Monday, May 17, 2010

Attention-Deficit-Blogging












Welcome to Attention-Deficit-Blogging – my random thoughts, rants, questions, and musings about nothing and everything.

Since when did LBJ mean LeBron James and not Lyndon Baines Johnson?

How come not one Supreme Court Justice got his/her degree from the “University of Honolulu School of Law” in Modesto, California?

Since practically all of them went to Harvard or Yale at some point, I often wonder how many Supreme Court Justices could also write for THE SIMPSONS?

Whenever I do a post criticizing an actress I always get blasted. Yet, the time I praised an actress (Patty Heaton) I got blasted worse. And I’m guessing that just by mentioning her name I’m going to get a raft of shit again.

My favorite recent HuffPost headline: Russell Brand: Why I Put A Barbie In My Rectum

Interleague play begins this week. Oh boy! Kansas City hosts Colorado!!!

What is the point of Facebook "pokes"? Who likes to be poked under any circumstances?

This is the last year I’m reviewing AMERICAN IDOL. There’s a sameness to it now. I feel like every single week I’m reviewing the same movie. And that movie is GROUNDHOG DAY. Plus, next year Simon will be gone so why even bother doing the show? I’m reminded of when Red Foxx and Demond Wilson left SANFORD & SONS and they renamed it THE SANFORD ARMS and some writer quipped, “NBC just renewed the set”.

Heidi Klum and Seal have renewed their wedding vows… for the SIXTH time. But this time they’re reasonably sure.

Speaking of great marriages, Larry King supposedly had a three-year affair with his wife’s sister while she had an affair with her kid’s baseball coach. But the good news is the kid can now throw.

Thanks to all of you who have wondered when my book about growing up in the 60s will be out. Hard to give an actual date because I don’t have a publisher and haven’t finished writing it yet. But I’m close. Well… close-ish. In all likelihood I will self-publish it… if the author doesn’t prove to be a giant pain in the ass.

Wow, the Matthew Broderick pilot must’ve really been a mess to not get on the air. Networks have been begging him to do a series for decades.

Why are people so upset that NBC cancelled LAW & ORDER? There are still twelve L&O offshoots including a new one (LAW & ORDER LOS ANGELES)? And the original L&O may move to TNT so there will still be new episodes made. This is like Starbucks closing a branch.

Another great thing about Twitter: when you accidentally give an incorrect fact (like I did last Sunday), people you don’t even know Re-Tweet the gaffe and spread the word to thousands of new people that you’re an idiot.

I’m usually not in favor of the death penalty but the BP CEO said the Gulf spill is “relatively tiny”. Boiling him in oil would be my execution of choice.

Who’s a bigger attention whore? Al Sharpton? Jesse Jackson? Gloria Allred?

So when you go to a fast food place that offers free refills on fountain drinks, why order any size other than 'small'?

Psychic James Van Praagh is all excited, going around claiming that he predicted Barbara Walters’ heart problem. He is absolutely ASTOUNDING! Who knew an 80 year-old woman could have health issues?

I’m very excited about the upcoming conclusion of LOST. Now we’ll finally know the truth. Did the writers really have a grand plan or was every story conference preceded with the words: “Okay, now what do we do?”

And if you think LOST is confusing just try to figure out the Yankees announcer rotation on the YES network.

25 comments:

Sebastian said...

Love that "Lost" quip. My money is on "laughing all the way to the bank, incorporating things that I see while walking into the show" as the ultimate answer to how the show was written.

All in all it was just the biggest show about Bingo night ever.

Emily Blake said...

I for one am so relieved they'll be making Law and Order Los Angeles. It's about time someone made a cop show in Los Angeles. Our crime rate has been ignored for far too long.

Anonymous said...

Sixth renewal of vows? How many times do you have to announce that you're glad to be married to Heidi Klum before folks will believe you?

Jeffrey Leonard said...

How f***ed up are you to ruin my day by mentioning Patricia Heaton. There...now does that make your day, Ken?

Mel Ryane said...

What about your eye? Waiting for ACT II on the eye! Really, is it better? Can you see?

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

I like Patricia Heaton. Hard to say who's the biggest attention whore but I think Jackson's image has faded since his scandal. I will say that Sharpton's the biggest asshole of the three. Never watched Lost or L&O. Rarely watch AI. I'm definately not the guy Neilsen is looking for.

Anonymous said...

Since when did LBJ mean LeBron James and not Lyndon Baines Johnson?

Since LeBron James became nationally famous... which would be sometime in middle school, I believe.

benson said...

May I be the first to post:

Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!

Anonymous said...

