Thursday, December 29, 2011

My favorite dumb quotes for 2011

This was a particularly good one for a non-election year.  But with Herman Cain, Kim Kardashian, Michele Bachmann, and Joe Biden around, how can you miss?   And before you write angry comments, this is Bi-partisan idiocy. 

"When they ask me, 'Who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan?' I'm going to say, 'You know, I don't know. Do you know?"' — Then-presidential candidate Herman Cain


"I am on a drug. It's called 'Charlie Sheen.' It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." — Charlie Sheen

"We're the country that built the Intercontinental Railroad." - Barack Obama

"I can't say with certitude." — Then-U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner when he was asked whether a photograph of the congressman’s member was in fact him.


“Look, the Taliban per se is not our enemy.” --  Joe Biden.


“Juarez is reported to be the most dangerous city in America.” -- Rick Perry


“I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show.” – Kim Kardashian on her wedding.


"It was really different from being in a basketball game."  -- Kris Humphries, NBA star, on his very brief marriage to Kim Kardasian:


"Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have, too" -Rep. Michele Bachmann, getting her John Waynes mixed up during an interview in Waterloo, Iowa, where she grew up. The iconic movie star John Wayne was born in Winterset, Iowa, three hours away. The John Wayne that Waterloo was home to is John Wayne Gacy, a notorious serial killer.


“How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste – Ashton Kutcher tweet on the Penn State Scandal

“Rehearsal is for fags.” – Director Brett Ratner

"Before we get started, let's all say 'Happy Birthday' to Elvis Presley today." -- Michele Bachmann again, while campaigning in South Carolina on what was actually the anniversary of Elvis's death,

“That would be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu.” – Hank Williams Jr. on President Obama and John Boehner playing golf.

“Everything bad that can happen to a person has happened to me.” – Paris Hilton on her hardships

“When drag queens love you, you will have a long career.” – Kathie Lee Gifford


“Why did I wake up in a garbage can?” – Snooki

''I saw the young man over there with eggs Benedict, with hollandaise sauce. And I was going to suggest to you that you serve your eggs with hollandaise sauce in hubcaps. Because there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.''  —Mitt Romney, after working the room at a New Hampshire restaurant and pausing for a photo with the owner

“Our assessment is that the Egyptian government is stable.” – Hillary Clinton on the stability of Mubarak's Egypt 18 days before he stepped down.


''The president, he put us in Libya. He is now putting us in Africa.''—Michele Bachmann, unaware that Libya is in Africa


''I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed.'' —Mitt Romney, speaking to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million.

And the year would not be complete of course without one from our dearest friend,  Ms. Sarah Palin.  


"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed." --Sarah Palin, botching the history of Paul Revere's midnight ride.

32 comments:

Thomas said...

But... Juarez IS is America. N America is a continent, USA is a country.

Dana King said...

I'm no Romney fan, but that was a pretty good pun. The problem is, a guy worth $200 million can't tell that joke and pretend he relates to regular folk. He also probably botched the delivery.

MikeBo said...

Thanks, Ken. It's a great service you do putting all of these quotes in one place.

VP81955 said...

And let's not forget Mitt's odious "corporations are people," which I remind my Iowa friends (I spent two years in grad school in Ames) he said at your state fair, en route to a coronation I hope the state can help deny him. (Legally and technically, Mitt may be right, but still...)

wv: "ouckwary" -- once someone explains to me just what an "ouck" is, I will indeed be wary of them.

Slyhook said...

You forgot about Rick Perry affirming his Christian faith by saying he is "...a devout follower of Jesus Christ and his 7 dwarfs."

DJ said...

Or Rick Perry in Iowa: "Every barrel of oil that comes out of those sands in Canada is a barrel of oil that we don't have to buy from a foreign source."

Andy Cook said...

A story related Friday question…

I’ve noticed over the years that, especially in films, I much prefer the start than the end of the story. Noticeable examples are Superman Returns, This Island Earth, all Bond films and, well, pretty much most films to be honest.

