Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Mo'Nique Talks About Her Open Marriage, Hairy Legs

Some stray thoughts and possible amusements:

Not what you want to hear: A police helicopter was sweeping my street last night and over a loudspeaker I heard: “Put down your weapon! Put down your weapon!” Note to neighbors: You might want to have your daughters sell those Girl Scout cookies tomorrow or the next night.

If they’re still looking for the plot of HANGOVER 2 I’ve got one for you. Read this yesterday in the New York Times. A newlywed Massachusetts couple spent their wedding night in separate jail cells after police said the bride tried to run over an old flame of the groom. Hubby was in the car at the time, which explains why he spent the night in the slammer.

I found this on Texts From Last Night. Maybe it was the ex. And if so, the bride should have run them both down. "giving him head while he's talking to his fiancee on the phone about me to their wedding... I'm invited. should i go or would that be wrong?"

I will once again be reviewing the Academy Awards and the red carpet arrivals. Look for it late Sunday night/early Monday morning. This upholds a fifteen year tradition – of not being invited to any Oscar parties.

It's supposed to rain on Sunday. I hope Armani makes slickers.

Starting tomorrow I will once again be co-hosting Dodger Talk on 790 KABC after every Dodger game. This year the show will be streamed on the net on So all you fans in Norway and Cambodia will get a chance to call in now and bitch about the starting pitching.

Some actual Huffington Post headlines:

Mo'Nique Talks About Her Open Marriage, Hairy Legs

Salma Hayek Reads To Children

For Sale: Giant Inflatable Olympics Beavers

Did Kobe Bryant Punch An Opponent In The Testicles?

Charlie Sheen & Brooke Mueller Had Druggie Threesomes

Robert Pattinson: I Do Have An Allergy To Vagina, Betty White Is Sexy

Jermaine Jackson's Kids Tried Stun Gunning Cousin Blanket

Child Directs Airplane Traffic From Control Tower

Spider-Man Hits The Unemployment Line

Real Housewife Now A Lesbian?

'Ax Men' Star's Daughter Killed By Family Dog

NFL Prospect Asked Idiotic Question: G-String Or Jock Strap?

Chuck Liddell Talks Nude Exercise Tape

Canada Celebrates, But Homelessness Remains

50 Foot, 20,000 Pound Mobile Home Stolen

Teen Dies In Sewage Pit Behind Long Island Dunkin' Donuts

And side by side Johnny Weir headlines:

Johnny Weir Wears Body Paint, Glitter For Vanity Fair

Johnny Weir Responds To 'Too Gay' Comments


Alan Coil said...

For the Oscar's, I'll pretty much go with Roger Ebert's predictions for the big 6 awards, which he read on Oprah Tuesday afternoon, except for best picture. I suspect the $2.5 billion box office will win best picture for the movie. Hurt Locker is a better and more important film, but money talks, and de-fusing bombs walks.

Mel Ryane said...

I cannot wait for your Oscar summation. If Sandra Bullock and Avatar win...seriously, what will you say? I cannot wait to see if we're a match!

A. Buck Short said...

In your neighborhood, I'd venture to say the armed unsub was probably on his way to Starbucks -- just to make a point. In other news,damn, and she'd be so attractive without the leg hair.

(Even though a tyke at the time, I still remember the Jack Paar program where he allegedly informed the venerable Elsa Maxwell that the seams on her stockings were crooked. After which he was informed she wasn't wearing any stockings.)

Alternate spelling but still, so help me God, WV: comed

Lairbo said...

Arianna gets what she pays for.

Anonymous said...

'Ax Men' Star's Daughter Killed By Family Dog

Regardless of whether or not the headline is awkward, is the tragic death of a child really funny?

Seems fairly tasteless to include this in your list of laugh inducing headlines.

D. McEwan said...

"Anonymous said...
Regardless of whether or not the headline is awkward, is the tragic death of a child really funny?"

If that noisy three-year-old in the apartment next to mine got eaten by a dog, I'd laugh for days.

It's called "Black Humor," and it's not for tight-asses.

Anonymous said...

It's interesting that when a headline has the words "gay" or "lesbian" in it, you lump it in with the freak show headlines.

Anonymous said...

"D. McEwan said...

It's called "Black Humor," and it's not for tight-asses."

A fictional child mauled to death by a fictional dog may be black humor(I recall the theater full of laughter during "Cujo". Even I was rooting for the dog in that one) however, an actual child killed by an actual dog is not humorous; it is tragic. While your loose-ass may not find it objectionable, by any adult standard it is simply indecent to take something as horrific as that and treat it as nothing more than fodder for a punchline.

Matt Patton said...

Frightening thought--the intersection between Charlie Sheen's "druggie threesomes" and Mo'Nique's "open marriage . . ."