Thursday, April 28, 2011

Summer Movies Preview -- the Sequel to the Sequel

Hi from either Detroit or Boston depending on when you read this. The M's wrap up a crucial three-game series with the Tigers today at 1:00 EDT. Rick Rizzs and I provide the play-by-play on 710 ESPN in Seattle and MLB.COM. But for those who'd rather go to the movies, here's the final installment of my annual Summer Movies Preview.  The first two parts (prequels?) were yesterday and the day before


LARRY CROWE – Basically COMMUNITY with Tom Hanks as Abed and Julia Roberts as Senor Chang.


THE SMURFS – The lovable blue people come to life. To save money on special effects they just used wind up toys. Uh oh, did I reveal too much?

CRAZY, STUPID LOVE – Sounds like a rom-com for adults that blessfully is not from Nancy Meyers. Stars Steve Carell & Julianne Moore… but of course also stars Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone because no one will go to see a love story starring, y’know, old people.


TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON – Which is what you can kiss before I’ll go see this heap.


ZOOKEEPER – Kevin James talks to the animals. And they talk back. Meanwhile, Mr. Ed sits waiting by a phone that never rings.


PROJECT NIM – Sundance sensation. Documentary about trying to teach a chimpanzee how to speak. He won’t, unless it’s to Kevin James.


RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES – See this is what happens when monkeys really talk.

ANOTHER EARTH – There’s a planet identical to ours but with better G3 reception and no Mel Gibson.


FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS – A couple decide to be fuck buddies. This is an idea that hasn’t been done since NO STRINGS ATTACHED in January. But who would you rather be your booty bud? Ashton Kutcher or Justin Timberlake? Natalie Portman or Mila Kunis? Me too. I’ll be seeing FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER – Waving flags and whipping Nazis, this superhero is who Sarah Palin thinks she is.


THE HELP – Real Housewives of Mississippi in 1960.

30 MINUTES OR LESS – Jesse Eisenberg is a pizza delivery kid with a bomb strapped to him. It’s the Domino’s “Million Pieces for ten dollars” promotion.

OUR IDIOT BROTHER – Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks. Could be the funniest comedy of the summer, funnier even than JUMPING THE BROOM.

THE DEBT – Helen Mirren finally realizes she’s a great actress but not funny and returns to drama with a Cold War Spy flick. Will this win her another Oscar? No, but it might salvage her career after ARTHUR.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN – Maybe he can balance the California State Budget.


FRIGHT NIGHT – Colin Farrell in the remake of the 1985 cult-fave about a suburbanite who kills his neighbor. That’ll teach them to leave their trash cans out.

16 comments:

sephim said...

Damn it. I love the original FRIGHT NIGHT. Who the fuck can replace Roddy McDowall?

RCP said...

Zookeeper. Let me guess: breakdancing "animals" making cutesy faces or smartassed remarks.

Suddenly, Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer is starting to look real good.

Gary said...

Is that 1 o'clock eastern or pacific? Who'd a thunk the M's could score 17 runs in 2 games? 2 weeks, maybe, but in 2 days? Against Verlander? Ok, Jason didn't give up 10 runs, just 3 earned, wasn't it? And Detroit did make 4 errors. Bud Bedard is coming around and will once again be one of the big contributors on the pitching staff. Pineda today...dare I say? No, I don't say it outloud. But, there is hope!!

KXB said...

As unnecessary as the Arthur remake was (as opposed to the THIRD Big Momma's sequel), Helen Mirren was still far funnier than anyone in Arthur 2: On the Rocks was (funny *as in strange* how you don't bring that sequel as disgracing the original Arthur, even though it did!)...

Carson said...

I was't going to see Larry Crowe, but when you described Hanks as Abed and Roberts as Senor Chang - now I want to see it. Will there be a cameo by Annie's Boobs? (Head out of the gutter, people. Tt's the name of Troy's monkey).

XKB you seem to be taking Ken's assessment of this truly horrible "Arthur" remake to heart.

Max Clarke said...

Not that much I want to see this summer. Guess I'll catch some Giants games.

Tallulah Morehead said...

"But who would you rather be your booty bud? Ashton Kutcher or Justin Timberlake?"

Justin, no question.

"CONAN THE BARBARIAN – Maybe he can balance the California State Budget."

But he's the one who unbalanced it, and line-item vetoed my dental coverage out of existence. I'd bite the bastard if I still had teeth.

Fright Night is a vampire movie. The original was about a TV horror movie host named "Peter Vincent" played by Roddy McDowell who ends up helping a kid fight the vampire who has moved in next door.

I used to write a TV show in Los Angeles called Fright Night with Seymour. The host, "Seymour," was played by the late Larry Vincent. The coupling of a TV horror host of a show called Fright Night with a host with the last name Vincent has always left me convinced that it was in part a tribute to Larry, written by a fan of our show, which was very popular back in the early 1970s.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Okay, Blogger is now signing all my comments as Tallulah, even when I'm posting them as "D. McEwan." For the record, Tallulah didn't write for Fright Night, D. McEwan did, whomever it says wrote this comment. (Man, being two people gets confusing at times. How does Kal-El manage it?)

analee said...

thanks for sharing this updated summer movies.great...

John said...

I find it ironic that in Cheers the character of Rebecca had the same name as one of Diane's best friends(from "Any friend of Diane's"). Was that the motivation for the name? Also, in the third season, Frasier and Diane take off to Europe. Was that choice of locations motivated by the lyrics of Where Everbody Knows Your Name("and your shrink ran off to Europe and didn't even write")?

blogward said...

When's the remake of The Third Man coming out? With music by Yngvie Malmsteen. Haven't checked in for a while Ken, been getting divorced, but you are funnier than ever.

gottacook said...

"How does Kal-El manage it?"

In Hebrew, "Kal" = all, "El" = god. That's how...

Powerhouse Salter said...

Have we finally run out of 1960s TV series to "reboot" as lousy feature films? The only two sitcoms left that I can think of are PATTY DUKE and PETTICOAT JUNCTION.

Matt Patton said...

What? No summer rom-com from Nancy Meyers? But how will we know what the latest trend in throw pillows is?

Cap'n Bob said...

Wasn't Kal-El Superman's birth name on Krypton? His father was Jor-El. He had a kid brother, Oba-Ma. Sadly, both of their birth certificates were lost when the planet exploded.

jbryant said...

Powerhouse Salter: Don't forget MY MOTHER THE CAR, which a producer friend of mine wanted to do as a feature, um, vehicle for someone like Adam Sandler.