Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Valentine's Day

Most guys don’t love Valentine’s Day. It’s a holiday designed to trap them. If you’re dating more than one woman, you’re dead. If you get the wrong gift, you’re dead. If the gift is too cheap or too elaborate, you’re dead. If you get her a humorous card with Bush on the front you’re dead (although in that case you deserve to be).

Or worse, they love the gift and card too much. Then you’re REALLY dead.

My problem with Valentine’s Day is that it’s also my birthday. Try going out to a nice celebration dinner when every restaurant is packed, all the prices are jacked way up, and everyone is trying so hard to create a “romantic atmosphere” that when their date isn’t looking they’re popping Lexapros like Tic Tacs.

Still, not to be a cynic I would like to offer this touching love song as my way of saying Happy Valentine's Day.

49 comments:

Bitter Animator said...

Happy Birthday Mr.L!

Yeah, as a man, I loathe Valentine's Day and have already had several rants about it this morning.

Hope you have a great birthday in spite of the crowds!

S. said...

Happy Birthday!

Sérgio said...

Congratulations! Happy Birthday!

Rory said...

Happy birthday. I will mostly be bloggin tonight. Oh woe is me?

Rory L. Aronsky said...

Fuck Valentine's Day! Ken Levine Day all the way!

My day off from work today, so I'll watch a few of your M*A*S*H episodes in your honor.

Danny Cohen said...

I made some heart warming valentine's that are sure to say "I love you" the right way.

http://dcovideo.dco1.com/seasontwo/valentines/

Tom Quigley said...

Ken,

Happy Birthday! -- Oh, and just for a joke, I'd send you a dozen roses -- but the price of those things is higher than gasoline on St. Valentine's day....

Kristin said...

Happy Birthday!

Beth Ciotta said...

So are you dead? ;)

Happy Birthday, Ken! Have have fantastic/romantic day/night!

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you must have realized that you can rearrange the letters in Valentine and spell Levine.

Happy Levine's Day.

Mary Stella said...

Happy Birthday, Ken! So, you get to give AND receive.

Ahh, Valentine's Day. Single people who aren't dating anyone hate it, too.

But I'm not bitter. No, not me. I love celebrating on days that commemorate martyred saints and executed gangsters.

Did you see AOL's list of tv's most romantic couples? Sam and Diane were voted #1.

A. Buck Short said...

Happy birthday, Ken.
But who gets Valentines Day off from work? Those It's Just Lunch girls?

Jake Hollywood said...

Happy Birthday, Ken. This is your 39th, right?

The Curmudgeon said...

Happy Birthday to you, Mr. Levine.

Today is also my Older Daughter's birthday; she's 24.

And, of course, today is also the anniversary of the birth of the Waukegan Wonder -- Jack Benny. He'd be 39, too.

Uncle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LouOCNY said...

Happy Birthday Ken!!!

Many thanks for all the joy you have given so many over the years1

And kudos to curmudgeon for remembering Mr Benny...

R.A. Porter said...

Happy Birthday, Ken!

J-Money said...

Happy Birthday! I understand that pitchers & catchers will be reporting for the occasion.

As a gift to you, there may be some baysbawl news that doesn't concern Roger Clemens' ass.

Emily Blake said...

I prefer to call it "Singles Awareness Day."

I'm going to be popping chocolate all day long just so I don't get depressed.

And also, you know, happy birthday!

Scott said...

Happy Birthday!

VP81955 said...

I'm sure Ken likes that he shares a birthday with Jack Benny (cue "Love In Bloom") -- after all, few comedians appreciated writers more than Benny.

Happy birthday, Ken.

JPLemme said...

Happy Birthday Ken, and you should give credit where's it's due. The comic panel is from .

JPLemme said...

Damn these stupid computers! The preview showed the link correctly. The comic is from xkcd.com.

maven said...

Happy Birthday and Happy Valentine's Day, Ken!

emily litella said...

Happy Vaseline's Day...

oh.

Nevermind.

Jason Sanders said...

Happy B-Day Mr. Levine!

1031 said...

Happy Birthday, good sir. Love the blog.

gwangung said...

Bah! Humbug!

RAC said...

I hope you get a big king cake with a toy baby in it... wait, that's for Mardi Gras. I hope you get a big pink cake with a toy heart-shaped something something in it. Okay, I give up. Happy Birthday, anyway!

angel said...

