Thanks to Twitter, angry bitter disgruntled people now have a place to take pot shots at everybody from the safety of their mother’s basement. The hate is starting to trump even the narcissism. There will probably be 40,000 tweets ripping me because of this post.
By the way, moderating comments has worked out better than I expected. I can moderate over my phone. So one click from anywhere and trolls are rejected without me even reading their stupid nonsense. I see the name, CLICK, gone. It's a beautiful thing. But I digress...
Twitter can be a great forum. For comedy writers it’s a chance to toss off your one-liners and have them heard (or at least read). Some of my best stuff has been wasted on waiters and strangers in line. Now my best stuff can be wasted on strangers on line. (I enthusiastically invite you to follow me and be one of them.)
But Twitter can also be a troll’s paradise. I’ve noticed that all of the national sportscasters calling these NFL playoffs have been absolutely pummeled by members of this social network. Death by a thousand tweets. The announcers are stupid, they’re biased, they’re too old, their ties are an affront to society. Yikes! The truth is they’re not biased, they’re under a lot of pressure, and producers often pick out their ties for them.
So it got me to thinkin’. What if Twitter existed during the time of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address? I imagine this is the kind of stuff we'd see.
@lunkhead – I’m at Gettysburg Address w/ 67 others.
@dissgrntled – Shit! Linken is tall!
@shorty – Who WANTS to see him?
@mauron -- You are fucking hilarious dude! RT @shorty – Who WANTS to see him?
@loserboy4 – Is that a beard or a beaver on his chin?
@lunkhead – HA! RT@zippy – Abe’s making a pubic appearance.
@lunkhead – Talk louder pussy chin! I can’t HEAR YOU!!!
@shorty – Who WANTS to hear you?
@zippy – 4score + 7years. What the fuck is that?
@bobballooobobballoo – Math???? In a MF’ing speech?
@zippy – How much is 4score +7years?
@mauron – 150
@zippy – Choke on your beard, dickwad!
@lunkhead – Or can shave.
@bobballooobobballoo – Where’s his wife? I hear she’s hot.
@dissgrntled – She’s a whore.
@mauron – This guy is so LAME. He just said the ground is hollow. Really? Then how come we’re not all falling in?
@shorty – The missing Link-n.
@dyspeptic – Yeah. We want more!