Have you seen it? There's a new Jenny Craig ad recreating a scene from CHEERS. Kirstie looks fantastic, by the way. As does the replica of the bar. As a longtime CHEERS writer, a number of you have asked how I would have written the commercial. So I took a stab at it. My guess is they wouldn't use my version for fifty different reasons, but here it is -- following the commercial itself.
INT. BAR -- DAY
NORM AND CLIFF ARE IN THEIR USUAL SPOTS. REBECCA ENTERS LOOKING VERY HOT.
REBECCA: Look who’s back!
NORM: Diane, you’ve gained weight.
CLIFF: No, that’s Rebecca.
NORM: Oh. I can’t see that far anymore.
REBECCA: Fifty pounds down thanks to Jenny Craig.
CLIFF: Last time I saw a beauty like you, I was…
NORM: Stalking Olivia Munn.
CLIFF: Delivering her mail at 4 a.m.
REBECCA: My personal consultant Laura is just like you guys.
NORM: You have a diet consultant who looks like us?
REBECCA: Oh, and I love the yummy foods. I don’t have to count, track, or worry. And no empty calories.
NORM: I hate empty calories too. (holds out empty mug) That's why I go to Jenny Keg.
REBECCA RE-FILLS HIS MUG.
REBECCA: A moment can change your whole life at Jenny Craig’s.
ANNOUNCER: Try us free for a month plus the cost of food. And get fifty dollars in food savings.
CLIFF: Y’know, it’s a little known fact that Jenny Craig was a hermaphrodite.
NORM: Shut up, Cliff.