Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Worst Songs of All-Time 2

Okay gang, it’s time for the second annual “Worst Songs of All-Time” list. Last time I did this CNN stole it. Thanks again you bastards. Anyway, here’s the updated list to include some readers’ additions.

By the way, don’t feel bad if you secretly like some of these songs. We all do. I actually have some of them. But do feel bad if you like “My Dad”. Even on Father’s Day weekend that song is still cringeworthy.


Please add your favorites… or should I say least favorites? Thanks.



Honey....Bobby Goldsboro

Good Morning Starshine....Oliver

The Night Chicago Died....Paper Lace

Billy Don't be a Hero....Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods

One Tin Soldier....Coven

My Boy Lollipop.....Little Millie Small

Surfin Bird....Trashmen

Mule Skinner Blues....Fendermen

He Hit me and it Felt like a Kiss....Crystals

Transfusion....Nervous Norvis

Ballad of the Green Beret....Sgt. Barry Sandler

Laurie...Dickie Lee

Deck of Cards....Wink Martindale

Hooray for Hazel....Tommy Roe

Yummy Yummy Yummy....Ohio Express

My Dad...Paul Peterson

Timothy....Buoys

Unicorn Song...Irish Rovers

Watching Scotty Grow...Bobby Goldsboro

I've Never Been to Me...Charlene

Paper Tiger...Sue Thompson

Wildfire...Michael Murphy

Indiana Wants Me...R.Dean Taylor

Letter From Elena...Casey Kasem

Little Black Egg....Nightcrawlers

Disco Duck...Rick Dees

Baby I'm a want you....Bread

Past, Present, Future…the Shangri Las

Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald....Gordon Lightfoot

Girls girls girls are made to Love...Eddie Hodges

Seasons in the Sun...Terry Jacks

Love Jones....Brighter Shade of Darkness

Heartbeat is a Love beat -- Delfranco Family

The Streaker...Ray Stevens

She Can't Find Her Keys...Paul Peterson

Ringo...Lorne Green

I Sold My Heart to the Junkman....Bluebells

Gallant Men....Senator Everett Dirkson

Which Way you Goin Billy....Poppy Family

Torn Between Two Lovers....Mary McGregor

Happiest Girl in the USA ...Donna Fargo

Ben...Michael Jackson

Open Letter to my Teenage Son...Victor Lundberg

The Men in my Little Girl's Life....Mike Douglas

Tin Man...America

Johnny Loves Me...Shelley Fabares

I Put a Spell on You...Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Claire...Gilbert O'Sullivan

Walk like an Egyptian…the Bangles

Today is Cindy's Birthday....Johnny Crawford

Close to Cathy....Mike Clifford

MacArthur Park...Richard Harris

Locomotion...Grand Funk Railroad

The Americans...Byron McGregor

Haunted House...Gene Simmons

Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town....Kenny Rogers

Bottle of Wine....Fireballs

Wait For Me...the Playmates

How am I supposed to live without you…Michael Bolton

Sad Movies make me cry…Sue Thompson

Martian Hop....Randells

Skinny Legs and All....Joe Tex

Hello Hello....Claudine Longet

Tutti Fruitti....Pat Boone

Mrs. Robinson....Frank Sinatra

We are the World…USA for Africa

Do the Clam....Elvis Presley

Hello…Lionel Richie

I Remember You…Frank Eifield

Sometimes when we touch…Dan Hill

Uh oh (part II)….the Nutty Squirrels

Wam Bam (Shang-a-Ling)….the Silvers

Laugh at Me...Sonny & Cher

Little Green Apples....O.C. Smith

I Wish I were a Princess...Little Peggy March

You Really turn me on...Ian Whitcomb

I'm Henry the Eighth....Herman's Hermits

Muscrat Love...Capt. & Tanille

Sit on my face, Stevie Nicks...the Rotters

Jingle Bells...the Barking Dogs

Downtown...Mrs. Miller

Ain't No Way to Treat a Lady...Helen Reddy

Candy Man...Sammy Davis Jr.

Puppy Love...Donny Osmond

Touch me in the Morning...Diana Ross

Another Somebody done somebody wrong song...B.J. Thomas

Float On…the Floaters

Dominique…the Singing Nun

Lovin' You...Minnie Riperton

How does that grab ya, darling….Nancy Sinatra

Chick a Boom...Daddy Dew Drops

Mmmmm Bop...Hanson

You Light up my Life…Debby Boone

Neanderthal…Hot Legs

Call Collect...Art Linkletter

Karma Chameleon…Culture Club

Please Mr. Please...Olivia Newton John

Mickey...Toni Basil

Old Rivers...Walter Brennan

You Better Sit Down Kids...Cher

Indian Lake...Cowsills

Ding dong the witch is dead....Fifth Estate

Master Jack...Four Jacks and a Jill

Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep...Mac & Katie Kissoon

Wild Thing...Senator Bobby

Tall Paul...Annette

Feelings…Morris Albert

Dreams of the Everyday Housewife…Glen Campbell

Roses are Red…Bobby Vinton

Stayin’ In…Bobby Vee

Chevy Van…Sammy Johns

England Swings…Roger Miller

Patches…Dickie Lee

Popsickle…Jan & Dean

I am Woman…Helen Reddy

Playground in my mind…Clint Holmes

Wind Beneath my Wings…Bette Midler

Trying to get the feeling…Barry Manilow

The Doggone Girl is Mine…Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney

Ain’t Gonna Bump with no Big Fat Woman…Joe Tex

Speedy Gonzales….Pat Boone

I'm Not a Juvinile Delinquent...Frankie Lyman & the Teenagers

Dead Skunk...Louden Wainwright III

Ten Commandments…Paul Anka

We Can’t Sing Rhythm & Blues... by Patience & Prudence

Dear Mr. Jesus… Power Source

Me and You and a Dog Named Boo – Lobo

Pac Man Fever… Buckner and Garcia

Sister Christian… Night Ranger

Some Velvet Morning… Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazelwood

Streets of London… Ralph McTell

Patches… Dickey Lee

Nuttin’ for Christmas… Barry Gordon

Having My Baby… Paul Anka

Swingin’… John Anderson

Don’t give up on us baby… David Soul

I’m not a girl, not yet a woman…Britney Spears

Camel Toe…Fanny Pack

Baby I’m a want you… Bread

The Night the lights went out in Georgia… Vicki Lawrence

Pineapple Princess… Annette

129 comments:

ajmilner said...

A couple of comments...

1) I'm convinced the ONLY reason Lorne Greene's "Ringo" was a hit in 1964 was that thousands of confused teenaged girls assumed it was about The Beatles.

2) I'm also convinced that Ray ("The Streak") Stevens was the ONLY novelty singer to ever have a #1 hit with a NON-novelty song ("Everything Is Beautiful"). Can anybody out there verify this?

Anonymous said...

Since you seem to dislike patriotic songs, for worst song of all time, how about "America the Beautiful" or "The Star Spangled Banner." A song that only delays the start of baseball and makes the game last even longer.

Anonymous said...

