Saturday, April 16, 2011
What the hell were these judges watching because it sure wasn’t the show I was watching? There’s not a single contestant this year that doesn’t bore the crap out of me and yet the judges think each and every one is the second coming of Christ. There’s such an utter disconnect with reality that AMERICAN IDOL has become the O.J. murder trial with a band.
And I’ve had it.
This was “movie week”, which was a joke. They could choose any song that’s been in any movie ever. Other than “Sweet Black P*ssy” that’s pretty much every song ever recorded. So of all the great songs that have been in feature films, one knothead girl does an inane Miley Cyrus tune (standard tripe about moving mountains and reaching for your dreams. Yawn.), and the judges were moved.
Some kid croaked a Boyz II Men song and was so overwrought I thought he was going to have a breakdown right there on stage. It was a song from that tear jerker BOOMERANG. The judges thought it was brilliant. Huh???
The 13 year-old country crooner who sings the exact same song every week and is about as contemporary as buggy whips was hailed as a new star. On what planet?
Contestant Casey’s schtick is to do something unusual every week. This week he struck out big time. He tried to do a jazz version of Nat King Cole's “Nature Boy”. He was a sketch, adding “yeahs!” in the middle of stanzas for no earthly reason. For this unintended parody he received a standing ovation from the judges.
One girl was so bad singing “Call Me” that even the judges were forced to admit she wasn’t brilliant. But Jennifer said to vote for her anyway because too many girls are getting booted off. That’s objective.
The kid whose only real talent is pretty teeth made a mockery of “Old Time Rock n’ Roll” and for good measure, dressed like a jester. Randy named him the next great rock entertainer. LARS AND THE REAL GIRL had a better grasp on reality.
Another kid mimicked a metal rocker while the big African-American dude, whose style went out with the Platters in 1958, slaughtered “Bridge Over Troubled Water” (a song that qualified because it just happened to be in the movie, PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS.) Paul Simon was probably making a noose but Jennifer had chills.
Over the past two seasons I’ve gone from bored, to aggravated, to downright insulted. This show has become so contrived and so bogus and if the producers seriously believe that I’d buy into this balloon juice, they must think I’m a blithering, drooling, brain dead idiot.
But they’re wrong. I’m smart enough to delete my season pass for AMERICAN IDOL. And believe me, that was the only decent performance of the entire night.
Levine, OUT. For good.
By Ken Levine at 5:53 AM