Wednesday, April 01, 2009


This week’s theme was “Songs we can make more money from”. They could be anything as long as they were available on itunes. Next week will be Coca Cola themes from the 60s and 70s. The following week – songs with the word Ford in them.

A few initial thoughts: I don’t know if Paula got a new eye job or pumped collagen in her face instead of Botox but she’s starting to look like Jack Palance. And I’ve just concluded that I hate Kara. Why? She may be a lovely person but the way she whines and pretends to be so pained -- it just reminds me of every network and studio junior executive, two years out of Sarah Lawrence, who has given me insipid writing notes over the years. “Kennnnn, I really lovvvve this script but I just want to see more, y’know, more heart, more humanity, more… I dunno, I just want to like Mussolini more.” So whenever she gives a critique that’s all I hear.

New opening. The judges make an entrance now. I like it. If the MOD SQUAD were still on the air, that would be their opening titles.

Anoop Desai got things going by attempting Usher’s “Caught Up”. He was one bad ass altar boy. I can’t remember verbatim what Kara said but I think it was: “I really lovvve the characters but I just wish the priest had more… I dunno, penis jokes.”

Megan Joy gave Bob Marley’s “Turn Your Lights Down Low” her usual gatling gun interpretation. She wore enough string necklaces to qualify as a Mardi Gras float. I think Kara said: “I know grandpa is dead but can he still come back at the end?”

Danny Gokey did a nice version of Rascal Flat’s “What Hurts the Most”. I’m a fan of his. If the Disney Channel ever does a biopic on Robert Downey Jr. Danny will get the part. Kara: “I am such a fan of this script but you know what it needs? Backstory. Who are all those other people on the subway with Bob? What does each one want?”

Allison Iraheta came dressed as American Girl Doll: Cyndi Lauper. My only criticism with her singing No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” is that she didn’t sing it directly to Kara. Best moment of the night: Paula complimenting Allison on playing the guitar by saying, “Glad you brought your ax.” Yeah! Look at Jack Palance, talking all street and shit!

Scott MacIntyre wowed the judges with Billy Joel’s vintage oozeburger, “Just the Way You Are”. Again, I’m paraphrasing. Kara: “I love that you made the Scott character blind but then you don’t have him bumping into things so really, what’s the point?”

Matt Giraud tried to show he was contemporary by doing “You Found Me” by Fray. This is like when Bing Crosby sang “Hey Jude”. Kara: “Mxixwehesdd wxkxxighggg meemememmnetnetm”. (After awhile that’s all I hear.)

Lil Rounds made a courageous choice. She dared to sing a Celine Dion song without fireworks and fifteen chorus boys. If Lil were on season two the judges would be genuflecting. But now in season eight, despite her pipes, she’s just another boring belter. This week however she brought her two adorable children so she could have sung the national anthem of Iraq and still sailed through to the next round.

The two best performances were saved for last. Kris Allen did a killer version of “Anal Sunshine When She’s Gone” (at least that’s what it sounded like). And Adam Lambert again proved that he’s in a completely different league than the rest of these nimrods. Best singer, best showman, most original contestant in years. And with the new do he looks like a gay Dean Cain. He chose Wild Cherry’s “Play That Funky Music White Boy” and once again established himself as the only reason to watch the show this season.

Not that Kara won’t have notes. But Adam is the one contestant smart enough to just ignore them. And that’s why he’s going to be the next AMERICAN IDOL.


Anonymous said...

I agree totally with you about American Idol!!!! Georgyne

gottacook said...

Even better (and weirder) than Bing Crosby singing “Hey Jude”: I personally witnessed (in 1970 or '71) Eddy Arnold singing "My Sweet Lord" at the Allentown (PA) Fair.

Y'know, Ken, you don't have to watch American Idol - we don't - although I do enjoy the jokes you extract from the experience.

Mary Stella said...

*laughing too hard to post a full comment*

Anonymous said...

I find that the more I watch AI, the less I want my favorite contestant to win. I want them to go far enough to build up a following and a name so they can pursue their dreams but don't have the title. I don't trust the marketing machine that is AI/19. They like for their winners to fit into a mold and promote them as such. The only smart move I ever thought they did was let Carrie be a country singer. Up until then it was all POP. They tried to make Ruben and Fantasia a pop star when they were R&B singers. They rush to get albums out that they don't always pick the right songs either. David Cooks album probably took the longest of all the past winners. Passing Jordan over to a subsidiary label was pretty smart too but it took them six seasons to realize that.

To me some of my favorites didn't win and did just fine on their own. So I would rather Adam win this competition because I think he would do the best with 19 Management and the AI name. He's strong enough to stay true to himself. He can also outshine the AI title after the year is up.

Unknown said...

Ken, you forgot to mention Kara's "Paula moment"....Studio 57? WTF????

Love your AI reviews!

Rock Golf said...

Is it just me or does Scott now look like a member of Air Supply?

empirecookie said...

I live for these reviews!

Dhppy said...

I did like the part where Simon leaned over to Kara and mouthed "It's Studio 54.... you're stupid".

Kara said...

Kennn, I just looooovvvvveeee your Mxixwehesdd wxkxxighggg meemememmnetnetm...

Anonymous said...

"Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone" sounded overly sung and showy to my ears. Agree re: Adam.

Dave C. said...

Have you watched Kris' face when he sings? I have two words for you (three if you're Kara): chopping broccoli.

Cap'n Bob said...

Was Bing as good as Jack Webb singing "Try a Little Tenderness"? Or William Shatner's "Rocketman"?

WV: Calize. Trying to remake something in the California style.

Christina said...

From a recent Screenwriting grad, best Idol blog ever. And PS, American Girl should totally manufacture those dolls of Allison. That would be epic.

Thank you, also, for the major Adam-pimpage. Adam Lambert FTW x 100.

Dave Mackey said...

Songs with Ford in the lyrics: "Hey Good Lookin'" (I got a hot rod Ford and a two-dollar bill), and "Take it Easy" ( a flatbed Ford slowin' down to take a look at me). Others?

WV: fitioubc: I got nothin'.

Shpankboy said...

Why will it not surprize me if we find out at some point that Scott is not blind and Danny was never married.
I agree. Adam is in a league all by himself and should be given the award now so the others can fight it out!

The Milner Coupe said...

I thought that Paula was doing a good job this year, but it may be that moron Kara just making her look smart. Who is she? Where did she come from? She adds zip and slows down an already snail paced show.

I hate the new beginning with the 'Law & Order' entrance. With all they could improve on the show, they pick the entro?

Megan's out. Good. Was she high tonight? What was that stork walk? Props to Simon for putting the smart ass in her place.

Oh yeah, did megan tell Anoop "don't forget the bong" as he walked away to sit down?

coffee maker said...

now that Adam Lambert has pulled off performing "Play That Funky Music," i'm reasonably sure he can pull off anything