Every year on Super Bowl Sunday I present the "Lost scene of CHEERS". ( Tomorrow I'll review this year's Super Bowl.)
My partner, David Isaacs and I wrote those scene, it was seen by EIGHTY MILLION people, (almost double the audience of the final episode of CHEERS)… then never shown again.. I may have tracked down a copy of the scene and when I do I'll post it. In the meantime, after being buried for over twenty years, here’s the lost script of that scene.
Backstory: People forget but Cheers wasn’t always an enormous hit. The first season’s ratings (1982-83) were terrible…as in “dead last”. In today’s world both the CW and Univision would kick our ass. In an effort to get better exposure NBC asked if we’d do a special scene to be aired sometime during the Superbowl pre game show. Pete Axthelm (pictured), the distinguished sports columnist for Newsweek and gambling tout for the Peacock agreed to appear. David and I banged out the scene. NBC aired it…right before kick-off. Talk about a good time slot.
Enjoy, trivia buffs:
INT. BAR – EARLY AFTERNOON
CARLA, CLIFF AND NORM ARE AT THE TABLE WATCHING TELEVISION. SAM IS AT THE BAR. DIANE ENTERS.
EVERYONE AD LIBS HELLO’S.
You boys are here early today.
Superbowl Sunday, Diane. The only reason for living…not found in a mug.
We’re early because we gotta catch all twelve hours of the Superbowl pre-game show.
Started off this morning with the Superbowl Mass. Moved right into NFL ’82.
The next hour they’re going to trace the family tree of every player on both sides.
Ah, the big game. An American tradition. These athletes will test themselves for all they’re worth. They’ll spit farther than they’ve ever spat before. They’ll scratch in places no man has ever dared to scratch. That is entertainment.
Yeah. Superbowl Seventeen. Or as the French would say it, (IN JOHN’S UNIQUE FRENCH ACCENT) “Superbowl Seventeen”.
PETE AXTHELM ENTERS AND APPROACHES THE BAR.
(TO SAM) Excuse me. Do you have a phone here? I’ve got the only bookmaker on the planet that I can’t get in touch with on Superbowl Sunday.
Yeah, it’s down the hall.
Hey, you’re Pete Axthelm.
That depends on whether you want to thank me or hit me for my selections this year.
Welcome to Cheers.
EVERYONE EXCEPT DIANE ACKNOWLEDGES HIM.
Hey, how come you’re not out there in Pasadena?
I should be. It’s the last time I book a flight through Jimmy the Greek’s travel agency.
Excuse me my ignorance, but I don’t know this gentleman. Will you introduce us?
This is Pete Axthelm. Pete’s the NBC house tout. Picks all the big games. He’s even right every now and then.
Actually I’m always right. It’s the players and referees that screw it up.
Oh, I see. You predict football games.
Oh what a worthy profession. I hope they pay you more than scientists and judges.
EVERYONE REACTS TO DIANE: “HEY, THAT ISN’T FAIR”, “LIGHTEN UP”, “COME ON, DIANE”, ETC.
Pardon me, but it just seems ridiculous how you people place so much importance on the outcome of one silly little football game.
THEY CHIDE HER AGAIN: “AW, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND”, etc.
So Pete, forget about her, tell us who you like.
Well, I’m still feeding it all into my delicate computer – it’s a tough one, but I gotta start with that great Miami defense…
Miami?! Are you crazy?! That Thiesman person will pick them apart. You call him a prophet?
EVERYONE STARTS TAKING SIDES. A GIANT ARGUMENT ENSUES ON WHO’S GOING TO WIN.
What’s going on?
Hey, what’s the name of this place?
THEY ALL GO BACK TO THEIR ARGUMENT.
(INTO CAMERA) Lots of abuse. I love it. My kind of place. You only find true peace at racetracks and saloons.