Monday, July 03, 2006

Happy 4th of July!!

I’ll be celebrating by getting up at 4 in the morning again to go on the radio (co-hosting the Stephanie Miller show with Elayne Boosler). But it will be worth it if I can keep even one person from going out and buying home fireworks.

How many fingers and eyebrows do we have to lose? How many trailer parks have to burn down before people learn?

What parent in his right mind with children would set off something called a 12 inch “strike force missile”? Or a “Mad Dog”, “Bazooka Bear”, “Titanium Cracker”, “Dragon’s Wrath”, “Big Mama Jama”, “Brutal Force”,“Nuke Power”, “Pull String Grenade”, “Assorted Color Ammo Smoke”, “Caliber Blast”, “Car Bomb”, “Big Earthquake”, “Jumboshell Fountain”, “Pyrogyro”, “Cracker Jack in a Box”, “Deadly Fire”, “Battle of New Orleans”, “Pay Back”, “Mucho Grande – small” (isn’t that an oxymoron?), “Air Raid”, or of course the ever popular “So X*@! Good”?

Explain to me where these are “safe and SANE”.

Better to go to a city park, ballpark, or Steven Spielberg’s house. Enter a 5K race, cheer on a parade and pray that the grand marshall is someone more impressive than Bob Sagett.

Have a wonderful day. Display your flag proudly. And celebrate the greatness that was America – 1776 to 2000.


Anonymous said...

Guess I better leave the "Pissed Off Hornet Swarm" and "Happy Family Nuke" home tomorrow.

VP81955 said...

Before and after Ken teams up with Ms. Boosler, enjoy the 4th of July by celebrating one of Louis Armstrong's two birthdays. (How is that possible? Well, Louis always believed he had been born on July 4, 1900, but baptismal records in New Orleans discovered long after his death revealed he actually had been born Aug. 4, 1901.)

Anyway, WKCR-FM in New York runs an all-day Louis Armstrong marathon every year, focusing on all phases of his incredible career but usually emphasizing his seminal recordings of the '20s and '30s -- recordings that influenced many genres of American pop music.

If you're in the NY metro area, it's at 89.9 FM. If not, hear it online at Great stuff.

Anonymous said...

Let us also celebrate the greatness America will one day regain, hopefully in 2008.

Anonymous said...

Only ten more days until Bastille Day! Anything I can do to piss off my neighbors with their snotty anti-french bumper stickers will be done. They seem to look down their noses at you when you're wrong, but they really hate you when you're right.

Oh, and allez les bleus!

Anonymous said...

The kids also need to stay away from the Cherry Bombs, Roman Candles, M-80s and any organized fireworks display/slumber party over at Neverland.

Hawise said...

Up here in the Land of the French (Canadians), we had a little incident involving fireworks. A family, celebrating St. Jean Baptiste/Patriots Day, had their own little fireworks display. A rogue missile targeted a nearby construction site. Being a holiday, emergency services are a mite slower than usual. End result- three homes destroyed, value more than 1 million dollars.
I can imagine no better way to celebrate a holiday than answering questions from police and talking to my insurance agent, if I can find him/her, about my coverage. Not that is a party!

Anonymous said...


re: 1776-2000

I'm sad that this is my first official comment... I've been reading your blog for months. Here goes...

Love your blog, love your writing... hate that you don't think we should still celebrate America today. I'm not a big fan of Bush's either, but I still think this is the greatest country on Earth, and the fact that you can write what you do about our government without getting "disappeared" should make you even more grateful that you live here! It's easy to speak out against our country in L.A., when 99% of the people you talk to agree with you. Try being a conservative screenwriter like me and see how fun it is to even try and have a civil political debate without putting your career in jeopardy.

Happy 4th.

By Ken Levine said...


I don't disagree with you. And I spent three hours on the radio this morning saying exactly the same thing. Appreciate and celebrate. But it does break my heart to see all the freedoms this country has worked so hard for just ignored or trampled by the current administration.

Being a conservative should not hamper your writing career. Ask Rob Long, one of the best comedy writers in the biz...and also a close friend despite our political differences. I wish you great success and a fabulous 4th.

MaryAn Batchellor said...

JW, "try being a conservative writer like me ..."?

Free speech is not free of consequences.

If I'm the only Texas fan cheering on the OU side of stadium, I'd better be prepared to get my butt kicked. It doesn't change my right to cheer for my team.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the response, Ken-- I appreciate it.

Yep, I do know Rob Long is conservative -- and it cracks me up that he's the one everyone always names when I start bitching about being "alone" in the "liberal L.A. world." I think there are a few more, and we know about each other, but we do tend to keep it hush-hush.

Maryan -- I'm not saying I don't debate. I do. And I hold my own. But as one EP recently said to me after I was "outed": "You're conservative? Then you're either stupid or mean. Which one is it?"

Sadly, being a mid-level gal to her EP status, I couldn't respond with similar venom. But maybe I should have -- she never spoke to me for the rest of the season anyway!


Anonymous said...

JW - thanks for that story. Gotta love those tolerant liberals!