Monday, April 17, 2006

AMERICAN IDOL predictions

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY did a big article on AMERICAN IDOL this week. Included was a section on “where are they now” featuring past contestants. I will now be the first to tell you where the current crop of contestants will be in a few years from now.


CHRIS DAUGHTRY – Will win AMERICAN IDOL. Have a nice career but not great career because true rock fans will know he sold out by doing AI. The “Broadway” theme week won’t help either.

KELLIE PICKLER – Will have a modest career as a C/W singer. Her father will get out of jail and want to manage her. She will refuse. Her father will then kill the manager. There will be a movie of the week. Carrie Underwood will play Kellie.

PARIS BENNETT – Will play Gary Coleman in the touring company of AVENUE Q.

KATHERINE MCPHEE – Will join the Johnny Mann Singers and be heard on KRTH jingles. Will try to make a niche for herself in the standards market. Will discover there is no standards market. Will marry, have kids, and be forever bitter that Linda Eder has her career.

ACE YOUNG – Will star in a sitcom on the DISNEY CHANNEL. Will marry three times, have six kids, and be forever bitter that Scott Baio has his career.

ELLIOTT YAMIN – Will become a cantor. To mothers of the congregation with eligible daughters he will be viewed as George Clooney.

TAYLOR HICKS – Will become the President of the United States.


Anonymous said...

"TAYLOR HICKS – Will become the President of the United States."

Great idea. How soon can he take over? Now that I think about it, the American Idol format wouldn't be an entirely bad way to choose our president. We might get lucky. And we need to get lucky real soon.

MaryAn Batchellor said...

Bucky Covington will be Taylor's Chief of Staff until the public tires of seeing his doublewide on the White House lawn.

Mary Stella said...

"PARIS BENNETT – Will play Gary Coleman in the touring company of AVENUE Q."

Dying with laughter here. That's perfect! Touring company only? It sucks to be her. *g* (I loved the play on Broadway.)

Anonymous said...

The Linda Eder comment was priceless. At Christmastime, we had the CD on at home, and my (single) uncle fell in love with her.

For the record, I don't even watch AI, and I think Katherine McPhee is hot.

albert braun said...

I couldn't agree more with the suggestion that "Idol" is the way to select the president.

If I could just hear Simon beat them up a little: "Mr. Bush, did you honestly think you could appoint a horse breeder to the top job in disaster preparedness?"

On second thought, it probably wouldn't make a difference.

Anonymous said...

I hate American Idol. It's emotional s/m porn. It's worse than porn. Porn is more honest than American Idol.

This is just my opinion, of course. not that I would know anything about porn.

Unknown said...

The Ace Young prediction cracked me up.

I need to see Avenue Q.

Tenspeed & Brownshoe said...

Do you want to know the difference between American Idol and every other exploitative reality show?


And I love it.

From the embarrassing moments on Candid Camera to the ridiculous moments on Flavor of Love, reality television has always been about exploiting the unsuspecting public. Well...nowadays, not so unsuspecting.

And as someone who's produced reality television, THERE ARE NO LIMITS.

Here's another American Idol prediction:

In 2012, Simon Cowell will be known as The Last Honest Man in America.

Anonymous said...

KATHERINE MCPHEE - Will become a tremendously successful local news anchor on TV. She makes love to the audience with her eyes. Honestly, don't you want her to tell you the state's finance director has been indicted on corruption charges?

KELLIE PICKLER - She has "it." An innate charisma that is earthier and less forced than McPhee. If she can read, she's blonde enough to anchor for Fox News Channel. Chances are she can only sing. It will still be her ticket to a long run on your local Lite FM playlist.

Anonymous said...

This thread echos in the new movie about to open, "American Dreamz"--the premise being the President becomes Simon Cowell, a judge on an IDOL-like TV show.

alexsander said...

I believe the producers want a GUY to win this year, since Ruben has been the only male to win the competition, i do believe Katherine has the most talent!! and the camera loves her :P

Freakazoid Freddy said...

Elliot Yamin IS George Clooney, except for the fact that Elliott has this "Amish Leprechaun" thing going on.
...That's an idea for a new show:
Amish Idol!

Anonymous said...

"PARIS BENNETT – Will play Gary Coleman in the touring company of AVENUE Q."

You say playing Gary Coleman like it's a bad thing.

Also, your verification doodad is close to spelling out a very naughty word.