Hi, this is Babe Ruth. First I’d like to tip my cap to Ken for letting me be his guest blogger. Since it’s the start of baseball season and he's in San Diego covering the Dodgers (so no AMERICAN IDOL recap this week, which pisses me off too) he wondered if the old Bambino had any new curses and as a matter of fact I do. So woe be to the following:
THE NEW YORK YANKEES – for vacating the house that I built for a gaudy new stadium purely out of greed. The Red Sox ain’t moving from Fenway. The Cubs ain’t abandoning Wrigley. The Mets are one thing – Shea was a dump. But the original Yankee Stadium was a cathedral and you don’t raze it just so you can construct luxury pews. Good luck making new memories with Ramiro Pena. And fans beware, there are some seats with obstructed views. You can't see the players but you can see the in-stadium steak house.
HOLLYWOOD – for all those bad movies about me. William Bendix -- the guy from THE LIFE OF RILEY? And then John Goodman? Jesus Christ! Who’s next? Hillary Duff?
THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS – What kind of pussy name is “Blue Jays”? How the hell is a Blue Jay supposed to strike fear in the hearts of opponents? “Blue Jays” wear pigtails and sell cookies, “Giants” stomp on people and get arrested with Mickey Rourke.
THE LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM – When you think of an “angel” you don’t think some bad ass dude who’s gonna grind your guts into garters. Fuck no. You think of Nicole Kidman prancing with wood nymphs and shit. Who cares if you’re from Los Angeles, Anaheim, or California ? If your team name is “angels” your city of record is Fantasyland.
And along those lines…
THE HOUSTON ASTROS – Name me a team that cowers going in to “Minute Maid Park”. It might as well be “Summer’s Eve Stadium”. Get a better name! There are no fucking tool companies that are looking for corporate sponsorship?
ESPN – It’s bad enough you’ve saddled the great Jon Miller with Joe Morgan (pitchers need to throw strikes, we get it!) but now you’ve added Steve Phillips ? That’s like adding cufflinks on pants. There’s nothing either of those clowns could say that Jon Miller couldn’t say better and more succinctly (hey, look at me, using a word like succinctly!). Maybe Jon Miller should play me in the next movie. At least I’d sound smart.
PLAYERS WHO USE STEROIDS – Talent, conditioning, proper diet, and beer isn’t enough???
CBS – for canceling ALMOST PERFECT. That Nancy Travis was a cutie. If I were 30 years younger and alive…boy!
LADY GAGA – What the fuck is that?!
Again, thanks to Ken for letting me blog with you today. If I have anything else to add I’ll send you all a Tweet. So long everybody!