I’m wondering if I’m alone in this and if not, whether it’s a known phenomenon among writers, what’s the explanation for it and what you can do as a writer to overcome it?

Elizabeth H said...

Funny. But what Kathy Lee says, true dat.

Elizabeth H said...

*Kathie*

cshel said...

“Everything bad that can happen to a person has happened to me.” – Paris Hilton on her hardships

And everything bad that can happen to the public has happened because of her. She practically invented famous for being famous, and is responsible for unleashing the Kardashian plague on an unsuspecting world.

blinkytoo said...

Sad that this is what passes as intelligent discourse in American public life.

Laura V. said...

I don't agree that Joe Biden's statement is dumb. Unless you're thinking of Al Qaeda instead of the Taliban? Because the State Dept does not treat the Taliban as our sworn enemy any more - we're building diplomatic relations with them in fits and starts, after they were coaxed (bombed?) away from aligning themselves with Al Qaeda. We have a lot of "with partners like these, who needs enemies?" (hello Pakistan) in the region, and the Taliban is one of them. Not something to feel great about, I agree...

Frank said...

The Mormon comedy writer who wrote Mitt Romney's fowl pun should be awarded three extra wives and a Fox sitcom deal.

Anonymous said...

With the exception of John Huntsman, the Republican debates clearly demonstrated why you shouldn't vote for any of them. As a group, (except Huntsman) they're a bunch of lying, cheating, clueless politicians. How did Bachmann ever get elected to anything????

Kirk said...

Drag queens like Kathy Lee Gifford? Really? Why?

JJadziaDax said...

Sad some of the comments are worse than the quotes :-(

Barry Traylor said...

I have a Friday question. I just watched the episode of MASH called "Baby It's Cold Outside" and I wondered what an Executive Script Consultant does?

Mike said...

Half of those look OK to me. Ashton Kutcher, Cain, Biden, Michelle Bachmann's first entry as John Wayne's parents were from Waterloo, and Palin got it right. The history is not that well known.

Ref said...

What did Palin get right? The Brits were after communal stores of powder and shot, not the arms themselves. Revere did not ring church bells, nor did he fire warning shots. He did get himself captured early on in the evening. The warnings were actually given by Samuel Prescott, William Dawes, and many others. She's a match for Bachmann, who put the battle of Concord in New Hampshire.

HogsAteMySister said...

"Hold my beer and watch this," said by every Redneck in the South before blowing up a cow, car, house, barn, or themselves...

normadesmond said...

sorry, but romney should
be put in a bag and drown.

Dan Tedson said...

That Charlie Sheen quote just might be the funniest damn thing I've ever read.

Mike said...

Ref, no ringing of bells, but from the LA Times:

The well-known fable is Revere’s late-night ride to warn fellow revolutionaries that the British were coming. Less known, obviously, is the rest of the evening’s events in which Revere was captured by said redcoats and did indeed defiantly warn them of the awakened militia awaiting their arrival ahead and of the American Revolution’s inevitable victory.

JED said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian Phillips said...

Slyhook: What is the source on your quote?

Slyhook said...

Brian Phillips:
You are joking right? It was at the same news conference where Michelle Bachman stated her desire to help HOMELESS gays...or Hobo-sexuals as she calls them.

Tim W. said...

Mike,

You think those quotes are okay? Have you thought of throwing your hat in the republican presidential race, because you'd fit right in.

cadavra said...

Don't forget The Word of the Year: "shootspah," defined as the attitude of a Gentile who thinks (s)he can speak Yiddish.

Dismit said...

Cshel: Naw, there's nothing new about Paris Hilton. She is merely our generation's Peggy Hopkins Joyce.

Anonymous said...

RE: the first Mitt Romney quote: at least we know he won't be in the running for YOUR job anytime soon.

MIkeN said...

I don't get why you included Biden in there at all. That was not a classic Bidenism. It was a deliberate setting up of a withdrawal from Afghanistan. They are already involved in negotiations.

Anonymous said...

Mitt Romney quotes are really dumb.