Jack and Diane - John Cougar Mellancamp

"Changes come 'round real soon make us women and men" ???? Puhleeeze!

RAC said...

How about a few for dear old dad, like:

Daddy, Please (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas), which ruined an otherwise great John Denver album.

Daddy, Don't You Walk So Fast, as recorded by Wayne Newton.

Father Figure, by George Michael.

Beckylooo said...

"I Put A Spell On You"!??!?! Really?? Not only am I not embarrased to love that tune but I happen to think it's fantastic in a totally straight forward, non-ironic way. Sure, Nina Simone's version was better. But Nina's version is always better.

In place of that I nominate "Informer" by white canadian rapper Snow. A Licky boom boom down indeed.

Will H said...

Hooray for Hazel was actually by Tommy Roe not Bobby Roe. He also gave us Dizzy, Jam Up and Jelly Tight and a terrible protest song, The Folk Singer.
But he also did Sheila which has a great drum solo.

Anonymous said...

I think you've covered more "worst songs" than I could have thought of myself.

A couple of things:

1. Terry Jacks had better be dead. After feeling sorry for him when hearing "Seasons in the Sun" for thousands of times during the early '70's, all I can say is he'd better have died soonafter.

2. I heard that Phil Spector put out that Crystals song, "He Hit Me and It Felt Like A Kiss" to purposely fail. I don't know what happened exactly, but I heard that he released it to be a flop, so he could buy out his business partner for a cheaper price.

Great list, Ken!

Ken Levine said...

Like I said, there are probably several on this list that we each secretly love (while others vomit). I even own some of these... but I'll never say which.

dasmondhaschen said...

wow - that is quite a list. how did you compile this? glad to see 'i've never been to me' on there. i love how wretched that song is. the 70's were a great and horrible time for music. something i never thought i'd be nostalgic for but now that i'm older, totally am.

i nominate anything by randy newman. how about 'short people'? i hate that guy.

F.J. said...

Wow, very comprehensive, Ken. And yes, some of those songs, I actually, DO like. I submit for your approval...

1. "Somebody's watching me" by Maxwell (with Michael Jackson guest voocal.

2. "I'll Tumble 4 Ya" Culture Club.

3. ANYTHING by Air Supply

4. "We Built This City" by Starship

5. "Ebony & Ivory" Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson

6. "Dust In The Wind" by Kansas

7. "I Just Called To Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder

8. And finally, ANY future Sanjaya single!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Patches by Jerry Reed kicked ass.
Ray Stevens was underated.
I give you the Glen Campbell song I skip it on my cd player.
Thank God for Galveston.
Jimmy Webb got a bye for MacArthur Park
Roger Miller was a God!!!
King of the Road covers any miscues.
Some of the others are guilty pleasures.
I think it was the Di Franco family though ,if I remember from Tiger Beat:)
You know I think that a lot these songs depend on your age.
I can still remember loving Cherokee Nation and it wasn't a great song but it is if you are 10.
elaine

Firepix1979 said...

Always and Forever- Luther Vandross- the most overplayed wedding song of all time- I banned the DJ from even bringing it to my first wedding.....

Blind Man in the Bleachers- Kenny Starr- need I say more?

Hell of a list Ken- makes one ponder....

The Crutnacker said...

Ken, you bastard, now I have 3 dozen horrible choruses going through my head at the same time.


Little Willy -- The Sweet (or Sweet)

Is That How You Measure a Man -- Clay Aiken (Let's face it, we all know Clay measures with a ruler).

Styx -- Mr. Roboto (I loved this album as a 12 year old. Nuff said)

Soundgarden -- Big Dumb Sex (The only words I remember -- I'm gonna f, f, f, f, f, you, f you.)

Brody Bounce -- Captain And Tennille (Schlock tribute to the couple's dogs. Makes Muskrat Love look like Heard it Through The Grapevine)

Star Wars/Cantina -- Meco (The thought of C3P0 in white polyester scares me.)

Childhood -- Michael Jackson ("Have you seen my childhood?" No, but children have seen your manhood)

The Kids -- Lou Reed (Producer Bob Ezrin puts the sounds of child abuse to music. It's got a nice beating and you can dance to it.)

Fly Robin Fly -- Silver Convention (Eight words repeated over and over to a sappy disco beat. Pistol for your brain sold separately.)

and the worst I can think of....

Run Joey Run -- David Geddes (This is not career advice for Matt LeBlanc, but the worst example of a horrible song genre, the snuff tune (like Leader of the Pack and Teen Angel).

The Crutnacker said...

What, no comments about the daytime Emmy Awards?

Scary looking bunch of people on that show. Rachel Ray's dress made her cleavage look like two flesh colored Hostess Snowballs seeking shelter in her armpits.

Scott said...

Chuck Berry - My Ding a-ling
The Girl is Mine - Jackson and McCartney
She's like the wind - Patrick Swazhi
End of the Road - boys II men/Mariah

Bill said...

You must really hate "Baby I'm a Want You" to include it twice. Seems about right, though.

Bobarino said...

Wow, great list, despite the fact that I like a few of those tunes. Which ones? Look, a squirrel!

Let me add one that actually made the top 40 in the early 70's but which I heard for the first time only a week or so ago, courtesy of the terrific Casey Kasem reruns on XM: The Battle Hymn of Lt. Calley, by C Company featuring Terry Nelson. This sympathetic portrayal of Calley is a double threat: a lousy song that's also heinous!

Anonymous said...

"These Boots Are Made For Walking" by Nancy Sinatra.

Along with...

"Something Stupid" by both Nancy AND Frank Sinatra...

I love Frank Sinatra, but what the hell was he thinking?

David said...

Your list did confuse me, for thr version of "Billy Don't Be a Hero" that I know was by the same Paper Lace responsible for the "Night Chicago Died"

Anonymous said...

Hate to bring this up, but you have maligned several of my favorite records.

But, Dave Barry did so first.

RAC said...

My thirtysomething girlfriend's choices:

MacArthur Park; Donna Summer's 1978 disco cover which ran 8:40 and topped the charts for three weeks.

Pour Some Sugar On Me; by Def Leppard.

Keep Your Hands To Yourself; Georgia Satellites.

Never Gonna Give You Up; Rick Astley.

Broken Wings; Mr. Mister.

Dave said...

Say what you will about "The Night Chicago Died," but a few years ago, the Berliner Ensemble (Bertolt Brecht's theatre) did a farewell tour of Brecht's "Resistable Rise of Arturo Ui," which imagines Hitler's climb to power as if he had been a Chicago gangster. The production opened with the entire "Night Chicago Died" playing as the actor playing Ui/Hitler acted like a dog.

I know; but it worked like gangbusters.

And Ray Stevens has moved on from his "hilarious" material from the 60s to songs blaming Katrina victims for being stupid conspiracy theorists who blame Bush for their own incompetence: http://www.raystevens.com/SongLyrics/NBNewOrleansSongLyrics.html

Anonymous said...

About the Edmund Fitzgerald -- may I direct you to - near the end of Richard Jeni's diatribe on Love Songs -- how to rid your home of unwanted guests courtesy of Gordon Lightfoot


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1BZFiQWwfY

The Crutnacker said...

