Thursday, May 26, 2016

LA prepares for summer

As summer approaches with the Memorial Day Weekend just ahead, here’s how we in LA are gearing up for the season:

There are already billboards for Emmy consideration. Obscure shows on networks you’ve never heard of have giant billboards on Sunset.   More people will see the billboards than the shows themselves. 

Billboards for the upcoming Fall TV season are already starting to pop up. 

Meanwhile, I haven’t seen a single billboard, bus board, newspaper ad, TV or radio commercial for the Rams. You would think by now the Rams returning to Los Angeles after twenty years would be a big fucking deal but apparently it doesn’t warrant the attention that Starz mini-series get.

Freeway traffic is beginning to ease somewhat when school is out for the summer. You’ll be able to drive the 405 Freeway at 3 AM with no problems.

“Back to School” displays are already being erected.

Movie premiers are happening in Westwood every week. Barriers are set up to hold back the crowds, desperately hoping to catch a brief glimpse of the stars of SAUSAGE PARTY.

Hollywood sightseeing buses are everywhere. What stars are these tourists going to see in San Pedro?

Sports talk radio is discussing the Lakers 24/7.

Residents brace themselves for June Gloom, that treacherous weather season where there’s cloud cover until early afternoon.

The LA FRINGE FESTIVAL arrives with fun live theater events all over the city. Pull yourself away from the premier of TEENAGE NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS and go see real actors performing for the love of it.

Disneyland probably raises prices.  Take out a loan or refinance your house. 

Six Flags Magic Mountain unveils a new rollercoaster. It seems like they do that every year. They seem to name them after superheroes. Batman, Superman, etc. By now they’re down to Culligan Man.

Now that the LA METRO RAIL goes all the way down to Santa Monica Beach, locals will be thrilled until they realize there is limited parking at most of the stops beforehand.

Stars move into their Malibu Colony homes for the summer.  Streisand still won't let any of them shop at her private mall. 

Some version of the Beach Boys without Brian Wilson will appear. 70 year-old guys singing “When I Grow Up To Be a Man.”

In anticipation of the 2021 Super Bowl, hotels are jacking up their room rates.  

The Hollywood Bowl and Greek Theater schedules come out and you decide whether seeing certain attractions are worth the parking nightmare.

More sound stages are empty as the production exodus to Vancouver continues. One of these shows should actually be set in Vancouver.

People stop watching television. Except for the lucky few who can still see Vin Scully call his last season of Dodger baseball. That’ll be me this summer. Hope you have a great one wherever you are.

22 comments:

Curt Alliaume said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Curt Alliaume said...

The Beach Boys and The Temptations will be appearing in our area this summer. Number of band members from their peak years who will appear: one apiece (Mike Love, Otis Williams - although that may be Bruce Johnston in the Beach Boys picture).

Michael said...

YOU get Sports Net LA? We're all coming to your house, Ken.

Joseph Scarbrough said...

I miss fall and winter.

Elf said...

Why bother advertising for the Rams when only fifteen people in all of L.A. will be able to afford tickets?

tb said...

"A pleasant good afternoon to you wherever you may be - Dodger baseball is on the air!"

B.A. said...

"....in beautiful downtown Burbank."

Breadbaker said...

When we were in LA in December, I had to learn that the signing of Hideki Iwakuma by the Dodgers had fallen through by checking out Lookout Landing, a Mariners website. The sports talk shows I was tuned to driving around LA were all Kobe, all the time. So your Lakers comment is an understatement.

Roger Raines said...

Culligan Man. Nice.

thomas tucker said...

Curt Alliaume: saw the Beach Boys two years ago. Mike Love and Bruce Johnston both played. The drummer was John Cowsill from the family group The Coswills back in the 70's. It was actually a really fun and good concert!

CRL said...

It's just not the Beach Boys without Brian Wilson.

And Uncle Jessie from Full House.

Rod said...

Friday Question-- Some Motion Picture Directors have directed successful films in both comedy and drama genres- Ron Howard, Robert Zemeckis and Jay Roach come to mind-- but I don't recall seeing it in TV very often if at all. Has a guy like Jim Burrows done TV episodic drama? Have you ever been approached to direct an episode of a show like CSI or Law & Order? Is that something you would like to do if given the opportunity?

H Johnson said...

I live in Hawaii so of course the geniuses at MLB.com designate us as local for all California games. I have to watch the Dodger game the following day. Means I can't watch or read about sports but it's a small price to pay to listen to Vin Scully. I can't think of baseball without him without tearing up, so I won't.

Aloha

Anonymous said...

If I said to you in 1966, only one Beach Boy would still be alive fifty years later, what are the odds you would have said it would be Brian?

Anonymous said...

Ken:
"They seem to name them after superheroes. Batman, Superman, etc. By now they’re down to Culligan Man."

I'm really old, and just waiting to die. It's not so bad, really. I'd like to travel to Switzerland, and have it done professionally, some day. Imagine a beautiful swiss nurse giving the injection, while I look out a big bay window at the cloud-shrouded Alps, and slowly fade to black. That's as relaxing as it gets, imo.

Speaking for myself, and for those like me, we loved your reference to the "Culligan Man," and we'd like to request a sardonic reference relating to "Speedy," the Alka-Seltzer Boy, when you find the time.

--Old Yeller

Doug said...

Well, except for the fact that Al Jardine and Mike Love are alive and well, too.

Penguin Rep Theatre said...

Another great read, Ken! It was fun to read the Streisand reference, since the next show of our season is Buyer and Cellar about her private mall.

Anonymous said...

@Doug:
Obviously meant Wilson Brother

Mike said...

@Old Yeller: There's no need to travel to Switzerland. Just ask your owners to take you to the vets.

Anonymous said...

Attended a Beach Boys concert in Honolulu 2 years ago. The ensemble led by Love included Jardine, Bruce Johnston, Cowsill, and Uncle Jessie. But they didn't perform God Only Knows and Wouldn't It Be Nice. They're a car and surfer oldies show, but a great one. Brian is touring this summer--Chicago outdoors for one.

scottmc said...

Vin Scully reciting the James Earl Jones speech from Field of Dreams has been posted at various sites. For those of us on the east coast it is another reminder what we have been missing.

Don K. said...

Brian Wilson's band has more original Beach Boys in it (Brian and Al Jardine) than the Beach Boys do (just Mike Love). I don't count Bruce Johnston. It's like counting Ron Wood as an original Rolling Stone. Yeah, he's been with them a long time, but not when they were peaking.

I have seen ads for the Rams driving north on the 110 Harbor Freeway for quite some time now. There's a tall electronic sign for he Coliseum with rotating ads that includes the Rams.