Monday, March 01, 2010

For cheating spouses, politicians, members of the clergy, and professional ballplayer – this is for YOU!

Those fine folks at Apple are now offering an app that causes your text messages to disappear. If Tiger Woods had this last year he’d still be married and shaving with Gillette. Ironically, the app is called TigerText. It allows users to set a time limit on how long their text messages remain. This can be anywhere from days to sixty seconds.

Wow! It’s like MISSION IMPOSSIBLE except with blowjob instructions.

Wives may start becoming suspicious though when hubby’s text messages suddenly go from 43 a month to 1,428.

Phone numbers would also be untraceable. And you would be unable to forward or save the texts. TMZ is going to have to work much harder now.

I imagine recipients of TigerText wouldn’t be thrilled. What woman likes to receive a love letter on an etch-a-sketch?

On the other hand, I could see useful aspects to this (besides the obvious, that you keep your job as governor of New York).

You could blackmail David Letterman without leaving a paper trail.

You could tell people you’re voting for the hot chick on AMERICAN IDOL when really you’re voting ten thousand times for the cute gay boy.

You could send this: “y do i txt u? its my choice. its my way of sayng i rmmber u. y do i rmmber u? its my choice. it proves dat i care. y do i care? dnt knw, its not my choice but my heart's.” without being humiliated the rest of your life. Or sent back to the second grade.

I’d sign up for this app just to obliterate the goddamn AT&T reminders I get ten times a day.

TigerText, on sale now at the iTunes Store. And coming soon: TigerTalk – a chat feature where your girlfriend will forget every word you say the minute you say it.

14 comments:

Metra said...

Now THERE'S an endorsement deal for Tiger!

Charles H.Bryan said...

TigerPology - will deliver a staid, weird, way-too-late mea culpa to a group of select friends and relatives; will also emphasize that you were never struck with a 5 iron.

Mary Stella said...

If Tiger Woods doesn't want the gig, maybe Tony the Tiger does.

"TigerText. It's Grrrrrrreat!"

A. Buck Short said...

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A. Buck Short said...

Jeez, the thing WORKS !

Roger Burke said...

Jeez, the thing WORKS !

John said...

Up next from Apple -- an app that recovers deleted TigerText messages. Downloads aplenty from divorce attorneys all over the country.

John said...

Up next from Apple -- an app that recovers deleted TigerText messages. Downloads aplenty from divorce attorneys all over the country.

Matt Blum said...

What they've missed, of course, is the fact that the iPhone allows you to take screenshots, and doesn't allow any app to disable that feature.

Graham Powell said...

They already have TigerTalk, but it's sold under the trade name "marriage".

Jake said...

The implications of this and the link to terrorism is interesting avenue that I bet Apple hasn't thought of... Or maybe they did

Dr. Leo Marvin said...

"And coming soon: TigerTalk – a chat feature where your girlfriend will forget every word you say the minute you say it."

This one's apparently been out in beta for quite a while.

Rodney said...

My IPhone's text messages already disappear-as a result of severe hacking of the easily hacked POS IPhone by dangerous and demented stalkers. If you read past the records I can't find part of the blog Creative Writing-While In A Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery Center and Love of Music here:

www.myspace.com/370392338

you'll see the sad details. Not for the faint of heart.

For ages important text messages that could become part of a criminal case have disappeared and will have to be retrieved through AT&T's legal compliance division under warrant from law enforcement and related agencies. I would not recommend an IPhone to anybody for any reason.

Clifford said...

Just got the image of a very old man getting very confused at the technology he already doesn't understand. I laughed. Felt bad. Then, continued to write a post about it, which may disappear as the blogger may no doubt find it utterly stupid.