Billy Don't Be a Hero (at least the hit) was indeed as listed here and not Paper Lace.

Sadly, my parents had the single and I played the hell out of it. They also had the Night Chicago Died.

....."And he kissed my mama's face... and he brushed her tears away!"

HouseFrau said...

Let's not forget American Idol:

"Inside Your Heaven" by Carrie Underwood

"Do I Make You Proud" by Taylor Hicks

"I'm Sorry (2004)" by Ruben Studdard


Also, I feel like 'modern rock' gets short shrift on this list. The most egregious that comes to mind is

"Sex and Candy" by Marcy Playground

DeeLuzon said...

without a doubt, the worst song ever written/recorded is "It's a Small World." If I had to choose between a concentration camp or listening to that song (especially as sung by mechanized munchkins), I'm sure I'd do a Jack Bennyesque take while "thinking... I'm thinking...."

DeeLuzon said...

dammitall... simply having written about "It's a Small World" for the comment above seems to have gotten the heinous thing stuck in my head!!! It's the anthem of evil, clearly. I hate it; make it stop...! please, help me!!

benson said...

One more to add to the list...a white woman on the Motown label recorded this piece of crap....though Scott Shannon's giving it airplay is to blame, too.

Charlene-I've never been to me!

R.J. Marcej said...

What not one rap song made a Worst Song list?
And why are so many songs from the list from the 70's and 80's?
Does that mean the 90's and today is the Golden Age of music?

If this is true, somebody please tell me where I can hear all these great songs 'cause most times I turn on the radio all I hear is crap.

TucsonTom said...

Here are 2 that might have been fair songs once but over play has proved them to be deserving of the list
Hotel California
& Horse with no name

TucsonTom said...

OMG I just realized the worst song of all time inst on the list
TIPTOE THROUGH THE TULIPS by TINY TIM

Lane Quigley (aka "Memory Lane") said...

Hey Ken - I'm guessing that you helped vote Patience & Prudence's "We Can't Sing Rhythm & Blues" the all-time worst song on The Memory Lane Show when it was heard on KUSC back around '71 or '72.

Rusty said...

Ok, I was born in 1972 so I gotta say, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison (but there are so so many more from my junior high/high school days I could name).

I have to disagree with "Henry VIII" - I always loved that song. Sigh.

Pat Reeder said...

As a longtime radio music director & record collector, I congratulate you on the comprehensiveness of this pile of dreck. I'm especially impressed that you remembered "Timothy" by the Buoys, Rupert Holmes' ode to cannibalism. Picking the worst is a tough call, but the top three for me have to be "Playground In My Mind," "I've Never Been To Me" (Charlene also had a follow-up duet with Stevie Wonder called "Used to Be" that was nearly as gag-inducing), and my #1 choice, "Seasons in the Sun." I've been known to hurl radios across the room when that comes on.

And to extend the topic of bad John Cougar lyrics, let's not forget, "Oh, I cannot forget from where it is that I come from." Apparently, someplace where they don't have English class.

BTW, as the co-author of the brilliant book, "Hollywood Hi-Fi," I can assure you that the worst celebrity record ever released is Burt Ward's cover of Nat King Cole's "Orange Colored Sky." It must be heard to be believed.

D. McEwan said...

Yes, I do like, and own, several of those, which is not to say I'm defending them.

I would add OLD SHEP - Elvis, which I always insist be sung as OLD SHEMP.

Pat Boone covered TUTTI FRUTTI? Life has been kind to me; I've never heard that recording.

But since you're including covers, and indeed Mrs. Miller's DOWNTOWN made your list (I had her album. All cuts qualify.) then I must draw your attention to the album of rock covers that Mae West did in the 70s. (Another album I used to own.) Her recordings of DAY TRIPPER and Ian Whitcomb's NERVOUS are ear-splitting marvels of camp hell.

And the entire contents of THE ETHEL MERMAN DISCO ALBUM (Which I still own, on CD) is incredibly execrable. I own it (An ironic gift from someone who claims to be my friend), that doesn't mean it's had a second playing.

Dhppy said...

Oh! What horrible memories these songs are bringing up. I actually got stuck on the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland once and it took them a hell of a long time before they finally cut off the music so that we could rock sullenly in our little flumes in silence. As for "Wind Beneath My Wings", ugh once again I got stuck, this time in a plane ride from NY to London seated in front of two old women who insisted on singing that song loudly (despite many a shushing from nearby passengers). In the most nasel and broken timbre of the New York and aged, they belted out "FLY! FLYYYYYYY! Thank God for you... the wind beneath my wiiiiiiings!" Did I mention this was a redeye?

Dhppy said...

"Cancer. And my name is Larry. And you know, I love a woman who loves everything... and everybody. And ladies. If you feel this you. Here's what I want you to do.

Mmm. Take my haaaaand. Come with me, baby, to loveland. Let me show you how sweet it can be... sharing your love with Larry.... Listen...

Float. Float on."

I implore you to rethink this. Astrology, sharing your love in "Loveland" who writes lyrics like this anymore? This is a fucking great song.

pat reeder said...

Re: D. McEwan; both the Ethel Merman Disco Album (arranged by Peter Matz of Carol Burnett Show fame) and the Mae West rock album were in our book and are quite entertaining. My favorite moment on Mae's album came on the Doors' "Light My Fire." Diction was never her strong point, but by the time this was cut, Mae was in her 80s and thanks to her Polygrip pronunciation, the "flaming pyre" lyric came out, "An' our love becomes a flaming pie." She beat Paul McCartney to that phrase by 30 years.

the hollywood argyles said...

Thank you for not including our lovely ballad, "Alley-Oop."

Ride, Daddy, ride...

Jim said...

"Terry Jacks had better be dead. After feeling sorry for him when hearing "Seasons in the Sun" for thousands of times during the early '70's, all I can say is he'd better have died soonafter."

He's still alive. I, too, thought that he was suffering from some terminal disease, but that appears to have been a playground legend, and the only suffering was ours.

Pseudonym said...

I would personally never put a kitsch novelty song in a list of "worst songs". It's only a truly bad song if the intent was that it be a good song.

DrBear said...

If you missed it, and you probably did...VH-1 had a "40 most Softacular Soft-Rock Songs" show that included a LOT of these. Meanwhile, I will now sing:
"We had joy, we had fun
We had streaking in the sun
Til the cops shot their guns
And they hit us in the buns."

Ah, sixth-grade humor....

Tallulah Morehead said...

hwqiI don't know whether to be relieved or insulted that no one included any of the cuts from my own rock covers album from a few years ago, "Tallulah Morehead Rocks Her Brains Out".

I performed "Bohemian Rhapsody" as a solo. Also receiving my unique vocal stylings were "Satisfaction", "Boogie People", "The Name Game", "Twistin' The Night Away", "Yesterday", "Let It Please Be Him" (a muscial acting tour de force), "Hotel California", "Karma Chameloen" (The critics said I was far butcher than Boy George.), "Hound Dog", "The Hustle" and "Cop Killer". One critc wrote: "Tallulah Morehead can render a song senseless."

