Thursday, September 01, 2011
Nancy Grace – cable news attention whore.
David Arquette – biggest claim to fame was being dumped by Courtney Cox.
Ron Artest – Unstable L.A. Laker who is changing his name to “Metta World Peace”.
Chaz Bono – Son and former daughter of Sonny & Cher. Last seen on CELEBRITY FIT CLUB.
Elizabetta Canalis – star qualification: George Clooney’s dumped girlfriend.
Rob Kardashian – Of all the many Kardashians they could have picked, Rob??? That’s like picking Gummo Marx.
Kristin Cavallari – You’ve hated her in LAGUNA BEACH, THE HILLS, and THE REAL ORANGE COUNTY. Bimbo idiot.
Carson Kressly – from QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY, that big hit cable show… in 2003.
Ricki Lake – Been up and down more than her weight.
J.R. Martinez – Soap opera person.
Hope Solo – Soccer player who posed nude for ESPN The Magazine. Not even Playboy. ESPN.
What a sad collection of losers, nobodies, and hanger-ons. This show is a haven for D-list celebrities to try to resurrect their flimsy careers. The desperation is palpable.
Who’s left for season 14? Octomom, the Unibomber, Suri Cruise, Michael Vick, Lorena Bobbit, Joanne Worley, Barry Bonds’ trainer, Brian Dunkleman, the greeter at the Palm, Jamie McCourt, Claudine Longet, and Spongebob Square Pants?
What’s amazing to me is this: the so-called stars from Season 13 are not much different from the nimrods in previous seasons. Tucker Carlson, Jerry Springer, Wayne Newton, Josie Maran, Holly Madison, Ty Murray, Tom DeLay, Louie Vito, Kate Gosselin, David Hasselhoff, Audrina Patridge, and Bristol Palin, for godsakes, who tromped around like a transformer and actually finished third.
At one time on CBS there was a show called CIRCUS OF THE STARS. Now you can imagine how tacky that was. And yet, the stars included Lucille Ball, Burt Lancaster, Janet Leigh, Lana Turner (did I mention this was CIRCUS OF THE STARS?), James Earl Jones, Whoopi Goldberg, Angela Lansbury, Vincent Price, Lyn Redgrave, Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., Rock Hudson, Glenn Ford, and Debbie Reynolds. There’s no way that Chaz Bono or Kristin Cavallari makes that roster. On the other hand, I would PAY to see Nancy Grace in a lion’s cage.
The point is: the bar has been lowered – to where it’s now on the ground. At what point do we say enough? Rob Kardashian is considered a star? Do the Menendez Brothers have to be co-champions before we decide that DANCING WITH THE STARS has run its course? My guess is yes.
Personally, I have a rule. I will watch no show featuring “stars” where I’m a bigger name than any of them.
By Ken Levine at 5:45 AM