Saturday, February 28, 2009

Nipplegate II: Beyonce

So when Janet Jackson had her "wardrobe malfunction" at the Superbowl a few years ago it caused a huge stir. There was talk of suing CBS for millions of dollars for destroying the lives of America's impressionable youth who were unexpectedly subjected to the shocking sight of Janet Janet's nipple... for less than a second. Live shows were put on delay as a result and our hypocritical puritan nation was shaken to its very roots for months.

Meanwhile, last Sunday on the Oscars (a show seen by billions more people worldwide than the Superbowl) Beyonce exposed her nipple for a fraction of a second and the reaction? Nothing.

I think when you see this you'll agree -- American children were traumatized by the sight of Beyonce's nipple, and you're kicking yourself for deleting the Oscar telecast from your DVR menu.

23 comments:

leor said...

OH THE HUMANITY! won't someone PLEASE think of the children??

WV: balingl - a hillbilly who speaks two languages

Joe said...

If nothing else, the fact that anyone noticed Beyonce's nipplear exposure proves that, regardless how far we may have declined as a nation in myriad aspects, we still lead the civilized world in eyesight.

jbryant said...

I think Beyonce is hot, but it would never occur to me to sit there at the DVR scrolling frame by frame on the off chance that a nipple slip occurred. I mean, that's the only way this could've been discovered, right?

AlaskaRay said...

Joe said "If nothing else, the fact that anyone noticed Beyonce's nipplear exposure"

Of course, if George W. Bush had posted this, he would have said NIPPULAR.

Ray

MattDW said...

At Last.

Kate Coe said...

I was more mesmerized by those pantihose. She's got the legs of a 50 year old.

Kirk Jusko said...

I'm not sure I get the "legs of a 50-year old" remark. Are you saying her legs are fat? Or are you saying the pantyhose are covering up vericose veins?

Mike Barer said...

How did American get it's sanity back so soon?

charlotte said...

"OH THE HUMANITY! won't someone PLEASE think of the children??"

Kids, remember how you ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner just a couple years ago? Yeah. That thing.

Trauma indeed.

A. Buck Short said...

Thanks guys, for harkening back to Chandler Bing's infamous delicate phrasing in the infamous Friends episode, where Rachel is wearing a loosely knit sweater and Chandler informs that he can see her “nipular area.” It was such a Bing Thing. If the government could have tiptoed around stuff like that better, there’d still be waterboarding at Guantanamo.

But why just talk about it when you can…sing it. In related news, for your dining and dancing…and viewing… pleasure… a clip from Rodney Carrington’s Dallas concert at the Majestic Theater:

http://www.tagtele.com/v/11924

It’s amazing the guy’s sitcom about a wannabe comedian wasn’t any funnier. Especially with writers who had already mastered broke, bucolic, yet relatively boffo. Although it’s also amazing the only EMMY I think the producer -- your sometime M*A*S*H cohort Don Reo -- ever won was a Daytime Emmy for being the guy least likely to look like his name is Don Reo? Maybe nobody noticed you couldn't air the funny parts of Rodney's act on broadcast TV? Without that, it’s pretty much all Hee and no Haw.

Digressing even further, but just to get it out of my system, I'm not certain I agree about "the legs of a 50 year-old." But that's where the nip slip could have been intentional -- misdirection. The veryclose veins did remind me of a huge laugh in an appearance on the Tonite Show by the ancient and venerable Elsa Maxwell (Washington's Hostess with the Mostess). As she wobbled out, Jack Paar observed that the seams in her stockings were crooked. Upon which Ms. Maxwell had to inform the show's host that she wasn't wearing any stockings.

Buttermilk Sky said...

Was Elaine Benes's infamous nipplear Christmas card before or after the Janet Jackson crisis? I honestly can't remember. (Nipplear is a great word and I intend to use it often.)

VW: quers. Frequent target of Chrstian rght.

Ref said...

Veramant: To the balingl, it's the state next to Neeyou Hayampshire.

Joe said...

In the spirit of bipartisanship, Jimmy Carter would have said nippyear.

Oh, and my WVW is "aflopsho" which is, of course, the sort of ho a flop has.

The Crutnacker said...

The thing is, almost all straight men who were still watching went to get a beer while this was going on.

Richard Jensen said...

That's not a nipple. That's a nippet.
That that I'm complaining. At my age, I'll take what I can get.

my WVW, "trikenes" The secret language spoken by tricycles.

Tom Quigley said...

Considering I saw that part of the broadcast and didn't even notice, I guess I also didn't notice what she must have done to cover herself back up... But I was thinking that the situation could lead to another new cable show: NIPTUCK....

wv: shomical -- how a Jewish comedian celebrates the new year (as in "Rosh Shashomical" -- maybe?...)

Kirk Jusko said...

Buttermilk, the Elaine Benes Xmas caed episode occured about 10 years before the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction

Kirk Jusko said...

card, not caed.

Mary Stella said...

Beyonce was in that number?

All I saw was Hugh.

I saw plenty of his nipples in Australia

wv = picals -- How George W. said pickles.

Tallulah Morehead said...

I too was repulsed, not by glimpsing Beyonce's udder (Who was looking at HER? Not me.), but by not seeing Huge's! His wardrobe malfunction was that the seems I paid his outfitter to make flimsy HELD! Damn them!

The horror! The horror!

jbryant said...

Joe: I think a more appropriate definition for "aflopsho" would be AfterMASH. :)

jenniferbest said...

What bothers me is that people actually take the time and energy to focus on a picture so long and so much that they notice crap like this. If you hadn't brought it up, I never would have noticed it, nor cared. Well, I still don't care about Bebouncy's nipple.

Tallulah Morehead said...

To coin a phrase: Nipplegate? suck on it!