It didn't sell all that well, so I still have a few hundred thousand left, if anyone's interested. Under "New & Used" copies on Amazon.com, you'll find dealers who will pay YOU to take them off their hands.

I didn't sing OLD SHEMP, but I did spend a summer sharing a lakeside cabin with him.

Cheers darlings.

D. McEwan said...

Pat Reeder,

Mae didn't hear too well in her last years either, so maybe she thought those WERE the lyrics.

But I have a CD of Mae, all cuts recorded in the 1930s, singing her classic honky tonk numbers, and I still listen to that a lot, though it does have her hilarious rendering of an aria from SAMSON & DELILAH from her movie GOIN' TO TOWN, where she does more damage to the opera than Delilah did to Sampson.

Re your comment: "Ethel Merman Disco Album (arranged by Peter Matz of Carol Burnett Show fame) and the Mae West rock album were in our book and are quite entertaining." I always got a kick from Mae's album, but as for Ethel's Disco album being "Entertaining," to paraphrase Douglas Adams, this must be some new meaning of the word "Entertaining" that I am not familiar with.

While Mae's honky tonk singing is always enjoyable, she was never much of a real singer even at her best, but Ethel was a GREAT singer, so that train wreck of an album is simply sad.

Regarding the first four letters in Tallulah's posting above, I'm afraid those are her "Word Verification" letters. I shouldn't let her near a keyboard. Her speciality is the sideboard.

benson said...

FWIW, Terry Jacks was the brother of Susan Jacks, singer for the Poppy Family, which made Ken's list with "Which way you going, Billy". The family must be so proud.

I would suggest to the committee that we retire their microphones, along with two time nominee Bobby Goldsboro.

Also to rj marcel..regarding the 90's and today (gawd, I sound like a radio sell-line)...I'm guessing the reason for the lack of suggestions from this era is that it's so totally devoid of well, anything. It's akin to shooting fish in a barrel. It's not truly horrible enough, but at the same time there's nothing good to say about it either. It's just there.

Not to get to wordy on this but a few years back I listening to an album of black and country artists doing duets (Rhythm, Country and Blues) and Travis Tritt and Patti LaBelle covered "When Something is wrong with my baby". Towards the end of the song when Patti goes off and is being Patti, it gave me goosebumps and I realized what's missing in music these days. Emotion. There isn't any. Listen to anything on the radio these days and it lacks it.

Thank you and I'll get off my soapbox and my keyboard.

(Great word verifications again: bbssx and kuvfu)

The Minstrel Boy said...

once while performing "the wreck of the edmund fitzgerald" i went totally up on the lyrics. . .blank. in a panic i sang:

now i like this song
'cause it's so fucking long
and nobody knows all the words


then i collapsed in a fit of giggles.

Anonymous said...

You forgot Gitarzan also by Ray Stevens. That one is at least worth an honorable mention.

Alaskaray

Ian said...

Holy Chipmunk Song, Ken! Not yet eight in the morning and your post already has 46 comments!

You've done an amazing job... I scanned breathlessly for the performers I love to hate - America, Bette Midler, the Cowsills, even - and they're all there!

My only fear is that now that the daunting task of cataloging the world's worst songs has at last completed, the universe will implode upon itself and life as we know it will end. We'd all better make our peace with our maker.... but wait...

Where's William Shatner?

Ian said...

Ed MacMahon?

Ian said...

Leonard Nimoy?

Big Apple Airchecks Blog said...

Hey Beav...so many of these songs are One Hit Wonders for good reason because they really stink. But many of the songs are still a good listen after many years of not hearing them. I'm sure you played many of them when you were on the air. BTW, did you get to the garage yet?

dadlak said...

This is a great list. I would add "Smokin' in the Boys Room" by Thin Lizzie and "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band. The latter was incorporated brilliantly into an episode of "Arrested Development", as Michael Bluth and his 15-year old niece did a Karaoke duet of it. The show also used Europe's "Final Countdown", another awful song, as GOB Bluth's theme song for his magic act.

CJB said...

Re: "The Americans" by Byron McGregor. It's the only record on your list that jumped out at me as I song I don't just 'not like', but actively hate.

I've had to hear that overly dramatic piece of crap way too many times.

He had really nice pipes though.

dadlak said...

I thought of another that really belongs. "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood. The song "Put the Oak Ridge Boys in the Slammer" by the Austin Lounge Lizards has a great bit with this "music criminal on the loose."

Emily Blake said...

I was going to reiterate my loathing for "96 Tears" but then I saw "Float On" on the list.

"Float On"? Seriously? That song fucking rules.

But amen on "MacArthur Park". What a stupid metaphor.

And also, "96 Tears" is a terrible song.

Martin B said...

About a third of these songs get regular airplay on my AM station here in Soth Africa. I have the playlists on a spreadsheet so I can confirm that Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey" is the most requested, closely followed by Bread's "Baby I'm A Want You" and David Soul's "Don't Give Up On Us Baby."

Making a Worst Songs list is a bit like judging the Ugliest Mutt at the local dog show -- you want to be sure that some kid, somewhere, loves the poor thing. Otherwise you are judging the Most Horrible Pariah Dog, which is a different category.

For my money the worst song ever is "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt" by Right Said Fred, but I think it's more pariah dog than mutt.

Martin

Anonymous said...

NO!!! "Walk Like an Egyptian" is AMAZING! Remember the video? The lead singer peeking from one side to another as she sang the lyrics, the excessive use of party gels, the leggings, Ken, the LEGGINGS!! -- with so much richness, how can you banish this gem to the "worst song list"?

More deserving entries (from the 90s to present day--mostly):

"Achy Breaky Heart" Billy Ray Cyrus
"Informer" Snow
"I Will Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" Meatloaf
"Dreamlover" Mariah Carey
"Bump n Grind" R Kelly
"The Sign" Ace of Base
"Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman" Bryan Adams
"Macarena" Los Del Rio
"Livin' La Vida Loca" Ricky Martin
"Maria Maria" Santana
"How You Remind Me" Nickelback
"Goodies" Ciara featuring Petey Pablo
"Laffy Taffy" D4L

--SD

pat reeder said...

d. mcewan,

You're right, I have my own unique definition of "entertaining." For instance, many people today seem to enjoy listening to idiotic talk set to music. Well, they can have Ludacris and Eminem; give me Jack Webb, William Shatner and Anthony Quinn. That's "entertainment!"

It's interesting that Miss Morehead recorded "Satisfaction." That seems to have been a legal requirement for many celebrity albums. I have versions of it by everyone from Bill Cosby to Phyllis Diller. Ironically, none is remotely satisfying.

Smelvis said...

Holy cow. Great list.

I would add the pedophile trilogy:
"Young Girl" by Gary Lewis/ Gary Puckett? One of 'em, anyway.

"Into the Night" by Benny Mardones

and the lethargic "Sixteen Candles" by the Crests

although anything by R-Kelly could also qualify...

tb said...

