Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Where are they now...if you can even remember who they are?

My last AMERICAN IDOL recap of the year will appear late tonight/early tomorrow. I’ll only recap it next year if the show gets a whole lot better than it was this season. I don’t think I could stand one more bad Alicia Keyes knockoff.

But the big finale is finally here. All of those kids we obsessed over for three months will disappear from our consciousness the minute Ryan says “Your local news is next”.

And so I started wondering, what’s happened to some of the previous AMERICAN IDOL contestants? Those household names we couldn’t remember now if we were hypnotized. So, as a public service, I have sought out many of these AI-alumni and have uncovered their whereabouts today.

RYAN STARR – (pictured above) Parlayed her singing talent to become a print model.

JULIA DEMATO– Completed her cosmetology studies in Fairfield, Connecticut and is touring the country as the “singing beautician”. Admission to her show includes dinner and a rinse.

KATHERINE MCPHEE -- Waiting for Linda Eder to retire so she can take over her career.

SCOTT SAVOL -- Just released his first CD: “Love Me or I’ll Beat the Shit Out of You”. Fan base mostly in prison.

AMANDA AVILA – (pictured right) trying to launch a singing career through her myspace page. Fan base mostly in prison.

KEVIN COVAIS (Chicken Little) – Graduated high school, now a mercenary in Rwanda. Sings Barry Manilow songs for the rebels to boost morale following a failed coup.

MIKALAH GORDON – Co-hosts AMERICAN IDOL EXTRA on cable channel 967. The buzz is she is now almost abrasive and overbearing enough to be considered for co-host of THE VIEW.

ANTHONY FEDOROV – Found better luck in his homeland. Is the current Ukrainian Idol. Really excelled on Anzhelika Rudnytska night.

MANDISA – Joining the “Legends” show at a downtown Las Vegas hotel, where singers impersonate legends (living and dead). She’ll be appearing as Fantasia.

JOHN STEVENS – Listed in Wikipedia as a former American Classic Pop Singer. Former? Jesus! He’s only 20.

JENNIFER HUDSON – Rumored to have won an Oscar. Could be the next Judi Dench.

CHARLES GRIGSBY -- Paula Abdul’s personal assistant. Hours are from midnight to two.

RUBEN STUDDARD – No one knows?

15 comments:

This Space Left Intentionally _________. said...

All of those kids we obsessed over for three month...

Who?

I'm proud to say I've never seen even a minute of American Idol. I only know about through Ken Levine's American Idol news blog...

Ahhhh 15 minutes of fame is so fleeting. Imagine where these people would be if they pursued real careers? They probably be productive, law-abiding, tax-payers by now, and no doubt living fat and miserable as soccer moms and dads living in the Valley.

American Idol indeed.

John The Revelator said...

OK Archie, you win, you win, now PLEASE go away, far, far away where your treacly, bleating ballads are sucked into a black hole of blessed silence.

Nick said...

CHARLES GRIGSBY -- Paula Abdul’s personal assistant. Hours are from midnight to two


LOL!

D. McEwan said...

Oh dear. Once Arianna Huffington posts this, you can expect rants from 13 more enraged stage parents. I think I'll go hide on LOST's island. I'd rather be trapped between The Freighter Mercenaries and The Others than dodge more touchy Moms.

MLW said...

Ruben Studdard and Frenchie Davis will be touring in "Ain't Misbehavin'". This is not a joke....the production will be in my neck of the woods next year.

Nathan said...

I've watched most seasons and I can honestly say that I can't remember most of the ones you mentioned...not even the ones with photos.

Tallulah Morehead said...

When one considers what Ruben and Frenchie would look like together naked (I believe their combined weight constitues a metric ton.), one can understand why they ain't misbehavin'.

Cheers

Lairbo said...

Judging by his album cover photo, John Stevens could be a Bill Clinton impersonator.

Tom Quigley said...

"...Judging by his album cover photo, John Stevens could be a Bill Clinton impersonator..."

Wonder if he does any songs that include the lyrics "A little bit of Monica"?...

Anonymous said...

Whoever thought of that labored boxing theme last night should be dragged out into a dark alley and beaten to death while the Rocky theme plays.

alan said...

Don't forget Ryan Starr's classic time on "The Surreal Life" and "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List." Now that's a great singing career!

Anonymous said...

I don't know who most of those people are, but I'll take your word for it.

Anonymous said...

Wow after three years and still with all his talent....you settle for a fictional CD title. I would think you could come up with something origional regarding Scott Savol. And just so you know he has been doing Stage plays and even has a single out on ITunes called "Don't Rush". So get a life and next time come up with something origional!

jbryant said...

Well, that's certainly an "origional" spelling of "original."

Man, some people just don't like their favorite entertainers to be criticized. I can still remember my dad getting fed up with my precocious snarkiness regarding Porter Wagoner, whose show we watched when I was a kid. "He's making more money that you are," he'd say. I'd say, "I hope so, Dad. I'm nine." It's probably a miracle I never got a beating. (Maybe now I'll get one from Scott Savol.)

ArC said...

Kevin Covais ... failed coup? Not failed coop?

(sorry, couldn't resist.)