Thursday, April 13, 2006

The latest ODDS

Back by popular demand – another segment from the failed pilot David Isaacs and I wrote a few years ago called ODDS. The setting is an all-night diner off the Vegas strip, catering exclusively to locals and hotel employees.

Chris is the owner. He’s also the chef. Tara is the Britney Spears impersonator. Jeff is the bad comic who is always “on”. And Dave is the disgruntled blackjack dealer-minister.

***********
INT. DINER – NIGHT

DAVE IS MARRYING A YOUNG COUPLE IN THE B.G. CHRIS IS BEHIND THE COUNTER. JEFF SIPS COFFEE. TARA (IN REVEALING TRASHY COSTUME) ENTERS.

TARA
Congratulate me. I just completed my one-thousandth performance as “the legend” Britney Spears.

CHRIS
Congratulations, Tara. What would you like?

TARA
A gun. (THEN) Do you know how hard it is to impersonate someone you know you’re better than?

JEFF
I had the same problem with my act. I went through my Jay Leno period, my Jerry Seinfeld, my Judy Tenuta. In the end you’ve got to be yourself… But if I don’t make it in the next three years I’m getting a sledgehammer and a friggin’ watermelon and I’m “Gallagher II”.

TARA
Where did I go wrong? I was always the most talented, the “can’t miss girl”. Now I’m Britney Spears every night and I’ve totally compromised my career. (THEN, BRIGHTENING) Oh. Oh. I’ve found a townhouse out by Lake Las Vegas. View, patio. If I play Britney at conventions and bar mitzvahs I can make the down payment.

CHRIS
If you and the girl who plays Madonna put out an underground video you could own the whole complex.

THE WEDDING CONCLUDES AND DAVE JOINS THEM AT THE COUNTER.

DAVE
Well, I’ve just sent two more people to their doom. Thanks, Chris, I’ll have the chapel back tomorrow.

TARA
What happened?

DAVE
Aw, you know, the usual. Jealous ex-boyfriend drove his pickup through the stained glass window. I’m thinking of getting one of those terrorist barriers.

JEFF
How many of your couples do you think make it?

DAVE
It’s hard to tell. I do find that alcoholics seem to last. But it could be that I’m just a romantic.

TARA
You marry people all night. You deal blackjack all day. When do you sleep?

DAVE
Never. But I drive a Jag. Thank God for Vegas. Imagine being an insomniac in Salt Lake City?

JEFF
I don’t think there are any. That town would put anyone to sleep.

HE LAUGHS. NO ONE ELSE DOES. NO ONE ELSE EVER DOES.

DAVE
One of these days someone’s going to storm the stage and beat you to death with your microphone.

JEFF
(SMUG) That’s why I wear a wireless, my friend.

9 comments:

Whaledawg said...

It's not failed. It's differently successful.

I actually like this show. I'd watch it. It's pretty original and very character driven.

Beth Ciotta said...

I can relate to the first scene so much it's frightening. Hilarious stuff, Ken. Curse whoever passed on this project.

Mary Stella said...

That's hysterical. I'd watch it.

Robert Hogan said...

How did this pilot not get made? The samples you've put up are funnier then any other sitcom on TV right now. I would give my left pinkie to shoot this.

Rob

Eric said...

It reminds me a bit of "Lucky" which I thought was highly underrated.

Cyn said...

I do not watch much TV because I'm usually left feeling empty. This is not to say that there are not some fabulous shows. But your script is both laughter and pain, especially with the crosshairs set on the American Dream. I would have liked to have seen it.

Ken Levine said...

Thanks to all of you. We are proud of this script and still think it would make a great show. Even though Pamela Anderson isn't in it.

Tor Y. Harbin said...

Good stuff. Really sucks that it's not being produced, but then, something different might be in the cards. (Sorry.)

Christopher said...

Holy smokes that show has some serious potential.

Between using the diner to tether the characters into one area and having the Vegas traffic to provide the stories, it’s like a bottomless well of comedy.

The reality is that the research for the show would be horrible though. I mean, jeez, having to pack a whole weekend bag, fly to Vegas with other sit-com writers, check into a nice hotel, lift cards off of felt, sip free alcohol, light free cigars, and, of course, bet on sporting events. I don’t anyone who’d be up for that to be honest with you.

But hey, you know what? We all have to scratch a living out somehow. So look. I’ll take one for the team. Just let me know when and where I can submit my spec script and we’ll get it over with. It’s alright. I’ll be Ok. Seriously. I come from a brave family.