Thank you TusconTom, for bringing up the overplaying of "Hotel California".Gawd! Even Stairway to Heaven got a ten-year break. I always picture the dj's reaching down to feel the Eagles lps they keep by their leg every twenty seconds or so, just to make sure. (oh! Phew! still there, good, okay...)I dare all radio stations to hold an Eagles-free day just ONCE!! Arrgh!!

BEC said...

S.A.T.U.R.D.A.Y. NIGHT! Suh, Suh, Suh, Saturday nighite - etc.

D. McEwan said...

"You're right, I have my own unique definition of 'entertaining.' For instance, many people today seem to enjoy listening to idiotic talk set to music. Well, they can have Ludacris and Eminem; give me Jack Webb, William Shatner and Anthony Quinn. That's 'entertainment!'"

Pat, I was with you 100% until we went aground on the words "Jack Webb", who could neither sing nor act. He COULD produce. (Who is that lively, charming guy with his name and face in SUNSET BOULEVARD? Because it sure isn't the zombie on DRAGNET.)

I've been objecting for years to the term "Rap Music". I'm sorry; obnoxious chanting isn't Music. Hip-hop is full of "Singers" who can't match a pitch. (Do I sound 57 or what?)

In fact, Tallulah's cover of COP KILLER is the only song on her album that actually improves on the original.

I believe SATISFACTION is legally required to be on all non-singer celebrity vanity albums. But if you've seen Tallulah lately, you'll understand why she can't get no satisfaction.

Anonymous said...

Yummy Yummy Yummy was actually by the Ohio Express, another bubble gum band. 1910 Fruitgum company did Simon Says

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

This is highly subjective, of course. I like about 30 of those songs. My shit list would include 90% of everything made after 1975 and ALL rap/hip-hop/assinine doggerel. I'd add Tiny Tim to your list, too.

Frank Eifield? "I Remember You" was a great song. Loved his yodeling.

pat reeder said...

To d. mcewan,

I saw someone recently on a bulletin board define "RAP" as "Retards Attempting Poetry."

I agree with you that Jack Webb was, shall we say, "lacking in thespian abilities," but he was at least honest. The liner notes of his LP say he "longs to be a part of the music scene" but has no musical talent, "and so he speaks these songs." He's possibly the only rapper ever to state right up front that he's doing this because he has no actual talent, so we should give him that much.

More bizarre trivia: Edd "Kookie" Byrnes also released an LP of him yakking beatnik gibberish over music (featuring the hit duet with Connie Stevens, "Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb" -- Ewwww!) at a time when he was considered the coolest cat in showbiz. He soon became overexposed and was fired from "77 Sunset Strip" by the show's new producer, the squarest man in showbiz: Jack Webb! Karma's a bitch goddess.

Also, to bec: I saw the Bay City Rollers live (apparently) two weeks ago at a fairgrounds stage in Grapevine, Texas. Still trying to get that damn song out of my head, so thanks a lot...

tcinla said...

but... but... "Surfin' Bird' is so frickin' perfect in "Full Metal Jacket."!

"The Star Spangled Banner" is in fact one of the worst songs of all time, from subject matter to music. "America the Beautiful" on the other hand, is great even when not sung by Ray Charles.

TCinLA said...

Sorry, Pat Reeder, but....

"Lucy! In the sky! With diamonds!" will always and forever be the all-time worst ever song by someone who should never have been allowed within ten miles of a recording studio.

Even Shatner says so.

brian t said...

Why's "Mickey" (Toni Basil) on the list?

Some more awfulness from the east side of the pond:
- "Fast Food Song" by the Fast Food Rockers
- "The Lady In Red" by Chris De Burgh
- "Wannabee" - The Spice Girls. Actually, everything by The Spice Girls.
- most of the crap on the BBC's list: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/850252.stm
(You don't know who Mr. Blobby was? Be grateful.)

I have an especial grudge against Joe Dolce for "Shaddup You Face": not only was it a piece of racist stereotype novelty shit, it kept Ultravox's "Vienna" off the top of the UK charts. Die!

Graeme said...

Someone mentioned The Lady in Red, and I vote for that one, closely followed by the Bryan Adams song that actually contains the line "Tell me have you ever really really really ever loved a woman". Muskrat Love is up there too, My Boy Lollipop, Don't Give Up On Us Baby.... OK, most of the original list. King of the Road by Roger Miller is on my list as well.

Sister Christian is cool though.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to be comment # 70.

You have obviously touched a nerve, Ken...

Eric Weinstein said...

"If" by Telly Savalas

G-d save us!

Rock on Ken. Love the list!

Eric

Mary Stella said...

I may be one of the people who nominated Charlene's "I've Never Been to Me" last year. That song will forever top my personal Jukebox From Hell. *wiping away proud tear* Good to say it made the Ken Levine List.

This time around I nominate Vidalia by Sammy Kershaw.

Vidalia, Vidalia
Girl won't you tell me why
Sweet Vadalia
You always gotta make me cry


I love country music, but a song about a girl named after an onion is too much corn. Louisiana residents, the man plans to run for Lieutenant Governor. Make sure he shows better judgment than he did when he chose to record this song.

The Crutnacker said...

Okay, Smokin in the Boys Room is Brownsville Station, not Thin Lizzy. Thin Lizzy rocks.

Here's some more:

Shannon by Henry Gross
Telephone Man -- Meri Wilson
Theme from SWAT -- Rhythm Heritage
Iron Man -- Black Sabbath
Anything by Garth Brooks

My wife hates Celebration -- Kool and the Gang (she refused to have it played at our wedding)

And the all time worst.....
Butterfly Kisses -- Bob Carlisle

Some girl at my daughter's dance recital performed to this song. I just came out of my diabetic coma.

The Crutnacker said...

Funny you mention Bobby Goldsboro. We have a local kids charity called the Crusade for Children. They decided during the yearly telethon to replay the time when Bobby was here recently to perform for the show. It was enough to make me want to drive to the theatre and demand my donation back.

These days he looks like Tony Orlando.

Which brings to mind.....

Candida... perhaps the only hit about a woman named after a yeast infection. .

pat reeder said...

To TCinLA,

Shatner's "LSD" is definitely the most outraeous of the talking along to music records (possible exception: Shatner's "Mister TAMBOURINE MAAAAAN!!!), but Burt Ward's "Orange Colored Sky" is the worst attempt at actual singing. It sounds as if he's trying to sing while listening to another song through his headphones. The unwitting record company had hired a young Frank Zappa to produce Ward's debut 45 because they'd heard the kids thought he was cool. Zappa realized Ward was so tonedeaf, his vocals couldn't be fixed, so he decided to make it as bad as he possibly could in hopes it would become a novelty hit. Didn't work saleswise, but I think he did accomplish his goal of releasing the worst celebrity "singing" performance ever, and this is coming from a man who's heard everyone from Bette Davis on Broadway to Joan Rivers singing with twin midgets.

Ben in Melbourne said...

Ken,

I'm a big fan, but I'm totally convinced by your list that you know ZIP about music. I own most of those songs, LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey - no way you can put Tin Man by America in there and not include Muskrat Love!