My husband turned that Valentine's Day trap into a plus. He proposed on that day, so that he would never get trapped having to remember what day he proposed. I thought it was brilliant.

Happy Birthday Ken. Been a pleasure reading your blog.

Diogo said...

Happy birthday Ken, and many more. It's been nice hanging around here.

Roger Green said...

this was my birthday present to you - I changed your birthday on wikipedia from February 2 to February 14. (it was right on TV.com and IMDB)

Omnibus Driver said...

Birthday greetings from Chicago!

m. said...

On this very special day I'm gonna make an exception to my no-comments rule to wish you a very happy birthday. Fuck love and friendship, it's Ken Levine Day!

jbryant said...

Wow, if your parents had named you Nathan instead of Kenneth, you'd be Nat Levine, which is an anagram of Valentine. Too bad they didn't think of that (probably had other stuff on their mind that day).

Happy Birthday to all those here (Ken, Florence Henderson, Simon Pegg, Meg Tilly, Teller, Freddie Highmore, Carl Bernstein, Maceo Parker, Alan Parker, Hugh Downs, Pat O'Brien), gone (Vic Morrow, Murray the K, Lois Maxwell, Edward Platt) and presumed gone (Jimmy Hoffa).

John said...

Happy b-day Ken, and it could have been worse -- I refused to be pried out of my mom's womb for six hours so I'd make sure I wasn't born on April Fool's Day (they yanked me out at Mount Siani in New York, but I added the extra three hours just in case mom somehow ended up in California for the delivery).

After seeing the way a couple of not-as-foresighted classmates fared who did have to put up with the April Fool's birthday abuse, I'm very comfortable with my decision, even if it did mean a few extra hours of labor pains.

Alice said...

Happy Birthday. As a birthday gift/ offer on something you wrote on another post, if you're ever in Mexico City I can take you driving around. I know great places you can get honked at by taxi drivers and buses ;)

Anonymous said...

First comment. Long time reader. My birthday too- I feel your pain.

Anonymous said...

don't worry, Steak & BJ Day is in one month.

Paul Duca said...

To the Anonymous above me...are you from Boston? I know the morning radio show I listen to there (my homebase) has "A Steak and a You-Know-What Day" running gag (a public service announcement performed by a faux Peter Graves).

Anonymous said...

And I thought my birthday on April first was bad. Happy Birthday!

Mike McCann said...

To add to the list submitted by jbryant, your birthday buds also include Teller, Steve Tisch and New York mayor Mike Bloomberg.

The following link shows all the major league baseball players born on February 14th. Not only were no legends or stars born on this date, one might be hard pressed to name the best player who shares the birthday of Ken and Mel Allen.

http://www.baseball-reference.com/friv/birthdays.cgi?date=02-14

I'll go with Dave Deavecky...

Michael Jones said...

I have the opposite problem, I can't find a restaurant (besides Denny's) that's open on my Christmas birthday.
Best wishes on YOUR day!

Ken Levine said...

Thanks to everybody for your lovely birthday wishes. And now that Valentine's Day is over we can concentrate on the really important holidays like President's Day.

Scribe LA said...

Happy Birthday!

H said...

Happy Birthday! As a woman, even, I'd much rather celebrate you than dance to the tune of another advertising gimmick that has managed to achieve some kind of cultural guilt-inducing status that people in good relationships (like mine) don't need. Have a great year!

Dwacon® said...

I was looking forward to Valentine's day. Even ordered a dozen gold plated roses.

But caveat emptor, they arrived two days late.

But on the bright side, we broke up, so I actually saved money.

Not sure how I saved money. I just reassure myself that I did.

That being said, anyone want a gold plated rose. Will offer you a good price...

TCinLA said...

Gotcha beat: Wife #1 had a birthday on December 25... try getting that one right, or even in the same universe with right.

Then there was the girlfriend with a January 1 birthday... a relationship that only lasted one birthday.

But happy mumble-mumble, oh, hell, just be 39 like Jack Benny.. Happy Birtday (belatedly, which I almost always do with all friends).

Gin said...

I know that especially with Valentine's Day right around the corner, I will need all the extra savings I can get so I thought I'd share a site I stumbled across the other day that gives me money when I shop or sell through Ebay and also when I shop major retailers online. It's called Big Crumbs. It's free (of course). Don't we all love a good deal? Check it out: http://www.bigcrumbs.com/crumbs/frontpage.jsp?r=twinklings Happy shopping and saving!