Monday, January 16, 2012
My review of the Golden Globes
For all the promise that this was going to be the best Golden Globes ever, it still fell way short of 2008, which is still its pinnacle. (That’s the year the show was canceled due to the Writers Guild Strike.)
What we were left with was a smug host who most Americans still only know as “Who is that guy?”, nominated movies that aren’t even playing in 90% of the country, and shots of Dustin Hoffman falling asleep in the audience.
I was very glad THE ARTIST won. If it ever comes to your town go to the one theater showing it and get tickets. It’s easy to see why the Foreign Press loves it so. It’s an American film not in English.
Let’s face it, people watch this egopalooza to see their favorite stars. That’s why the Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy category was so exciting this year. Which one of these household names did you root for? Shailene Woodley, Octavia Spencer, Janet McTeer, Jessica Chastain, or Berenice Bejo?
Personally, I was thrilled Octavia Spencer won for THE HELP. The first part of her speech was very touching. The last ten minutes when she thanked everyone but Cedric the Entertainer was insufferable.
More on the ceremony in a moment, but first a look back at NBC’s Red Carpet Arrival Show. First, it started without sound. Then it was hosted by the least talented person on the planet – Carson Daly. When interviewing Leo DiCaprio he had to look down at his card before asking the following question: “So how are you doin’?” Why is this lox on TV? I never got the names of his two magpie co-hosts (because there was no sound). I just know they were Natalie (?) and Jeannie (?).
Natalie (?) asked everyone the same question. “Are you nervous?” But unlike Carson, did it without the benefit of a card. Seth Rogen said to Jeannie (?) “I’ll just read exactly what’s on the teleprompter” to which she replied, “Right. Free styling it.”
There must be a Red Carpet Interviewer IQ test and if you score higher than 60 you’re disqualified.
The ceremony itself was held in the glittering Beverly Hilton Hotel Ballroom, site of the Temple Emmanuel Purim Ball.
Did HOMELAND win because it is the best drama on television or because it originally was an Israeli show and there’s that foreign connection? I was surprised OUTSOURCED wasn’t named best TV comedy.
As usual, the TV awards went to slumming movie stars. Kate Winslet and Laura Dern each got their third Globe, and Jessica Lange copped her fifth. If Tina Fey and Amy Poehler want to win for Best TV Comedy they need to do WAR HORSE II first.
Rob Lowe and Julianne Moore had to vamp when their teleprompter malfunctioned. Lowe handled it deftly, ad libbing, “When was the last time you did a cold reading in front of Steven Spielberg?” Carson Daly in the same situation vomits on himself.
Do seat fillers get to eat the meals of the people they're substituting for?
Dustin Hoffman is starting to look like Bob Uecker.
I love Clair Danes. If you haven’t seen HOMELAND, add that to THE ARTIST, LUTHER, BOSS, EPISODES, A SEPARATION, and all the other Golden Globe winning projects you haven’t seen.
Seth Rogen paid his co-presenter, Kate Beckinsale, the ultimate compliment. He announced he had an “enormous erection”. That’s his idea of just reading the teleprompter?
When Ludovic Bourne won Best Original Score for THE ARTIST, I was hoping he’d thank Kim Novak in his acceptance speech.
Debra Messing came as Tin Tin.
Tilda Swinton came as David Bowie.
Another deserving winner was Asghar Farhadi for A SEPARATION, although Annie's writing partner Jon called out, “Okay, Iran, we gave you a Golden Globe. Give us back our drone!”
With big stars like Brad Pitt and Natalie Portman in the audience, why were they cutting to Piper Perabo for reaction shots?
Since Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese were there the HFPA had to give them awards. Same for Madonna, George Clooney, and Meryl Streep. Otherwise they end up with the stars of MR. POPPER’S PENGUINS and the cast of SUBURGATORY.
And Meryl darling, you had more than enough time before the get-off music started. You have more people to thank? Thank them next month when you win something else.
There was some debate at our house whether Jessica Biel came in her wedding dress or bubble wrap.
Who was more revved up on stage, the dog from THE ARTIST who was humping legs or Jimmy Fallon? Both needed leashes.
They keep touting BRIDESMAIDS as a serious Oscar contender, but all you ever hear about the movie is that women shit all over themselves.
Nice tribute to Morgan Freeman. He’s made 50 movies. In half of them Ashley Judd gets kidnapped.
Sidney Poitier’s introduction to Morgan was elegant. Helen Mirran’s was balloon juice. Annie kept yelling, “Un-knight her!”
Kenneth Branagh was nominated for playing Sir. Lawrence Olivier who once won a Golden Globe and the statuette literally broke apart in his hand during his acceptance speech.
Since Leo DiCaprio was there for J. EDGAR, Annie's partner Jon thought it would have been great if he had shown up in a gown.
The ceremony took place one mile from my house. Albert Brooks should have known he wouldn’t win when his table was on our front lawn.
After the Tim Tebow debacle on Saturday, Jesus Christ was no longer on the guest list of the Weinstein Co. after party.
Jessica Lange's hair looked like a Monet haystack. She thanked all the writers, which she should, since they’re killing off every character on her show but her.
Paula Patton looked like the world’s yummiest yellow Peep.
Happy that Matt LeBlanc won. Not surprised though because it was for a show made in England. But he was very funny and showed more range playing himself than I thought he had.
Instead of screeners, voters got vouchers for free appetizers at Jennifer Lopez’s Madre restaurant in Pasadena.
70 year-old Jane Fonda looked spectacular. I love the new hip, Janie!
The Golden Globes are the only award show where Maggie Smith and Sofia Vergara are nominated in the same category.
Madonna is starting to look like a female impersonator.
Glad she took shots back at Ricky Gervais. No witty retort from him of course. He was probably too busy offstage writing an article for ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY about how fearless he is.
Angelina Jolie looked chic and stunning. I loved the patterned sleeves. Oh wait. Those were tattoos.
Madonna beat Glenn Close for Best Song. How does that happen???
And then Glenn lost to Meryl Streep. Considering the part, Ms. Close would have had a much better chance if she put herself up in the Best Actor category.
Congratulations to Kelsey Grammer who won for that show he’s on on the network no one can get. I’m sure he was very deserving. He’s a gifted actor. But the STARZ network has eleven subscribers total in all of America. So did he win on merit or because ex-wife Camille was so rude to all the voting members of the Foreign Press when they waited on her at Jerry’s Deli?
And did THE DESCENDENTS win for Best Drama because it’s set in Hawaii and many foreign voters didn’t realize Hawaii is part of the United States?
So ended another endless Golden Globes ceremony, filled with tedium, Harvey Weinstein, and Jodie Foster beaver jokes. I’m guessing Ricky Gervais won’t be asked back. Knowing the Academy, next year’s host will be Carson Daly.
On to the Oscars!