seriously. Why?

aaron said...

If only Studio 60 had copied the American Idol theme instead of SNL...

Anonymous said...

A blog on American Idol?
Why?
Who cares?
I'll pass...............

Fiasco said...

I enjoy AI. I won't even cop out by calling it a guilty pleasure. It's better than that.

While I enjoy the Uncle Fester angle on Phil Stacey, it was about halfway through his number last night that I realized where I'd seen him before: gold-plated on a sarcophagus in the British Museum.

You could have put Stephen Hawking up there, computersinging "A World Without Love," and that little girl would have been squirting the tears.

Come to think of it, that would make me cry, too.

Tom Quigley said...

I imagine that Simon just found out last week that the Beatles broke up... And his response was "Who in bloody hell are the Beatles?"... In his world, if he can't criticize it, it doesn't exist... And if he didn't know who Gerry and the Pacemakers were and has never heard "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying," all he had to do was turn on PBS during its most recent pledge week, to find another one of T.J. Lubinsky's oldies specials, this time a British Invasion revival hosted by Petula Clark; and there was Gerry Marsden, all 384 pounds of him, taking up most of the stage and sweating through his own 21st Century interpretion of it... He could have been singing "Don't Let the Sun Catch Me Blotting It Out by Standing in Front of It"... Sadly, at this point in his career, maybe instead of Gerry and the Pacemakers, they should be calling themselves "Gerry and the Defibrillators"... None of which has anything to do with "American Idol" except for the fact that I'm going to stop writing now and go catch Haley Scarnato's performance again on YouTube...

DrBear said...

The performance in question, ya sickies. :) (pops)

The Captain said...

Ughh...count me in as a sicko. Maybe I'll start watching now. Was she the one who was on the internet in her underpants?

Doug said..... said...

Speaking of Haley, the song she performed was "Tell Him".
Simon's introduction said it was a big hit for Billie Davis. Yes, it was....in Britain. In North America (where AI is broadcast), no-one ever heard of Billie Davis. The song was a hit for a Brooklyn girl group named The Exciters. Obviously, a Brit wouldn't know that. Ryan's show theme introductory voice over also mentioned another British group that made it big after The Beatles. Theat group DID NOT have even one hit in North America.
Maybe the British staff should do a little American research before they write these things on a show called "American Idol".

Doug said...

Sorry gang, the above should read..."Ryan's introduction said it was a big hit for Billie Davis"...not Simon.

Tracelator said...

OK So I take back everything I said about Ryan being more butch this season. Did you notice him toss the cellphone off the stage? You just cant hide throwing like a girl.

And I'm pretty sure Simon is familiar with the George Michael cover of "Don't Let the Sun Go Down"... some arch inside joke with Ryan pretending not to know it...

I think Jordan took the night. Melinda was of course great to listen to but each week as the contestants grow more glamorous, she keeps coming back as a muppet... maybe the hairdressers are too preoccupied with Sanjaya...

I think Sanjaya's Kinks imitation is now a concious choice to play to the Howard Stern audience that is keeping him alive at votefortheworst.com...

MaryAn Batchellor said...

Simon is installing a pole this week.

Mary Stella said...

Call me delusional, but last night I sort of liked Sanjaya, until he minced and prissied his way over to the crying fan. Then I got a flash of him in satin shorts performing exercise routines to "Sweating with Sanjaya".

Chris Richardson did okay, considering his unfortunate physiological challenge. He was obviously born with his vocal cords in his sinus cavities. And what is with those Mapquest eyebrows?

Haley -- Want to vote for Haley? Call 1-866-IDOLS-T&A.

Chris Sligh -- Great vocal and performance on She's Not There, but please get him a stylist fast! The guy has the Flo Factor, for sure.

Ken, the Flo & Eddie reference is for you.

I should have invited you to join our Idol pool. You and I made the same choices for bottom three. *G*

The Minstrel Boy said...

we'll tell our smokey friend, now don't forget. . .

nice to know there are still some silly lulu lovers out there. it's good to not feel totally alone.

IQCrash said...

American Idol is the one show that makes me question myself. I feel one step removed from being on Jerry Springer when I watch. That being said, you have it all wrong Ken.

Haley:

I'm hoping she'll sleep with me. And not that regular sex stuff either - the kind of sex you have in Vegas where you leave your money on the Blackjack table and run up to the room for a quicky - that way she can leave that shirt on while we do it.

Sanjaya:

If I ever find myself in prison, I only hope my bunkmate looks half as good as Sanjaya. Then I think I could survive in the joint.

Chris Sligh:

There's just something about the pudgy bastard that I really liked early on, but with each passing performance he seems to be annoying me more and more. I still hope he wins, though.

Ian said...

Ken, I agree more that Lulu is hot... caught her recently on the otherwise insipid PBS beg-a-thon, and couldn't believe how good she looked. Moreover, the woman can really sing. Performing "To Sir With Love," her voice was every bit as strong as it was on the original recording. And I was in nursery school that year.

The crying kid? I kept imagining her mother, just off-camera, poking her with a knitting needle to keep the waterworks going. What wouldn't she cry over?

Haley... wow. From honorary Osmond to hottie-in-hotpants in one swell foop.

Tom Quigley, you are one funny guy.

VP19 said...

