Wednesday, May 14, 2008

AMERICAN IDOL: Top 3

The fun weeks of AMERICAN IDOL are over. All the interesting stoners, tattoo ladies, hayseeds, emotional wrecks, biker chicks, foreigners, cretins, cheerleaders, divas, endomorphs, satyrs, and future serial killers have been voted off. Now it’s down to three and you know who’s going to win so it’s kind of like dragging a dead horse across the finish line to shoot it.

Sorry to say but AMERICAN IDOL has jumped the shark. I think it was the night Danny Noriega sang “Jailrock Rock.”

The format has gotten tiresome. We’re sick of seeing the damn Coca Cola backdrop. Tired of saying “Who the hell is that?” after each audience shot of a so-called “celebrity” (like we’re supposed to recognize the great Diane Warren). And bored to tears of hearing “in the zone,” “ you look gorgeous tonight”, and “you could sing the phone book, dawg”. At least Paula mixes it up by critiquing performances that hadn't happened yet.

If there was a theme this week it was “going through the motions”. David Archuleta, without the benefit of his dad Geppetto (banned from rehearsals by producers – my post tomorrow is on stage parents and why they should all be shot out of cannons) sang one of Billy Joel’s lesser efforts, then got down with “With You” displaying a funky side we haven’t seen since the Carpenters, and finally – the douchiest love song maybe ever, “Longer”. I contend it's impossible to sit through that song if you have a gag reflex.

But the little girls in the Idoldome screamed. So who cares? He’s going to win.

The one stand-out performance for me was David Cook singing Roberta Flack’s 70s hit, “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” (or, as I used to call it in my disc jockey days – “The First Time Ever Your Face was Sawed”.) Too bad he’s going to lose. His other two songs were better than anyone else’s. Too bad he’s going to lose. I think the Democratic Convention will have more suspense than the crowning of this year's Idol.

Poor Syesha Mercado was just schmuck bait – someone else to fill out the show. She sang her heart out, vamped, and even danced in slacks. And I’m sure as you read this they’re doing the final edits on her “have a nice life” tribute video. But not winning doesn't mean she'll have no career. Former losers have gone on to be huge rock stars, win Oscars, appear on Broadway, and lose ten pounds on the CELEBRITY FIT CLUB.

Next week I’ll just recap the finale. Although truthfully, I could be like Paula and just review it now.

25 comments:

Bitter Animator said...

Mr.L, does this US Orphan bill thing affect writers - http://www.illustratorspartnership.org/01_topics/article.php?searchterm=00178

As creators, I imagine it would. Have you heard much about it?

lindsay said...

well the good news is that all the fun of Idol will return again next year in january. Honestly, i believe they played it safe this year to avoid a Sanjaya. next year i bet they will pick more colorful personalities again.

Anonymous said...

I'm not so sure little David is a sure thing. Personally I'd like to see the other two advance. They are more engaging and it doesn't hurt that Syesha looks great.

DC said...

Reading your latest review I got a sick, racist rumbling in my belly about... oh wait, it was just gas, sorry. Nevermind.

Mary Stella said...

I'm not positive David A. has a lock on winning. There could be an upset. David Cook has more stage presence and performance style. Give David A. a few years and he might develop some, along with chest hair.

I'm really impressed from Cook. In the early days, he creeped me out, but now I'm a total fangirl.

Tom Quigley said...

I've got the feeling after hearing Paula's remarks to Syesha that all the anger and frustration that had been building up all season over the rumors... the ridicule... the behind-her-back laughter from people who worked on the show -- finally surfaced and boiled over last night... And Paula seemed even angrier... She really raked Syesha over the coals, didn't she?...

I would have enjoyed it more if she had nadded it up and come out with something like "Syesha, I'm sorry to say this, but -- you don't bring a thing to this competition, you aren't who we thought you were, and -- where's my Coke glass?....... BLECHH!!!! It's just WATER!!! -- and I won't sleep with you...."

Jonathan said...

Randy couldn't have been less interested in the whole thing. Paula was strangely coherent and frank. Simon simply seemed amused. And I don't see why they were all hating on Syesha so much. She may not inspire absolute devotion, but she was on the mark all night. But, from the judges, nothing. It reminds me of those Bugs Bunny vs. Daffy Duck tap dancing competitions, where Daffy throws down only to be greeted by the chirping of crickets while Bugs mails it in and gets the standing ovation. Why weren't they all over little David for that HORRID second number, or big David for being off pitch more than on?

Annie said...

Viewers are way down, worst in years. Ironic that Simon & crew are the ones wondering if they'll be back. They're all tired of doing this, too. They could care less who wins - they're worrying about their next project getting picked up.

Laura said...

