Here's the conclusion of my annual Summer Movie Preview.
GROWN UPS – a movie not intended for people who are.
MARMADUKE – when they’re down to making this comic strip into a movie the only one left is Bazooka Joe .
KILLERS – Katherine Heigl as a Kathleen Turner ROMANCING THE STONE-like character. Yeah, but we LIKED Kathleen Turner.
INCEPTION – A Christopher Nolan movie starring Leo DiCaprio. They’re being very hush-hush on the storyline. Even knowing nothing about it I’m more interested to see this than anything else this summer. Just the fact that it doesn’t have a 2 at the end of its title is enough to get me into the theater.
KNIGHT AND DAY – Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in a stuntfest with one-liners. Before you see it, do the math. Out of every boxoffice dollar Cruise probably gets twenty cents. And a good portion of that goes to the Church of Scientology. Wouldn’t a better use of your money be setting it on fire?
THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU – Part thriller, part love story, part political drama, and part science-fiction. I’d trade all of that for part porn but it’s still intriguing. Stars Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. I like those parts.
THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT – when your father is an anonymous sperm donor, what do you get him for Father’s Day, a subscription to HUSTLER and a cup?
THE PREDATORS – The original did so well the studio demanded a sequel… 16 years later.
THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE – Jay Baruchel plays Mickey Mouse in this remake of the classic cartoon from FANTASIA. For the sake of authenticity Baruchel had two fingers removed.
THE LAST AIRBENDER – M. Night Shyamalan makes one bomb after another and not only still gets movies greenlit, he gets bigger budgets. That’s his true genius. This is adapted from a Nickelodeon cartoon show. Hollywood’s new motto: “Anything but an original idea.”
EAT PRAY LOVE – Julia Roberts proves her versatility as an actress by doing all three.
GOING THE DISTANCE – Raunchy sex swearfest starring Drew Barrymore… I mean, “romantic comedy” starring Drew Barrymore.
LOTTERY TICKET – I just want to see the marquee. Stars Bow Wow and Ice Cube.
THE EXPENDABLES – Dirty Dozen type action movie starring Sylvester Stallone and Mickey Rourke. When their retirement village is threatened it’s time to mobilize!