When I think of the Disco era I think of Clive James dead-on description:
“Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.”
Disco was the theme this week and Paula was the moron. After several weeks of near lucidity even, Paula was at her over-medicated best. This was her best night since she critiqued a performer’s song before he sang it.
LIL ROUNDS (the judges’ punching bag) got it started with “Climb Every Woman” or at least that’s what I think she was saying. It will take the Jaws of Life to get her out of that Spandex jumpsuit. The panel hated Lil of course. Paula accused her of not “tapping into her inner goddess.” You just wonder how many “goddesses” and “imaginary friends” and “Miss Californias” reside inside Paula.
KRIS ALLEN sang Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard for the Money” as if it were Kenny Loggins night. Disco unplugged. Paula observed that a lot of women shop in the men's department but few men shop in the women's department. I’m not quite sure whether she was praising Kris or Ryan.
DANNY GOKEY did Earth Wind & Fire’s “September”. His lead vocal was far superior to Earth’s original. Paula zeroed in on the mark of a good singer – his agility.
ALLISON IRAHETA understood that disco music is all about suffering. She gave a gut-wrenching rendition of Donna Summer’s “Hot Stuff” that evoked traumatic memories of losing dance contests. I think Paula put it best. “The word compromise does not belong in your musical vocabulary.”
ADAM LAMBERT, now with dyed jet black Johnny Bravo hair, displayed his savvy yet again by taking a Bee Gees song “If I Can’t Have You” and turning it into a ballad. This time for me he was a little overwrought and theatrical. Paula didn’t agree. She was literally crying. With tears in her raccoon mascaraed eyes she said, “Adam, you tore your heart out and left it on the stage.” He nodded solemnly, all the while his “inner goddess” was laughing her ass off.
MATT GIRAUD sang “Stayin’ Alive” and of course had to go to his off-key falsetto. If he were singing “Old Man River” he’d find a way to work in his falsetto. He wore a red leather jacket, white shirt with the tails out, black tie, and funky hat. It’s as if one of the Blues Brothers became a Shriner. Paula’s comment hit the usual bullseye. “You pick songs like I bowl.”
ANOOP DESAI is growing a moustache and beard. I don’t think it will earn him any votes but it will get him full body cavity searches every time he tries to board an airplane in the US. He wore a grey suit with a pink sweater, a combination not seen since the bridesmen at Pat Boone’s wedding. Anoop closed the show with “Dim All the Lights”. Paula’s astute observation: “Real men know how to wear pink.” Seriously. The woman is out of her mind.
Two people get thrown into the Disco Inferno tonight. Lil and who else? Your thoughts.