Monday, May 03, 2010

April in New York

From the Queen's City to Queens, this is part 2 of my recent road trip with the Dodgers. Part one was yesterday.

We dropped two of three to the struggling Nationals and headed for Gotham. Instead of flying, the Dodgers chartered a train. That way we didn’t have to stop in Trenton. I love train travel. It’s great fun to look out the window (with my one good eye) and see places I’ve never seen before. Who knew there were so many smoke stacks in Wilmington, Delaware? Or that the landfill was so close to Newark? I would not classify any of the towns we passed through as “inland San Franciscos”.

Stayed at the very swank New York Palace, formerly the Helmsley Palace. The place has lost something without infamous owner Leona Helmsley (the Queen of Mean) screaming and belittling employees (a practice I assume she continued in Federal Prison while serving time for income tax evasion. “Why aren’t there fresh flowers in this exercise yard?!” “You call that a rape?!”)

But the Palace was a bit snooty. I asked the concierge if there were any nearby coffee shops. “Coffeeeee Shopsssss?” he sneered. You’d think I had said, “Hey, are there any titty bars near here where I could get a blowjob?” He told me there was a “Beeeestro” about a block away that served fifty-dollar whores. He actually said “sandweeeecheees” but I know what he meant.

The rain we had been ducking in Cincinnati and DC caught up with us in New York. Monday night’s game with the Mets was washed out and we played a doubleheader on Tuesday night. Oh was that fun! Seven hours of baseball in 37 degree weather with 40 mile gusts and we lost both games. But if you can believe the New York Times, this was still preferable to sitting through the new revival of PROMISES PROMISES.

Denzel Washington is currently on Broadway starring in FENCES. Women are flocking. He could be staring in FECES and they’d still pack the theater every night.

Best hamburger in New York is at CitiField. Join the others in line at the Shake Shack.

I think I saw Jack Bauer chasing a terrorist down Third Avenue carrying a dirty bomb in a Bloomingdale’s bag.

Yankee Stadium, the REAL Yankee Stadium, is now just a pile of rubble. Who needs tradition and cherished memories when you can have luxury suites?

Did not make it to Carnegie Deli so added three months to my life.

The final game of the road trip was held in a typhoon and the Mets won that one too. There were so many hot dog wrappers blown onto the field you’d think it was a ticker tape parade down Fifth Avenue for Gandhi. The Dodgers staggered back home after going 2-7. Was it the pitching? Hitting? Poor defense? Manager Joe Torre had another explanation. He turned to me on the plane and said, “YOU!” I have a feeling my next Dodger trip will be to Cambodia.

Still, I had fun, and win or lose the Dodgers are the classiest organization in baseball. Thanks to them and KABC for letting me tag along even if I personally ruined things for everybody else.

“Put Pete in the Hall”.

18 comments:

YEKIMI said...

I think "Pete" the dog from "The Little Rascals" will get into the Baseball Hall Of Fame before Pete Rose.

normadesmond said...

love that photo of leona. she should've lived longer so that she could've become even more ugly and we could've hated her even more!

Tim W. said...

I thought it was funny, but you know you're going to hear about the `rape' comment, don't you?

Anonymous said...

No offense to you Ken, but the "classiest organization in baseball" doesn't start the headhunter Vincente Padilla on opening day.

gih said...

That's a cool and nice place to go. And wow! just a road trip huh! How I wish I could to that lovely place and other places in the US.

Anonymous said...

Can't figure out why this entry has a photo of Andy Rooney?

El Snacktator said...

El knows Denzel... El still doesn't get it.

Frasier Fan said...

Well, you got the Brewers in town now for a few games so you should get some wins under your belt! I love my team but lord do they suck!

Put Pete in the Hall

Len said...

So you know, I saw the Promises Promises revival in NY and it was terrific. Chenoweth is grossly miscast but the show overall works.

Paul Duca said...

Tony nominations announced...the noteworthy ones for this crowd:

Kelsey Grammer is up for Best Actor in a Musical--one of 11 the revival of LA CAGE AUX FOLLES earned.
Bebe Neuwirth got blanked as THE ADDAMS FAMILY only got two (Best Score and Featured Actor).

But since she has two wins and I think this is his first nomination, does Fraiser or Lilith have the upper hand?

Also only two for PROMISES, PROMISES...Sean Hayes is up against Kelsey as Best Actor, plus Featured Actress.


Dougas--Valerie Harper earned one for her portrayal of Tallulah Bankhead--but I'm sure Ms. Morehead is more upset by that picture in the current ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY where three hunky guys are fanning Betty White.

Tom Quigley said...

"April in New York"... The title itself sounds like a setup for a joke, Ken.... "The only time of the year that the muggers color-coordinate their hoodies and firearms..."

Sandy Koufax said...

I think if Mark McGwire is allowed to coach for the Cardinals, Pete Rose should be allowed into the Hall of Fame.

umbriago said...

The funny thing is what happens to run over Pete Rose Way: the Suspension Bridge!

Well it was funny in the 90s.

Mel Ryane said...

All I can think about is your goopy, closed-up, itchy, creepy eye (I've made up all these images)...please announce when it's better so I close my good ones and sleep.

chris said...

There are multiple Shake Shacks in New York with another huge one opening at some point. I don't understand waiting on line and missing at least a full inning when you can get the same product elsewhere. The best food at CitiField is Mama's of Corona. Great sandwiches and Italian desserts, plus the line is reasonable. The Taqueria is awesome, too, especially the carnitas tacos.

Tom Quigley said...

..."The place has lost something without infamous owner Leona Helmsley (the Queen of Mean) screaming and belittling employees "...

Somewhere in hell, she's probably reading Lucifer the riot act because the fire isn't hot enough....

Ed Blonski said...

I completely agree with the Dodgers being a classy organization.

I moved to Southern California 4 years ago. I grew up and lived within 5 hours of Chicago up until that time and have been a White Sox fan since I can remember (it was a family thing, my ancestors being from the South Side).

Where I live now, most of the people are Angels fans.

I don't get it all. So, when forced to choose (and I was, believe it or not) I chose the Dodgers.

More history, better stadium, and Vin Scully. It wasn't a hard choice at all!

Baylink said...

Have you ever done, Ken, a formal posting/thread on the issue of Rose being inducted?

I concur with you: he has served his time, and he certainly deserves to be inducted before he has the poor grace to die on us.