I'm not sure Archie is such a lock anymore, he might have peaked too soon (at 16 perhaps?) Or maybe all the rocker-voters are making up for Daughtry's early exit last season (was that last season? As soon as they are voted off they fall out of my head...like Destiny, I'm a fickle bi#ch.)

Anyway, check out the past few weeks of voting predictions at http://dialidol.com/asp/predictions/Predictions.asp

Sam Kim said...

I had to google schmuck bait, and it's totally not as crude as I thought it was.

Jeff Tompkins said...

At least Syesha looked hot.

Also, finally, the UFOs have come for AI viewers as indicated by that headline.

ed berman said...

Ken, I know this is not you blogging today, this is your fatigue. We all go through it this week of the season. Sick of the kids, sick of the judges, hey, bring back Peter Noone, anything. But we can get through this. Catch our breath, rest up, we'll be fine for the finals.

Interesting thing about the ratings. This show is so big, they never say the ratings are down compared to other shows, the other shows can't come close. They always say the ratings are down compared to - old episodes of Idol. That's a big show.

Anonymous said...

I don't think David Cook wants to win. I think he's holding back. He would probably rather follow the also-ran Chris Daughtry mold, rather than have the baggage of being the winner.

jbryant said...

Syesha did quite well last night. I thought her cover of "Fever" came off best, but it seems as if no one heard at all, not even that chair. But Syesha's problem is that she's a stronger performer than singer. Her vocals are fine, but not distinctive.

Cook should win, but even if he doesn't, he'll have a career. Unfortunately, I expect my considerable enthusiasm for him will fade as soon as he puts out a record, just as it did with Daughtry (who has managed to do quite well without me, of course). They're perfectly serviceable "rockers," but I don't think they're for the ages.

Archuleta may win, but his performance of "With You" suggests it may be difficult to put him in a contemporary context that can draw beyond his tween fan base. Funny, he didn't seem this white when he sang "Shop Around." He needs to do a duet and video with Miley Cyrus. If she can fake the kind of intimacy and sensuality she showed in those Vanity Fair shots with her dad, it might confer upon Archuleta a smidge of credibility as a sex symbol. Nah, that's crazy talk.

The big loser of the night was Dan Fogelberg. He's had a bad year: death from prostate cancer, then dissed by Simon. Better luck to him in 2009.

maven said...

All of David A.'s songs sound the same to me. Bland, bland, bland! And he has the same mannerisms in every number. But, he'll probably win with the tweener vote. I agree that the only number that "moved" me last night was David Cook's "The First Time I Ever...".

I'd vote, but I'm not 13 years old anymore!

John the Revelator said...

"All of David A.'s songs sound the same to me. Bland, bland, bland!"

Thank you.

There are David Cooks in every bar band in every city. Besides the hair and the come hither eyes (or is that Nembutol?), he is as run of the mill as a Gap T-shirt. But exposure and clever marketing is all it takes to make it anymore.

These three are the best America can come up with??? For a Coke commercial perhaps...

MaryAn Batchellor said...

Watching kick-off episode and I only have one question. When did Dennis Rodman win American Idol?

idly yours said...

I'm your biggest fan.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

I'd rather see Cook win. Little Davy could have a fine career if The Archies ever reunite. The girl could make a cool million as Playboy's Miss October.

Annie said...

Instead of watching AI, I used my hour to write a spec script. Yay, me!

Cicely said...

Ken - did you see the results show last night? I am surprised that you haven't commented on the cut-away shot of Cowell during Fantasia's performance. He had a look of shocked distaste. I didn't think it was a great song or performance but not sure it deserved Cowell's reaction.

I agree with your jumped the shark comment. AI producers need to change up the song selection process - no more themes would be a start, maybe encourage performers to sign their own material - something. The patter from Randy is so repetitive it is now painful, Paula is only entertaining when she is completely delusional. The Cowell/Seacrest snarking gets too insider sometimes to be anything but uncomfortable.

Amber said...

I agree with the anonymous commenter (couldn't you at least pick a NAME of some kind?) who said Cook looks like he doesn't want to win. I agree.

And yes, the judges were less than impressed with Fantasia.

I was just laughing a lot. Not a luxury the judges can afford or else surely they would have been laughing as well! What a mess THAT was, ahahah!

Michael Zand said...

Former losers have gone on to be huge rock stars, win Oscars, appear on Broadway, and lose ten pounds on the CELEBRITY FIT CLUB.

Let's not forget cracked out alcoholics who leave celebrity rehab to start their own porn website. Jessica Sierra anyone?

Anthony said...

Syesha picked Fever, a musical theater song, because I think that's where she wants to be when the shows over - on Broadway.

jbryant said...

Fever's not a musical theatre song, as far as I know. The original version was cut by Little Willie John, one of the best R&B singers to ever do time for manslaughter. I suppose it might have popped up in some musical or revue about the 50s, but it wasn't written for the stage.