I take it no one sang my favorite Gerry & the Pacemakers record, "I'll Be There," which was written by Bobby Darin, of all people.

Michael Zand said...

Wholeheartedly agree with all your comments,Ken. Particularly about Lulu being a great coach and that Lakisha should have listened to her. Who gives a shit about diamonds?

BTW, sorry to be a pedant but It's Madame Tussaud.

Ben Brandstrader said...

The Crying Girl - The part Amy Poehler was born to play. I'd be seriously shocked if it wasn't the opening segment of SNL this week.

cce said...

If Sanjaya does that thing with his tongue one more time on live television I'm going to heave in my living room. He's just sooo PAINFUL to watch.

Mike Barer said...

I've always hated the concept of this show and everything that the Fox Network stands for. But I have found myself watching lately

John said...

I was kind of hoping Sanjaya would get to do The Hollies' "Carrie Ann". Based on his slightly out-of-the-mainstream look and mannerisms, and the lyrics to the song, he would have been getting critiqued by Dateline NBC's Chris Hanson instead of Simon after he finished.

mom askew said...

Mr. Quigley, you are one very fuunny man.

Well, I guess it could have been worse...someone might tried to sing "To Sir with Love"

Aaron you have found the answer to Studio 60.

The Noosance said...

Thank you, Ken. Now I can validate my shame-ridden Idol pleasure by telling everyone that the writer of Cheers and Frasier watches too. No one ever bought my "a writer has to keep up with pop culture" line. Maybe they will now. If you're ok, I'm ok. Or not.

http://thenoosewire.blogspot.com/

Joseph said...

Cut to little girl crying:

http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l228/sajmantis/idol_l.jpg

Anonymous said...

I have never ever watched even one episode of this show but I really like the recap blog Ken does of it every week. I get a kick out of reading all the comments.

robinz

Mr. buttle said...

If Steven Banks would only enter, it would all be over for the amateurs...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62EePXzshX8

Bill said...

What's with the "little girl"? She looks to be about 29.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Well now LaKisha has ruined the chances for a "James Bond Title Song" Theme Night. I so wanted to hear Sanjaya's rendition of GOLDFINGER. To be able to sing "You're So Vain" directly to Simon would be Heaven for anyone. Tom Jones could coach Blake Lewis on how to bellow THUNDERBALL. Simon could complain that he'd never heard of LIVE AND LET DIE before. ("Sir Paul who?") And the more lyrically-challenged contestants could vie for the right to hum the James Bond Theme as the "Song" from DR.NO. (Yes, I know that there was a song in the movie, UNDERNEATH THE MANGO TREE, but it wasn't sung anywhere near the credits.) The singer covering Nancy Sinatra Lambert's YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE could be critiicized for NOT being pitchy enough. "Dawg, you were on key. You're supposed to go sharp."

Missed oportunities.

BTW, the weeping child was crying for the late Larry Bud Melman, whose heart could not survive the elimination of Brandon Rogers. Or was it the non-elimination of Sanjaya that killed Calvert DeForest?

rashad khan said...

Sunjaya: Why does that name sound like something the ancient Mayans worshipped?

Douglas McEwan said...

So next year they'll be auditioning crying kids all over America.

"Is that supposed to be crying? You sounded like an asthmatic wolfhound."

"You're a lovely child, you're a star, but that wasn't your best weeping jag."

"Dawg, you were pitchy."

"What do you think you're doing? It's a crying competition. You were keening."

Then, Johnny Ray Theme Night.

Mike Barer said...

Nowadays Gerry probably has a Pacemaker.

Great Big Radio Guy said...

I didn't see this in my quick scan of the comments, but MSNBC found out the cryin' kid was (surprise) a plant. Video.

Anonymous said...

When you posted an AI thread, it may have seemed like a "wtf not?" kind of good idea. But just like the right cocktail can make relieving yourself in your bed seem like a good idea, sometimes the answer to "wtf not?" only occurs to you only when the drugs have worn off. I suspect (I hope) that when you read through the comments to this thread, you realize you've crossed a line in public from which there's no return.

By the way, I'm a 52 year old heterosexual man, and every time Melinda sings I cry like that little girl.

chris said...

well said sir. Sanjaya must be stopped! Haley, encouraged!

Karen Scott said...

I’m sure Diana Ross is saying (or slurring), “Yeah, she had work done.” True, but unlike you she went to an excellent plastic surgeon not Madame Tussaud.

OK, I'm officially tickled pink by the above observation.

Mo said...

Insult or Compliment? -- "Sanjaya Makes Me Cry" -- http://www.moeschwag.com/vforsat.html
Either way it is funny.

Louise7 said...

Melinda Doolittle's Debut Album Coming Back to You Drops 2/3/2009 - Listen to her Single “It’s Your Love” at http://myspace.com/MelindaDoolittle

A release date has been set for her upcoming album. Coming Back To You will drop on February 3, and it promises to be an eclectic mix of blues, classic R&B and jazz.

The first single, “It’s Your Love” will be released to radio soon.
Keep updated about Melinda's career at http://www.melindasbackups.com

Martino said...

Hi Ken- First, Go Mariners!!
Second- thanks for hanging the image of the British Invasion 36 All-Time Greatest Hits album on here. I recently bought it, and Windows Media Player shows the wrong track info for disc 3....and refuses to acknowledge the album's existence when I try to import the info