Who is Patrica Heaton...."I've got to know"....


wv: rooket. What powered the Space Schoottle.

John S said...

The SANFORD ARMS line... was that Jerry Belson? It sounds like him. Garry Marshall said that when Jerry heard that Hollywood Squares regular Wally Cox had died, he said "Fell out of his box?"

Eric Wheeler said...

Ken:

I am a long time reader (a new follower using google reader) but this is my first time leaving a comment. I am thinking about writing a script for the NYTVF script contest but I am not sure of the format. I have written several plays but the format is different for a sitcom. Can you direct me to a website that could be helpful?
Thanks,

Eric

YEKIMI said...

Great! You had to ruin my day by mentioning Lebron. It's bad enough that I have to live in NE Ohio and have to see a damn story in the papers every day about him, both on the front page and the sports section. The only thing they haven't done yet is tell us what color his poop is when he takes a crap and whether he wipes with Charmin or Brawny! I hope he leaves so the sports writers quit singing hosannas and throwing rose petals in front of him when he walks by them and glances their way! Oh, and Patricia Heaton...thumbs up from me, you can mention her all you want!

Dr. Leo Marvin said...

Thanks for the Patty Heaton post. (Missed it the first time.) Anyone who thinks they can predict personality from politics should buy a Barbie. Their head needs more air.

Tallulah Morehead said...

"What is the point of Facebook 'pokes'? Who likes to be poked under any circumstances?"

ME! ME! ME! ME!

(WV: canbobb.

1. Why? What did Bobb do wrong?

2. Yes Bobb can.)

D. McEwan said...

"Dr. Leo Marvin said...
Anyone who thinks they can predict personality from politics should buy a Barbie. Their head needs more air."


How do you get more air when stufffed up Russell Brand's rectum?

Prior to about two weeks ago, when jokes started appearing on Late Night shows about him passibly going to some NYC team, I had never heared of LeBron James. Now that I've seen his picture on your blog, I've learned he apparently plays that game where the guys in shiny underwear run around a room, bouncing a ball and periodically throwing it through a hoop. I genuinely didn't know what sport he played ten minutes ago, and hadn't heard of him prior to this month. As far as I know, LBJ is only Lyndon Johnson.

"Did the writers really have a grand plan or was every story conference preceded with the words: 'Okay, now what do we do?'"

According to Damon Lindeloff in last week's Entertainment weekly: "This is how the show is written to this day: Every conversation started with the phrase 'Wouldn't it be cool if...' and if the answer was 'Yes,' we did it."

l.a.guy said...

"Russell Brand: Why I Put A Barbie In My Rectum"

Because he didn't have a Ken doll?

Poor Barbie, talk about a bad hair day.

Lairbo said...

If Law & Order LA is truly to be "ripped from today's headlines" will every case end with the jury acquitting a defendant who's obviously guilty?

Sean said...

"Russell Brand: Why I Put A Barbie In My Rectum"

I know Katy Perry has a great rack, but really man...show some pride.

LouOCNY said...

Actually, there IS some logic to the YES rotation! Both Michael Kay and Al Leiter have other gigs - Kay has an afternoon show on the local ESPN Radio outlet, and Leiter works for MLB Network, so that limits their road trip availability. For example, Kay simply will not be on any west coast trip - that is always Singleton and Flaherty.

At home, where Kay ALWAYS works, it gets more complicated, as they have to squeeze in O'Neill - usually for home weekends, and then usually will have Leiter to give the pitcher's side of things. And Singleton gets paired with Flaherty to be with Kay on weekdays at home. WHEW!
I personally like Leiter, who shows signs of being another Kaat - he analyzes without being too mouthy, has a decent sense of humor, and works well with Kay. Singleton is perfect for those late games out west, but Flaherty still needs work.

gih said...

I do believe this Law and Order TV Series would entertain more audiences with its great show.

Michael Zand said...

Who’s a bigger attention whore? Al Sharpton? Jesse Jackson? Gloria Allred?

Gloria Allred by a million miles.

As for your book about growing up in the sixties -- I'm sorry, I just don't see it as a book. I think "the artist in you" should pitch it as a screenplay and let it go at that.

Amyhalo@gmail.com said...

I'm with Tallulah!

Squeezil said...

Hi Ken,

I posted my email address in error. Might you remove my address/comment?

Many thanks,
Amy

KEN LEVINE said...

Amy, I can't find the comment you want deleted.

Arben said...

When I lived in Cleveland, we'd go to games and fake out the jumbotron camera guys with LBJ or King James signs that flipped over to be about, well, LBJ or King James.