D. McEwan said...

God, I have the "Miss Bette Davis" album, and I even listen to it about once a year. On "Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte," She sings it once "Bad" and once "Pretty". The thing is, I don't know which is which.

Bette returned to singing repeatedly, yet she had the most excuciating singing voice of all time.

Wayne from Maine said...

Pop Music - M

We all STILL know the words....AND WE CAN'T REMEMBER WHYYYYYY!!!!!!

BTW Ken....Get to the garage...I feel a trade coming with Matt

Anonymous said...

Dear Ken:
I see we made your list of the worst songs (Pac Man Fever). It’s interesting that a TV sit com writer would compile a list of the worst of anything and not include some of his own efforts.
I mean who can forget the classic 1996 comedy, “Almost Perfect”.

Episode #2 “Now Where Were We”
Summary: Kim and Mike find it hard to schedule another date around both of their busy work schedules

TV doesn’t get much better than that Ken.
Are you sure you didn’t also work on Cop Rock?
Regards,
Jerry Buckner

Anonymous said...

I think that Hole's version of He hit me is worse then The Crystals. At least they had harmony and didn't have a sneer in their voices.

Anonymous said...

Where are The Archies my friend? You have the Ohio Express (out of the same stable....any I mean that in the truest sense of the word) but you missed them. The crew at Kama Sutra should all be locked in a room and forced to listen to 123 Red Light for the rest of their lives. That might be payback...but not enough.

stephe1605 said...

Pretty much anything by Bryan Adams. He did all the songs for the movie "Spirit" and it was excruciating. They all sounded the same!

I have to come to the defense of Henry Gross' "Shannon." Yeah, the lyrics are silly (mourning a dog who drowned), but it has great Beach Boys-like harmonies.

Buttermilk Sky said...

"Don't Worry -- Be Happy." Bobby McFerrin. At one time inescapable.

"What a Wonderful World." Oh Louis, no.

Anything by Jacques Brel.

"God Bless America" -- religion combined with mindless patriotism.

The entire score of "Oklahoma" gives me hives.

Brian said...

1. Anonymous is thinking of "(Let's Dance) The Screw" credited to the Crystals, which was Phil Spector's kiss-off single to his business partner Lester Sill. It was released and then rescinded. "He Hit Me" was released but banned. Great tune, hor-RIFFIC lyrics.

2. Here is some more bad music:

Rats in my Room - Leona Anderson
The Roach - Mrs. Miller
Goodbye, Sam - Shad O'Shea
When I'm 64 - Archie and Edith Bunker (from the LP "Side by Side" and yes, it is O'Connor and Stapleton)
Swearin' to God - Frankie Valli. Boy, is THIS not Gospel.

3. Here is some redemption:
R. Dean Taylor recorded the very R&B-ish "Ghost In My House" and Screamin' Jay Hawkins was drunk when he recorded his biggest hit. Have any of you heard his song "Constipation Blues"?

4. A picture of the Patience and Prudence record can be found here:
http://hagar.home.mindspring.com/l.html and they also recorded, "Gonna Get Along Without You Now" which was covered by Trini Lopez, neither version is particularly good.

5. A backfire: Tony Burrello decided that music had gotten so bad by 1952, he decided to make the worst record that he could. He called it, "There's a New Sound" and released it on a record label called Horrible. It consists of a calliope, a toy horn, a bad vocal singing a silly and repetitive lyric, a bleat from a trombone and sped-up chipmunk vocals.

It became a hit.

Brian Phillips
Host of "The Electro-Phonic Sound of Brian Phillips" Radio Show

Seymour said...

Buttermilk,
You should get those hives looked at. Although the book of OKLAHOMA is an horrific bore, just monumentally dull, there are some beautiful songs in it.

Now the whole score of ANNIE makes me ill.

Michael Jones said...

Surprisingly NO Carpenters. Living in Japan, one is inundated with their Karaoke crooning. I think they use several of their tunes to teach English. I use "Karma Chameleon" to teach the proper use of the "comma"! So something good has come from that tune!
And "It's a Small World" is ever-present muzak all over Japan. Aaargh!

Tracey said...

What did Bread's "Baby I'm a Want You" ever do to you, Ken?

Never heard it, but that song must really suck to make the list twice.

Hilarious -- thanks.

MyHusbandRules said...

Hey baby, take a walk on the wild side!

And the colored girls go doodoodoo...

Mike McCann said...

"Don't Just Stand There" - Patty Duke. She couldn't sing. Couldn't hold a tune. Almost painful to hear. AND IT WENT TOP 10!!! Why didn't the folks at UA do what Colpix did for Shelley Fabares -- hired Darlene Love to ghost sing and have Shelley mixed into the background?

Ralph Hitchens said...

Re. The Ballad of the Green Berets, it was Barry Sadler. An authentic SF guy, I believe, who did a good job of fading into the background.

XRD1 said...

"Secret Agent Man" - Johnny Rivers

Anonymous said...

My vote for worst song ever is "I've been to Paradise, but I've Never been to Me"

Second worst: "Run, Joey, Run"...about a father who's aiming to kill the teenage boyfriend who got dad's daughter pregnant. It's theater! It's music! It's crap!

I also want to applaud the nominations for the triumverate of mid-70's schlock: "Billy, Don't Be a Hero", "The Night Chicago Died", and "Seasons in the Son"

Ed Drone said...

I think you missed a few other gems, such as "Don't Take Your Guns to Town," by Johnny Cash, and "Giddy-Up Go," by (I think) Red Sovine.

Almost in the "Old Rivers" category, they are.

Then again, if this is the second year for this list, perhaps they have already been immoralized. Who knows?

Ed

(and yes, that's an attempt at a lame pun up there)

coake said...

Most of this list seems to be songs that everyone agrees are bad, although a lot of them are guilty pleasures (I'm partial to "My Boy Lollipop".) But "I Put A Spell on You?" That is a legitimately great song. I can understand if someone doesn't care for it, but it doesn't belong on any "worst song" list.

My sister had huge crushes on all of the Paul Peterson/Eddie Hodges types, so I got to hear all of those songs a lot. I still know all of the words to "My Dad." You've got to appreciate any tribute song that begins "He isn't much in the eyes of the world..." Thanks, son.

Also, any list like this that doesn't start with "Devil Went Down to Georgia" is wholly lacking in credibility.

theforgottenleftover said...

Okay so these might be some of the worst songs of all time, but at least change the title to the BEST worst songs of all time. Not only do I love a lot of these songs because they make exactly no sense, but they are classic in which when the song is played, you somehow know all the words!

While they might be awful, you have to love them for that, right?

High Heels said...

C.W. McCall's Convoy; I had to force myself to remember it for this comment - I hope you're proud!
:p

pat reeder said...

To mike mccann,

I've heard that the first record, "Johnny Angel," was sung by Shelley Fabares, but it was pieced together from over 100 snippets of tape to get the final result. They must've brought in a ringer after that because it was much more cost-effective.

