Monday, January 18, 2010

Khloe Kardashian was home schooled??

Rainy days and Mondays always get me thinking.

Some of our local movie theaters fill the pre-show time with slides of ads and filler like “Fun Facts”. Here’s one seen this weekend: Khloe Kardashian was home schooled. She graduated with honors. Don't ya love it? The only thing better would have been “Khloe Kardashian was home schooled. She finished second in her class.”

The Golden Globes are always held at the Beverly Hilton hotel, about a mile from my house. A few years ago, before smart phones and internet cards, the hotel would stick it to all the journalists, charging hundreds of dollars for internet access. I charged only $50 for access to my Wifi. But that included space on our kitchen table.

It’s pouring here in Los Angeles. Whenever there’s four drops of rain all the local TV stations snap to attention and begin “Storm Coverage 2010”. Full team coverage of hot looking Asian reporters in slickers getting soaked reporting the obvious from various Southern California locations. “It’s really coming down here in Woodland Hills! Now to Suzie Suh in Orange.” “It’s really coming down here in Orange!” I love the rainy season.

By the way, Channel 2 has a reporter named Amelia Earhart. She looks great for 113 years old, don’t you think? The fact that she's been missing for so long says something about Channel 2's News ratings.

For the first time the Golden Globes were televised live in Los Angeles. I always found it ironic that they would tape delay the show to the only city that gives a shit. I wonder if in this new age of Tweets and status updates and live blogging that networks can no longer get away with tape delaying. We’ll see when it’s time for the SAG awards.

In Jennifer Love Hewitt’s new dating book (a joke in itself) one of her tips is to glue shiny things on your vagina. It’s true! I know a lot of guys complain they can’t read down there. There’s a whole chapter on this.

Well, gotta go. Sharon Tay is live from Fullerton where it appears to be raining.

14 comments:

Ian said...

WTF? She actually recommends that women glue shiny things on their - ahem - ladyparts? What, I wonder, does she have in mind... airport landing strip lights?

YEKIMI said...

I guess those would be for those maxi-pads....with wings. Those things get any larger the ladies will soon be gliding into the bathroom to change them.

cc said...

Do you know why I read this blog? For the one-liners. They NEVER stop coming in handy. Do I owe you something for using them?

emily said...

I've got a guy who comes by and shines mine...

John said...

Saw Amelia in a piece over New Year's on Ch. 2's sister station Ch. 9 at her house cooking a holiday turkey dinner with Lakers' forward Ron Artest. No word if he went up in the stands and beat anyone up if they didn't like his cooking.

45 is the new 30 said...

One word: Beaddazzle.

(Pass the brain bleach, please)

BigTed said...

It's incredibly annoying that the networks tape-delay live events before showing them in L.A., even ones that actually took place here. Not only do we see most awards shows three hours later than everyone else, but that also includes "live" Olympic events and even New Year's Eve festivities. If you happen to have a TV on at midnight, there's nothing sadder than seeing people cheer over the Times Square ball dropping when it really occurred at 9 p.m. our time.

This wouldn't be so bad if we could get the East Coast network feeds, but DirecTV won't allow it, supposedly because the local stations would get mad if we were seeing some New York channel's commercials.

Ed said...

I think my favorite idiocy is when Fox 11 keeps throwing it to Sky Fox for a scene setter when it is grounded at Van Nuys airport. What is the point of showing a tarmac? Is it somehow sexier if the camera is attached to a helo?

Another beauty was today on KTLA, I believe. The reporterette was was doing a standup from a burn area neighborhood, a county sheriff rolled up and ordered her to evacuate IMMEDIATELY, and she went right on gabbing. Way to treat the mandatory evac order seriously, missy!

Alan Coil said...

"I know a lot of guys complain they can’t read down there."

From a Bette Midler album --

'Sophie, I sure wish I had a flashlight.'

'So do I, Ernie. You've been Munching on grass for the last 30 minutes!'

Mary Stella said...

In Jennifer Love Hewitt’s new dating book (a joke in itself) one of her tips is to glue shiny things on your vagina.

Before or after getting a Brazilian?

With my last boyfriend, a GPS chip wouldn't have helped.

Tallulah Morehead said...

So was Khloe Khardashian's homeschool accredited? Because it has to mean something if she ever wants to get into a good home college.

Rory L. Aronsky said...

I know a lot of guys complain they can’t read down there.

Perhaps that's why I don't date. Not enough light. And I'm in the middle of Neil Simon's "Rewrites" and don't want to be interrupted.

I think my favorite idiocy is when Fox 11 keeps throwing it to Sky Fox for a scene setter when it is grounded at Van Nuys airport.

CBS 2 does the same thing with Amelia Earhart at 5 in the morning. The helicopter's sitting on the tarmac, she's actually got the headset on, there's a monitor glowing in front of her...and she's not moving. No lights seen through the window that are moving behind the helicopter.

rms said...

Fine form, Ken, fine form!

Sean said...

CBS 2 does the same thing with Amelia Earhart at 5 in the morning. The helicopter's sitting on the tarmac, she's actually got the headset on, there's a monitor glowing in front of her...and she's not moving. No lights seen through the window that are moving behind the helicopter.

Well, when you look at what happened the last time Amelia Earhart tried to fly, do you blame them? (Though Hillary Swank is no doubt screaming "take off already! I need the sequel money!")

WV: unhympa - how you'd describe someone who isn't hympa