Patty Duke knew her records were awful, and she was reportedly forced to do them, much to her embarrassment. In her autobiography, she said that to this day, when people ask her to autograph them, she feels sick to her stomach just seeing them again.

Mike McCann said...

To Pat Reeder: Darlene Love told me she was on "Johnny Angel," but claimed (modestly) that Shelley was more up front that her. However, Darlene wasn't on the follow-up tunes, and the difference in vocals was dramatic. Kind of like having Don Knotts play the big man in the schoolyard with Shaquille O'Neal standing alongside -- but the next day, Don was there by his lonesome. Ouch!

Re Ralph Hitchens and the Ballad of the Green Berets... I think you're confusing Barry Sadler, a failed rocker in his pre-Army days with bona fide folk rocker Barry McGuire. Sadler was from Arizona and lived, let's say, a most bizarre life, after his record.
This one-hit wonder later wrote 22 novels in the Casca: The Eternal Mercenary series. He died in 1989 after a mysterious shooting in Guatemala, where he'd been training mercenaries.
Not exactly "wearing the flowers in his hair."

Paul said...

Are you insane? Most of these songs are treasures. A good song lasts only three minutes, "I've Never Been to Me" will make me chucle for a lifetime

The Crutnacker said...

Okay, one more:

God Bless the USA: Lee Greenwood Perhaps it is its association with the Iraq war, but its fake patriotism makes me want to scream. Of course, with Bush in office, Lee may get his wish: "If tomorrow all the things were gone I’d worked for all my life,
And I had to start again with just my children and my wife"

Jon Badeaux said...

You had to think something was going on when the pre-pubescent Michael Jackson sang his little heart out to a rat.

Johnny Rivers sang about that Secret Asian Man.

And I was always creeped out hearing Elton sing, Hold me closer, Tony Danza.

jbryant said...

Don't forget these '70s "classics:"
"Rocky" - Austin Roberts
"Torn Between Two Lovers" - Mary MacGregor
And the '80s gave us Asia's "Heat of the Moment." Gee thanks, '80s.

The list has a number of guilty pleasures on it, but no such list should ever include anything by Roger Miller, whose novelty songs were actually funny and whose serious songs were often great (graeme: King of the Road is kind of a perfect little song with superb lyrics! Why the hate?).

Re Jack Webb: I'll make no case for his "music," which I haven't heard, but anyone who disses Dragnet has seen only the '60s version. The '50s episodes are excellent (well, I've seen only about a dozen of the 250-something they made, but still). His acting was solid then, too, with a range of emotion beyond "just the facts, ma'am" and a nice semi-improvisatory rapport with his partner, Ben Alexander.

"I've Never Been to Me" pops up in Shrek the Third! A witch sings it in a bar where all the fairy tale villains hang out. It still sucks. Hard. A few months ago, a local radio show did a "worst songs" rundown and Charlene actually called in to defend her song. She was a good sport about it. But she will nonetheless burn in hell for all eternity.

Great blog, by the way.

idol-girl said...

They are one of the greatest bands ever, but what were the Police thinking when they wrote "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da?
Oh, and just about anything by Neil Diamond is on my list too. "Heartlight", need I say more?

Cool blog!

D. McEwan said...

"anyone who disses Dragnet has seen only the '60s version. The '50s episodes are excellent"

Sorry jbryant. I was the one dissing Webb's acting, and I HAVE seen the 50s DRAGNETs, IN the 50s, and almost none of the 60s DRAGNETs because I'd hated the 50s ones so much.

What I have seen of the 60s ones really puts the blame on Webb, as Harry Morgan, whom we all know is a terrific actor, is just as bad as Webb in them, as he's been straight-jacketed by Webb the director into aping the zombie-mode of Webb the actor. Why, I wonder, did Webb feel that cops were zombies?

He had one emotion he could play in those shows: disgust. Of course, I was a hippie, counter-culture type college student guy in those days, and as I recall, the 60s DRAGNETs were obsessed about how all the counter-culture was revolting (To him), so it was a show that every week insulted everything I believed in and loved. Why would I watch it?

Why did anyone watch it?

Cheerleader_Cutie said...

How old are you because those songs are not very new if you know what I mean.

pat reeder said...

To d. mcewan,

Hey, I've not only seen both the '50s and '60s versions of "Dragnet," I've seen the '50s movie (some really cool camera work in that, BTW, including a fistfight shot from below) and listened to the original radio shows. On radio, Joe Friday was a serious hardass. You damn dirty hippies of the '60s were lucky because Joe had seriously mellowed out for TV by then. Check those radio shows out sometime; we could use him at Gitmo now.

And of course, the radio shows really show off the mellifluous voice that we all later came to know from the classic "You're My Girl" LP.

jbryant said...

"Sorry jbryant. I was the one dissing Webb's acting, and I HAVE seen the 50s DRAGNETs, IN the 50s, and almost none of the 60s DRAGNETs because I'd hated the 50s ones so much."

I don't know your age, but were your critical faculties fully developed by the '50s? I mean, if you were something like 9 years old at the time, I'll take your comments with a pretty big grain of salt. :) The Dragnet eps I've seen from that era have really interesting direction (by Webb), and the acting is not as "zombiefied" as the 60s version. Though I haven't seen the 60s stuff in ages, I'll make no case for it. What I recall was indeed heavy on the anti-counter-culture theme, as has dated in a way the earlier series hasn't.

Anonymous said...

How about "POPOZAO" by K-Fed?!

RockGolf said...

"FWIW, Terry Jacks was the brother of Susan Jacks, singer for the Poppy Family, which made Ken's list with "Which way you going, Billy". The family must be so proud."

Uh, no, actually Terry & Susan were married. And Terry played many of the instruments on The Poppy Family tracks. They did do one genuinely great song together: "Where Evil Grows", a Poppy Family hit that only charted in their native Canada.

Anonymous said...

The Barbie Girl song by Aqua.

piecesofapril62 said...

I stumbled upon this site and have to say that there are more horrible songs remembered here then I cared to recall. I would like to take you back a few years, some of you weren't even born then, to some more really horrible songs. When I was a child, my mom had these as 45's and I would listen them over and over...no wonder I'm so screwed up today. There's Dolly Parton's "Jeannie's Afraid of the Dark" and there's Porter Waggoner's "Carroll County Accident". No wonder I had nightmares as a child. Those are songs that a kid just shouldn't be listening to. If you haven't heard these 'gems' from yesteryear you are in for a real treat!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sort of curious here. Whoever is running this site is claiming what is the worst songs of all time. Has this person ever written a song or performed on stage? I doubt it. So that leaves me to think this person is nothing more than an over opinionated dreg of society. As for the Ohio Express. They turned out some #1 hits. I grew up with the brother of the drummer for the band and got to watch them putting their songs together before it ever went to the studio. I can't say they ever did a bad song. Just different from the main stream songs. Yet they hit the top of the charts. So they must not have been the worst songs after all huh? Which proves my point about the mealy minded twit who runs this site. Moron!

Ken Levine said...

Yes, I'm the mealy minded twit who runs this site. And you can tell that because I GIVE MY NAME.

I have no use for anyone who criticizes then signs in as anonymous. If you don't have the balls to leave a name I have no interest in your opinion.

You are always welcome to disagree with me. Lord knows a lot of commenters do. But my one rule is they you must leave your names.

Ken Levine

Bob S. said...

How about this list of "songs " on a terrible day. Sheer torture !

1. Brand New Key by Melanie
Lock this up and throw away the
key !
2. Ode To Billy Joe by Bobbie
Gentry
See the bridge Bobbie !
3. 99 Luftballons by Nina
Up, Up and Away please !
4. Who Let The Dogs Out by The
Baja Men
Michael Vick around ?
5. Loving You by Minnie Ripperton
Sheer agony ! Quite possibly
the worst of all time. No
question, not sponge worthy !

Bob S.

King Boreas said...

Thanks for the inspiration. Many of these records have been included in sales or auctions, and I kept them. Now they are being released "into the wild"

Brian said...

Ok, here's a few I'd like to add to the list:

"Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus
"All By Myself" by Eric Carmen
"Maggie May" by Rod Stewart
"If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago
"Up Up and Away" by Spanky and Our Gang

There are many more absolutely vile songs I could add, but these are off the top of my head.

Brian from Long Island

BTW, "Little Green Apples" on the original list was sung by Brook Benton, not O.C. Smith

Tierup said...

I like a lot of these songs, and I suspect, that a lot of these other people do, as well. Here's a couple of my all time gaggers:

Tattoo-Novo Combo
Fortress Around My Heart-Sting
Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves-Aretha Franklin
and the all time worst gagger, which should never ever be played anywhere: Tomorrow ( from 'Annie').

Tierup said...

A couple of songs that I didn't see( and maybe I missed), that people seem to hate:

You Light Up MY Life-Debby Boone
Wildfire-Michael Martin Murphy

Anonymous said...

Is this for real or a sarcastic thread?? If for real you ppl are fucked up. Some of those songs are actually some of my all time FAVORITES!! Must be some heavy metal no talent rock noise bullshit worshippers. Cause a lot of these songs are mellow pleasant songs, which of course would be hated by no talent lovers. I cannot believe some of the artists that even made it to this list of "worst songs" ever. I did not read the whole list but definitely Macarena should be on there. And any heavy metal and punk song.

PJtheDJ said...

"Well, good mornin'captin!"- A very, very cool song..! great list though,cracked me up - but where's In the Year 2525?! And Pushin' Too Hard - the Seeds, though I liked others they did. We have Don Kirschner to thank for crap that took over airwaves post-Beatles. Thanx to FM album radio we were saved..!

B-more B. said...

Closet Culture Club fan here. Still have Colour by Numbers on vinyl!

The worst ones I can remember:

Hyperactive by Thomas Dolby
Shattered Dreams by Johnny Hates Jazz
And...

"I-I-I-In Vietnam he was 19.
N-n-n-Nineteen"

19 by Paul Hardcastle.

Montana Grace said...

I did not see some of my causes of torture:
Elvira by the Oak Ridge boys,
Grandma got ran over by a reindeer by Elmo & Patsy (probably pseudonyms),
Purple People Eater by Sheb Wooley,
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini by Brian Hyland,
and anything by Weird Al Yankovic.
Ew ew ew!! How did those get any airtime anyway?

Pamela Jaye said...

The anonymous talking about the Edmund Fitzgerald was me.
The banned youtube account was *not* mine.
Sad that it's gone, though.

Pamela Jaye said...

I'm actually pretty fond of One Tin Soldier. It's fun to (try to) sing.

Anonymous said...

I must have real bad taste in music because I like almost all of these songs.

Anonymous said...

3/18/12
RobGems.ca wrote:
I used to hate "MacArthur's Park" as a child, until I've heard the many other cover versions of it. Serious jazz musicians like Stan Kenton and Maynard Ferguson both took a crack at the song, and came up with some interesting arrangements with it that made me appreciate the song as an adult. On the other hand, if you ask Tony Bennett about his cover version of it, he'll just complain about it, it must have been a miserable experience for him. "Honey" usually makes just about everyone's list of least favorites, unless you are a middle-aged woman who wants to annoy men with the song, just like Peg Bundy annoyed Al Bundy with it. Along with "Dominique" and "I Am woman", these were Ed's three most despised songs. However, when it comes to Bobby Goldsboro, how come nobody mentions his more decent songs like "Voodoo Woman" or "If You've got A Heart" anymore? These songs were enormously popular in the Detroit area along with the numerous Motown songs. If you want my unfavorite songs here they are:
1)Greatest Love of All (sorry to intrude on the recent passing of Whitney Houston,but there was a time in the early 90's I thought she was too overexposed and wished she would go away for a few years, if not die for unexpected reasons. The fact she out-sold Elvis and The Beatles alone made me nervous.)
2)Anything by Garth brooks until he issued that Chris Gaines album.(Just like Houston,Garth's publicists claimed he sold more records than Elvis and The Beatles,so for a good ten years or so, I'd wish he'd vanish. A lot of people hate the Chris Gaines concept, but I say it's faiulure made him more human. He witnessed a giant bomb for the first time in his career, and has been cautious in the decade that followed ever since.)
3) If you Wanna Be Happy(catchy, but misogynistic by today's standards. It was considered a parody of Harry Belafonte's calypso song "Ugly Woman".)
4)Arlo Guthrie's "The Motorcycle Song" from 1977 with the emphasis placed on describing the pickle.(The original 1967 version was great, the 1968 live version was okay, if a little long in detail and a bit drug-oriented.However, the 1977 live version , where Arlo goes into a batty converstion with hitting a guy with a giant pickle, all I can say is ...WTF?!..what does that have to do with motorcycles? Arlo must have been really stoned out at the time before he took up Roman Catholocism.)
5.Mr. Moonlight (my choice for the worst Beatles' cover. The original version done live at the Cavernin 1962 is superior,for it goes with a steady beat, with no overt-dramaticism with the organ.)
6)Old McDonald (The worst Elvis song. Catchy, but the words are ridiculous.)
7)Get your Biscuits out of the oven and get your buns in the bed(Okay, is there any other reason why the world has a pissed-off organization like NOW who wants to take over Congress, than for the exsistence of stupid novelty songs like this. Come on, Kinky, you can be funny, but like Ray Stevens, you've turned into a smug right-winged bore of late.)
8)She's Goin' Bald (the worst Beach boys song, and a reason a lot of Beach Boys fans hate Mike Love. Honestly, he turned down the collaborations of Brian & Van Dyke Parks for silly little ditties like this? As the just-released "Smile" sessions show, this one started out as a ditty called "He Gives Speeches", and that song seems slightly better than the re-write.)
9)The Legendary Stardust Cowboy A/K/A Norman Oden's "Paralyzed"(This wasn't even a song, just two-and a half minutes of noise pollution.What was George Schlatter thinking (or smoking) the day he decided to give this no-talent a shot on "Laugh-In"?)

Anonymous said...

you posted Patches by Dickie Lee twice.

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